Can You Hear Me?, by Lady Dementia
(Lady Dementia's Note: The idea for this fic came from Andraste’s most excellent X-Men fanfic ‘Distant Voices’ so I don’t get any credit for it [Me? Come up with an original idea? Whatever! ;)]. Go to Andraste’s webpage if you like X-Men and read ‘The Fishing Trip’. Trust me, you won’t regret it...heeheehee...)
(Beastbot's Note: This fic is rated PG-13 because of its very depressing and suicidal storyline.)


Can you hear me?

Silverbolt? Hello?

I know you’re in there, listening to me. The neurological scan shows that your mind is working. It’s functioning.

...but you’re not.

There was nothing you could do, Silverbolt. It was in the middle of a fight. You couldn’t protect her all the time. Refusing to respond to the world won’t make what happened go away or mysteriously disappear. She’s dead. Get over it.

...I didn’t mean it that way.

I’m sorry. I...I shouldn’t have said that.

Grieve for her, revenge her death if you have to, Silverbolt, but please DO something! Lying there like a vegetable isn’t helping you at all!

........

Silverbolt?

I know you can hear me. I can’t seem to be able to bring you out of this...this trance you’ve trapped yourself into. The next logical step would be shock treatment. You don’t want that, do you?

Silverbolt?

........

...I suppose I’ll request Optimus’s permission to begin tomorrow.

I...I don’t want to do this to you, Silverbolt.

Silverbolt?

CAN you hear me?


Silverbolt? Can you hear me?

Rhinox told me that you can. He said that your mind is still functioning. He also said that he didn’t know how long you could stay like this without it affecting your mind somehow. After a while, even if you DID come back, you’d be irrational. Maybe even delusional.

I don’t want to see that happen to you, Silverbolt.

That’s why I authorized Rhinox to start the shock treatment tomorrow. He said...he said the pain would probably snap you out of this...

Do you know how disturbing it is to see you like this? I miss her too, but was she really worth this much to you? Was she worth condemning yourself to this living death?

...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--I’m sorry. Forget I said that. It’s just that...I don’t want you to do this to yourself.

The Predacons are almost as shocked as we are, I think. We all knew that any one of us could die at any moment, but...not her. For all the scheming and threats done by her and to her, it just didn’t seem like SHE would die.

Can’t you respond? Even a little?

This is just Prime. Do you have any idea what’s going to happen to the Maximals with you like this? The Predacons outnumber us now! Are you listening to me?! Your condition is affecting us all!

........

I shouldn’t be angry, and I apologize.

Silverbolt?

Can you do something? Anything?

Can you hear me?

Silverbolt?


Silverbolt?

I--I don’t know what to say. Big Green wanted me to talk to you because...because he’s gonna start shocking you today. He’s...he’s not very happy about it.

.......

Don’t make him do this to you, ‘Bolt!

.......

I--I’m sorry. I shouldn’t yell at you, I guess. But Rhinox doesn’t deserve to have to hurt you. But if the slaggin’ Preds hadn’t...hadn’t...

.......

I miss her.

Optimus said that you can still hear me, but I just...just can’t CARE that you’re hearing me, you know? I had a crush on her, I guess. I thought...I still think that I love her, and now she’s gone, and I can’t do anything but think that it’s my fault somehow. Just like with Airazor and Big Cat. If I had just been faster! If I had shot at Blender-Butt accurately and turned around just a little quicker, I would have seen him coming up behind her and I could have--have--

...I don’t KNOW what I would have done. Something besides turning around and seeing her like...like THAT, while she screamed and screamed and--and--

--WHY did she love YOU?! I could have PROTECTED her, but YOU stood between us! I KNEW that she loved ME!

But it’s too late now, isn’t it, and it’s all YOUR fault. You KNOW it is. That’s why you’re like this. You’re selfish, do you know that? Everybody’s worried about you, and without you we’re all in trouble as soon as the Preds try anything. And you’re sitting here listening to everything and ignoring out problems.

