Looking around my quarters I wonder what happened to the good times, when I could laugh for no reason and just hang out without thinking about everything. Now so many thoughts run through my head, even my dreams have become nightmares. Instead of dreaming of meadows and friends I dream of my fears. Late at night I wake up and look around, sweat dripping from my body with my body shaking from the last nightmare that has just ended. I was never one to have nightmares before this damn journey. I try and shake myself out of these thoughts, they won’t help me in the end, only make me feel worse. God, things have changed, I have changed since the start of this, seven years ago. Seven years that seem like a lifetime, I don’t know who I am now, and I have forgotten who I once was. I used to know a man who was in love with me, but even his love faded… one to many adventures, not enough time for just him and me. I shake my head at the memories of so many almost kisses and the gentle touches. The touches stopped a while ago, I took it too far the last time, and I went too far in searching for a way home. Home, I snort, where’s that? I don’t even know any more, hell I don’t want to know. Earth was great but what will happen to us once we’re back? I don’t know why I care, I have lost friends before, but never one that I cared for as much as him. Him… the man who stood beside me for the past seven years the one who once loved me. I notice the tears that are falling down my cheeks… all I want to do is forget. Easier said then done, I have found that out too many damn times! I want to end this pain and misery, I get up slowly and walk to my bathroom, I look terrible. I see my phaser sitting on the sink, I take it in my shaking hands, regret filling my mind and sadness my heart. I set it to kill and raise it to my temple closing my eyes as I begin to squeeze the trigger. BEEP! I jump and drop the phaser as the door chimes, “Who is it?” I demand and wait for an answer trying to compose myself.
I hear the doors open and someone enter, a male voice calls, “Who do you think it is?” It’s Him. He walks into my bedroom unannounced and then into the bathroom shaking his head as he sees me. He moves his hand up and brushes it against my forehead.
I stand looking annoyed, “What do you think you are doing mister?”
He smiled and brushed some hair away from my face, letting his hand linger a bit longer then it should have. I can see something in his eyes, regret and sadness maybe a little adoration then he looks down and replies, “I was worried about you. I know you haven’t been sleeping much.”
I lift my hand and touch his face, resting a finger under his chin I slowly bring his face up enough for me to look him in the eyes. I hope he can see the love in my eyes right now, the love for Him. “Thank you,” I whisper grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. He seems surprised but quickly reacts and he puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. I bury my head in his shoulder, tears soaking his uniform top. I pull back a little and try and put up the mask I always wear but he brings his hand up and gently wipes away my tears. He moves his head down closer to mine, I can feel his breath on my lips for once I don’t pull back, instead I move forward catching both him and me off guard. Our lips meet in gentle exploration, he deepens the kiss by running his tongue over my lips asking permission to enter. I comply and we begin a sweet dance of tongues, tasting and feeling the sweetness of his kiss I can not believe I almost died after all that we have been through. He lifts me up, still kissing me, and takes me to my bed and lays me back down in it. He slowly climbs on, more on top of me then the bed, but he stops, breathing hard he says in a husky voice, “Are you sure?”
I look him in the eyes and pain races through my heart as I see the uncertainty and the fear in his eyes, “Yes, I’m sure.” I run my hands through his hair and he moves off me and lays down next to me bringing me to rest on top of his chest. He exhales and some how I know that I will no longer be alone as he moves me and begins to kiss me once again with all of the passion of the past seven years, two hearts become one…
