Voices called me up from the depths of sleep. I would have rather stayed in the depths.
"You get her up."

"I ain't gonna go in dere!" Rattrap's accent was clear.

"Well, someone has to." That must be Terrorsaur. Only he has that screechy voice.

"Not me!"

A new voice entered the conversation outside my bedroom door, "Grrr...what is taking so long?" Dinobot sounded normal, or in other words, annoyed.

"You saw what she did to Megatron, Chopperface! I ain't goin' in dere!" Ah, yes. Megatron. He found out the hard way that I REALLY don't like getting up in the morning.

"(Snarl) As much as I hate to admit it, the Vermin has a point." Wow, Dinobot was agreeing with Rattrap! Someone get out the record books.

"What are we supposed to do, then? We have to get her up," Terrorsaur didn't sound too thrilled at the prospect. Come to think of it, neither was I.

I heard Dinobot flutter his tongue. After a moment, he spoke. "The most strategic way to handle this type of situation would be to send in the least valuable soldier."

"I ain't goin'!"

"I never said you were." Dinobot chuckled, "Although it is interesting that you automatically assumed you were the least valuable, Cheese-breath."

Rattrap sputtered. I snuggled down among my blankets, and giggled to myself.

"Enough, already!" Terrorsaur said impatiently. "Who do you suggest, traitor?" Oh, like he's soooo much more loyal than Dinobot.

"I should think it would be obvious, Needle-nose."

"But Wazpinator not want to go in Demented Lady'z room!" Waspinator's buzzing voice insisted, getting my name messed up once again. Yeesh, he's as bad as Inferno sometimes...

"Too bad," and Terrorsaur opened my door, shoving the Predacon wasp inside. "Don't worry, I'll pick up your pieces after you get her up." He slammed the door shut.

"Like that'z reazzuring."

Keeping my eyes closed enough to look like I was asleep, I watched him through my lashes. He nervously hovered by the door in beast mode. I could understand his nervous reaction. After all, the last person to bother me while I was still in bed was Megatron, and he had barely crawled away from the experience. I am NOT a morning person.

But I was pretty much awake now, thanks to the loud conversation outside of my door. That didn’t mean that I wanted to get up, though.

Waspinator tentatively landed on the bottom edge of my bed, and poked at my foot. "Demented Lady be nize and get up now?" he asked hopefully.

I grumbled and drew my legs up.

Waspinator sighed, "Why univerze hate Wazpinator?" With that, he got a hold on the covers, and tried to lift them off me and towards the ceiling. It almost worked, but I grabbed a couple fistfuls of blankets and curled up around them. Waspinator strained, but I hung on determinedly.

So he changed tactics. Instead of trying to lift the covers off me, he just settled for dragging them off the bed and onto the floor. He managed to get everything but a sheet. I let them go and clung to my remaining bedding.

"Demented Lady muzt get up!" Waspinator yanked at my sheet, "Get up!"

"Don't wanna," I mumbled, but I sat up and pulled back on the sheet. "Mine!"

"Get up!" Yank.

"Mine!" My grip was slipping.

"Get UP!" Waspinator jerked the sheet out of my hands, and went tumbling backwards, landing in the pile of bedding on the floor. He let out a shout, "Dactyl-bot, open door for Wazpinator! Quick!" What was he doing?

"Huh?" Terrorsaur opened the door. Waspinator grabbed all the bed covers and fled the room, effectively preventing me from using them to go back to sleep comfortably.

"Hey! Gimme back my blankets, you cretin!" I jumped off the bed in pursuit, carrying a pillow as a weapon. I ran out into the hall, shocking Dinobot, Rattrap, and Terrorsaur, who had been staring after the retreating wasp. They gaped at me.

"What?!" I noticed that Waspinator was getting away. "Nevermind. Waspy!" I raced after him with my pillow raised.

Waspinator flew around the corner into the kitchen in front of me. I cornered well, but slipped on the tile floor. That caused me to hit the edge of the counter with my upper thighs at a high rate of speed, flipping me headfirst onto the smooth top and sliding me across it. I dropped the pillow.