I hope you die.

........

...I...

........

...Silverbolt?

Can...did you hear what I said?

........

...I hope not.

...I...I’m...I’m sorry...

I didn’t mean it. I...I just miss her.

So much.

But...you do too.

Silverbolt?

Please come back?

...I’m sorry...

........


Hey, Silverbolt.

You look pretty bad. Your fur’s sticking straight out and all your feathers are puffed. You look like you’ve been hit by lightening.

...Sorry. That wasn’t very tactful of me.

I was in the base when Rhinox began shocking you. Morbid curiosity must have made me come watch with the others. It...wasn’t pretty. You didn’t respond by waking up or anything like what Rhinox wanted, but every time the shock hit you your body jerked and twitched. I think Cheetor took it the worst, but everyone seemed kind of sickened. Including me. Seeing you like this...

It’s strangely familiar. Or maybe not so strangely. I’ve seen a couple trauma victims like you before. Mostly after X had--had--

........

I suppose it’s completely the same, isn’t it.

........

I failed. I came here to kill him before another victim died, and I failed. She’s dead. Rampage tore her apart, took her spark, and--and--

........

I see it over and over in my mind, Silverbolt, even though I wasn’t there. I should have been. If I had obeyed Primal’s orders, things...things might not have happened this way. I...I don’t know if it makes you feel any better that I can’t get it out of my head. It’s just that...that I failed.

And now YOU are the one who’s paying for my mistake.

I’m sorry, Silverbolt. I know it’ll never bring her back to you, but I...need...forgiveness. I once swore that X wouldn’t kill another being as long as I was alive. He did, and I’m still here. SHE’S the one who’s dead. So...

........

I’ll kill him Silverbolt. I swear I will. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. As much as I hate to admit it, if I had followed Primal’s orders I would have been there when the Preds attacked, not out looking for X. It won’t happen again, Silverbolt. I won’t let anyone else pay for my mistakes.

Heh. I suppose it’s a kind of penance to work with that ape.

........

No, I suppose it isn’t, is it.

........

Rhinox said you can, but it’s...hard to believe, looking at you. You really look horrible. Watching you get shocked earlier was--was--

Yeah, it’s just a horrible situation.

........

Silverbolt?

........

I’m sorry, Silverbolt. She shouldn’t have died. If nothing else, my life should be forfeit for that. It’s just...just not fair.

I’ll kill him Silverbolt. I swear it on my spark. I’ll kill him for her. For you.

For me.

........

Silverbolt?

Can you hear me?


‘Ello, Bird-Dog.

What’s new wit’ you? Just lyin’ around? Ya must have da easy life just sittin’ here dreamin’. Livin’ da big Cheese.

........

Nah. It ain’t like dat. Ya were never like dat. Ya were always da one FOR workin’ an’ not relaxin’. Dat always annoyed me, ya know? What’s a ‘bot gotta do ta earn some free time, for bootin’ up cold?!

........

Dis is kinda awkward. Nah, dis is REALLY awkward. I think I should be mad ‘cause of all da extra work you’re makin’ all the rest of us do, but...eh, I’m not like dat. I know I kinda make it seem like I only want what I want and scrap everybody else, but, well...dat’s just ta impress da Kid. And ta make sure da Big Banana thinks twice ‘bout givin’ me slag assignments. And so I can give Capt’n Minnow a hard time.

Well, it ain’t really an act ALL da time.

Da point is, I’m worried ‘bout ya, Bird-Dog. Big Banana and Rhinox are both all grim and sad all da time, and da Kid...Cheets...

...he ain’t takin’ this well at all.

