Track their relationship from the beginning . . .
Track their relationship from the beginning . . .
Go to:
1.00 Pilot
1.01 The Morning After
1.02 Monsters
1.03 Leaving Normal
1.04 Missing
1.05 285 South
1.06 River Dog
1.07 Blood Brothers
1.08 Heat Wave
1.09 Balance
1.10 Toy House
1.11 Into the Woods
1.12 The Convention
1.13 Blind Date
1.14 Independence Day
1.15 Sexual Healing
1.16 Crazy
1.17 Tess, Lies, and Videotape
1.18 Four Square
1.19 Max to the Max
1.20 The White Room
1.21 Destiny
(Michael puts his hand on Maria's chest to pretend to bring her back to life after the make-believe accident in the attempt to throw Valenti off of Max's trail.)
Michael peers in the window of the Crashdown right after Maria's spew about the Czechoslovakians and Maria says, "OK, that guy creeps me out."
Isabel dreamwalks into Maria's dream. Maria is dreaming about the aliens and Michael is dressed in a suit and looking handsome. When Isabel comments about this she says, "When he's dressed like that, it makes me feel much less afraid." Then he turns into an ugly creature and starts strangling her.
No M&M moments.
No M&M moments.
(Maria arrives at the gas station)
MARIA: You can't just make up answers.
MICHAEL: Who said I'm making 'em up?
MARIA: You do not watch "The View".
MICHAEL: Keeps me in touch with my feminine side.
MARIA: Fine...you know what? I will just make up the answers for you. Help me with the box.
MICHAEL: Bad back.
MARIA: C.O.D. That's 126 bucks. And, uh...cash is preferable.
MARIA: He's stealing my car...you're stealing my car.
MICHAEL: I'm borrowing your car. Now get out.
MARIA: You're telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it's my mother's car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over. So, wherever it goes, i go.
MICHAEL: Fine. You had your chance.
MARIA: Oh, my God. You're kidnapping me. No, wait, you're abducting me!
(Liz's cell phone rings)
LIZ: Hello. Maria, is that you?
MARIA: It feels kind of strange, you know? Being alone in a car with you.
LIZ: In a car alone with who?
MARIA: Not knowing where we're going, when we'll be back.
MICHAEL: Do you always talk this much?
LIZ: Was that Michael?
MARIA: Liz says I talk a lot when i'm nervous. Very nervous.
LIZ: You're nervous about being in a car alone with Michael?
MARIA: So, how far will we be going? South on 285, huh?
LIZ: South on 285?
MICHAEL: What are you...
(Michael sees Maria's cell phone)
MICHAEL: Great.
(Michael tosses Maria's phone out the window)
MARIA: You...you are going to be arrested.
MICHAEL: For driving to Texas?
MARIA: Across a state line with a minor? In a stolen vehicle? There are laws, you know. And that cell phone you just tossed? Vandalism of personal property. God, I just...I knew you had criminal tendencies. You even drive erratically.
MICHAEL: What's exactly wrong with my driving?
MARIA: I told you not to go over 80. The engine won't take it.
MICHAEL: Maybe it's just tired of hearing you talk.
MARIA: Oh, so what? What's in marathon? Contraband? Some woman? What?
MICHAEL: You wouldn't understand. You don't understand anything about us.
MARIA: Listen, I already know more than I want to, ok?
MICHAEL: See, it's all about you, isn't it? This could be the most important day of my life and all you care about...
(Police siren sounds and a squad car pulls behind Maria's car)
MICHAEL: Are you happy now? Go ahead, tell 'em I kidnapped you and I stole your car. I mean, what's one more arrest on my record, huh? Damn it!
MARIA: What do you mean, this could be the most important day of your life?
MICHAEL: Forget it.
MARIA: You have 20 seconds to convince me.
MICHAEL: See this place? It's the first real connection we've ever had to finding out where we come from and it's in Marathon, Texas. If I don't get there, or if somebody else gets there first, the only link we've ever found will be gone.
OFFICER: 94. Where you going in such a hurry, son?
MARIA: I've really gotta pee. See...I, I've...I have this like really weak bladder condition and I drank a big gulp at the last station, and it had caffeine, you know, so it makes me have to go even more. So he was just driving really fast so we could get to the next station so i could pee.
OFFICER: Could I see your license, please?
MICHAEL: Of course, officer.
OFFICER: There's a drive-thru about 3 miles up. Nice clean rest rooms. And watch your speed.
MARIA: You owe me big.
(Scene switches back to Maria's car)
MARIA: Did you pull on the chokey thing?
MICHAEL: Yes, I did pull on the chokey thing.
(Car sputtering)
MARIA: Hurry, just do something. Go!
MICHAEL: Don't tempt me.
MARIA: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes, do the Samantha-Jeannie alien thing. Come on.
MICHAEL: I can't.
MARIA: Why not? Come on! If there's ever a time to have secret powers, now is the time.
MICHAEL: They're not secret powers.
MARIA: I don't care what you call 'em! Just use them and get us out of here!
MICHAEL: I'm not that good at it, all right?!
MARIA: Figures! Hah!
MICHAEL: Your car sucks!
MARIA: And so do you.
(Michael tries to fix the car but winds up blowing up the engine)
MICHAEL: Now that I'm humiliated, and the battery's fried, I'm gonna take the back seat.
MARIA: Wait a minute. Ok. You kidnap me, and you blow up my car, and you expect me to spend the night in here with you?
MICHAEL: Not exactly my fantasy evening either.
MARIA: Don't touch that. It is sensitive!
MICHAEL: Can you shut up?
(A green alien inflates in one of the boxes)
MICHAEL: Well, that's nice.
MARIA: What? What? My mother makes them. What? Where you going? Where are you going?!
MICHAEL: See that motel over there? I want to get some sleep.
MARIA: No, Michael. Wait!
