Quiet. It was so quiet. Normally the bridge of the U.S.S. Voyager radiated with energy, focus and determination from the presence of its crew. But tonight . . . well, tonight was a different story altogether. There were only two people on the bridge; both of them were tormented, annoyed and exhausted.
“We shouldn’t have lost him that way,” Kathryn stated quietly. “Not to them, not when we’re so close to home.”
“We’ve lost countless others,” Chakotay stated, his words reaching out towards her but his eyes never once looking directly at her.
They sat by each other on the bridge, in the command chairs not even acknowledging the sensors that skipped and beeped and the technology that hummed all around them. They were too tired . . . from yet another attack.
“I am just trying to think,” Kathryn stated quietly as she moved her hand gently up to rub at the tender flesh of her temples. Her head hurt like a good kick in the ass and though her eyes were weary and heavy with lack of sleep and an overplay of emotions, she was not going to rest tonight. “How are we going to move on after this one?”
“We’ve done it countless other times,” Chakotay stated but a deep sigh that pushed itself out from his throat and past his lips contradicted any faith he might have had in applying the past to their present situation.
“This time is different, Commander,” Kathryn stated. It was just that, a statement. Nothing new . . . but definitely something very familiar and old. “One day we celebrate the life that Tom and B’Elanna created and the very next day we mourn the death of someone who has been with us since the beginning of our journey. Life and death . . . constant interruptions.”
“It was wise to give the crew the night off from their stations,” Chakotay stated.
“We’ve sat anchored in place before,” she reflected on how they were not moving, how everything had come to a stand-still and how even their emotions had little or no where to go.
“That’s not what I meant,” Chakotay stated softly.
“I know what you meant,” Kathryn said a little more harshly than she would have liked. “I know . . . I understand,” she sighed softly to remind herself that they were in this together again. “Besides – how could Tom Paris have piloted my ship through a haze of unshed tears?”
“He cries?” Chakotay asked aloud. It was the first time Kathryn paused and turned her head to look at Chakotay in over an hour. “Especially when B’Elanna . . .” she was pushing it, she knew that; no doubt it was her weary mind and raging confusion that tempted her to play Chakotay’s humor up at idle command. “I get the picture,” Chakotay cut in, grinning.
Kathryn turned her head back to stare at the dark region of space and the white skimming lines that were stars flying past them at warp speed via the activated viewscreen.
They were quiet. Until Chakotay grunted.
“What?” Kathryn asked. She couldn’t help it. Time had to be spent between the two of them.
“Just—“ he started.
“Just?” she questioned.
“Picturing,” Chakotay admitted.
“Should I leave the three of you alone?” Kathryn humorously indicated her commander and his thoughts of Tom and B’Elanna.
Chakotay shook his head, “That wasn’t what I was picturing.” His laughter that had flowed with the words stopped quickly as he realized the mistake he had just managed to pull off.
Kathryn turned her entire body this time toward him, “Oh?”
“It’s nothing,” he stated.
“I’m sure it’s something,” she persisted.
“The crew—“ he was going to comment on how she had cared for their well-being once again, how the Captain had risen to the occasion for them again; how he so admired that she had been there . . . for all of them, himself included over the years. But, he never had the chance.
“Isn’t here,” she stated quietly. “And they’re not likely to show up. That would be a violation of my orders. And the doctors.”
“We violated those orders – to seek solace in our time of grief,” Chakotay pointed out.
Kathryn ran a hand through her hair and Chakotay was sure he could hear each strand fall away from her fingers as softly as morning dew departing from strands of grass against the morning sun.
“Oh I don’t know,” she set her elbow on the armrest of the chair and cupped her chin in her hands as she looked at him, blinking every now and then. “I feel at peace when I am with you.”
It was said. It wasn’t an issue; it didn’t change things between them; it only confirmed for both of them what had been there between them for so long.
“Seven years,” Chakotay murmured, resting his own elbow on his armrest and looking at her while he cupped his chin in his hands as well.
“Long time,” Kathryn stated, but the twinkle was unmistakable in her eyes. Her hands moved to grip the armrest as she pulled her body forwards toward where his space was. She was leaning across the small counsel that sat between the two chairs; just as she moved her chin up toward him, he made the same gesture of acceptance towards her.
Chakotay moved to cover the space quickly; he looked at her and then let his eyes gaze quickly down at her parted lips. So close was he that the sound of her breathe entering and departing from those lips could be heard by his own ears.
“Very long,” he stated as he leaned in further, moving toward those lips at long last.
“Captain,” the viewscreen altered from the calm of space to the large and enhanced face of their resident EMH.