"S'cuse me, coming through, don't eat that for breakfast Cheetor it's not healthy, look out, ewww Tarantulas no live food in the house, watch it people, good hand you got there Quickstrike, oh no, WALL!" I hit the wall with my hands and pushed, shooting myself back the way I had come. The poker players (Quickstrike, Megatron, Rampage, and Depth Charge. Rattrap had gone to get me up) just lifted their cards to let me past. The others at the counter applauded as I did a dismount from the counter, then went back to doing whatever they had been doing.

I ignored the applause, and snatched up my pillow, "Waspinator, get back here!" He wasn't anywhere in sight. I sighed with frustration, and shouted out to the unseen wasp, "You had better have brought those back by tonight, or I'll make you watch Mouse Factory!"

The Beast Warriors shuddered. I heard gagging sounds.

Still a little angry, I hung the pillow over my shoulder and turned to go back to my room. Terrorsaur, Dinobot, and Rattrap had come into the kitchen. Remembering the conversation that had woken me from my blissful slumber, I glared at them, and tried to walk around them.

Rattrap stepped in front of me. "You do know you're only wearin' a tee-shirt, right?" He pointed to my 'I Don't Do Mornings' tee-shirt, with its cute little yawning teddy bear on a pink background. I liked it.

I shrugged and nodded. "So?"

The three transformers glanced at each other, then at the others, who had finally noticed the shirt and were staring at the it. The trio cracked up.

"You look like an idiot!" Terrorsaur shrieked with laughter.

"I must agree," Dinobot tried to sound stern, but failed miserably.

Rattrap was doubled over on the floor, hooting. He managed to get words through his laughter, "Da great Lady Dementia, Da Demented Angel, wears a teddy bear tee-shirt ta bed! I'm never gonna be able ta take ya seriously again!" That set the rest of the Beast Warriors off.

I stood still, watching them laugh at me. There's a point when I get way beyond 'angry', and I had just passed it. I was calm, though. Ooooh, was I calm. As in, the calm before the storm. I spoke quietly, so they couldn't hear me over their laughing. "Hey, can you hear me?"

A similarly quiet voice answered me, "Yes, Lady Dementia." The almost-all-powerful supercomputer (I call it Tim) HASBRO had sent along with me to the Beast Wars universe kept its voice down, "What do you need?"

"Set up three chairs facing the TV, please." I didn't wait for a response. Walking forward, I stopped next to the three trouble makers. The Beast Warriors around us stopped laughing immediately, but the Dinobot and Terrorsaur both had their eyes shut, they were laughing so hard, and Rattrap was still on the floor.

I whacked him lightly with my pillow, so he saw me first. Rattrap's sudden silence made the other two open their eyes, and their amusement died.

I was smiling. (I never understand people's reaction to that...)

"I think you three had better go watch some TV," I suggested, still showing my 'demented' smile, as my brothers had dubbed it.

They started talking at the same time, "But..!"

I reached into one of my subspace pockets, and pulled out a F.H.G. (Freakin' Huge Gun). "I said, I think you three had better go watch some TV." I motioned for the three robots to go into the TV Room. With the gun. (I'll give you a hint: a F.H.G. is a LOT bigger than anything anyone in the Beast Wars carries.)

Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap looked between me, with my pink shirt, holding a pillow in one hand and the Gun in the other, and the TV Room's door. Beyond that door lay torture of the worst kind (sort of), but their choice was either that or me.

They wisely chose the TV Room.

I looked at the rest of the Beast Warriors, "By the way, good morning," and walked into the Room with the trio, closing the door behind us.

The screams followed me out.

"Tim, soundproof the Room, please." The screams cut off suddenly as the computer did as I asked. "Much better." I noticed the Beast Warriors in the kitchen staring at me, and smiled at them.

They flinched. (What?!?!)

I had put the F.H.G. away, so I ran my free hand (I still had the pillow) through my short hair and frowned. "Tim, keep putting in the videos. I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Aren't you being a bit hard on them?" Tarantulas put down his breakfast (Ick, it's still moving!), and leaned against the counter, "All they did was mock your shirt."