(Maria and Michael enter the motel room)
MARIA: It's like the porno version of Aladdin.
MICHAEL: At least it's warm.
MARIA: I don't even want to think about what I could catch in here.
MICHAEL: You know, if you stop being such a princess about things--
MARIA: Princess? No, no. I think I've been a pretty good sport up until now, but I'm cold, and I'm hungry, and I'm in some nookie motel with a guy I--I barely even know, and I...and I just--I really want to go home right now.
(Michael's expression softens as he looks at her)
MICHAEL: Why don't you stay here? I saw some vending machines outside. I'll go see what they have. Lock the door.
(In motel room, Maria and Michael are asking each other questions)
MARIA: So, do you get hungry just like the rest of us?
MICHAEL: Yeah. Of course I get hungry.
MARIA: What, uh...what other human urges do you feel?
MICHAEL: Not if you're the last woman on Earth.
MARIA: Ditto. And so you'll know, I am not gonna be getting an "F" on this assignment, so...you better start answering some questions. Right now, pal-ly, and I mean for real. So, favorite ice cream flavor?
MICHAEL: Pistachio.
MARIA: Pistachio...favorite TV show?
MICHAEL: Win Ben Stein's Money.
MARIA: Ok, favorite book?
MICHAEL: James Joyce...Ulysses.
MARIA: You have not read Ulysses.
MICHAEL: "What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones who pass it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds." Page 655...told you you wouldn't understand. Next question.
MARIA: All right, if you're so smart, then how come you fail every class in school?
MICHAEL: What number is that?
MARIA: It's my own personal question, ok?
MICHAEL: I don't answer personal questions, ok?
MARIA: All right, fine. Then maybe it's the answer to number 16. What are you afraid of?
MICHAEL: I hate this. This is stupid.
MARIA: All right, how about just one personal question? You know, since I didn't turn you in back there. Why is it so important to you to find out where you come from?
MICHAEL: Because there's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
(Maria smiles)
MICHAEL: You think that's funny.
MARIA: No, no. It's just, um...when i was a kid, I used to stay up at night and, um, make up stories about my father...you know, and who he was and...what he was doing. And they all ended exactly the same way. He would come in a limo and pick me and my mom up and take us off to some exotic place where we'd live like royalty. Because, you know...I thought to myself...there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
MICHAEL: Substitute a spaceship for a limo, and you know what i mean.
MARIA: Yeah. I...I'm, uh, I'm getting kind of tired.
MICHAEL: Yeah. It's been a long day, huh?
MARIA: Yeah.
MICHAEL: I don't suppose we could share?
(Maria comes up right next to him and looks him in the eyse)
MARIA: Not if you were the last alien on Earth.
(Maria, who was sleeping on the bed, is awakened by the door opening and rolls onto Michael who was sleeping on the floor)
MARIA: Aah!
LIZ: Maria.
MARIA: What are you guys doing here?
LIZ: Um...well, we thought you were in trouble, but...yeah...I guess we're wrong.
MARIA: No no. You don't think--I mean, that is, like so unreal! I mean...come on, would you tell them?
MICHAEL: Come on, honey, we don't have to lie.
(Maria gasps in disbelief and starts to hit Michael)
ISABEL: I believe you. The day Michael calls anybody honey, it's all over.
(Michael is trying to get a vision from the key, but isn't having much success)
ISABEL: Try holding the key again.
MICHAEL: Nothing.
MARIA: Try it again.
(With Maria next to him, Michael sees a blurry image of a hidden room)
(Michael and Maria are driving back in Maria's car)
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: No, it's just kind of funny how surprising things can get. All this time that I've known you, I've just always thought of you as, like, this guy, you know. Like this weird guy from the other side of the tracks going nowhere in life, which, of course, you know, you still are that but...what i didn't realize was that there's this whole other side to you.
MICHAEL: What, that I'm from--
MARIA: Well, clearly there's that, but putting that aside, underneath that, um, weird, poorly bathed exterior, there's, like, this whole...deeply wounded, vulnerable guy.
MICHAEL: Listen, all right, in terms of what happened yesterday between us, that was just we were on the road. All right, we talked. That's all over.
MARIA: Of course. Wait. You think something happened between us?
Maria later tells Liz, "Nothing physical, although it wasn't very verbal, either. What Michael and I share, well, it's non-verbal. Michael is the type of person my mom likes to refer to as a vibrator." And Michael tells Max about 'that Maria girl,' "She's got this whole thing. She's a real vibrator. She sends out these vibes. It's..."
MICHAEL: I'm telling you, the plan sucks the big one, all right? They're out there on my vision quest, and I'm sitting here in the kitchen with 2 girls yakking.
MARIA: Interesting, um, Michael. You know, some women of the, uh, 20th century might find that last remark just a tad bit offensive.
MICHAEL: Why?
MARIA: Why?
ISABEL: Welcome to Michael-land.
ISABEL: We all like things extremely sweet mixed with extremely spicy. It's our little dietary quirk.
MARIA: Well, I'll have to, uh, keep that in mind.
MICHAEL: You do that.
ISABEL: Are you 2 flirting? God, could my life get any worse?
MARIA: I just...I wish you would say something.
MICHAEL: Say what? What do you want me to say?
MARIA: I don't know what. Just say something, you know, to make me feel calm, to make me feel like it's gonna be all right.
MICHAEL: Maybe it's not gonna be all right.
MARIA: Thanks, that helps a ton.
MICHAEL: What do you want me to do?
MARIA: I don't know.
MICHAEL: Shut up, then!
MARIA: I...I hate you!
MICHAEL: Ditto!
MARIA: You know, all I ask of you is just to try to make me feel better, you know, be a guy or whatever. Forget it. I have obviously tried to bark up the wrong tree.
(Michael kisses Maria)
MICHAEL: That was to calm you down.
MARIA: Thanks.