Huh. Polite way of puttin’ it. Thought I’d try it, just ta see if I was missin’ somethin’. Nope. I ain’t. Still just words. Everything’s just words. Words, words, words. Dat what ya want da rest of your life ta be like? Just words? Rhinox makes it seem like ya ain’t got long. Started mutterin’ ‘bout "delusions" an’ "neurological damage." If ya don’t snap outta dis, you’re gonna be stuck in wherever ya are right now. Is dat what ya want? Don’t get me wrong--words are great. Can’t talk without words, but da real world has more dan words. Words can only say so much, ya know.

........

Can’t say I didn’t try.

Bird-Dog? Silverbolt? Ya in dere?

I warned ya not to trust a Pred. I warned ya. Dey all stab ya in da back in da end. Doesn’t matter how long dey wait or how much dey fool ya inta trustin’ ‘em; dey’ll backstab ya. Eh, even I began ta think of Dino-butt as a Maximal, and look what HE did! Betrayed us over and over until--until--

........

See, dat’s da greatest betrayal of all, Bird-Dog. When ya trust, an’ it all seems good, an’ suddenly BAM! Dey’re dead. Right when ya need ‘em ta stay, dey’re gone. An’ dere ain’t any way ya can get ‘em back.

I never liked dat widow. Everybody knew dat.

But ya loved her. I knew dat. An’ every once an’ a while, dat slaggin’ Pred seemed ta love ya back. Ta tell ya da truth, I was startin’ ta trust her for dat.

An’ now she’s gone.

........

Ya can’t ever trust a Pred, Bird-Dog. Dey always betray ya in da end. Learn da lesson an’ move on. Ya got people worryin’ ‘bout ya back here in da real world. Let dead ghosts lie and come back before ya can’t no more. Nobody wants ta see ya become a vegetable or a ravin’ loony.

Nobody’s takin’ dis very well.

Da Kid’s been actin’ weird, ya know. When he came outta here, he was in some kinda hysterical mood. I saw it on da security monitors. Yeah, yeah--I was actually watchin’ dem for once. Don’t spread it around, alright? Anyway, Cheets came outta dis room and started laughin’. Laughin’! Den he just sorta went from dat ta dat wailin’ cats all do when dey’re hurt. Rhinox was worried ‘bout him for a while, but now da Kid’s just really quiet. I ain’t seen him smile for a while now, but everybody’s like dat.

‘Specially Capt’n Minnow. Da widow’s dyin’ really got ta him. Er, not like you, but...I dunno. He came up ta Optimus not long after and asked ta talk ta him someplace private. Him! Askin’! He seemed real resigned ‘bout it, too. An’ after dat...Big Banana didn’t look too happy when dey were done, but suddenly Capt’n Minnow’s followin’ orders. He don’t talk much at all anymore. Less den usual, I mean.

...can ya respond? Even a little? I know why you’re doin’ dis, but da pain ain’t gonna go away dis way. Ya gotta face it. She’s gone. She ain’t ever gonna come back.

Ya can never trust a Pred. Love one?

........

Bird-Dog?

Silverbolt?

Rhinox said you’re in dere. Dis is just...just an awful lot like talkin’ ta a corpse. Can’t ya just, uh, DO somethin’? Anything?

.......

Can ya even hear me?


There. Them Maxis left us alone fer now. First they wantcha ta come, then they don’t wantcha ta DO nothin’. Don’t know how ya can stand those pansies! Heh, that’s why the boss’s gonna wipe the floor with ‘em, Ah reckon. Ah don’t care for all ‘em reasonings and plans he’s got going’--Ah just want ta kick some Maxi keister!

...aw, shoot. Ah ain’t real good at this. Ah don’t want ta fight ya varmints anymore, really. Ah just want ta find a hole an’ crawl in an’ never come out.

........

Is that what yur doin’? Maybe Ah should try it.

Nah, Ah reckon Ah can’t. That’s why Ah’m here; ta stop ya from doin’ this. The last time yur Maxis and us Preds tussled, that rhino feller pinned me down--slaggit but is he heavy!--an’ tol’ me whatcher doin’ ta yurself. Said a buncha fancy words ‘bout what this’s gonna do ta ya. Don’t soun’ too good.