I slapped my forehead dramatically, "Hey, you're right!" I acted surprised, "Geez, what was I thinking!"

Tarantulas started to nod, "Right. So..."

I interrupted him, "So that means all of you should be in there to! I mean, it's only fair, since you guys were mocking me, too..."

"No!" Tarantulas yelped. The others nodded vigorously.

I tried to look innocent. From the nervous fidgeting of the Beast Warriors I gathered that I wasn't succeeding. "No, really. I wouldn't want you to feel left out or anything."

"We're fine!" "Really!" "Don't mind us!" "Gee, that's a nice shirt you're wearing!" "Uh, yeah! Pink's definitely your color!" "Umm...we're really, really sorry for mocking your shirt, and it'll never happen again?"

I ignored the panicked babbling, and advanced on Tarantulas, who was slowly backing away from me. "Are you sure Tarantulas? You could watch 'Cinderella' again," I coaxed.

He screamed and ran.

I had to lean against the wall as I dissolved into giggles. The look on his face..! My vision blurred with tears from laughing, but I could see the other Beast Warriors warily looking at me, not sure what to make of my mirth. "I was just *giggle* kidding!" I gasped out, and stumbled off down the hall to go take a shower.

Behind me, I could hear Megatron saying, "I wish she wouldn't do that..."

I emerged from my room for the second time that day to the sounds of piano music and angry curses. The music was quite good, and the curses were quite inventive (I don't think some of them were physically possible, though).

Depth Charge had reached his limit of being neutral, at least verbally. My house was a neutral zone, but being around Rampage without being able to try to kill him was something that Depth Charge was only capable of for short amounts of time. Sometimes, he could handle it, like he had been doing this morning.

The poker stakes that he had been playing for might have had something to do with it: the winner was allowed to take one free shot at the losers, who couldn't defend themselves or retaliate. Naturally, he had joined in when Quickstrike had suggested the game and Rampage suggested the stakes. Megatron had tried to get Optimus involved, but had apparently decided to play anyway when the Maximal leader declined. Rattrap had just wanted to take on Quickstrike in poker, but had gone to get me up, and, well, things happened...

From the sounds of things, I didn't think Depth Charge, Quickstrike, or Megatron had won the game. That meant Rampage must have won. Since I usually enforce the game stakes if they all had agreed to them beforehand, things weren't getting violent (yet), but the losers were being, uh, extremely vocal about certain things the crab-bot might do in his spare time. Especially Depth Charge, who was being really imaginative (although I have to wonder how Megatron thought up the one involving a rubber chicken and a tube of lipstick...).

Knowing that Rampage was never at his best when some unfortunate being was in the TV Room (he said that the fear he feels coming from the Room makes him sick), I shouted down the hall, "Save the shot 'til later, Rampage! We have stuff to do today!"

I looked at the schedule HASBRO had given me, and sighed. Combat training. That meant I sat on the sidelines while the Maximals and Predacons duked it out. Then I had to interrupt the fight and tell them what they were doing wrong. Then we'd try again. HASBRO had the idea that the exercise would improve their fighting, but they wouldn't be as damaged because, supposedly, I would stop the fight before it got really nasty.

Supposedly.

What would really happen is that I would TRY to interrupt them. The Beast Warriors usually ignored me. I mean, who cared if I added another gun to the fight? So, whenever combat training came up, I had to think up some way to get their attention.

Last time, I had finally resorted to bringing my stereo out, plugging my ears, and playing 'The Teletubbies Sing-A-Long' at full volume. It had stopped the fight, but that method unfortunately had some side affects, including the fact that I wasted the rest of the afternoon trying to pry hysterical transformers out of whatever holes they had crawled into.

So, what could I do?

I wandered towards the piano room as the cursing from the losers of the poker game gradually turned to quieter grumblings. The piano player was pretty good for a beginner with a disadvantage. Her pincers couldn't handle chords.