(Michael and Maria walk off in opposite directions)
MARIA: Hey.
MICHAEL: Hey.
(There is an awkward silence) MICHAEL: Better go. I'm gonna be late for class.
MARIA: You're avoiding me.
MICHAEL: I'm not avoiding you.
MARIA: Oh, the classic signs, Michael. Not looking me in the eye, lying about motives...
MICHAEL: You know what? Fine. If it's gonna shut you up, I am avoiding you. Watch me continue that thought, all right?
(Maria's cell phone rings)
MARIA: No way. Stay.
MARIA: You don't trust me. That's it, isn't it? You don't trust me. You give Isabel the real job because I...
MICHAEL: You're gonna get us caught is what you're gonna do. Now stay watch and shut up.
MARIA: This is the second time you've dragged me to some cheap motel.
MICHAEL: Yeah, well, don't spread it around. You'll ruin my reputation.
MARIA (to Liz): We'd still be there if I hadn't picked up the phone and dialed. And of course he takes this opportunity to lean in as close to me as possible.
MICHAEL (to Max): So I could barely hear, because she was hanging all over me trying to listen, but there's no way I wouldn't recognize that voice.
MICHAEL(referring to Topolski): Never trust a blonde.
(Lots of making out going on in this episode.)
MAX: Listen, I was just wondering if we could talk about something.
MICHAEL: Sure.
MAX: Just in terms of you and Maria. There isn't...I mean, nothing's been going on between you two...has there?
MARIA: We were just sucking face.
LIZ: Look, I am sure that you're saying to yourself, "just go for it", right? I mean, sure, you see everyone else going for it. Suddenly there is this heat wave, and everybody is going for it.
MICHAEL: I just figured, go for it, you know? I don't know what I was thinkin'.
MAX: You know, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any...you know, urges.
MICHAEL: Well, I hate to tell you this, Max, but when i have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about.
MAX: Yeah, I realize that. But the point is, we can't let things spin out of control. I mean, sure, it starts as a kiss...
MICHAEL: It's more than that.
MAX: How much more?
MICHAEL: I don't know, Max. It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.
LIZ: It feels good? What is going on here? You and Michael. Kyle and Vicky. Ms. Hardy and Mr. Krewlick. Look, the point here, Maria, is that I don't see you and Michael together. Do you two talk or do you just like...
MARIA: Of course, we talk.
(Maria and Michael are making out in another room)
MARIA: Shouldn't we like, talk or something?
MICHAEL: About what?
MARIA: I don't know, you kinda just pulled me and dragged me in here. Shouldn't we at least like exchange pleasantries?
MICHAEL: How're ya doin'?
MARIA: Fine, and you? So, did you hear about this party Friday night at the old soap factory?
MICHAEL: I guess.
MARIA: Are you gonna go?
MICHAEL: I don't know.
MARIA: You don't know?
MICHAEL: Friday's like years from now.
(Max walks into the men's bathroom and finds Michael waiting)
MAX: Hey.
MICHAEL: Hey.
MAX: What's wrong? Maria?
MICHAEL: It has gotten complicated. Suddenly, she wants to know where I'm going after school. She wants to have conversations. She wants to talk about my feelings. And now, she wants to go to a party together.
MAX: That thing at the old soap factory?
MICHAEL: Right. Like suddenly the eraser room's not enough. I can't let this become a public thing. I mean, she should know that. But all week long I've had this weird feeling. Like I was gonna hurt her or something. That just being who I am is gonna hurt her.
(At a secluded part of the soap factory, Maria confronts Michael)
MARIA: You've been ignoring me the whole night. Look, I'm not some pollyanna, ok? I don't think what we have is true love. I don't know what we have. I just...I don't understand why you have to avoid me. It hurts, that's all.
(Michael is silent)
MARIA: Fine. Good-bye.
(Maria turns to leave)
MICHAEL: I just don't really do this.
MARIA: Don't do what?
MICHAEL: Get intense like this.
MARIA: I'm not getting intense.
MICHAEL: Yes, you are.
MARIA: Well, you got pretty intense the other night at the Crashdown.
MICHAEL: Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
MARIA: I'm gonna go outside and get some air.
(Max and Michael enter the Crashdown)
MARIA: Well, if it isn't Prince Charming and Quasimodo.
MARIA: What are you doing?
LIZ: Max likes cherry cola. What does Michael like?
MARIA: Cherry cola with arsenic?
MICHAEL: Can we please leave? All right? I'll buy you a whole one at the House of Pies.
MAX: What's your problem, Michael? I thought maybe you'd want to see Maria.
MICHAEL: We kind of broke up.
MAX: What? Why didn't you tell me?
MICHAEL: Look, I don't...I'm not sure if we did or didn't. I mean, it's confusing.
LIZ: Cherry cola. On the house.
MARIA: Yours is $1.25.
MICHAEL: Guess it's not really confusing anymore, is it?
MARIA(to Alex, who just found ou the truth): Yeah, well, the first couple of days were pretty tough for me, too, but trust me, they will not hurt you....I mean, physically.
MARIA: Isabel. One piece of advice, ok? Don't get involved with them. I mean, look at me and Michael. Granted, the passion was outrageous, but in the end, they're pretty heartless.
LIZ: I don't think that we should talk about it.
MARIA: Are you kidding? We have to talk about it. We're the only 2 people in this world capable of having this conversation.
LIZ: That we know of.
MARIA: Don't complicate things, ok? Who wants to go first? Fine, I'll start. I'll start. It was...explosive.
LIZ: Yeah. Uh, that's a really good word.
MARIA: Right?
LIZ: Ok.
MARIA: It was like every cell in my body felt the same cell in his and started heating up.
LIZ: And I got really dizzy. Did you get dizzy?
MARIA: I get dizzy just thinking about it.
LIZ: Ok, you know like all of that time that I spent with Kyle...I didn't have any of those feelings that I did when I was with Max. What about you?