Kathryn and Chakotay never backed off so quickly from one another’s interactions as at that moment. They both landed with solid, consensus thuds back into their chairs.
“Yes, Doctor?” Kathryn cleared her throat.
The Doctor paused a moment, as if considering, and then as if dismissing whatever it was he was considering, moved right along with his reason for interrupting.
“Ensign Kim came to see me,” he started.
Kathryn glared.
“I’m not finished yet!” the Doc stated sourly. He smiled with annoyance, “As did half the crew of the ship. They all have insomnia so it seems.”
“Insomnia,” Chakotay sighed.
“A rather typical response to so recent a traumatic experience. I was, of course expecting this as a possibility but hoping it would not arise for as many as it did,” he stated.
Kathryn’s lips burned for a touch she had yet to receive from her Commander and twitched with a scolding she had yet to deliver to a holographic doctor whose timing, over the past seven years, had been as always – in a single word -- ‘impeccable’. In the negative sense of course.
“What do you recommend,” Kathryn murmured against the hand she had moved to cover her mouth in fear that something else would slip out in the Doc’s direction.
“You mean what did I recommend . . .” he stated with a smile.
Kathryn pushed her body up against the chair, pushing her back into the soft leather of the chair to keep her steady. She had unfinished business to attend to with the Commander.
She chanced a glance at him, he seemed to be allowing himself to be lulled to a hazy fog of denied sleep in this time spent with the Doctor. Damn men . . . you presented them with the sex they had waited for and what do they do?
“Doctor, what did you do?” Kathryn stated and felt a rush of blood pound her head. She hadn’t meant for it to sound like that.
“I recommended that they try to sleep for another thirty minutes. If sleep was unobtainable for them, then I granted them permission to return to their nightly duties or tasks or socialization or whatever it is they usually do on a day, er, night-to-night basis for you. There is something to be said for routine,” he smiled happily with his confounded prescription.
Kathryn rubbed her temples, “Thirty minutes.” “Yes, thirty minutes,” the Doctor stated again, though he was slightly confused as to why that didn’t seem to be sinking in with the Captain the way he thought it would.
“I heard you the first time,” she stated.
“Captain, you seem irritable—“ he started.
She wasn’t just irritable, she was distressed, she was stressed, she was emotional, she was weary and god was she horny.
“I’ll be fine,” she stated.
“She’ll be fine,” Chakotay murmured from somewhere off to the side.
“But—“
Kathryn reached over and punched in her code, “Goodnight, Doctor.”
Within a second, with only a blink, he was gone; replaced by the stars of the night.
Kathryn sighed and chanced a glance at Chakotay. When he didn’t turn his head, she went back to observing the stars.
Chakotay chanced a glance at Kathryn. When he saw her frustrated expression, he smirked to himself and then went back to observing the stars.
“I saw that,” Kathryn stated.
“What?” Chakotay played possum.
“You looking at me,” she stated.
“Can’t I look at you?” he asked.
“Yes, but you need to be closer to really enjoy my beauty,” she said in a singsong voice.
“Mmm,” he considered and then suddenly he was standing.
Kathryn could see him stand from the corner of her eye and her lips parted in surprise and then grew into a smile. She held her breath, quietly and inconspicuously enough that he wouldn’t notice, as her Commander knelt before her.
His hands moved up to touch hers, to cover hers until his skin had firmly pressed its way to her, massaging her fingers and palms. “How close?” he asked huskily and then intertwined his fingers into hers. Moving his face up towards hers, still on his knees, Chakotay brought his lips up towards the Captains, “Is this close enough?”
“Close enough I can feel your breath against my lips,” she acknowledged. Her eyes moved rapidly but only to take in ever amount of his expression that she could.
“I could move closer still,” Chakotay murmured, he grazed his lips against hers. Sure enough, as she had said, they were wet; when her tongue darted out to lick at her lips in anticipation, he was surely going to fall apart. To take those lips for his own; to finally confirm that the Captain really did have the hots for him . . for her Commander.
But the bridge door opened and Ensign Harry Kim stepped inside.
Kathryn was ready to bolt from her chair, from the close proximity she was sharing with Chakotay at the moment when she heard those doors whisk open, but Chakotay placed a firm hand on her shoulder, pushing her back down.
She was ready to scream, to yell, to holler and to smack him when his words finally penetrated her panicked mind.
“I almost have this pip secured for you, Captain,” Chakotay murmured as he fingered, just fingered her turtleneck, pretending to have been giving her a hand. Assisting the Captain in replacing a lost pip – smart Chakotay.
“Assisting the Captain in replacing a lost pip, Commander?” Harry asked and Kathryn wanted to jump again at how weird this was all playing out to be and how Chakotay had managed to pull this one off. Of course it was Harry Kim they were dealing with. Sweet, gullible, innocent and with impeccable . . .