"Hiya, Black," I stood behind her as she patiently tried once again to find a way to play three notes with each claw. She mumbled something in reply. Silverbolt was asleep in beast mode with his wings scrunched up on his back under the bench she was sitting on, and she kicked him softly to keep time with what she played. It was a Kodak moment.

I flopped down on a nearby couch, and studied the piano-playing black widow. Her continued fascination with my piano was a mystery to me. She had heard me play a small piece on it one night, and had wanted to try it. Since then...well, she hadn't given up. The Predacons almost died with laughter (and shock) when they found out about her new hobby, and the Maximals were astonished that the ex-Pred would ever like such a peaceful thing such as playing an instrument. I just showed her how to do the basics, and let her go from there.

My dog Lusha decided that she wanted to lay down on the couch. Therefore, I had to move. I took the hint after she tried to nudge me off, so I got up, and went outside onto the porch.

It was a very hot day, with not a cloud in the sky. HASBRO had put my house on a plain, so the weather was almost always hot, but off in the distance was an ocean. Unfortunately, I hadn't had an excuse to go swimming yet, so all I could do was think about it. I leaned on the railing, looking off towards the cool water longingly.

*Beep!* "Lady Dementia, it is time to start the training," Tim informed me.

I reluctantly shook myself out of my dreams of swimming, "Thanks, Tim. Tell everybody to assemble out in front, please." I stretched, trying to think of some way to get all the Beast Warriors' attention in the upcoming fight. My mind was still on beaches, though. If only there was some reason to go to the ocean, like to...clean up.

That was it! "Tim, I need you to make something for me..."

The Maximals and Predacons stood on what was once my front yard. Now, it would be a battlefield.

The Beast Warriors all checked over their weaponry, occasionally glancing over at me curiously. I was holding a large covered bucket. They didn’t ask what it was, though, because they were getting ready for the fight. I had given Megatron and Optimus each a copy of the schedule, so they had told their troops to bring extra guns, or whatever. The armories must be empty. I’ve never seen so many weapons in my life.

Too bad they wouldn’t be able to use them. “Okay guys! I’ve put a new twist on the training today!” The robots gave me puzzled looks. “You have to be in beast mode!”

“What?!”

I grinned at the unified shout, “You heard me, you’re fighting in beast mode!” Various protests started. I ignored them. “To make sure you guys don’t cheat and transform, Tim’s gonna lock you into your beast mode.”

“Wait a minute, what about me?” Depth Charge stomped forward, “My beast form is an aquatic animal!”

“I guess you get to watch,” I said. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you to sit out for once.” I beckoned him closer and whispered, “Besides, you can look for weaknesses in Rampage.” He seemed happier.

“So the Maximals are without Dinobot, Rattrap, or Depth Charge able to fight,” Rhinox said slowly.

“Terrorsaur is not here, either,” Megatron glared at me, “for some strange reason.”

“I don’t think it’s very strange.” But I hadn’t thought about that. Megatron, Tarantulas, Waspinator, Inferno, Rampage and Quickstrike versus Optimal Optimus, Rhinox, Cheetor, Silverbolt, and Blackarachnia. This ought to be interesting. Still, Rampage did seem kind of sick (he said that the fear he feels from the TV Room makes him sick), so maybe the odds were evener than they looked. They still looked pretty bad. But, what the heck, the Maximals have pulled off miracles before. What's one more?

"C'mon, beast mode! We're on a schedule here!" I clapped my hands, "Let's go, guys! Opposite sides of the yard, and don't start until I signal, 'K?" I held up my hands for attention as they went to their beast modes, "One more thing. When I say stop, STOP!" I put my hands on my hips, "Got it?"

The Beast Warriors all tried to look innocent, and nodded. Depth Charge just sniggered.

I smiled (and they flinched. *sigh*), "Then you can't say I didn't warn you..."

Still smiling, I turned to Depth Charge, who was standing by my side trying to peek into the bucket, "Stop that." He looked into my face, and hurriedly backed off.

I'm never going to understand that...

The Maximals and Predacons stood on opposite sides of the field, waiting for the signal. When the flag dropped, they'd charge each other. I was holding the flag.