MARIA: Doug Sohn in the eighth grade?
LIZ: Yeah.
MARIA: Amateur. Michael is the real thing.
LIZ: Ok, now, here is the big question. Do you think that we feel like this just because of the fact that they're like...
MARIA: Oh, their non-human status.
LIZ: Right.
MARIA: What if they've like ruined it for us with anyone else?
LIZ: Yeah.
MARIA: Leave it to Michael to just wreak havoc on the rest of my life, even though he wants no part of it.
LIZ: Maria, he'll change his mind.
MARIA: I don't think so. And besides, I've come to the conclusion that it can never happen. I mean, human-alien relationships are bound to be disasters. Just don't think that you can enter into something with Max and expect not to get hurt in the end of it. I mean, me? I'm teflon, babe. Michael starts acting like a total loser...I just walk away. But you and Max, ah. You guys have got that whole...look-into-my-eyes soul mate thing.
LIZ: Um, yeah, you know, this...this whole thing is just, it's gonna work out. We just have to be prepared for anything that comes our way.
MARIA(to Isabel): I care about him, too, you know.
(Everyone starts to chant softly. We see Michael wake up in another place and each of the participants in the ritual walk up to him and greets him. Maria kisses him. We see images of Max, Michael, and Isabel when they were in the desert. Max reaches out his hand to Michael who is hesitant to take it. In the end, Michael, Max, and Isabel walk away hand-in-hand. Back in the cave, Michael wakes up and pulls the webbing off of himself.)
MICHAEL: You used your powers in front of your mother? That is not fine.
MAX: Michael, I'm handling it, all right?
MICHAEL: Well, I hope so, because dealing with frick and frack (referring to Liz and Maria) over there is one thing, but we can't bring adults into this and expect them to handle it. Adults are the enemy, Max. Remember that.
LIZ: Hey.
MAX: Hey.
MICHAEL (to Maria): Hey.
MARIA: Yeah, whatever.
(Maria and Michael walk off in opposite directions)
LIZ: Go, comets! Whoo!
MARIA: Boys, boys.
(Comets make a basket)
MARIA (standing up): Whooohhh!
MARIA: I'm sorry. I retract...that last "whooh."
MICHAEL: Humans.
MAX: What?
MICHAEL: How excited they get over someone throwing a ball through a hoop. It's ridiculous.
(seating shifts so that Michael and Maria are now sitting next to each other.)
MICHAEL: How you doin'?
MARIA: Fine. Hey, Elliot, can I switch seats with you?
(In the woodshop work area, Maria is having problems with her project)
MARIA: Damn!
(Michael has been observing Maria from across the room)
MICHAEL: You're doing it wrong. You're gripping the wood too tight.
MARIA: Look, I know how to grip, ok?
MICHAEL: Apparently you don't.
MARIA: Look, I have to finish this, all right? It's my final project, and it's a disaster, so...
MICHAEL: It doesn't look that bad.
MARIA: Oh, yeah. I'm a regular Bob Vila.
MICHAEL: No, I'm serious. I mean, it's actually pretty good. Once you put it together, the shoes can go right...
MARIA: Shoes? What do shoes have to do with this?
MICHAEL: You're making a shoe tree, right?
MARIA: No. I'm making a napkin holder.
MICHAEL: Oh. Well...sure will be nice once you put it together.
MARIA: Look...do you have something you want?
MICHAEL: I just saw you in here and I wanted to say hi, but...apparently it was the wrong move. I'll never do it again. Sorry. Good-bye.
MARIA: Fine. Run away. Perfect.
MICHAEL: What the hell's going on with you? All right, I mean...what did I do?
MARIA: Nothing. That's the problem.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: Michael...we saved your ass. Ok? You were all flunked out, sweating, you know, running 112-degree temperature and, like, dying. I could have walked away and never looked back. But I didn't. I did not walk away. There I was, dragging your sweaty, gross body through the Indian reservation, you know, getting my clothes all muddy and...and worrying. 'Cause, you know, I...I really...I thought...you weren't gonna make it. Look...I went out on a limb for you...and you hug Max and Isabel, and it's all about the three of you. I mean...I mean, were you...were you even gonna thank me?
MICHAEL: Thank you.
MARIA: It's too late, pal.
(Maria is fiddling around with her woodshop project at a picnic bench and Michael comes up to her)
MICHAEL: Interesting.
MARIA: What?
MICHAEL: This whole idea that I have to apologize to you. What's that really about?
MARIA: What is it about?
MICHAEL: I'll tell you what it's about. It's a tactic.
MARIA: Oh, it's a tactic.
MICHAEL: That's right. It's your way of making me think that I owe you something, that I'm indebted to you. Let me tell you something. I'm not indebted to anyone.
MARIA: Interesting. You know, you should get yourself massive doses of therapy, like immediately.
(Michael grabs Maria's woodshop project)
MARIA: What are you doing?
MICHAEL: I'm gonna fix this stupid thing and call it even, all right? So what color do you want, huh? Green? White? Blue, maybe?
MARIA: Give it.
MICHAEL: No way.
MARIA: Give it to me. Give it to me.
(Maria and Michael try to gain possession of the "napkin holder" and wind up pulling it apart)
MARIA: No...great.
MICHAEL: What is your problem?
MARIA: It's cheating. You can't just wave your hand over a problem and make it go away. Why don't you figure out what's really going on with you, Michael...why you can't just piece together an apology like any normal human being. Oops. Maybe that's the problem.
(Maria opens her locker to find a beautifully made napkin holder. There is a note attached to it that reads "Handmade by Michael - Thanks")
(Michael has been waiting in the hallway for Maria to come out of class)
MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Hey.
MICHAEL: So you get your final assignment evaluated?
MARIA: Yeah.
MICHAEL: How'd you do?
MARIA: I flunked, as predicted.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: Yeah. I guess I can, uh, safely rule out any career paths involving wood.