“Mr. Kim? Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Kathryn heard herself speak up and felt Chakotay’s hand tighten on her shoulder as if to say – ‘don’t kill him, you still have to give him an increment in rank.’
Kathryn knew she wouldn’t kill anyone today. There had been enough death as it was. But what was bothering her were two missed opportunities to confirm life, passion and well sex with the Commander and quite possibly make something wonderful out of a horrible experience.
“The Doctor said if we couldn’t sleep that –“ Harry started.
“You could return to your duties in thirty minutes,” Chakotay stated.
“It’s only been seventeen,” Kathryn added.
“Mam?” Harry questioned, confused.
“Since last he talked to us,” Chakotay explained. “About your conditions.”
“It’s not crunch time, Ensign,” Kathryn murmured as she fingered the pip that Chakotay had been playing with only moments ago. She could think of a few other things he could play with if only they could get rid of Harry.
“Oh I don’t know, Kathryn,” Chakotay murmured.
“Captain? Am I to return to my quarters then?” he asked, still perplexed.
Kathryn stood up, and walked over to where Harry stood just slightly off to her right on the bridge next to her chair. She squeezed his shoulder, maybe a little harder than necessary but then she was a strong woman. She had to be strong for the both of them . . . Chakotay and herself that is . . . who were in dire need of sex.
“I think it would be best if you gave a chance at sleep one more go,” she smiled up at him, praying he wouldn’t see what lay beneath her words.
Harry paused, but smiled and nodded, “Sure. But I have this odd feeling I’ll be back soon.” Kathryn guided him toward the turbolift and sighed with relief as he entered and the door shut him out from their presence.
“Not if I can help it,” Kathryn muttered and turned to find Chakotay standing right next to her.
“Not for another sixteen minutes,” Chakotay murmured, moving in closely to her. Kathryn played along, and backed up with each step that he took towards her. She was all the way up to the console when he finally had pressed the front of his body against her own.
“Commander?” Kathryn stated as she moved her hands up to rub them up and down his back that was, disappointingly enough covered by his uniform jacket. “Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to be with me?”
“A phaser? Don’t I merit a rifle of some sort?” he asked.
The Captain laughed but her laughter fled as they quickly pecked each other on the lips tenderly and cautiously at first. One that lasted a little longer and which led to one that let him taste fully of the sweetness that was Kathryn Janeway followed one small, swift kiss.
She sucked on his lower lip tenderly, nibbling at the soft, rounded flesh there before they released each other, breathe coming shortly but understanding arriving promptly.
Kathryn’s hands ran up to the jacket that was still on his back; she wanted to be rid of it. She wanted to rub the palms of her hands that were slightly damp with sweat from a mixture of nervousness and desire, over the hills and deep ridges that were no doubt his hardened muscles.
“I want to feel your skin against mine,” she stated with all the determination of a woman who loved to enjoy her senses, to enjoy being human and to enjoy being in love.
Chakotay needed nothing more than those words to get him started. He slipped easily enough out of his uniform and as his hands reached for the waistline of his pants, he withdrew his shirt and slipped it over his head.
Kathryn heard the console behind them beep and Neelix’s voice float towards her ears.
“Testing 1, 2, 3?” Neelix remarked via the console’s small viewscreen.
So this was what her standing crew did at the back of the ship during their shifts?!? Messaged one another via these small consoles?
Her hands clutched the edges of the console, her back still in front of it as she watched Chakotay struggle to the turtleneck that was now over his head back onto his body.
“Hellllooooo?” Neelix hollered.
Kathryn groaned.
“Captain?!? Is that you?!?! Are you there?!?!”
She was standing directly in front of the monitor – the small viewscreen could produce no image for Neelix to see except for her back, which was a blessing seeing as the Commander was trying to get dressed again.
Chakotay’s head finally emerged from under his turtleneck. He tucked it in quickly and nodded to Kathryn who was just about ready to lock the doors, seal all the Jeffries tube and drug her crew into a long and everlasting sleep so that she could get some good sex accomplished.
Kathryn spun around, removing her back from in front of the screen so that Neelix could see her standing with the Commander. “Yes, Neelix,” her voice rattled her nerves as she realized she was out of breath herself. “We’re here.”
“What can we do for you?” Chakotay asked and paled as his voice cracked slightly with the first two words of the sentence.
“Am I interrupting something?” Neelix asked, looking from one individual to the next.
Kathryn and Chakotay paused.
“I am, aren’t I,” Neelix groaned.
Kathryn groaned, “No Neelix. Of course not. Now, what can we do for you?” *’So that the Commander can finally do me?!*’ she thought to herself.
