It was a nice summer day, really. A couple of whispy clouds way up there in the blue sky, not too hot, and I was outside enjoying it. Actually, I had fallen asleep in one of the deck chairs on the back porch, but I was still outside, wasn’t I? I had just woken up with the vague feeling that I had forgotten to do something. That’s not unusual for me (memory? What’s that?), so I wasn’t exactly alarmed.

I should have been.

I raised my arm from where it had been thrown across my eyes and glanced at my watch. Three o’clock in the afternoon, and none of those irritations known as ‘Beast Warriors’ in sight. As far as I knew, they were on their side of the portal in my closet, doing who-knows-what. They could be by themselves for an afternoon. HASBRO didn’t need me to babysit them ALL the time! Life was good. I closed my eyes again.

*kerTHWAP!*

I raised my arm again and looked down at the side of the deck chair. There, still quivering from flight, was a suction-cup dart. Something clicked in my brain as I sat there staring at it stupidly. What time was it?

Three o’clock. I had come out onto the porch around noon, intending to get up an hour later to go get ready to do...oh. My. INSANITY!

I knew I had forgotten something!

I grabbed the dart and ripped it off as I rolled over onto the porch’s wood boards, shrieking with alarm as a barrage of similar darts flew through the air where I had been a moment before. My movement flipped the deck chair over onto its side, and I cowered behind its shelter as I mentally cursed myself out for falling asleep. Why now, of all times, had my body decided to nap?! Why on a training day?! And why right before the scheduled training activity?!?!

Megatron’s voice roared out, shattering the still summer air. "Waspinator! I’ll have your wings if your shot causes us to lose her, yesss!!"

"Wazzzpinator zzzorry!"

So Waspinator had fired the shot that had warned me, hmm? I’d have to remember to be nice to him after this was all over. Otherwise the Predacons would have captured me without any sort of fight at all!

And that was just totally unlike me...

I peeked over the deck chair and scowled at the Predacons positioned behind various other pieces of deck furniture, then ducked as another flight of darts came at me. The shrunken Preds were understandably cautious, since I HAD planned to get up in an hour after letting my lunch digest (well, you try fighting on a stomach full of greasy food) and assemble everything I had thought I’d need to do today’s training ‘game’. I call it a game only because HASBRO insisted. I’d prefer to call it an exercise in contained warfare. The only reason we hadn’t had any fatalities so far is because of CR Chambers and threats from me involving large amounts of Disney movies.

Anyway, the Predacon munchkins slowly closing in on me were cautious because they THOUGHT I was armed and dangerous. Usually, I would have been prepared with my normal arsenal of stuff and fulfilled their expectations, but today I had fallen asleep...which meant I was armed with as many suction-cup darts as I could scrounge off the deck this side of the chair. I ended up with three, plus the one Waspinator had accidentally given me.

Slag.

That left me with...bluffing? Well, they weren’t exactly life threatening. They were only armed with dart guns and water pistols since I had refused to allow any of them to bring their weaponry through the dimensional portal. I didn’t have any HASBRO-supplied shields in this dimension. I was NOT about to let them take pot-shots at me!! But I HAD agreed to pretend that they had real guns, though...

You see, today’s training ‘game’ (whatever) was a bit like ‘Capture The Flag’. Um, except for a few modifications. For one thing, the flag was ME, and they had to capture me before bringing me to the opposite faction’s base in order to win. It’s a lot harder to find a live and kicking me than it is to find an inanimate flag. Especially since I can move and hide myself. So I got to play Hide-And-Seek for however long it took them to figure out where I was, then Catch-Me-If-You-Can and Keep-A-Grip-On-Me with whoever found me first. Well, it looked like because of my laziness (It’s summer! I’m allowed!) we had skipped ahead to the last part, but it’s still better than what HASBRO had originally planned for the training exercise: randomly picking one of the Beast Warriors to be the flag.

Yeah, right.

Would Megatron really pass up a chance to ‘accidentally’ drop a Maximal ‘flag’ into the lava pits? Or Dinobot an opportunity to take out one of the Predacons while ‘capturing the flag’? Oh, I don’t THINK so! Besides, that would encourage whoever the flag was to just surrender to his (or her) faction instead of dodging capture from both equally. That’s why I was the one currently being assaulted instead of whatever poor shmuck HASBRO would have chosen. I had no great desire to be caught by either team, I knew them well enough that I could make grabbing me a pretty hard task, and I had full-body shields in the other dimension. Getting shot wouldn’t hurt ME...

But that brought me back to where I was trying NOT to get shot. The Predacons were getting bolder the longer I didn’t shoot back at them! In fact, it sounded like they were about to start an aerial barrage on me. I could hear Waspinator’s wings buzzing.

So I stood up and threw the deck chair at where Megatron’s voice had been coming from, keeping the cushion from it as shielding. I couldn’t come up with anything else, alright? I was defenseless!

I was, however, lucky. I nailed Megatron and knocked Tarantulas over with the chair, then dodged as Quickstrike attempted to fire his dart gun at me. I shouldn’t have wasted my energy. It’s awful hard to fire a dart gun when you don’t have HANDS...

Terrorsaur, Inferno, and Waspinator were closing in from above even as the chair took out Megatron and Tarantulas, and Rampage was standing between the porch door and me. They were all grinning at me evilly, anticipating my imminent capture, I guess. I hated to disappoint them...no, actually, I didn’t. I let out a banshee’s screech, waving my four suction darts over my head like a loony, and charged Rampage head-on, bobbing from side-to-side randomly to throw off the pests above me. Darts missed me by narrow margins or *kerTHWAP*ed into the cushion I was using to shield my head.

"What the slag--?!" was all I could hear Rampage say through my shrieking as he pulled the trigger. The only reason he missed is because I gave up on using the cushion as a head shield and swung it like a baseball bat instead. Have you ever felt a deck chair cushion before? I don’t know about yours, but when you fold up one of my chair’s cushions and hit somebody with it, it’s like being hit with a brick. The impact jolted my shoulder, but I dropped the cushion and leaped over the stunned crab, who had been thrown to the porch boards.

Rampage was left behind to be peppered by suction-cup darts from above as I slammed into the porch door and fell through onto my front. I rolled over and used my feet to shut the door a moment before another hail of darts came down.

*kerTHWAPkerTHWAPTHWAPTHWAP!*

Rampage recovered and lunged for the door at the same time I did, but in this dimension I was larger and stronger. I was able to keep the door closed long enough to flip the lock.

"Get her!" Megatron bellowed, finally free of the chair.

