A
Simple Thing, by Lady Dementia
The morning training session was over. It
should have been a peaceful afternoon. It really should have been.
I looked in the mirror and sighed. Terrorsaur had said this morning that my head looked like a fluffball, and he was right. My hair had grown out since I had come here, and it had an annoying tendency to stick out from my head.
So, it was time to cut my hair. A simple thing, right?
I held up the scissors doubtfully. I’d never trimmed my hair before, so this was going to be a learn-as-I-go type of thing. I hate those type of things. I always seem to mess up.
Oh, well. It was either try, or have someone else cut it. Lemme see, I could have Megatron do it, or maybe Rattrap...
I started cutting.
One side of my head was done. Now I had to match up the other side.
Voices came from outside the bathroom door,
which I had locked to prevent any of the Beast Warriors from bursting in
(that happened once when I was on the toilet...I’ve locked the door ever
since).
“Where is she?”
“I think she’s in there.”
“Let’s go in her room!”
“Wazzpinator think that Demented Lady not like that.”
“Shut up, insect.”
“Hey, don’t tell me to shut up!”
“Not you. Waspinator.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
There was the click of my bedroom door opening,
and then the voices came from the area behind the mirror I was staring
into. Great. The Beast Warriors were in my room, and I couldn’t go kick
them out because of my hair. There was no way that I would let them see
me like this. I’d never hear the end of it.
“Where’s the light switch?”
*bump* “Ouch. Not over here.”
“Is this it?”
“Nope.”
“Maybe it’s over here...” *crash!* “Hope that wasn’t important.”
“Ooo, Wazzpinator zzmells zzomething zzweet!”
*crinkle* “Chocolate!”
My chocolate stash! No WAY was I going to
let that bug eat my chocolate! I thought furiously, and reluctantly came
to a decision.
“What are you guys doing?” I said to the mirror.
There was silence from the other side.
“I know you’re in there. I can hear you breathing.” Well, not really, but it sounded convincing. “Waspinator, leave my chocolate alone!”
“But Wazzpinator likes-”
So do I, but I don’t share my chocolate! “Waspinator’s gonna find himself liking Barney if he doesn’t get out of my candy drawer!”
*crinklecrinklestuffstuff* “Wazzpinator put away chocolate! Demented Lady not make Wazzpinator watch stupid show!”
Better. Now for the rest of the Beast Warriors. “You guys can look through my stuff if you want, but don’t destroy anything!” I didn’t say don’t touch anything because Tarantulas and Blackarachnia wouldn’t obey me, and I didn’t tell them not to damage anything because by the sounds coming out of my room I think they already did.
“Really?” Megatron sounded surprised. He should be. I normally didn’t allow any of them into my room for very long by themselves.
“Yeah. I’m warning you though, if you guys make a mess, you’ll live to regret it.” I heard various gulps from the room. I don’t make idle threats. “By the way, the light switch is to the right of the door.”
The voices started talking softly again as I went back to attempting to cut my hair. Lemme see...Rampage, Tarantulas, Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, Depth Charge...sounded like everyone but Rhinox was here. That made sense. Rhinox got Ark-Guarding Duty most days, since the Maximals didn’t trust Megatron not to attack it while they were all here for training or whatever.
I frowned, and trimmed at a spot near my
ear as the Maximals and Predacons continued to look around.
“This is interesting, yessss.”
“Put that down, Megatron. You will not use it against the Maximals.”
“Make me, Optimal Optimus, yesss.”
“Silverbolt, look at these jokes! These are great!”
“I do not understand these jokes. They seem...unclean.”
“That’s the point, Maximal. Perhaps you can try some of them out on the widow.”
“Shut up, Chuckles!”
“Eh? Did someone mention dirty jokes?”
*snarl* “It figures that is all you are interested in, Vermin.”
“Shove it, Chopperface.”
“Holy cats!”
“What izz that?”
“It’s a picture of Lady Dementia on...a rollercoaster? Ultra gear!”
“If Megatron wasn’t such an incompetent fool, we’d be-”
“What in tarnation are you talkin’ about? The boss is-”
“Megatron’s an idiot!”
“Your opinion of me is rather lacking, Terrorsaur.”
“Eep!”
“You must BUUURRNN for the Royalty!”
“Hmmm, interesting book title, ‘Children of the Night’. I wonder if it is a story of great terror?”
“I’m sure you’d like it if it was, X. You have that sort of sick mind.”
“Yes. Yes I do. Got a problem with that?”
“Yes.”
“What’re you going to do about it, Fishface?”
“This!” *crash*
Oh, goodie. Now they were all fighting.
“Don’t make me come in there!!” I screamed.
All sounds but the shouts from Depth Charge and Rampage stopped.
“If you two don’t behave, I’ll tell EVERYONE about the furnace room and the mushroom downstairs!!” I knew that would come in handy for blackmail...
“We’ll behave!”
I concentrated on the hair on the back of
my head as conversation picked up again.
“Furnace room?”
“Don’t ask.”
“Furnace ro-”
“I’m going to hurt you.”
“I’m going to help him hurt you.”
“-nevermind.”
“HeEEHAHAhahaHAheeEHheheHA!...”
“Why is Blackarachnia rolling around on the floor like that, Silverbolt?”
“Something about only marrying a man who could lick his own eyebrows, sir.”
“Woohoo! Where’s dat joke?!”
“...I would like to know, also.”
“Huh? Chopperface readin’ a dirty joke? Where’s da honor in dat?
“Shut up, Vermin.”
“Stupid Megajerk, I’m gonna kill him someday...”
“Traitor!” *crash*
That didn’t sound good. I glared at the mirror.
“That had better not be something of mine you just broke, Inferno!”
“Um...”
Just great. “Forget it.”