MICHAEL: Didn't you get my thing?
MARIA: Yeah, I got it.
MICHAEL: Well, that's ridiculous. I worked my ass off on that thing. It was beautifully crafted. It was spring activated to secure the napkins. It redefined the term napkin holder.
MARIA: Yeah, I know, it did.
MICHAEL: Well, how could he have flunked you? I mean...Wh--
MARIA: Because I, um, I...I didn't use yours. I kept it. Thank you.
(Maria starts to walk away)
MICHAEL: I have something to say to you. If anything like that happens to me again, like when I got sick, don't help me. I can't get indebted to anyone, and I can't get entangled. I got to be a stone wall. And when I'm around you sometimes, I don't feel like a stone wall anymore.
MARIA: Well, what do you feel like?
MICHAEL: I don't know. Like confused.
MARIA: Like human?
MICHAEL: Yeah, and I don't want to feel that way.
MARIA: Liz, today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
LIZ: Spending time with your mother again?
MARIA: No, I mean it. Aren't you tired of being a slave to men?
LIZ: Definitely your mom.
MARIA: Tired of spending every waking moment pining over them, just for us to get our hearts crushed in the end. It is time to branch out, to explore other possibilities. You and me babe, together.
(Liz and Maria see Michael enter the eraser room)
MARIA: No wonder he couldn't make a commitment.
MAX: Um, thanks. Haven't seen you in a couple of days.
LIZ: I...uh, it's been kind of busy.
MARIA: She means she's been kind of busy. Actually, we've both been kind of busy.
MICHAEL: Yeah, I can see that.
MARIA: You know, getting ready for the big weekend and all.
MAX: You have a big weekend?
MARIA: Dates. We have dates. With men.
MICHAEL: Men?
MARIA: These college guys that we met during winter break and, um, they're taking us out for dinner...an expensive dinner.
MAX: Great. Well, have a good time.
(Max and Michael leave)
MARIA(talking about Alex): Another one being sucked into the alien abyss.
(Max drags Michael into one of the rooms in the UFO Center)
MAX: Michael, I've got to talk to you about something...personal.
MICHAEL: Nothing's too personal.
MAX: How'd you do it with Maria?
MICHAEL: Too personal.
MAX: No, I mean...how did you stop? I can't stop thinking about Liz. Everytime I see her, she just starts going into slow motion.
MICHAEL: Maxwell, you've gotta be strong. You can't let yourself be led around by your...energy source. It wasn't easy for me, either, but you gotta throw yourself into something else...anything else. Something just to get your mind off her.
MAX: Throw myself into something.
(Michael is looking around at the various exhibits and finds something called the "Alien Takedown", which Maria is helping to set up)
MICHAEL: Alien Takedown? What's that, some kind of wrestling match?
MARIA: Yeah, the Alien Takedown. Do you have a problem with that?
MICHAEL: Yeah, you know what, I do. I'm here trying to figure out the meaning of my existence, and I'm tired of having to wade through the kooks like you and the freak shows like this in order to do it.
AMY: Nothing personal, but this freak show keeps my kooky daughter and myself off the streets.
MARIA: Mom, Michael. Michael, mom.
AMY: Nice to meet you.
MARIA: That was some guffaw.
MICHAEL: Guffaw?
MARIA: Yeah, my mother. Great first impression.
MICHAEL: Why would I want to make an impression?
MICHAEL: Mud.
MAX: What?
MICHAEL: When you're with her, think about mud. It helped me.
MAX: Michael, I don't need some trick. I can handle this.
ALEX: No, uh...orange soda on the rocks.
AMY: Mmm, girl trouble.
ALEX: Oh, it's that obvious? Great. Great. Hey, listen...let me ask you guys a question. As women, do you find that all men are obsessive?
AMY: Yes.
LIZ: Absolutely.
MARIA: No question.
AMY: They find something...
MARIA: Usually something completely inane and useless.
LIZ: Oh, like football.
EVERYONE: Or UFOs.
AMY: Oh, and then they just don't let it go!
JEN: Until it consumes every waking minute of their day! Sorry. Couldn't help but deeply relate.
LIZ: Yeah, but then they use it as an excuse.
AMY: Oh, whenever it's convenient for them...
MARIA: To just completely ignore you.
AMY: Yeah, and it's so clear why they're doing it.
LIZ: Oh, yeah. It's an avoidance thing.
JEN: They hide behind their obsession!
AMY: Because what they really are is afraid.
MARIA: Deathly afraid.
LIZ: Of commitment.
ALEX: Ok. I got it. Crystal clear. But...what if, uh, there's a guy whose obsession is a woman?
EVERYONE: Oh!
AMY: Oh, yeah, right.
LIZ: Dream on.
(Amy rushes to the area set aside for the "Alien Takedown" and finds a masked wrestler lying in the middle of the ring...he's not moving)
AMY: Ernie! Oh, my God! Are you ok?
(The masked wrestler slowly takes off his mask to reveal...Michael)
MICHAEL: I'm just resting.
AMY: Oh, you dear, dear, boy! Oh!
(Michael sits up and Maria sits down in front of him and smiles at him)
MICHAEL: It was easy money.
(Maria smiles at Michael -- obviously grateful for his selfless act --, pulls his head towards hers, and softly kisses him)
MICHAEL: Mud.
MARIA: What?
MICHAEL: Mud. I'm thinking about mud.
MARIA: Why do I even try?
No M&M moments.
Maria is giving Liz some advice at the Crashdown)
MARIA: You and me, Liz. We've got to stick together. All right? Hold our ground. No matter how much they try to charm us, they are like a drug, and we have to just say no.
LIZ: Maria, I try and stay away, but I...I can't help myself.
(Max walks into the Crashdown and looks around for Liz)
LIZ: He obviously feels the same way.