"Well, nyah to you," I said to the furious tyrant, grinning. The Predacons gathered around the door, glaring at me, but I was safe on the other side of the glass. "Break it and be penalized," I warned as Rampage raised a fist. He gulped and meekly lowered it again.

Smart ‘bot. Penalties involved the TV Room.

I waggled my fingers in goodbye, still grinning. I had just escaped capture, unarmed and taken by surprise. I felt GOOD. On the other hand...

"Why didn’t you WARN me, you moldering pile of scrap?" I hissed through my grin as Megatron turned to belt Waspinator, much to the rest of the Predacons’ amusement. "Would it have been that hard to wake me up?!"

He knew he was being addressed even without me turning to look at him. "It amused me," TIM said.

It figured.

"I hate you," I told it pleasantly as I climbed to my feet.

HASBRO’s computer-turned-evil chuckled. "I know."

"Great," I sighed, taking stock of things. "I’m unarmed, stuck in this dimension, and the Predacons already know where I am. Can this ‘game’ get any worse?" I started to walk out of the computer/sewing room/office.

"Of course," TIM said as I promptly reversed my steps.

I glared at it. Why was I cursed with such a summer? Why?! "And why didn’t you tell me that the Maximals are in the kitchen?" I whispered, baring my teeth angrily.

TIM only displayed a fanged and horned happy face on his monitor that laughed at me. I wasn’t surprised in the least.

Meanwhile, Optimus continued to give his troops a pep talk in my kitchen. I knew it was a pep talk because I could hear Dinobot snoring as I crept back out, this time hunching below the level of the counter to check and see if I could make it to my room without being seen. No such luck. I peeked around the counter and down the hall only to see Depth Charge standing in front of my door.

Double slag.

Oh, well. No one’s ever said that I didn’t have the imagination for improvising. If I could only get to the other dimension, where I had all those HASBRO-given abilities that would be so useful...and where the Beast Wars wouldn’t be fought here in the real world, breaking things past repair.

"You had better make sure my shields and such are in top form today," I growled at TIM as I came back into the room. "I’m going to need everything."

"Nothing will fail."

"Like I trust that." Somehow, the little happy face with fangs was NOT reassuring. "Remember, if anything happens to me, HASBRO will find out about you..."

"Don’t worry," TIM told me. "I have made a bet with Rattrap that you will successfully avoid completion of the game by escaping capture. I will win."

I raised an eyebrow. TIM and Rattrap making a bet? "Yet you didn’t wake me up in time to prepare for the start of the training."

"I have confidence in you."

"Uh-huh." More likely his evil side had won over his desire to win. A plan was slowly pulling together in my crazed mind...but a thought accompanied it. "No cheating, TIM," I said firmly. "No messing around with the Maximals or Predacons beyond what the game calls for."

The happy face stopped being happy and snarled at me instead. "Very well," TIM agreed grudgingly.

I crept to the door, the first part of my newly-made plan presenting itself. Where had I left that thing, anyway? Over there, I think... "One more thing, TIM," I said, turning back to look at the computer. It looked deceptively normal. "What..." I hesitated. Did I really want to know what Rattrap and he had wagered? "...nevermind." I started to crawl out into the TV room.

"Time ta find da Lady," Rattrap said from above me.

I froze, and then slowly looked up. I didn’t see anything, of course. Rattrap’s miniaturized form isn’t big enough to see over the counter.

"Finally! I thought he’d never shut up," Dinobot said, and I dove for the couch as footsteps approached. The space behind the couch would be big enough for me to fit into...if I didn’t have any bones, that is.

Did you know that it’s possible to act like Jell-O when under great stress? Like, say, when a pack of Maximals is about to come around the corner? I managed to wriggle all the way into the space before they saw me. I continued wriggling as they all filed into the room with TIM to see if they could pry any information from him about my whereabouts. My whereabouts were currently in sight; if any of them had bothered looking out the office/sewing/computer room’s window, they would have seen me pressed up against the TV room’s window as I wormed my way along behind the couch. Somebody did see me, though.

Megatron glared. I grinned through the window at him. He couldn’t do a thing, since the Maximals were obviously in a better position to grab me if he gave away my position. They’d be able to get me through the dimensional portal and towards his base before the Predacons could get in the house. He knew it; I knew it.

I pushed my face against the glass and made faces at him.

He gritted his teeth and seemed about to explode, but he whirled and stalked off the porch before he did. He was probably going to just use the front door to come and get me. I almost hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud and give myself away.

But I managed not to, and continued inching along until I reached the end of the couch. Now where had I put it last..?

About then the Maximals all trooped back through the room, obviously unsuccessful in their attempts to pry information from the local evil incarnation. Luckily, I was still mostly hidden by the couch, and I spotted what I needed while I was ducking my head so they wouldn’t see me. I peeked out cautiously to make sure no one was still in the room, then stood up and grabbed it.

"What are you doing back here?" TIM asked, clearly surprised. "The dimensional portal is in your room, and I cannot make another one because you already told me not to cheat."

"They’re all expecting me to make a break for my room," I told him, holding my new weapon in one hand and tucking the four darts into my pockets. "But since they’re guarding the door to it--"

"She’s in here!!"

"--aw, slag!" I ducked in automatic reflex, but I had to laugh as the stream of water meant to hit me got TIM right in the monitor. Like most computers, TIM’s circuitry and water didn’t mix. Unlike most computers, TIM could do something about it. Rhinox abruptly became a foot shorter than he already was, dropping his water pistol in surprise. He was now only a little over knee height!

I didn’t stay around to see what happened beyond that. Maximal voices were approaching fast...along with Predacon ones! Everyone was in the house now!

Well, that was just fine with me. I unlocked the door and went outside, sprinting down off the porch and into the back yard. It was still a nice day, but I didn’t have time to appreciate it.

"She went outside!"

"Get her, yesss!"

No one had time to even see me because I ran underneath the porch and yanked the downstairs door open before they could. It led into the furnace room, which was dark and disgusting, but it was also safe from the Maximals and Predacons. They probably didn’t even know the door existed. Tim had sealed it off with the rest of the Brother Zone back in their dimension.

I smirked smugly. Everyone thought I was outside. That meant I could go back upstairs, take out Depth Charge with my new weapon, and get through the dimensional portal. I turned around from locking the door (just in case) to do precisely that.

I should have known being smug was a mistake.

"Going somewhere, sis?" Paul hissed, and I screamed in surprise. Well, wouldn’t you? It’s sort of like seeing the dead come back to life. In fact, it’s exactly like that.