Not a total idiot, I stood off to the side in the middle. No WAY was I going to stand between them!

I mentally checked off things in my mind. It took awhile, because I have an awful memory. Let me see...everybody here? Nope. Huh? Where are Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap? Something I have to remember about them...I just know it...what was it? Oh, well. I'll come back to that. Everybody's in beast mode? Yep. I have something to break up the fight, if necessary? Hopefully. Pets are inside? Duh. Like I'd actually risk them being out here during this. Got milk?...Where'd that come from? Boy, is my mind disorganized...

Oh, now I remembered. I had locked Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap into the TV Room this morning.

Right. Everything seemed ready. I dropped the flag.

Chaos. Total chaos. Depth Charge cheered.

Megatron used his flying ability to engage Optimal Optimus in a spectacular mid-air battle. His strategy was apparently to try to get to ramming speed, and knock the ape out of the sky. It might have been a good strategy if Optimus's hoverboard wasn't much more maneuverable than he was. Optimus dodged before he was hit. However, Megatron was persistent (now there's a statement of the obvious...). He managed to clamp his jaws onto the edge of the board as he went flying past, dragging Optimus with him...

Blackarachnia took on Tarantulas. The black widow was apparently going with the 'Boing' strategy. She continually jumped around the puzzled tarantula. Every once and a while, she landed on his back, and bit him. At the rate things were going, she would win. Tarantulas couldn't turn fast enough to catch the agile Maximal, and her venom was slowly taking affect. His systems were fighting it, though, and I could see she was getting tired. Just a few more minutes, and Tarantulas would slip into stasis lock...

Quickstrike and Silverbolt squared off. The winged dog snapped ineffectually at the armored scorpion/cobra, while he also dodged the cobra head's attacks. His dodging put him right into the path of one of Quickstrike's pincers. The pincer closed on Silverbolt's left foreleg with an audible crunch...

Cheetor tried to take on Rampage. The speedy cat judged his distance wrong when he jumped over the crab, and stumbled. Sick or not, that was all the time Rampage needed.

Crunch! Poor Cheetor...

Rhinox was left with Inferno, Waspinator, and the queasy Rampage. Lucky him.

Inferno was actually the easiest to take out. Rhinox just charged him while the ant was shouting, "For the Royalty!" By the time Inferno noticed the charge, it was too late.

Wham! Trample! That's gotta hurt...

Waspinator was being a pest for a while, because his wasp instincts were useful here for once. He clung to Rhinox's back, sticking him with his stinger, until the rhino finally shook him loose. Waspinator hovered in the air above the Maximal, waiting for another chance to land and attack. Unfortunately, the battling leaders didn't see him as they hurtled through the air...

It briefly rained Waspinator parts.

Rhinox turned to fight his last opponent: Rampage. The Predacon crab clicked his claws in anticipation. Rhinox lowered his horn until it was in line with the crab, and pawed the ground...

Oh, goodie. It's the clash of the titans, and I get to break it up.
Of course, Depth Charge wasn't helping much, as he was yelling encouragement to Rhinox. I took some reassurance in my secret weapon, and the knowledge that CR Chambers can fix almost anything. I had to try, even though I doubted it would work.

I sucked in a breath, and let it out in a scream, "STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!" It rang off the distant mountains, landslides started, Depth Charge clutched his head in pain, and the rest of the Beast Warriors completely ignored me.

Blackarachnia abandoned attacking Tarantulas when Silverbolt's pain-filled howl split the air. Tarantulas rested briefly, letting his systems fight her poison.

Quickstrike's cobra head hissed in suprised pain as Blackarachnia bit at the base of it. Quickstrike let Silverbolt go involuntarily in surprise. Silverbolt limped back, whining slightly. Blackarachnia continued chewing at the head, pumping Quickstrike full of her venom while he futilely snapped his pincers at her. Silverbolt was about to leap back into battle to 'save his lady', but Tarantulas got to him first. He jumped onto the fuzor's back, and they went rolling off.