“Well, I thought that since no one can sleep –“ he started and paused. “Oh I’m sorry did you know everyone had insomnia?”
“Yes,” Chakotay ground out.
“Well, I thought that maybe we could start serving breakfast a little early this morning? You know, get things on a roll – get things back to normal,” he smiled. “Wouldn’t that be good for the crew?”
For the crew? Sure. For the Captain and the Commander?
“How about you have breakfast ready in . . . twenty minutes?” the Captain suggested. That would be enough time to do what they were going to do.
“But the doctor’s medical release of required sleeping time is up in eleven minutes,” Neelix frowned.
Chakotay grunted and rubbed his forehead. He didn’t know if he could pull off what he had been dreaming to pull off for Kathryn (for seven years now) in eleven minutes?!?!
Kathryn glared at Chakotay. She’d have him one way or another.
“Fine. Eleven minutes. Janeway out.” She ended the transmission suddenly, secured all channels so that they were permanently off.
Chakotay watched as she locked the doors and jumped when she walked over to unclip their combadges. He felt a bit, well, trapped.
“I think that just about covers everything,” Kathryn grinned as she moved toward him. “Where were we?”
“Hmm,” Chakotay smiled as walked towards her as well. “I think I was caught by Neelix in over my head – with the shirt, that is.”
“Or with me?” she asked. “Ten minutes—“
“Kathryn, I don’t respond well under pressure?” he joked.
“Maybe if I’m the one applying the pressure?” she smiled and he practically staggered backwards from where he was standing with her when Kathryn fell to her knees slowly; each inch she went down she unzipped his pants.
“Uh, Kathryn?” Chakotay tapped her on her shoulder.
Kathryn felt a bit irritated by how seriously not in the mood he was all of a sudden. “What Commander?”
Then she heard something in the background. Standing up suddenly she turned to where the noise was coming from and where Chakotay’s eyes were focused.
“I knew there was something you forgot,” Chakotay sighed.
The hatch to Jeffries tube one-beta-c snapped off with a pop and two legs produced themselves. Those two legs belonged to Tuvok.
“Lieutenant?” Kathryn strode forward, suddenly focused on why her Vulcan friend and head of security was on the bridge. “Has something happened?” The last thing they needed was another risk, another catastrophe or another loss.
“In trying to pacify my inability to sleep,” Tuvok stated as he exited the entryway of the tube and stood, straightening his Uniform gently and precisely, “I made a commitment to monitor the ships activities as I regularly do. I noted that the bridge had been sealed off and all communications cut. Although they were done with your security codes, Captain such actions did not seem logical coming from you and your current position.”
Damn. Damn Vulcan. Damn logic. Damn.
Kathryn didn’t know what to say. One glance at Chakotay and she knew that through his own frustration and emotional weariness he didn’t have a good explanation either. They were both speechless. She started to open her mouth, to say what? She didn’t know.
“Needless to say,” Tuvok stated. “I am presuming that it was one of the final malfunctions to take place due to the attack we suffered by the aliens who took Lieutenant Carey from us so severely.
Kathryn and Chakotay were once again sobered with the acknowledgement of the recent death.
“Of course,” Kathryn swallowed and smiled. “Thank you for your attentiveness, Tuvok.”
Tuvok strode past the commanding officers and toward the same turbolift door. Pushing the button, he stood there, feeling the eyes of the Captain and the Commander on his back. It was more logical than either one of them knew.
“Captain,” he stated and turned to face them, his gaze meeting directly with their own. “Commander.”
“Yes, Mr. Tuvok?” Kathryn asked. She was going to need a cup of coffee. Maybe two. Maybe five. Soon. Very soon. Coffee was the only other thing that satisfied her when Chakotay couldn’t. At least, she hoped it would.
“The crew will be back in six minutes. I thought that might give you enough time to . . . correct the . . . problems.”
Kathryn swallowed.
The turbolift doors opened.
She knew he couldn’t possibly have a clue.
“And Commander Chakotay?” Tuvok added as he turned to face both of them again, in the turbolift.
“Yes, Tuvok?” Chakotay asked.
“Your slacks zipper is undone,” he stated and the doors closed.
The silence ensued.
“Five minutes?” Chakotay asked unsure.
“We’re already halfway there,” Kathryn pointed out by pointing at his open zipper.
“What about –“ Chakotay started.
“The constant interruptions?” Kathryn asked as she moved back toward him.
He smiled, “What else?”
“Oh I don’t know,” Kathryn raised her hand up to stroke his cheek. “It won’t be the last time we’re faced with this same problem.”
That was a promise they both mean to keep.
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