Unfortunately, my scream alerted the Beast Warriors to my position. "She’s back inside!" Cheetor yelled.

"GET her!" Megatron bellowed.

"Why are you up, Paul?" I asked uneasily. It was day. Toothpick-Boy the Vampire shouldn’t have gotten up until it was dark.

"Some of your little friends are paying me to stop you from escaping..." Paul whispered sinisterly, stepping a bit closer.

Oh, slag. "Which ones?" I demanded. "And with what?" I’d have to have Disney talk to them later...

"The...Predacons, I believe." He gave me a pointy-tooth smile as feet thundered down the stairs. "And you don’t want to know what they’re paying me with. It involves the other…faction? The, ah, Maximals, that’s it…"

Someone remind me to pulverize them later, hmm?

"She’s a prisoner of the colony!" That’s gotta be Inferno. And since when was I a prisoner? I thought I was the flag!

"Not if we can help it!" Cheetor called back, and it sounded like a miniature fight of darts and water started up in the hallway. Which was fine with me, since it seemed like my first plan wasn’t going to work.

I snap-kicked at Paul’s face (what do you know, dance lessons do come in handy...) and unlocked the door while he was wincing back. He howled as I opened it, letting in sunlight as I dashed through and slamming it behind me again.

Oooookay. Scrap Plan A. On to Plan B! Ummm...did I even HAVE a Plan B? Oh, well. Too late to worry about that, now.

I continued running along the back yard, keeping close to the porch. There was a bunch of steps where the house ended leading up to the front yard, and I took them two at a time until I reached the top level...where my closet window is. I hardly ever lock it, so the glass was easy to open. Unfortunately, the screen is secured with a couple of clasps...what could I use, what could I use...

I ended up using a stick to gradually lever the clasps open, fidgeting with the urge to hurry as I imagined the Beast Warriors spreading out to search for me again. I wasn’t doing badly for an unarmed human, but if I didn’t get this screen open I’d be doing a lot worse! I’d only been lucky SO far...

Just as I was finishing with the last clasp, Rattrap and Waspinator came around opposite corners. They saw me at the same time.

"Rattrap ta Optimus! She’s on the other side of da house!"

"Wazzpinator find Demented Lady firzzt!" And he was closer, but he immediately fired his dart gun at me.

*kerTHWAP!*

It hit open window glass I was behind. "Zzzlag."

Rattrap was farther away but close enough to worry me, especially since he had sent for reinforcements. I solved the immediate problem by throwing the freed screen at him (I’d worry about damage later). He dodged, of course, but I scrambled through the window while he was doing that. Like all water pistols, the one he had was sadly lacking in shooting distance, much to my relief, and I started to swing the window glass closed again.

"Wazzpinator get Demented Lady!" I gasped in shock as a very large wasp landed on my shoulders, tugging at my hair and trying to drag me back out of the house. He even stung me once! And let me tell you, getting stung by a wasp that size HURTS!! "Wazzpinator winzz!" he buzzed triumphantly.

"Whatever," I grunted, reaching up and clamping my free hand (the other still clutched my secret weapon) onto the base of one of his wings.

"Owwww," he whined, his grip loosening.

I gave the hardest tug I could in that position and pitched him over my head, straight into the oncoming Rattrap. They went down in a tangle of body parts as a shadow passed over me: more flyers!

"Oh, no you don’t!" I threw myself back into the closet, using my weight to slam the window glass closed as both Terrorsaur and Silverbolt swooped down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"AhhOoooRRRRRUUUUUUU!!"

"Sorry, guys." I opened the window enough for Terrorsaur to get his head out and Silverbolt to pry his feathers loose. "Teach you to dive into something headfirst, I guess."

They both rubbed their bruised appendages and gave me looks that told me they didn’t appreciate my humor. I shrugged back and locked the window closed. I pulled the shade too, just in case I ended up having to do something in here I didn’t want them to see.

The portal’s back end looked the same as its front. I suppose that meant I could have just gone through, but, hey! My luck’s lasted this long, hasn’t it? Might as well see if I can get some of my stuff out of my room while I’m at it...

I edged around the portal and opened the closet door cautiously, expecting Depth Charge to have been attracted by the noise. Nope. The door to my room was closed, which was apparently enough to have muffled it. Not that I expected it to last; everyone was on their way in to get me, now that they knew where I was. Optimus would probably radio Depth Charge...which meant I needed to hurry.

I rolled across the bed and rummaged around in the stuff piled on the floor. I didn’t really need more than one thing, but where the slag had I put it last? I can never remember--oh! There it was. How had it gotten BEHIND the rocking chair? Oh, well...

I slung my purse onto my shoulder at the same time I turned around...and stared across the bed into the muzzle of Depth Charge’s dart gun. I sighed. The door to my bedroom was wide open. I expected to see Maximals and Predacons come charging through any second now.

"You’re not going anywhere," he said in a threatening voice.

"I beg to differ," I snapped back.

"And why’s that?" He had the upper hand and he knew it. He obviously liked having the tables turned.

I brought my secret weapon up next to my face and giggled. "Because Tenderheart wants you to get out of my way, that’s why!"

Depth Charge screamed in terror at the sight of the Care Bear in my hand and dropped down to hide behind the bed. It was also enough to cause Cheetor and Tarantulas to freeze in their tracks, too, which caused a traffic blockage in the doorway. Megatron and Optimus, still fighting with each other, slammed into the two and flattened them, which in turn tripped them, and they tripped Blackarachnia and Dinobot, who...you get the point. A pile of Beast Warriors collected on the floor.

All of which gave me enough time to jump up onto my bed, take a spring-loaded step across it to where Depth Charge was cowering (dropping Tenderheart on top of him and creating a panic attack), and throw myself through the dimensional portal.

I landed face-first on the bed on the other side. I might have hurt my neck if shields hadn’t appeared around me the second I came through the portal.

Ha-BOOYAH! I had made it!

I had made it through a portal which would turn my munchkin-sized opponents into full-sized Beast Warriors. What had I gotten in return? Subspace pockets with F.H.G.’s (Freakin’ Huge Guns) I wasn’t allowed to use by the rules of the ‘game’, that’s what. Oh, and shields. And whatever was in my purse.

Seemed like a pretty good exchange to me...

Meanwhile, though, I could hear my foes coming. Actually, I could hear them fighting about coming.

"She is Predacon property!"

"Not if we get her first!"

*CRASH!*

*ker-THWAP!*

"Ack! Water in my eyes!"