MARIA: Ok. Do you remember that commercial? When the girl takes the pan and bashes up the kitchen? Ok. This is your brain on Max.
MARIA(giving her mom advice about Valenti): No, but he's that type, you know? That guy, that tough guy who, like, can't open up, or admit he has emotions or, you know, admit that he needs you, you know? Those are the most dangerous of them all, I promise.
AMY: Don't worry, honey. Michael will come around.
MARIA: Mich...what?!? Michael, I was not...I didn't say one thing about Michael.
AMY: Sure you didn't.
MARIA: I meant hypothetically.
AMY: Whatever, honey.
(Maria is combing her hair. She goes to the window and looks outside and sees Michael standing in the rain. She thinks she's probably hallucinating so she takes some "grief relief", looks up, and sees Michael still standing there. Michael walks over to her window)
MARIA: What are you doing out there? No, you can't come in. No. I know why you're here. All right, I know what your plan is, I know what you want, but it's not gonna work this time, mister, ok, no matter what you say. My answer is no. No, no, no, no, no.
(Maria has let Michael come in and he is dripping wet and shivering)
MARIA: God, you could get pneumonia. Here, take your shirt off. Hold on. You're shivering.
(Maria wipes away a tear from Michael's cheeks)
MARIA: Come here. Shh, it's ok. You don't have to tell me, it's ok.
(Michael starts to cry as Maria hugs him closely)
ISABEL: Have you guys seen Michael?
MARIA: Maybe.
ISABEL: Come on, Maria, you have to tell me. It's really important.
MARIA: Well, if it's that important, then you tell me. I'm worried about him, too.
ISABEL: I can't.
MARIA: Ditto.
ISABEL: All right. Michael's in trouble.
LIZ: What...what kind of trouble?
ISABEL: It's Hank. He's, um...he's been hurting him, and Max and I are trying to help.
MARIA: Oh, my God, Isabel.
ISABEL: Michael made us promise not to say anything.
MARIA: He was with me last night. All night.
LIZ: What? He spent the night, Maria? What happened to "no"?
MARIA: He never told me what was wrong. We just slept. And then...in the morning, my mom came in, and he took off, and I haven't seen him since.
(Maria is walking around looking for Michael and finds him in the bleachers)
MARIA: Oh, Michael. Hi.
MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Did you hear?
MICHAEL: The Max-Liz thing, with the flashes? She's your friend. What do you think?
MARIA: That Max and Liz have discovered some new sensation? It seems somewhat unlikely.
MICHAEL: Extremely unlikely.
(Cut to a scene where Maria and Michael are making out nearby a high-voltage box)
MARIA: This feels good. This feels really good.
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MARIA: Oh, God. Oh, my God. Michael.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: I can't believe it.
MICHAEL: What? What did you see?
MARIA: I saw...a cluster of stars...like shooting through space. Um...this, like, incredible sunset, like near the rings of Saturn. Did you see anything?
MICHAEL: Yeah, I saw you...as a little girl...trying to tie her shoelaces on her red sneakers.
MARIA: You're kidding. The red sneakers?
(Maria and Michael are making out again)
MICHAEL: Wow.
MARIA: Michael...
MICHAEL: Uh-huh?
MARIA: Mmm. This feels really good.
MICHAEL: Uh-huh.
MARIA: These visions...flashes, or whatever...
MICHAEL: Uh-huh.
MARIA: I'm just, um...I'm not completely sure I've actually really had one.
(Michael stops kissing Maria)
MICHAEL: What do you mean, you're not completely sure?
MARIA: Michael, I, um...I faked it. Ok?
MICHAEL: Why would you tell me that?
MARIA: Why? Because I...I want us to be close.
MICHAEL: You think that makes us close.
(Michael turns to leave)
MARIA: Where are you going?
MICHAEL: How do you expect me to react?
MARIA: Like...a person? Talk to me?
MICHAEL: Yeah. Well, I could act like a person, but then I'd have to fake it.
MARIA: You know, maybe if you weren't so defensive and you didn't shut down all the time...
MICHAEL: Then maybe what?
MARIA: Maybe...it would happen.
MICHAEL: I lied to you, too...about the shoes.
MARIA: Really? 'Cause I did have red sneakers.
MICHAEL: Everybody's got red sneakers.
(In the girls' locker room, Maria is telling Liz about what happened with Michael)
LIZ: Why would you fake it?
MARIA: Haven't you ever heard of the male ego?
LIZ: Yeah.
MARIA: The question is, why did I tell him that I faked it? You know what I mean? It just...
(Maria goes to Michael's apartment)
MARIA: Max and Liz aren't...
MICHAEL: I heard.
MARIA: Look, I just really need you not to be cold or mean. If that's impossible, you can just let me know.
MICHAEL: You want to come in?
MARIA: Yeah.
MICHAEL: Have a seat.
MARIA: Thanks. Can we talk about what happened?
MICHAEL: Talk on.
MARIA: I want you to know that what I said about you being all shut down and that's why I had to fake the flashes, that was...wrong and very unfair. If something went wrong, it was because of me. I'm the one who's scared. I mean, I fake all kinds of things all the time with everybody. It's just you were the first person I actually ever admitted it to.
MICHAEL: Well...thanks for sayin' that, but it's not really true.
MARIA: What do you mean?
MICHAEL: It's not true about you being shut down all the time. I happen to know that for a fact.
MARIA: Really? How?
MICHAEL: Because you let me see you. The red sneakers, Maria. One had a Kermit patch on it, and the shoelaces were blue, and you had your dalmatian dog with you there, licking off your tears. And I saw a whole bunch of other stuff as well. Was I right?
MARIA: Yeah. Um...that dog died when I was, like, 7. Right after my father left.
MICHAEL: Kinda rough?
MARIA: Yeah. I'd say so. I really didn't care about the stupid flashes. I just wanted us to be close.
MICHAEL: Thanks.