Optimus had Megatron in a headlock, and was either attempting to choke him, or give him a noogie. I couldn't tell which from where I was. Megatron retaliated by angling his burners upwards, taking the Maximal leader by surprise, and shooting them both downwards. They made an extremely rough landing (They plowed a huge furrow into the lawn. I was NOT filling that in!).

My conclusion: crabs should not fight rhinos. Rhinox's horn went UNDER Rampage, and flipped him onto his back. Then he trampled the almost helpless Predacon. Rampage managed to grab onto Rhinox's tail as the Maximal stomped on him, but was forced to let go as the combination of his previous sickness and Rhinox's very large mass balanced on his armored stomach made him throw up.

Ever see a crab puke? I don't recommend it...

Depth Charge was rolling on the ground with laughter.

Well, I had given them a fair chance to stop. Now it was time for my secret weapon.

I knelt down next to my covered bucket, and took off the cover. Reaching in, I grabbed several of the baseball-sized things Tim had made for me. They looked sort of like small balloons.

I stood up and looked around quickly, noting the positions of the combatants. Megatron and Optimus were facing off across the furrow, Rampage was...uh...Rhinox was helping Silverbolt with Tarantulas, and Blackarachnia and Quickstrike were still tussling. They were all within throwing distance of me.

Which was a good thing for me. I launched a ball at each of them, and sat back to watch the reactions. For good measure, I threw one at Depth Charge too, since he wouldn't stop laughing.

*pop!* "Hey!"

*pop!* "What in tarnation?!"

*pop!* "Yuck!"

*pop!* "Aaaa!"

*pop!* "What is this?!"

*pop!* "$%#&%$#!!!"

*pop!* "Well, that's just Prime."

I started laughing. I couldn't help it.

My secret weapon had been paint bombs. Blackarachnia was now a bright firetruck red, while Quickstrike was a striking neon yellow. Silverbolt and Tarantulas had gotten splashed by the paint bombs intended for the other, but both had been a different shade of orange, so they were a swirled mess of neon and dull. Rhinox was a fetching pink, and Optimus was a light baby blue. Appropriately, Rampage was now colored an awful yellow-green. Megatron's paint bomb had exploded on the ground in front of him, so his stomach was now a nice dark green. Depth Charge was swearing quite colorfully by himself, but he was actually a bland shade of tan.

"I...did...warn...you..." I gasped out between spasms of laughter. They gave me a collective glare that only made me laugh harder. It's hard to take someone dripping absurd shades of paint seriously.

I lay on the ground with a severe case of the giggles as there was a mad dash for the hose. It was too late. The paint was already too dry to wash off.

The transformers slowly turned around to face me. It was a bizarre sight. Not to mention sound. Depth Charge still hadn’t stopped cursing (and he hadn’t repeated himself once!).

I finally got off the ground. “Don’t worry guys, it comes off with salt water.” I grinned at them.

“Don’t worry?!” Megatron shouted. “Megatron, Terrorize!” Nothing happened. Tim was still locking them into their beast modes. Megatron snarled.

“Don’t do that, Megs,” I said casually. “If you transform with that paint on you, it’ll spread over your robot form.” That would be interesting.

“How are we supposed to find enough salt water?” Optimus asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Look over there,” I pointed off into the distance. “What do you see?”

“An ocean...” His deductive powers were amazing. I could actually see him think. “...Oh.”

“Right. So we’re going to take a trip to the beach!” And I’m finally going to get to go swimming! Yay!

Depth Charge’s swearing was starting to get on my nerves. “Will you stoppit?!” I exclaimed.

He ignored me, which is a bad thing to do at anytime, much less when I’m in a playful mood. I couldn’t resist...

“Hey, Depth Charge! Catch!”

He turned around just in time...

*pop!* *pop!* *pop!* *pop!* *pop!* *pop!* “Slag!” *pop!*

...to get peppered by my remaining paint bombs. The Maximals and Predacons (those still conscious) joined me in hysterical laughing. The ray-bot had gone from light tan to, well, “Do you mind if I call you Rainbow?”

“Yes!” he shouted, brushing at the paint, and creating an interesting pattern of multi-colored hand prints. He looked like a tie-dye poster boy. He looked...groovy.