"Get these darts offa me!"

"She’s getting away!"

"After her!"

"Oh no, you don’t!"

No way would I be able to outrun those guys...what the slag was I going to do?! I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to be doing--Oh, wait. I did. I was the flag; I was supposed to HIDE. Which meant I had to find a place to hide within the next couple of seconds!

I rolled back off of my bed and into the closet. To one side of the portal is a little cubbyhole with a bar I hang my clothes off of. Er, well, actually at this point I just sort of shove another hanger in it and hope it stays. That thing is so full of old clothes that I’m pretty sure I still have my BABY clothes in there!

Anyway, I managed to weasel my way past them and press myself against the wall. The clothes fell back into place, hiding me the moment I stopped moving, which wasn’t a moment too soon. I saw what happened through a hole in one of the shirts.

Megatron charged through and paused to glance around the room. That was his first mistake. Rattrap immediately ran into him, throwing his now-useless water pistol aside. The tyrant overbalanced and fell forward, which tripped up Rattrap.

"Foolish rat!" Megatron grabbed at Rattrap’s throat as he got to his knees.

"Auuurgh!" The Maximal drew his gun and pointed it at the Predacon’s head, but Megatron ducked as Rattrap fired and he ended up blowing a hole in the wall. But Megatron’s evasive maneuver had loosened his hold, and Rattrap tore loose and stumbled back, keeping his gun trained on the Pred. Megatron glared at him, still kneeling on the ground in front of the portal.

That was his second mistake.

"BwaaaHAHAHAha!" Rampage came trundling through the portal in tank mode, laughing like the maniac he is and, incidentally, running over his leader. He didn’t appear to notice. I stuffed a shirt sleeve in my mouth to muffle my giggles as Rattrap dodged behind the rocking chair to avoid Rampage’s missiles.

"Incompetent fool, yesss!" Megatron screamed, lifting himself up out of the Megatron-shaped indent in the carpeting. Of course, then Depth Charge came through the portal.

The ray had apparently jumped through from the other side, because he came out in midair and landed on the Predacon tyrant, shoving ol’ Megs face-first into the floor again. Depth Charge didn’t seem to care that he had just flattened the leader of the Predacons, because he threw himself onto the back of the tank. "Die, X!" he yelled, aiming his remora-gun, but Rampage transformed and knocked him off, right into the oncoming hoard of the rest of the Beast Warriors.

Dominos, Beast Wars Style. I wonder why HASBRO hasn’t try to market that yet?

I also wondered just how many pieces of clothing I could fit into my mouth. After the third shirt sleeve (hmm, wool scratches), my helpless laughter wasn’t muffled anymore. Luckily, the general insane laughter by most of the Predacons covered it up nicely. I mean, between Tarantulas, Inferno, Rampage, and occasionally Megatron and Terrorsaur whenever they got the upper hand with whomever they were fighting, it’s pretty hard to hear ME.

I suppose I should have been a bit angry at the damage going on to my bedroom, but why bother? Missing window? Busted walls? Give TIM a day and he’d fix it back up again. Well, technically two days if I count the day it takes me to find most of the booby traps he puts in to irritate me. The room itself is fine. It just happens to have rope traps inside the door and needles in the carpet. That’s why I always send in (or trick) someone else before I do. Somehow all my shields fail...

"Silverbolt! Depth Charge!" Optimus yelled as he kicked Megatron, who was in beast mode, in the stomach hard enough to break the T-Rex’s hold on his shoulder. Yeesh, but do those teeth leave impressive marks. "Get outside and search for Lady Dementia! We have to find her!"

"Shove it, Primal!" One guess who that was. Manners are not a big issue with Depth Charge, especially when he has Rampage in a choke hold. Of course, then the crab elbowed him in the gut and clawed loose...

Silverbolt actually stopped punching at Tarantulas long enough to salute. "Yes, sir!"

Tarantulas laughed insanely as he used the fuzor’s distraction to inject him with something that knocked him offline. I sighed and rummaged through my purse until I found a pad of paper and a pen so I could make a note about working on Silverbolt’s fighting technique. Turning his back to the enemy to pay respect to his leader is a BAD THING.

Megatron powered up his jets and rammed Optimus through a wall while he was shooting at Tarantulas, but the Maximal’s orders seemed to have reminded him that this was NOT the time to fight the Beast Wars in my bedroom. "Predacons! Leave the fighting and search for Lady Dementia! Capture her at ALL COSTS!!"

Ooo, now that sounded drastic. I grinned as I watched the Predacons disengage and leave to go look for me, most of the Maximals chasing after them.

MOST of them. Silverbolt was still offline over by the dresser. I wanted to get up and stretch my legs, but I hesitated. Sitting in a cubbyhole covered by clothes is a great hiding idea, but it’s not nice for people with long legs. And, really, I hadn’t had that good of a vantage point to watch the fight. All I had been able to see was whatever I could see through the clothes. And I wasn’t sure that everyone had left because I couldn’t see every corner of the room...

"Poor Bowser..." someone sighed. I pressed back against the wall, glad I hadn’t come out yet as Blackarachnia walked into the area I could see and knelt by Silverbolt. She seemed almost sad. "You’re too good to be in this war. And I’m too bad to stay around you." Her pincer reached out to touch his face, and I worried briefly that she might just go off and kill him. She only sighed again, though. "Well, better get you to a CR Chamber." And with that, she grabbed him under the arms and hauled him away.

Kind of odd. But, hey! That’s the Beast Wars.

I poked my head through the clothes and risked a look around the remains of my room. The window and parts of the walls were missing, the shelves and dresser were practically destroyed, and the door was splinters.

"Can you fix it?" I whispered, hastily drawing my head back out of sight as Terrorsaur flew by outside the missing window.

"Easily." TIM sounded smug.

I rolled my eyes. "Good. Then I’ll just be going..." I fought my way out of the clothes, coughing up fuzzies from the shirt sleeves but otherwise doing okay. I sat down on the bed and thought about what I should do next. I suppose I could have just sat back there in my closet and hide, but there were two problems with that: 1. My legs would cramp like mad. 2. It was only a matter of time before one of the Beast Warriors got the bright idea to come back to the portal and try to sniff me out from there.

So that left finding another place to hide...or I could turn and fight. I had the feeling I wouldn’t be able to evade the ‘flag’ capturers for very long now that they were back in their own dimension, but I definitely wasn’t giving up without a fight! And I had the perfect thing to fight with...

I bounced up off the bed and ran out the remains of the door to find my next destination.

