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You lose control of your mind.
You cannot think.
You cannot sleep.
You cannot eat.
You cannot be.
Everything around you moves so quickly,
your on a rollar coaster that will never stop.
Everything feels so good,
even though it won't last for long.
The words in your mouth flow out quickly,
like pen to paper of a poet.
Before you know it time will pass you by.
Going, going, gone,
and then you teeter on your pedastool...
You start to slowly come down,
step by step.
You want the same feelings again...
so you start the cycle all again.
But if you fall, you might break,
because its really eating your soul.
It's killing you from the inside out...
so beware, be careful, think once more...
Do you want to go in circles forever...
or do you want to stop and start again?
Your Back
You went away and now your back.
You sloppily stepped back into my heart.
Once the person who kept me sane,
now the one who keeps me crazy.
I don't know what to do, its too confusing for me.
Should I flow and keep with what we had
or should I back off and run away?
Maybe if I hide in a corner I will not have to deal.
I won't have to see anyone and it'll all be okay.
The only question I have now for you is Why?
why now, why here, why like this?
You came back so abruptly, did it have to be now?
did it have to be when I was already trying to deal,
already trying to deal with something else?
I am so confused.
Make it stop...
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How am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to be? How are you supposed to live? How are you supposed to be?
I try so hard to be your friend, I try so hard to there for you. You try so hard to live your life, you don't try at all to communicte with me.
I care about you, You don't give a f*ck. All I want is for you to be safe, all I want is for you to be happy.
You've been many places, you've seen many faces. I've been around once or twice, I can't compare to your horizons.
Its hard for me to see you, to see you in this state. I want to run, I want to cry, I want to hold you tight.
I want to be your safety net and keep you from harm. If only you would talk to me, only you could see.
I've given up so much for you. You've given nothing for me. Why are you such a jerk? Why do I care about you so much?
I love you as a friend. I like you as a person. I want to be with you, I want to help you out.
Let me in, I'll be your escape. Let me share your thoughts. "Help" you cry, "okay" I say. Please, don't give me the puppy dog eyes.
Let's run away from it all, we don't need it to be strong. One look at you and I fall over again...maybe your not what I need, maybe I'm not what you need.
So let's end this, or begin this...I don't want to be stuck any longer. Let's be friends or let's not be at all. I don't want to let go, you hurt me and make me so happy.
Why must this be?
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Everytime I see his face I can only wonder why...
Why he must treat me so...
Things I've done are not so great
but I only ask for friendship.
We see each other in the hall
and for a moment we make eye contact.
Quickly we both look away,
afraid to see the truth.
We don't want to know the depth of each other's souls...
the lies, the pain, the guilt, the secrets.
We have so much to hide and yet we both know...
We both know each other's secrets.
We have hidden together from the cruel eyes of others.
You pretend that nothing is wrong,
that you can ignore me and move on.
Things can't be this way, I care for you to much.
All I ask is for the friendship lost.
All I ask is for one more chance.
We both made mistakes so why must I be the one to suffer?
Crimes
I speak out against the cold world
I express my feelings to the ones whom I love
I try to understand why such crimes
have been taken against me.
And so I cry, until I die.
I never give into the hate around me
I never give up
I talk with people who don't care,
who don't even know
I express myself and yet it is hopeless
The crimes against me already charged
I am left to die, left hopeless for all eternity.
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The day we met I couldn't think
I couldn't imagine what would become of things.
If I was not careful what would be?
How was I to know?
How was I to see?
We started simple, our first adventure quite fun.
Didn't see him for a while and then he came back,
we became friends.
I wasn't sure about this guy,
I didn't know what he was up to.
He was sweet and friendly,
the kind every girl can't get enough of.
I enjoyed his friendship so much for a short while.
Then things were thrown into a tulmult of chaos.
One thing led to another and too much happened too fast.
To explain things, I did not know how.
Then a horrible accident, a sad thing to see.
And everything we had was taken away.
Left behind in the dust,
the loss of our true friendship and another too.
Glad he was fine but so upset at the memories.
After a little while things heightened and changed too much.
Became worried and he left, disapeared from my life.
Too much had gone on,
no i did not know what to say exactly.
Calling, trying to gain some closure, oh no it could not be.
Then one night out of the blue,
he returned
came back a different person.
new car, new girlfriend, new life.
I was happy for him and realized so much.
Gained the closure I needed,
saw what i needed to see.
More happy than anyone could know and yet,
still in my heart a little disapointed.
A little sad at things lost.
But at least I learned that things would be okay.
things would move on and I would get better,
We all would in time...
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I always thought about who I was.
Thought I was nice enough.
Didn't think I gave reason for people to talk about me.
Then it dawned on me.
More than once I was hit with the truth.
So many lies, so many people.
I didn't know, I couldn't explain.
It hurt a lot.
More than once, cruel people,
yes even you, talked about me behind my back.
Talked about me expecting no one to know.
Didn't think I would find out did you?
No you thought you could say such mean things
and then leave me for nothing.
It hurt you know,
what really did I do to deserve that,
I don't know,
do you?
~This poem may not be finished...I have not yet decided.