All ‘cause of Sugar-bot.

........

Anyhow, the rhino wanted me ta come talk ta ya on account of how Sugar-bot an’ Ah...and ya...

........

He said ya can hear me. Not sure iffin’ he’s right ‘bout that. Ya look like one dead critter, that’s fer sure.

I shouldn’t of come. Ah mean, if the boss found out, Ah’d be scrap!

Guess Ah’ll be goin’, now.

........

Aw, slaggit. Ya can’t DO this, ya mangy--

...sorry. Ah reckon Ah understand whatcher doin’ all to well. Sugar-bot...Sugar-bot was somethin’, weren’t she. Somethin’ special. Huh, can understan’ why ya liked ‘er so much. Ah was mighty angry she ran off wit’ ya, but...Ah think this woulda been worse if Ah had been closer ta her like ya. Maybe AH woulda been the one lookin’ dead.

When I saw that crab grab ‘er an’--an’--

........

Ah panicked, but Ah couldn’t do nothin’. Was too far away, ya know? By the time I was close enough, it was too late. We were retreatin’ an’ everybody was bein’ real quiet. ‘Cept that crab varmint, but the lizard shut him up quick. Still a bit like that. The boss-bot tried ta act like it was a vict’ry, but...well, Bug-boy locked himself in his quarters and screams bloody murder whenever that slaggin’ crab comes near, an’ Ah guess Ah ain’t pretendin’ ta be okay that well.

Ah miss ‘er. An’...an’ Ah think Ah’d miss ya, too.

Uh...so don’t go?

Slaggit, CAN ya hear me?


Interesting.

Your body is completely catatonic, but the neural scan is registering activity. The levels on the monitors are beyond strange. With your body like this, the activity shouldn’t be this high, but it’s practically spiking out of control.

The delusions will start setting in soon, I believe. Your mind can’t possibly survive this much activity without some kind of movement from your body.

How fascinating! The spiking peaks whenever I say something! It appears that...well, well, well. Can you hear me, Silverbolt? Can that be possible? It would seem so! What an unexpected surprise. If you can understand me, fuzor, then understand that I am standing over your body inside your base. Megatron and his merry band of misfits are off attacking the Maximals, leaving the Ark defenseless and vulnerable except for that foolish cat up in the gun turret outside. But he’s looking outside, and, due to a rather convenient tunnel left by Blackarachnia, I’m inside.

Hehaheehaheheha...poor, sweet, treacherous Blackarachnia. Is that why you’re like this now, fuzor? For that witch? Was she really worth it?

........

The pitiful part of this situation, besides you of course, is that I would probably still say yes. Despite my hate of that traitorous widow, I still have some feeling for her. Creator to creation, you understand. Nothing more than that.

...although I gave it a try more than once, I’ll admit, hehehahahehehe...

She was the result of my finest programming ever on a stasis pod. She SHOULD have been loyal to me and ready to betray anyone else, but that Maximal programming must have mixed up her data tracks. She betrayed me and fell in love with you.

........

Maybe I shouldn’t have made her so smart.

........

But that’s not what I’m here for, anyway. I was on my way to destroy this Ark once and for all when I decided to, hehahehehehaheh, EXPLORE a little. That disgusting rat will find that his quarters have several problems now. What a pity I couldn’t set up anything truly lethal in there. The stench drove me out before I could. Heheha, maybe I’ll get lucky, though! I wonder if it would be ethical to kill a former ‘comrade’...it’s not like I worry about ethics at all, but such thoughts keep me amused. I still can’t believe I actually had to work with that rat. But when Ravage came here...

........

The strangest thing is that I miss her. Scheming, cynical, and backstabbing; yes, but also my beautiful creation. I almost felt...proud...of her when she stood up to Megatron...but that’s over now. That blasted CRAB took her away more permanently than anything I could have done. The ideas I had for reprogramming...