“Okay, okay!” Must...use...will...power...ah, what the heck. “Like, peace, dude.” I held up my hands with the classic two-fingered peace sign.

“Why, you little..!” See Depth Charge. See Depth Charge charge...

I just smiled and said, “I wonder how the guys in the TV Room are doing?”

He stopped in his tracks.

I frowned. Actually, I was curious. I had left them in there much longer than anyone else, so far. By now, Tim must be to the last of the videos (in the first stack).

“Guys, this is what we’re gonna do,” I decided. “I’ll have Tim set up something like a CR Chamber, you guys throw in your teammates, and when everybody’s ready we’ll go to the beach.” And I’ll get to go swimming! Yay!

“What are you gonna do?” Depth Charge grumbled.

“I’m gonna go let Dinobot, Rattrap, and Terrorsaur out.” And go change into a bathing suit!

Megatron snickered. “I have to see this.” He stomped after me as the others moved to clean up.

I was already inside when it finally clicked.

A purple T-Rex with a green belly.

Oh, no. It’s the previously unknown cousin of Barney.

It’s Megatron.

I stood outside the TV Room, trying to conceal my laughter. “Uh, Tim?” I pressed a hand to my side. It felt like it was splitting. “How far through the tapes did you get?” My voice sounded high and funny from the pent-up laughter.

“They have just finished watching the tape labeled ‘Barney’, Lady Dementia,” Tim replied.

I made a funny sputtering noise. They just finished watching the ‘Barney’ tape. This was too much... “Let ‘em,” I gasped, “let ‘em go, Tim,” I giggled quietly.

Megatron was oblivious to me, “Oh, Dinobot’s face will be a sight, yesss.”

Yeah, I’ll bet it will. I stepped between Megatron and the door, just in case they went bonkers at the sight of him. Or in case they had gone completely insane from the videos.

The door opened.

Well, they had gone completely insane. Just not in the violent way I had been thinking of.

“I love you, you love me...” Dinobot led the other two in their singing. Linked arm in arm, they came out of the room in a happy daze, grinning like the brainwashed idiots they were.

Rattrap saw me. He smiled, “Don’t you love me, Lady Dementia?”

“Uh,” not particularly, “Sure, Rattrap.” Humor the crazy person...

“Than why aren’t you singing along? It’s fun!” Terrorsaur jumped up and down, clapping his hands.

Dinobot was taller than me, so he could see over my head. That was how he saw the gaping purple and green T-Rex. “Barney!” he shrieked.

“Huh?” The others looked around me. “BARNEY!!”

“What?! Nooo!” Megatron was tackled by the crazed trio.

“Barney! Barney! Barney!” “Will you sing with us, Barney?” “C’mon! I love you, you love me...”

Megatron was pinned down under the singers. He desperately tried to call to me, “Lady Dementia! Help me! Tell them I’m not this ‘Barney’!”

Hmmm, I could separate them, or go change into beachwear while they were busy. Big decision. “Have fun!” I wiggled my fingers in a cute goodbye wave.

The three waved back. Megatron howled.

I went to my room. I was gonna go swimming! Yay!

I came back wearing really short jean cut-offs, and a halter top. On this world, modesty had no bounds. Who was gonna see me? A bunch of robots? A couple wild animals? Who cared?

Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap had settled down a bit, and were hugging ‘Barney’ as hard as they could. Megatron looked half strangled by Dinobot’s hold on his neck, but Terrorsaur’s grip on his head was preventing him from opening his jaws. Rattrap was just hanging onto his tail.

The trio was softly chanting, “Barney, Barney, Barney...” almost worshipfully. It was scary.

Megatron’s words were rather muffled due to Terrorsaur, but I interpreted them as, “Get them offa me!”

“Do you know the magic word?” I teased.

“Please!” the three Barney-loving robots shouted. Then they went back to chanting.

“Vfease,” Megatron managed to get out.

I put my beach towel on the counter, “Prepare yourself, this is gonna be ugly.” Okay, time to deal with the insane (Good thing I have 4 older brothers. I’m experienced!).