(Michael kisses Maria on her forehead and reaches over and hugs her with his left arm)
MARIA: Is that so hard?
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: Acting like a real couple, kissing, arms around each other's shoulders, actually excited to see one another.
MICHAEL: Overrated.
LIZ: Maria, would you mind?
MARIA: Go ahead.
LIZ: Thank you.
MARIA: Live the life I so desperately want.
MICHAEL: It's kind of immature, really.
MARIA: Really.
MICHAEL: Just a couple of horndogs looking for a place to make out. I mean, we don't need that. We got my apartment, you know?
ISABEL: I guess I'll just have the special.
MICHAEL/MARIA: Uhh...we're closing early.
MICHAEL: So, now she says what we've got isn't good enough. She wants more.
MAX: You mean like...
MICHAEL: No. If that's what she wanted, would I be here talking to you? She wants the romance thing. The thing that you and Liz got.
MAX: Is that what you want?
MICHAEL: I just want to make her happy. And you're gonna tell me how to do it.
MAX: It's not like there's a handbook.
MICHAEL: I'm serious, Max. Things are getting frosty. She went to the French club meeting today instead of meeting me in the eraser room. The French club...what the hell is that?
MAX: All right...romantic. When you're with her, act like she's like the only girl in the room.
MICHAEL: She's usually the only other person in the room.
MAX: That's a good start. Um, try taking her out...someplace nice. And, uh, surprises...they love surprises. Like, you know, little things, like a note in her locker, or a flower in the middle of the day.
(A flower deliveryperson shows up at the Crashdown)
DELIVERY GUY: I've got a delivery for one of the waitresses.
MARIA: Really? De Luca?
DELIVERY GUY: Uh, Parker...Liz Parker.
MARIA: Oh. Just let me have 'em.
DELIVERY GUY: You're Liz Parker?
MARIA: What, I don't look like a girl who gets flowers everyday?
DELIVERY GUY: Your tag says Maria.
MARIA: Just give me the flowers. Go. No tip.
(Maria walks over to Liz)
MARIA: Hey, Gidget. You got some flowers from moondoggie.
LIZ: I did? Oh, my God. Wow.
(Maria looks over Liz's shoulder as Liz opens the note)
LIZ: Maria.
MARIA: Come on. Just let me see what I'm missing, please.
LIZ: He's so romantic. He wants me to meet him at the restaurant where we had our first date. He just keeps on getting more and more wonderful every day.
MARIA: Mr. Wonderful.
LIZ: Hey, I need that Chili Rocket Dog, Michael.
MICHAEL: I got a lot on my mind. Here, give 'em an order of Saturn Rings while they're waitin'. That'll shut 'em up.
MARIA: Typical.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: Your reaction. You can't deliver to a customer what they want, so you substitute it with an inferior item just to get them off your back.
MICHAEL: What's that supposed to mean?
MARIA: It means, Michael, that I'm not gonna settle for the Saturn Rings anymore. If you want me, you have to earn me. That's how a relationship works.
MICHAEL: No, Maria, that's how Boy Scout merit badges work.
MICHAEL: We should go out tonight. The 4 of us.
MARIA/LIZ: What?!?
MICHAEL: That way, if someone is really watching us, we won't give 'em anything to be suspicious about. Hot dog.
MARIA: I thought you didn't believe Topolsky.
MICHAEL: You want what Max and Liz have, don't you?
MARIA: Well, yeah. Yeah. I just thought we'd try it on our own.
MICHAEL: One step at a time.
MICHAEL: This is for you.
MARIA: Shampoo.
MICHAEL: Shampoo AND conditioner in one.
MARIA: It's a real timesaver.
WAITRESS: Here you go. You can pay me whenever you're ready.
MICHAEL: You're gonna have to get this one 'cause i don't get paid till Tuesday.
(Maria leaves the table and stops next to the window)
(Max kicks Michael under the table)
MICHAEL: You know, this whole dating thing really bites.
(Michael leaves the table and walks toward Maria)
MICHAEL: What did I do now?
MARIA: Michael, you have no table manners, and all you do is talk about yourself, and you have absolutely no regard for anyone else around you. I mean, if you get a girl shampoo, at least don't get her the generic kind, you know?
MICHAEL: How am I supposed to know what brand of shampoo you use?
MARIA: You just don't get it, do you?
MICHAEL: What i want to know is, if I'm such a loser, then why do you want to be with me?
MARIA: I'm sorry.
MICHAEL: Why?
MARIA: For that whole "being the perfect boyfriend" thing. After what happened to Alex last night, that's just, like, not what's important to me at all. So, if that's why you're acting strange, you can just stop. It's over. I mean...just go back to being your usual self.
MICHAEL: Come here. If anything happens, I mean, to me, I just want you to know that...
MARIA: I know. Nothing's gonna happen to you.
MARIA: Michael, it's a mistake, and if you're too stupid not to protect yourself, I'm gonna have to do it for you!
MICHAEL: This is not your decision to make! This is mine.
MARIA: It's not just about you! What you do affects me. That's how relationships work, and whether you like it or not, we are in a relationship! OK, so go ahead and hate me, but I'm not gonna let you get hurt. I care about you too much.
MICHAEL: Maria, I have been waiting for this my whole life.
MARIA: So have I!
(Headlights appear suddenly)
MICHAEL: Run, go on! Run! Get out of here! Go!
MARIA: No, I am not gonna leave you!
(At the school. Michael is sneaking into the Administrative Records room.)
MICHAEL: What the hell are you doing here?
MARIA: I saw you sneaking in. What are you doing here?
MICHAEL: Nothing.
MARIA: Michael, if you want to be a couple, you've got to learn how to trust me. `K, that's how a relationship works. No secrets. So either give it to me straight, or you're not going to be giving it to me at all.
MICHAEL: Fine, I'm checking out the new girl.
MARIA: Tess? Why?