The Predacons must have thought of sniffing me out first, because they showed up not long after I reached my goal. It had taken a while because Rattrap had been going through the refrigerator and that had made my life difficult until Dinobot had showed up and started yelling about ‘abandoning duty’. At that point, sneaking past them had been pretty easy. My biggest problem had been dodging the random items that were being thrown around.

"She should be in there, yesss..." Megatron didn’t sound happy.

I grinned. Good. The unhappier he was, the happier I was! I returned to adjusting my seat as quietly as I could. This old thing creaked whenever I moved.

"How’re we going to get in, then?" Tarantulas sounded even unhappier. I grinned wider. "Tim sealed the garage off to keep us from getting in long ago."

"Demented Lady can’t zztay in garage forever!"

I paused my seat adjusting long enough to stick my tongue out at the garage door in front of me. Watch me, bug!

"Silence, you fool! You’re the reason our attack didn’t capture her in the first place!" Hmmm, Megatron sure sounded annoyed about that. Personally, I was happy about it.

"Wazzpinator zzaid Wazzpinator’zz zzorry!" the wasp whined.

"Quiet!" There was a sound like Megatron was slapping Waspinator. "...you do have a point, though, yesss...Lady Dementia WILL have to come out eventually, and then we’ll--"

Terrorsaur’s screechy voice cut in. "But what about the Maximals? They’re mammals! They’ll be able to track her as well as you did! What’ll we do when they get here?"

Now Megatron sounded exasperated. "We’ll FIGHT them, you cowardly--"

"Hey," Rampage said suddenly. "TIM rebuilt the garage, didn’t he? Did he reseal it?"

There was a long silence.

Then Tarantulas chuckled. "Not that I know of, hehahehaha!"

Aw, slag. Too bad somebody had thought of that already. Ah, well. No more time, I guess. I stopped trying to be quiet and just yanked the chair into place. It screeched in protest.

"Hey! Somebody’s in there!" Quickstrike sounded shocked.

There was a moment of silence for his stupidity.

Then Rampage sighed. "Duh," he said kindly, which only rubbed it in.

"Oh. Eh-heh, yeah, uh, right. What now, boss-bot?"

I poked around in my purse for the keys while Megatron explained that they would all shoot on the count of three. "One...two..."

I shoved the correct key into the ignition.

"Three!"

Weapons-fire turned the garage door in front of me to rubble and also nicely covered up the starting engine’s noise. The Predacons were taken completely by surprise as I shifted into first and let a rebel yell out through the open driver’s side window. I didn’t see it, but I imagine it was quite a sight as The Beast came exploding out of the smoke surrounding the destroyed garage door, me screaming out the window and laughing as we ran over Rampage.

*THUD!*

At least, that may explain why they all shrieked and ran like that. I pursued Quickstrike and Tarantulas in the van since they were the only land-bound Predacons, and I managed to hit the fuzor as I shifted into second gear.

*THUD!*

Tarantulas was in motorcycle mode and speeding away as I shifted to third and spun the wheel. I floored the gas pedal, and The Beast roared, chugging violently as we chased after him. The spider didn’t seem to have anything against finding his top speed today! We were still gaining, though...

"Fire! FIRE!!"

The Beast rocked and the engine growled angrily. It sounded offended. "What the..?!" I leaned out the window and looked up. Sure enough, there were the rest of the Predacons (minus Rampage and Quickstrike, of course), all pointing nasty things like flame-throwers and shoulder-cannons at me and my van. I shook my fist at them and noticed that the top of The Beast was on fire before pulling my head back in to avoid the next wave of attacks that shook the van. I returned my attention to running down Tarantulas only to realize too late he hadn’t just been fleeing in terror; he had been leading me around!

He jumped the steps, transforming mid-leap, and turned back just in time to scream as The Beast shot off the end of the front lawn to land in the back lawn...on top of him. If I hadn’t been flying through the windshield at the time (I hadn’t put a seatbelt on because, well, why bother? With the Maximals AND Predacons out to get me, a car crash had been the least of my problems), I would have been laughing hysterically at the look on his face right before he got squished. I mean, usually a boulder does that...

I hit the ground with nothing more than a stinging sensation from landing. Sometimes HASBRO does have it’s good points. Er, actually just the shields it supplied me have good points. Anyway, I rolled and came up running towards the house. If I could just reach The Brother Zone, NOBODY would dare come after me...

I slammed right into Rampage within the first couple steps.

"Hello," he said grimly, grabbing me by the shoulders. Nothing but his attitude seemed to have suffered from being run over.

"Ah, excellent work, Rampage! Now, my dear Lady Dementia..." Rampage spun me around to look up at Megatron. "It’s time we go to the Maximal base and end this silly game."

He and Optimus had been at each other’s throats not a half an hour ago, and he still calls it a game? Huh. Well, I guess the Predacons do play a little more roughly than I was used to...speaking of rough....

I looked past him at the burning hunk of junk that had been The Beast. "I think the suspension system’s busted," I sighed.

Rampage laughed shortly at that, and I tilted my head back so I could squint up at him. He only smirked. "You think? Really?"

"Yeah, but only when I have to." I resumed looking at the van while he was still staring down at me with a puzzled look on his face. "Hmm...The Beast is dead...um, can you let me loose a moment? I promise I’ll let you grab me again. Please?" I gave Megatron a pleading look. He stared at me for a moment before shrugging and nodding. Rampage released my shoulders, and I walked forward to stand beside the burning van.

I turned to face the Predacons, who had reassembled, and they all flinched. For once, I didn’t mind that they reacted like that to my smile. I threw my arms out and screamed, "THE BEAST IS DEAD!!! I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"

After a couple minutes of me laughing and bouncing up and down chanting that continuously, Terrorsaur pointed out that there was still The Beast in my dimension.

"Yeah, but it’s not here, now is it?" I smiled widely for a moment (before scowling as they all winced--honestly, there’s nothing wrong with my smile...). "I’m free! The Beast is de--"

The flaming wreck shifted.

"--oooooh, SLAG!" I leaped away from it and cowered against the nearest Predacon, whimpering as the remains of The Beast heaved upwards. "It’s alive, it’s alive, I can’t kill it, it’s gonna get me, it’s gonna live forever and ever and ever and--"

"Would someone mind getting this thing OFF of me?!"

For a moment I thought it was Megatron who had yelled it since he was the one I was clinging to, but then I saw Waspinator and Terrorsaur running forward towards the moving scrap metal and Rampage laughing. That’s when I realized that The Beast wasn’t still alive.