I giggled. I gushed. I acted like a typical preschool teacher.

“Okay, kids!” I squealed, “It’s time to go!” I clapped my hands and giggled, “That’s right! We’re gonna GO somewhere!”

Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap stopped chanting, and stared at me with huge, wondering eyes. Rattrap let go of Megatron’s tail and came closer to me, “Where are we goin’?”

“We’re gonna go to the...but we don’t want to tire Barney out, do we?” I shook my head at them, and they timidly copied the motion, “No we don’t, that’s right. So why don’t we let go of the niiiiice dinosaur,” Megatron stared at me in horror, “so we can go?” I put on a big, sickly sweet smile. I was making myself sick.

“But,” Dinobot started, “it’s Barney!” He hugged Megatron tighter.

“Oh, I’m SURE Barney will come see you later! Won’t you, Barney?” I kept my eyes on him. Agree, Megatron. Hopefully, they’ll be recovered so you won’t have to, but I need you to agree for right now.

He hesitated.

I gritted my teeth, “WON’T YOU, Barney.” If he didn’t agree, I swear I’d...

Megatron nodded, and then gasped for air as Dinobot and Rattrap let go of him.

I forced another giggle as he made his escape, “We’re going to have SUCH fun!”

Terrorsaur sadly watched ‘Barney’ go, “What are we gonna do?”

Give you time to recover from your Barney-induced madness. “We’re going to the beach! Isn’t that neat? You can play with ALL the other transformers, and swim, and, and...”

“Is Barney going to be there?” Dinobot asked.

“...of COURSE Barney will be there!” Poor Megatron...

“Yay!” they yelled. The trio started to sing, “We’re going to the beach! We’re going to the beach! Tralala la la laaaaaa!” They grabbed each other’s hands (and mine), and spun around in a circle.

I kept my cutesy smile pasted on. There were only three of them. There were only three of them. This was nothing compared to four older brothers. I can handle three Barney-crazy brats...

If I kept repeating it, maybe I’d believe it...

I was enjoying myself. I can’t say the same for the rest of the guys.

I had solved the problem of controlling Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap by foisting them off on the Maximals and Predacons. Megatron had fled the area around the house, but I had conveniently pointed the trio towards his fleeing form. They went after him.

But they gave each and every one of the transformers a hug before they left. Rampage puked again. Depth Charge almost joined him.

When we had arrived on the beach, we found that the three had cornered Megatron in a cave, and were having a sing-a-long right outside it. Optimus took pity on Megatron (when his screaming hit a certain pitch), and took the deranged threesome under Maximal care.

That lasted about three minutes.

Then Inferno distracted them while Megatron quickly rinsed off the paint and hid again.

Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap had given up on tracking him down, and instead decided Rampage and Depth Charge were really cool. The mortal enemies had made a temporary truce in order to go into the deep water to escape.

(Well, okay, I admit I started that one. It’s just that Rampage’s antenna look so much like reins. I couldn’t resist jumping on, grabbing them, and shouting ‘Giddyup, horsy!’ The problem came when the those three brainwashed robots tried to copy the idea...Depth Charge got involved somehow...)

The currently-cooperating factions made the three a campfire (Inferno: BURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNN!!!!!!!!), and were assigning guards while they took turns washing off. Cheetor and Waspinator seemed to do the best, for some strange reason.

I just swam throughout the whole thing. And snorted water when I laughed involuntarily underwater.

“What a pretty sunset,” I sighed, staring dreamily at the beautiful view across the water. Behind me, I could hear talking.

“But we don’t wanna go back!”

“Yeah, it’s fun!”

“You can’t make us!”

“Come on, guys! Just go back to Lady Dementia’s house, okay?”

“No!”

“Great. How are we going to take them back?”

“We could just shoot them...”

“It would be dishonorable to shoot a child, er, child-like ‘bot.”

“I’m dishonorable! I’ll shoot them! Let me! Oo! Oo! Me! HehEehee...”

“Well, there goes Megatron.”

A pause.

“BARNEY!!!!”

Here we go again...

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