MICHAEL: That's classified.
MARIA: Does this have anything to do with Max? I knew it.
MICHAEL: I'm just helping Max out, ok? It's not a big deal.
MARIA: I thought we were a team.
MICHAEL: What do you mean?
MARIA: We've always investigated as a team.
MICHAEL: Well, take it easy, Sherlock. When I find something, I'll let you know. Shhh.
MARIA: Shhh.
(In a hallway at school – after Michael’s disturbing dreams about Isabel.)
MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Hey right back at you.
MICHAEL: I’ve been thinking.
MARIA: Oh, great this usually involves me having to get my car towed.
MICHAEL: What? I’m talking about us.
MARIA: Us?
MICHAEL: Yeah, our relationship.
MARIA: Wait, I’ve never heard you use that word in a sentence before.
MICHAEL: Can we get serious here?
MARIA: Whoa, are you ok?
MICHAEL: I just...I didn’t sleep much last night.
MARIA: Because you were thinking about our relationship?
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MICHAEL: I think that we should only see each other.
MARIA: Wait. As opposed to all the other relationships we’re having with people?
MICHAEL: What do you mean by that?
MARIA: No...I mean that we already are only seeing each other. Right?
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MARIA: Right.
MICHAEL: So?
MARIA: I mean, unless you’ve got someone on the side.
MICHAEL: No!
MARIA: Ok.
MICHAEL: No. So. Well, then if we’re already doing it, let’s make it official.
MARIA: Official. Like going steady, or something?
MICHAEL: Going steady.
MARIA: Ok.
MICHAEL: I just don’t want anyone to ever come between us.
MARIA: Ok. You should have more of these tortured sleepless nights.
MICHAEL: Let’s not talk about last night anymore.
(They kiss. In the hallway, Maria and Michael are also kissing, and drawing a crowd.)
MARIA: Michael.
MICHAEL: Let’s go in here.
MARIA: Ok.
(They open the door to the janitor’s closet where Alex and Isabel spring apart.)
ISABEL: Alex and I are together now.
MICHAEL: Maria and I are going steady.
ISABEL: Great.
MICHAEL: Great.
MARIA: Must be something in the water.
(Behind the Crashdown.)
MARIA: Hey. Look, I heard something, and I gotta ask you about it, and I hope that the answer is some alien thing, ‘cause I can’t imagine any other explanation that you could give…
MICHAEL: What are you talking about?
MARIA: The baby, Michael.
MICHAEL: I can’t talk about that.
MARIA: Wait. You owe me an explanation, Michael.
MICHAEL: It’s not what you think.
MARIA: Ok. I thought that you and Isabel were brother and sister. I mean, isn’t that what you’ve always said? Now suddenly, you’re sleeping together?
MICHAEL: No, we’re not sleeping together.
MARIA: Really. Then how is there a baby?
MICHAEL: I don’t know.
MARIA: How do you not know?
MICHAEL: I just don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. I mean I don’t know what the hell it means; I don’t know what I’m feeling…
MARIA: Wait a minute. Feeling? Now you have feelings for her?
MICHAEL: Maria, this isn’t about you or me or our stupid relationship. This is about Isabel. Something is happening to her, and that’s all I care about.
MAX: Isabel, you’re not pregnant.
ISABEL: Are you sure?
MAX: Tess says the dreams are just to guide us in our destinies. She says the constellations have aligned and awakened our biological drives but the usual methods still apply. You can’t get pregnant from a dream. It’s good news right?
ISABEL: Yeah.
MICHAEL: Really good news. (but he has a look on his face like he’s thinking that now he has to face what he told Maria, contridicts what he just said) What about this destiny thing? I mean are we still meant to pair up? You and Tess, me and Isabel?
MAX: That’s our choice. Michael.
MICHAEL: I saw the book, Max, I’m not sure we have much to say about it.
MAX: We control our own lives. I won’t let any book tell me what to do.
ISABEL: Well at least it’s all over for now, right?
MICHAEL: Yeah. Umm, I got someone to talk to. (To Maria.) False alarm, no baby.
MARIA: Is Isabel all right?
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MARIA: Thank god.
MICHAEL: Listen, that thing I said about our relationship being stupid, I didn’t mean it.
MARIA: Well, then, you shouldn’t have said it.
LIZ: Bring him back to me.
MICHAEL: I will.
TESS: We’d better hurry.
MARIA: You come back to me.
(The three aliens leave together.)
MICHAEL: Maybe Tess is right. If the four of us leave, maybe the rest of you could…
MARIA: No. I'm staying with you.
ALEX: So am I.
LIZ: Yeah, we all are.
(Max goes to Michael who is standing off to one side.)
MAX: You were just trying to stop him. I know you didn't mean to kill him.
MICHAEL: But that's just it. I wanted to kill him. I mean, that's all that I could think about. I wanted him dead. Knowing that, I just did it. It just happened. What kind of person does that make me?
MAX: We would have been dead if you didn't help us.
MICHAEL: No! The bottom line Maxwell, I kill people. I kill people, you heal them. (Maria walks over) You're good, and I'm bad.
MAX: It's not true, Michael.
MICHAEL: Just get out of here.
MARIA: What are you talking about?
MICHAEL: It's not safe.
MARIA: It's never been safe. What difference does it make now?
MICHAEL: No, I'm not safe. All right, I mean, I can do these things that I can't control. Look at what I did to Pierce. I'm not going to take that chance with you. I don't want you to be around for what's going to happen.
MARIA: Wait. Don't do this to me Michael, please. You need me now, more than you have before, alright?
MICHAEL: No, I don't need anyone.
MARIA: Well, maybe I do. Did you ever think of that? I mean, look at Max and Liz. They can't bear to be separated. But you, you can just throw me away. Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why?
MICHAEL: Maybe because I love you too much. Goodbye.
(He leaves.)
Go to Season Two