Hehehaheheheheahaheheheh, if you only knew what plans I had for your precious widow, fuzor!

...too late, now.

Interesting how your monitor spikes. But...can you really be hearing me? A pity I can’t stay to find out more, but your friends will be returning far too soon for my comfort. And I haven’t even had a chance at the Ark yet...how time flies when I think of the past...

CAN you hear me, fuzor?

Silverbolt?

The monitor is spiking, but...

...can you..?


--hear me?

Can you hear me, ‘Bolt?

Bowser? Bowser! Finally! I’ve been calling you forever! No, it’s alright. Don’t be afraid; it’s really me. You’re not--

Fine. If you want to think I’m a delusion, I can just go--

Calm down! I’m not leaving you again! Look, I’m right here. See? Well, of course you can’t touch me. I’m dead, Bowser.

Down, Bowser!

I’m just a program in your mind, Silverbolt! I put myself here the same way Tarantulas downloaded himself into me. I did it one night while you were recharging and my beast mode’s instincts got too overpowering.

No, not my entire mind. Just this program. There’s no way to bring me back, ‘Bolt, so you can just stop thinking that. I don’t want to pull an Optimus.

...nevermind, ‘Bolt. It means--nevermind. Joke, Bowser. Joke. Don’t worry about it.

Look, we don’t have much time. I set this program to activate the first time you think that absolutely no one is watching you. You had to have no doubts for this to start. For some reason, today it activated. I don’t know why. Do you?

Oh. So they’re all off doing something? All the better. I need you to do one last thing for me, Bowser, and I needed all the Maximals to be away in order to do it. It’s nothing much; just something to show how much I care for you. Or is that ‘cared’? I suppose it is, since this program is all that’s left of me. How did I die, anyway? Rampage? Slag. What a way to go--

--calm down, Rover! Can you hear me?! Calm down! Look, I’m DEAD already! Just do this last thing for me and then you can go attack Rampage all you want! Are you listening? Alright.

Yes, I’m sure I’m not a delusion. Wouldn’t I know? Anyway...

First, you’ve got to get up. It was sweet of you to do this for me, but right now I need you moveable. C’mon. Now follow me outside. Yes, I know I can’t normally fly, but follow me anyway. Into the air, ‘Bolt. We have to move fast, now, before anyone can stop us. You’ll find out why soon, Rover. Don’t worry about it. Just follow me.

...yes, this is the right direction. We need to get to one of the lava pits. The ones near the Predacon base will do just fine. Keep a look out for autoguns, Bowser.

I’m not a delusion, ‘Bolt. I’m too--

...Fine. As long as you’re following me I don’t really care if you think I’m a figment of your mind. I want you to know that this is MY last wish, though, not something you’ve dreamed up. It’s important, Silverbolt. For me AND you.

Of course I love you, ‘Bolt. Why else would I be doing this?

Ah, look! There’s a lava pit below. It’ll have to do. We don’t really have much time before the Maximals or Predacons spot us. It should do. I remember what the lava did to Terrorsaur and Scorponok, so I hope it’s deep and hot enough...stop flying, Rover. No, I mean it. I really do, Silverbolt. Let yourself drop. Trust me. This is my death wish. Please?

There. Don’t pull up, now...

What a silly question, ‘Bolt. I’m going to kill you, of course.

Oooh, poor Bowser...hitting the lava hurts. Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon. Terrorsaur and Scorponok sure didn’t take long to--

Why? Because I love you.

Don’t be surprised, ‘Bolt. You know what my beast mode was! Black widows kill their mates. I was a black widow; you were my mate. I love you, therefore I’m killing you. I couldn’t bear to do in life what I’m doing in death. That’s poetic if you think about it.

The pain will stop soon, Bowser. Just a little while longer. I promise.

Can you hear me? I love you, Silverbolt.

-----love you.

Can y----hear----e?

I-----ov---you.

-----love---o--.

C------ou----------me?

........

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