Tarantulas, however, was another matter. Terrorsaur and Waspinator struggled to shove the flaming wreckage off of the pinned spider enough to get him loose. Rampage continued to laugh. Megatron recovered from the shock enough to try and pry me loose, since I hadn’t recovered as much yet. I kept staring at the burning ruin that had once been a mechanical terror almost as bad as TIM (although that was debatable), feeling the adrenaline drain from me and leaving my knees rubbery.

Tarantulas was stumbling towards us with the assistance of Waspinator, and I finally realized that Megatron didn’t like me clinging to him. "And here I thought you WANTED to keep me around," I grumbled as I let go. I glanced away from the wreck long enough to return the tyrant’s glare. And while I was looking up, I also saw...

Megatron seemed confused when I grinned suddenly. "What are you so--?"

"HEY, DEPTH CHARGE!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs to the manta ray high up in the sky. "I’M DOWN HERE--oof!" I kicked my legs and shrieked as Megatron shoved me over to Inferno, who picked me up by the waist and launched himself into the air as the rest of the Predacons immediately began firing at Depth Charge. "Let me go, you flying buffoon!"

And so, hanging upside down, I came to realize one of life’s great truths: no matter how much training HASBRO can implant in my head or how many guns it can supply me with, it’s all pretty much useless when I can’t USE the big guns against the psychotic robots determined to keep me captive. When it came down to it, I just didn’t have the offensive arsenal the Predacons did at the moment.

I did, however, have the training. I was, however, hanging upside down three hundred feet in the air with Inferno keeping a death grip on my waist. If not for that grip, I’d trust my shields to keep me from splattering on the ground. If not for my shields, I’d STILL have Inferno’s hand prints embedded in my waist. Since I couldn’t get Inferno to let me go, I settled for yelling my head off and coming up with creative ideas for how robot bodies could be used for interior decorating. I shouted those out, too. Rampage would have been proud at the way Inferno winced.

It turned out that Megatron had a little more intelligence than I thought he did. To be fair, I had last judged his intelligence level by how his troops did in the LAST training session, and the Predacons really hadn’t done that well. This was mainly due to the fact that Terrorsaur had attempted to take over the leadership position during the middle of it, so it really hadn’t been the tyrant’s fault. Megatron, of course, had been forced to beat the living slag out of him and THEN finish the endurance course dragging his unconscious body behind himself, and by then even Dinobot and Rattrap had gotten over the finish line (still bickering about who smelled worse, but they DID finish). I don’t think Terrorsaur had really cared about the score the Predacons had received, regardless of the beating, until Megatron dropped by later that evening to talk with me about an appropriate discipline.

‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’ worked quite well for that, although Megatron was annoyed by the poisoned apples turning up all over his quarters suddenly. However, I gathered that Inferno was delighted to have another Predacon properly addressing Megatron as the ‘Queen’.

Anyway, Megatron didn’t have Inferno immediately take me to the Maximal base since he knew the Maximals would be expecting that. Instead, Inferno landed somewhere in the lava fields to wait for the other Preds to catch up. About this time, I was getting heartily sick of hanging upside-down. Literally. All the blood in my body seemed to be concentrating in my head, and I wasn’t feeling so good. Unfortunately for me, Inferno didn’t seem to care. All he wanted to do was obey his ruler with parade-ground precision, and the Queen had wanted him to hold onto me, so hold onto me he would!

Well, alright. Inferno wanted to make his Queen proud? Two could play this game!

"Atten-HUT!" I bellowed in my best sergeant voice. I didn’t sound much like a sergeant, but I got the desired effect.

Inferno snapped into a militarily precise salute: heels clicking together, chest out, back ramrod stiff, eyes straight ahead, one hand raised to his forehead and the other slapped to his side. Megatron would have been honored. Well, not really. He probably would have been ticked off, because in order to do all that Inferno dropped me.

He realized that as soon as it happened, of course, but by then I had rolled into the nearest lava pit.

Shields, don’t fail me now…

"Noooooo," Megatron said slowly.

Inferno cringed.

Rampage was laughing so hard he was in danger of falling into the pit with me. Tarantulas was in a similar situation, although I couldn’t really tell if this was any different than normal. Terrorsaur was watching them with an expression of awe (if you’ve never witnessed synchronized maniacal laughter, I pity you. It’s a wonder to behold).

Waspinator and Quickstrike were unsuccessfully trying to coax me from the lava pit. I just grinned at them and swam a little farther out, watching for any Predacon stupid enough to try and nab me from above. The burns on Inferno’s body were a testament to the stupidity of THAT move.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not like I was terribly comfortable. Despite any impression I might have given, the shields HASBRO had originally set up around me were only to spare me from attacks from the Beast Warriors. Naturally, that meant they were of fairly high caliber, designed as they were to endure anything up to and including small thermonuclear devices (I gathered that the Predacons’ talent for designing weapons of mass destruction was taken into consideration when my shields were made). I was, however, swimming around in molten rock. The constant exposure to pure heat was starting to get through even these shields.

Needless to say, I would have to come out sometime. Just…not right now. Not with Megatron glaring at me like that.

"You look constipated," I told him.

The glare intensified. I grinned at him with my best innocent expression. He gave me a look that told me he thought that my halo was only being held up by my horns. I returned it with a look that told him where I thought his head was located. By all calculations, the glare that followed should have made me spontaneously combust. All that happened was that Terrorsaur hid behind Tarantulas, and Rampage hit the level of laughing that sounded more like he was hiccuping. Waspinator and Quickstrike were mystified by the silent byplay.

"Rampage," Megatron gritted out. The crab hiccuped and gave a mocking salute when the tyrant turned to brandish his spark-box threateningly (I only gave the thing back during training exercises). Apparently Megatron decided to skip Rampage’s punishment, because he turned to point at the ground near the pit I was in. "Blast a channel," he ordered in an overly polite voice, smiling at me.

I raised an eyebrow, realizing what he was going to do. It was a pretty smart move. I was impressed. However, I was obligated to supply a challenging work environment for that idea. "My, my, my," I said sweetly. "Could this be a previously unknown trace of intelligence in the beloved Predacon leader?"

Tarantulas reached the hiccup level of laughing.

Megatron ignored me (again, I was impressed. Usually he rants for a while first). Instead, he ordered, threatened, and generally bullied his troops into blasting a channel in the ground. The lava level in the pit immediately began dropping. I have to admit that I was more than a little relieved by that, since by then I was rather overwarm (ie: I was starting to understand how Scorponok and Terrorsaur felt at the end of Season One).