“Ultra gear!”
“Wazzpinator like Demented Lady’zz dezzk.”
“Hey, ya’ll look at this little thing. ‘The Racing Game’. Uhh, there’s an ‘On’ button right here...YeeHA!”
“Hehehehe...this looks promising...heheheheheh...”
“What are you looking at, you treacherous arachnid?”
“Er, this black box thing. I’m trying to
turn it on...”
Black box? Isn’t that something in airplanes? That couldn’t be right. What was Tarantulas talking about?
I trimmed one last area. Almost done. Just
that little bit over my ear again. I put the scissors up to it, and slowly
started cutting....
“DA DAAA DA DA DADADADADA BABUM!!!”
The loud music took me completely by surprise, and my hand slipped. A black box...my stereo...
“Turn it off! Turn it off!”
“I don’t know how!”
“Muzzic driving Wazzpinator crazy!”
“Legs, move it! I’ll turn it off!”
“No! Stay away, witch!”
“This is not good, nooo.”
My hair! I stared at my lopsided hairdo in horror. There was no way I could possibly get my old hairstyle back! My stereo continued blasting.
“Just stop it!”
“Doesn’t this thing have a volume control?!”
“I’ll make it stop!”
“No, wait! Just let me see it, and I’ll find a way to stop it!”
“Get away, widow!”
“BUUUUURRN!!!”
There was a long silence. No music. No voices. I looked at my reflection. No hair...
“Oh, slag.”
“You had to do that, didn’t you?”
“Wazzpinator think that Demented Lady not be happy...”
“Even Tim couldn’t repair that thing, now.”
“If you had just let me see it...”
“Shut up!”
*gulp* “I’ll be leaving now. As in, before
Lady Dementia kills us...”
“Tim, lock the bedroom door.” I leaned against the sink as I considered. I could deal with having really short hair. I really could.
No stereo? Well, that was a different matter all together.
“Is it repairable, Tim?” I asked without much hope.
“No.”
I was seriously ticked now, but I believe in giving people a last chance, even if it is a tiny one.
“Guys?”
“Um, yeah?”
“I don’t suppose you’d like to let us out, would you?”
“Please?”
“No.” I began to trim my hair again. “Remember what I said about destroying things in my room?”
*gulp* “Yesss...”
“If you can fix my stereo, and whatever else you’ve broken, I’ll go easy on you.”
I smiled at my reflection. Hmm, maybe that’s why everyone flinches when I smile. I do look kind of crazy...nah, that can’t be it...
“You have until I’m done in here.”
“Oh, slag.”
“We can at least give it a try...”
I looked down at the burned remains of my stereo, and then back up at the group of Beast Warriors. My bookshelves were shattered, and my chair was broken, but they had obviously tried to fix them. Not very well, but they tried.
I’d give them credit for that, but I was too angry.
“This is what you’re going to do...”
I glanced up from my book, and looked around the room. Everything was going nicely.
Terrorsaur was sitting at the table writing out 500 nice things to say about Megatron. I had told him he would watch one episode of ‘Barney’ for every one I thought was lousy, so he was concentrating hard.
Inferno was sitting at the other side of the table writing out 50 bad things to say about Megatron. As far as I could tell, he was stumped. Maybe I’d go easy on him if he couldn’t make all 50...or maybe not.
Tarantulas was reading a cook book and desperately trying to follow the instructions in it. Since he had no idea what half the ingredients were, he wasn’t doing very well. The tarantula was trying hard though. He had to make a whole meal (appetizer, salad, soup, main course, dessert, and snack), or watch six episodes of ‘The Teletubbies’.
Megatron was outside, out of Terrorsaur’s sight. He was in beast mode. The reason was simple; after Dinobot, Rattrap, and Terrorsaur’s over-exposure to Barney, anytime the three see Megatron’s beast mode they go into Brat Mode. Barney-crazy Brat Mode. Megatron hates it. So, perfect torture. Dinobot and Rattrap get to climb all over the Predacon tyrant, and he can’t do anything about it.
Optimus was banned from ever coming into my house again without specific permission from me. Blackarachnia was banned from using the piano for a month. They had objected until she heard the other’s punishments.
Silverbolt was in the The TV Room. I thought I had given him the easiest punishment, but his whole ‘honor’ thing apparently prevented him from looking at porno magazines (complements of my brothers...the idiots). So, Barney claimed another victim.
Quickstrike was cleaning the chimneys. I could occasionally hear him curse from where I was sitting. And after he was done with that, the fuzor was going to shovel out the fireplaces. I didn’t want to see a speck of dust. Quickstrike would be saying hello to Barney if I did.
I couldn’t really think of anything to do to Cheetor, so all he had to do was brush my cats and my dog. If he could find them. And he would have to brush every single loose hair off of them. EVERY single one. If I saw one shed hair, into the TV Room he would go.
Waspinator was reading a book entitled ‘The English Language For Children’. I had found that after searching through my closet for an hour. My terms were either he had ONE proper English conversation with me, or he would learn proper English from ‘Sesame Street’.
Now, it may seem that I was being awful hard on the Beast Warriors, but think of it my way; my source of music was fried. I had a right to be very angry. Besides, those guys’ punishments were nothing compared to Depth Charge and Rampage’s.
I grinned, and looked at the couch beside me.
Rampage and Depth Charge were sitting on it. Side by side. Looking straight ahead. Holding hands.
“Only six more hours, guys!” I said brightly.
They glared at me, but didn’t say anything.
Simple punishment, really. No talking, and having to hold the hand of your
worst enemy. Their faces when I told them...
I leaned back in the chair, and relaxed. My hair was kinda funky, but that was all right. I had just had a very stressful afternoon, but things were better now. I closed my eyes.
And, truly, there was peace o’er the land...