(Scene opens on the planet Shemp, where the Rani is gloating to herself. She is standing next to a machinethat looks like the obelisk from "2001".)
Rani: "Ha hah! I've finally done it! With this device I can control the evolution of the dominant life-form and turn it into something more -- useful -- to my plans!"
(Rani laughs.)
Rani: "Nothing can stop me now!"
Suddenly, the sound of a TARDIS materializing fills the air. The Rani looks around, worried.)
(Scene switched to the TARDIS materializing. Door opens, and the 2nd. Doctor steps out.)
Rani: "Not even you can stop me this time, Doctor!!"
(Dr.#4 steps out of the TARDIS and stands on Dr#2's right.)
Rani: (surprised) "What? Two of you? What are you up to, you meddling little..."
(Dr#8 steps out of the TARDIS and stands on Dr#2's left.)
Rani: (now a little worried.) "I'm...honoredthat you consider me such a threat that you involve three such noble personages (the last said sarcastically) as yourself, but..."
(The three Drs stand there impassively, until...)
2nd: "Spread out!" (punches Drs 4 & 8 in stomach.)
4th: "Ow!"
8th: "Hey! What was that for?"
2nd: "Shadaap, the both of you!" (looks angrily at the both of them.)
4th: (to a very bemused Rani) "Hello, I'm the Doctor." (steps foreward.)
2nd: "Get back here, numbskull!" (drags 4th back by the ear. slaps him for good measure.) "Besides, I'm the Doctor!"
8th: "Hey! I want to be the Doctor, too!"
2nd: "You can't be the Doctor!"
8th: "Why not?"
2nd: "Because you gotta have a brain, first!"
8th: "I gotta brain!" (reaches in pocket and pulls one from his pocket.)
2nd: "Where'd you get that brain?" (points to brain)
8th: "I got it from him!" (points to 4th)
2nd: (turns to face 4th) "Where'd *you* get that brain?"
4th: "I got it from Morbius!"
2nd: "Morbius, huh?"
4th: "Yeah!" (smiles)
2nd: (pokes 4th in the eyes) "that'll teach you to mess with people's heads!"
8th: "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"
2nd: (pokes 8th in eyes too) "That goes for you too!"
8th: "Nnnnnrrgh!" (barks at 2nd) Hey, waitaminute! (points at Rani) Who's that?"
4th: "It's the Rani!"
2nd: "Allright, you knuckleheads, look meanacing!" (All three Drs lean foreward and look meanacing.)
Rani: (regaining composure) "Even three of you couldn't stop me now!"
2nd: "Oh yeah? We'll see about that!" (turns to other two) "Huddle!"
(The Drs form a huddle. Whispers and a "nyuk, nyuk" can be heard. The Rani tries to overhear, but 2nd looks up and says, "Amscray!" Rani backs off. Huddle breaks with the Drs saying "Break!")
2nd: "Right. You -- (points to 8th) reverse the polarity of the neutron flow! You -- (points to 4th) use your sonic screwdriver on it!"
4th: "What are you going to do?"
2nd: (indignantly) "I'm gonna supervise!"
(The rani looks on as 4th takes out his sonic screwdriver and points it at the obelisk. Nothing happens. He shakes it and tries again. Still nothing. He tries cleaning it by sticking it in his mouth and it goes off. He shakes around for a bit until he can turn it off. Hwen he does so, he pulls it off and starts spitting out teeth. He grins at the camera... a gaptoothed grin.)
(Meanwhile, 8th tries reversing the polarity. He's working with wires in his hands, in his mouth, and with wires hanging down from the machine. He's singing "La de dee, la de dii" while he works. Suddenly, he shocks himself.)
8th: "Oh, a wise guy, eh?"
(He tries again. He's shocked, longer and with little lightning bolts over his head. He slaps his face, and then kicks the machine. It falls on his head with a "Clonk." his hair comes off to reveal skin head.)
8th: "Look at the grouse! Look at the grouse!"
2nd: "what happened to your hair?"
8th: "That's not really my hair, you see. I lost it fighting aliens. Aliens 3!" (8th softly "nyuks" to himself.)
2nd: "See this?" (holds out fist)
8th: "Yeah"
2nd: "Hit it."
(8th hits it, and it comes around to hit him in the head.)
8th: "Hey! (to 2nd) See this?"
2nd: "Yeah, I see it."
8th: "You hit it!"
(2nd hits it, and it comes around to hit 8th on the head.)
8th: "Ow!"
Rani: "That's it! I can't take it anymore! I give up! I'll start my own dynasty somewhere else!" (Rani stomps off)
(4th, 2nd, and 8th look at each other.)
2nd: "Good going, boys! We defeated the Rani!"
8th: "Yeah, and I wasn't even trying hard!"
4th: "Hey, what are we going to do with this?" (Points to obelisk.)
2nd: "We'll have to dump it somewhere."
4th: "How about the moon?"
2nd: "Nah, somwbody might find it!"
8th: "We can bury it!"
2nd: "yeah! Hey, not a bad idea, knucklehead! (Pats 4th on the head.) You too, lamebrain! (Pats 8th on the head.)
8th: "I'll get the spacesuits!"
2nd: "I'll get the forklift!"
4th: "And I'll get the knives!"
2nd: "Knives?"
4th: "Yeah, so we can cut the cheese on the moon!"
8th: "I already cut the cheese here!"
2nd: "Why, I oughta..."
(2nd and 4th chase 8th, who makes the "woob woob" sound.)
(Fade to credits and the Three Stooges theme.)