So, despite hiccuping troops (Rampage and Tarantulas), harassment (Rampage, Terrorsaur, and Tarantulas), and lots of moaning and groaning (everyone except Inferno), Megatron was eventually able to just reach into what was left of the lava pit and pick me up by my shirt front. He brought me up level to his optics and GLARED. He was obviously not happy about the delay my little swimming trip had caused in the game.

I grinned and slung a dripping handful of lava into his face, then tucked and rolled when he let me go in shock. I came up running while he was still bellowing in pain, but I was surrounded by Predacons. Even with Tarantulas, Rampage, and Terrorsaur helpless with laughter and Inferno busy trying to help his Queen, I didn’t stand a chance. Waspinator had, after all, learned his lesson about letting me escape. Besides, I think Quickstrike was nursing a grudge about me running him over with The Beast. At least, that’s the only way I can explain the enthusiasm he and Waspy showed in tackling me. Then they held me up by my ankles until Megatron recovered.

Hey, whatever happened to ‘All is fair in love and war’?

I folded my arms and looked up at Megatron with as much dignity as I could manage with all the blood rushing to revisit my head. "Well?" I asked, just to be irritating (I’m good at that). "What NOW, Oh Esteemed Almost-Leaderlike One?"

An anonymous hiccup of laughter came from the Preds gathered behind the tyrant. Megatron ignored it in favor of bestowing a lovely smile on me. Lovely, that is, if you like carnivores with too many sharp pointy teeth for their own good.

"Now," he said, "we tie and gag you, yesss." A whoop of gleeful triumph came from the crowd of semi-psycho robots. I was torn between being angry at the thought or happy that he had finally thought of a solution to the problem I was determined to be. "And then," Megatron continued while Tarantulas cheerfully volunteered some energon bonds he conveniently had along and the rest of the hoard descended on me, "we’re going to go to the Maximal base and end this demeaning game!"

Waspinator and Quickstrike let go of my now-tied ankles, and I grunted as I hit the ground. I struggled into a sitting position, though, and raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Mmmmph?"

"Hehehehahehahaha, you won’t get away now!" Tarantulas chuckled, tightening the bonds around my wrists just to be sure. If I hadn’t had shields, the blood supply to my hands would have been long cut off by now.

"Mmph." I shrugged as best I could with my new bracelets. I wasn’t too disturbed by my new twist in circumstances (although I was a bit ticked off with all the man—er, woman-handling). Mostly because I saw something none of them did. You’d think they’d have learned after the first time. "Mmphneerfmmmmmmmph," I warned them. Of course, that was breaking my rules of neutrality in the ‘game’ a little, but I was sure the Predacons didn’t mind.

Probably because they hadn’t understood me.

"What izz Demented Lady muttering about?" Waspinator asked for all of them after a couple seconds of me talking through my gag and them staring down at me.

"She’s just trying to confuse us, yessss," Megatron muttered suspiciously.

"Yeah, ain’t dat crazy?"

The tyrant nodded absently, still glaring at me with the rest of the Predacons. "Yesss, it is. But she won’t succeed, nooo."

"Dat’s right. Ain’t dat right, Lizard-Lips?"

"If you are referring to Lady Dementia’s ability to confuse Megatron, I would have to disagree, Vermin." Dinobot grinned nastily as everyone finally snapped out of their puzzlement over my attempted warning and whipped around—

--only to stare straight into the various weapons of the Maximals.

I sighed behind my gag as Maximals. I had TRIED to warn them, hadn’t I, but did they listen to me? NooOOOoo…

"YOU!" Megatron shouted. His eyes glowed dangerously as he glared at Optimus, who looked back at him blandly.

"I like what you’ve done with her," he said calmly, nodding towards me. I made a face back at him as Megatron’s anger slipped enough for a small smile to appear briefly, but then his furious scowl came back with a vengeance.

That’s about when Depth Charge fired point-blank into Rampage’s face and things got interesting. Well, actually it was pretty predictable since the Maximals all had their weapons out and the Predacons were caught defenseless. Despite the general incompetence of Maximals and Predacons alike, the Maximals won: Megatron tried to shoot Optimus only to get blasted, Inferno went beserk about that until Rattrap sent him offline to keep his Queen company, Quickstrike screamed and went offline as Dinobot spitted him on his sword, and Waspinator (really predictably) ended up getting hit by a random shot from the ongoing Rampage/Depth Charge fight. Cheetor and Terrorsaur were actually pretty well matched, but Rhinox went over to help him, and, well, that was that. I couldn’t see what Blackarachnia did to Tarantulas from where I was sitting (although every male in sight winced more than once) but it must have worked because I didn’t see him again. Apparently Silverbolt was still in the CR Chamber.

Anyway, that’s how I ended up riding Air Optimus with Rattrap all the way to the Predacon base. I don’t recommend it. He didn’t even offer peanuts!

The Preds’ place looked the same as it always does; that is to say, doom and gloom. I think Megatron kept the power converter damaged just so the lights flickered like that.

"It’s quiet," Optimus whispered, peering over the lava at the base. He’d already dealt with the autoguns.

"Too quiet," Dinobot returned.

As one, they turned to look at me suspiciously. "Mmmph?" I asked. I had no idea why they were looking at me.

Dinobot tilted his head. "It must be the gag," he said thoughtfully. Optimus nodded, and they both went back to looking at the Predacon base with much less suspicion. I growled and resolved to cut back on the wisecracks (guess how long I remembered THAT…).

Lack of noise or not, soon we were tromping merrily through the Predacon base, disabling traps left and right. Well, I was slung over Optimus’s shoulder merrily, but you get the picture. Anyway, it appeared that Megatron had not only anticipated visitors while he was off capturing the flag, but he had set out to kill them, too. He had set out a welcome mat of deadly traps, completely disregarding the ‘No Fatalities’ rule HASBRO demanded. I decided not to bring the matter up with him unless someone actually got hurt; between Rattrap’s knowledge of traps, Dinobot’s knowledge of the base, and Rhinox’s brilliant idea to bring Waspinator’s pieces with us to spring the traps, the Maximals were slowly making their way to the designated finish line.

Besides, dodging acid bombs and lasers builds character. At least, that’s what the Predacons have always told me.

After what seemed like forever, Optimus finally set me back on my feet. I promptly collapsed due to the fact that there had been a distinct lack of blood flow to my feet while I was being carried over his shoulder, but I struggled into a sitting position and looked around.

All I saw was an empty room. "Mmph?"

Blackarachnia grinned smugly. "We made it!"

I blinked and looked around again. All I saw was the plain walls of the empty room we were in. It looked empty, it looked boring, and, in short, it didn’t look like anyplace special.

Which was the point, after all. This empty little room was in the very center of the Predacon base, where Megatron had originally placed the Golden Disks after stealing them. He had told me the ship was designed so that room was the hardest place to get into.

All of which meant that our presence in this room signaled that the Maximals had just won the training exercise.

I grinned behind the gag. I was proud that they had all survived another training ‘game’.

Somehow, I didn’t think Megatron wasn’t going to be as proud.

A couple hours later, untied and minus the gag, I found out who else wasn’t happy about the Maximals’ triumph.

Oh, Megatron had, of course, thrown a fit when he’d come out of the CR Chamber. I mean, that’s pretty predictable. So predictable that everyone, even Inferno, ignored him.

Well, they WERE a bit more interested in the other loser of the game. Slag, I didn’t even notice that Megatron was out of the CR Chamber until he leaned over my shoulder to join me in staring in complete disbelief! I was completely fascinated by the spectacle.

Remember Rattrap and TIM’s bet? I hadn’t. But the Maximals had ‘captured the flag’ within the set time limit of 8 hours. It had only taken them 6 and a half, and most of that had been spent between me hiding in the garage and them getting through all the traps in the Pred base.

That meant that TIM had lost the bet.

I didn’t ask what TIM would have required Rattrap to do if the rat had lost because, frankly, I didn’t want to know. But Rattrap’s side of the deal…heeheehee…

"DIE, Vermin!"

"Eh, dat ain’t fair!"

"All’s fair in war!"

"You wanna play dirty? Fine! How ‘bout an…OIL PATCH!!"

"ARGH! You’ll pay for that!"

I doubled over with uncontrollable laughter with the rest of the Beast Warriors as Rattrap made a rude noise, zooming his little car past Dinobot’s wildly spinning one and gaining the lead in the race. The game was called ‘Wacky Wheels’, and I had NO idea where Rattrap had dug it up from. All I knew was that seeing cartoon animals driving little cars around a deranged race track while sabotaging each other was one of the funniest things I had ever seen, especially with Rattrap and Dinobot at the controls.

It only made it funnier to have them playing the game on TIM. Sure, I was a little wary of what he might come up with in return, but it was worth it.

"I’ll get you back for this," TIM snarled as Terrorsaur and Cheetor claimed the right to the next match, but right then Dinobot rear-ended Rattrap’s car at the finish line.

"*SCREECH!* *HONK!* *SMASH!*" said TIM.

Oh, it was DEFINITELY worth it!

In the end, TIM did get his revenge. Megatron and Optimus were in the middle of a yelling match the next day when I walked through the portal to their dimension, and they immediately turned on me. The T-Rex stomped over.

"What is THIS?!" Megatron screamed, shoving some pieces of paper in front of my face. "Do you have any IDEA what this will do to us?!"

"Nope," I said calmly.

"WHAT?!"

I sighed and waited patiently through the rant that followed. Optimus had apparently been through it already, because he shrugged helplessly at me and found a seat. When Megatron finally calmed down enough to realize I was waiting to say something, I rolled my eyes. "I mean that I can’t see what it says with you waving it around like that," I told him. "Therefore, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Gimme that." I grabbed the papers.

I stared.

I blinked.

I whimpered.

Dear Lady Dementia:
Due to the success of the Beast Warriors in the training schedule we originally gave you, we at HASBRO have realized that it was not challenging enough. The computer we supplied you with has helpfully suggested a schedule that will train the Maximals and Predacons to the maximum of the abilities it has observed in them. Attached to this letter is the new schedule. Please note that the ‘No Fatalities’ rule is now in effect for all of the training games, although exceptions can be made if accidents happen during target practice—this should encourage the targets to move faster.

Sincerely,

HASBRO

My. Insanity.

I flipped the letter up and read the new schedule. "I’m going to kill him."

"How?" Optimus pointed out reasonably. "We already know that Rhinox and Tarantulas can’t make a virus strong enough to kill him."

I gave him a smile. "I don’t care. I’ll find a way." Then I stomped off to confront TIM as the two faction leaders flinched. For once I didn’t blame them. My smile probably hadn’t been a pleasant thing.

"Ah, Lady Dementia!" TIM sounded delighted to see me. I wasn’t fooled in the least. He always sounded delighted to see me whenever he did something particularly evil. "How do you like the new training schedule?"

I made my eyes go wide. "Oh, it’s so wonderful!" I clapped my hands and giggled. "At this rate, everyone will be dead by the end of the week!"

A devilish little happy face bounced around the screen. "That’s what I thought."

I dropped the act and gave him a glare. "Yeesh, you sure are a sore loser."

"YOU are just going to be sore," TIM shot back. "At least, you will be if you follow the schedule. You will, won’t you?"

Yeah, right. "When Terrorsaur sings baritone, you malfunctioning excuse for a computer."

The happy face raised an eyebrow. "HASBRO won’t be happy."

"Like you care." I folded my arms and shook my head sorrowfully. "You went through all this trouble to get revenge on us?"

"There’s no ‘us’ in this revenge, Lady Dementia." I tilted my head in silent confusion. What did he mean? "I went through a separate effort on your part." Ooooooh, no. He sounded way too smug about this.

Despite myself, I was flattered. An evil supercomputer went out of his way to get revenge on a little Demented Angel? "I’m touched," I said over my shoulder in a bored voice as I walked out of the room.

"Well?!" Megatron demanded.

I shrugged and headed for the front door. "He’s evil."

"We already knew that," Optimus said dryly.

I paused with my hand on the door handle and looked up at him thoughtfully. "Yeah, but I think he’s getting worse."

The faction leaders exchanged an alarmed look. "Primus forbid," Optimus muttered.

"Let’s just hope he doesn’t upgrade himself," Megatron mumbled.

"Yikes!" I shuddered at the thought and opened the door. "What a scary thought. Another version of Microsoft Windows that—oh, slag."

I stared.

I blinked.

I whimpered.

Then I screamed and clung to the nearest object as TIM’s revenge became horrifyingly clear. "IT’S NEVER GOING TO DIE!!" Megatron tried unsuccessfully to pry me off, but I wasn’t going to let go, oh no. Not while The Beast was there, completely repaired and parked in the front lawn…waiting for me.

Someday I’d get TIM back for this…

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