I had actually managed to get to sleep at a reasonable time (2:30 AM), so I was happily sleeping at 4:00 AM when Depth Charge’s relative got it’s revenge. I grabbed the barf bucket by my bed, and put it to use.

What a wonderful way to start out the day...

"Lady Dementia?"

The voice was in my bedroom, so I opened my closet door so Tarantulas could see me. "I’m in here. Be careful where you step." My closet floor was covered with junk at the best of times. Now...

Tarantulas stared at the chaos, and then at me. "Are you feeling worse?" he asked me. "This is abnormally early for you to be up."

One O.O.P. (Obvious Observation Point) for the spider. It was 6:00 AM! "Couldn’t sleep. What’s your excuse for being here so early?" I continued sorting stuff as I talked.

"Um, well, I never really left..." He ducked his head as I gave him a suspicious look. "I was just in the kitchen!"

Oh. That’s different. I thought maybe he was fooling around in the shop again. "So, did you bake any brownies?" I asked absently. Mmm, chocolate...(my mind). Bleah, food...(my stomach).

"No..." Tarantulas finally gave in to his curiosity and pointed at what I was holding. "What is THAT?"

I inspected it for a label. "Lemme see...it’s a ‘Mass Reducer And Shrinker’." Not quite sure what that meant, but it sounded important. I held it up for him to look at. "HASBRO put these in my closet ‘Just In Case’." I glanced over my shoulder at a shelf full of the ‘Just In Case’ supplies. It was a big shelf. Since this was the third day since Tim the Supercomputer had died on me, I had thought I should at least look through the stuff.

"This is an incredible weapon," Tarantulas breathed, looking the thingie (it didn’t look like a gun...sort of like a Frisbee, really).

"Well, don’t go running off with it, okay?" I grinned up at him. Of course, I probably wouldn’t notice if he did take it because of all the other weird things lying around, but I wasn’t going to tell him that...

*Ring!*

"What the..?" I stood up with difficulty. That had sounded like my...

*Ring!*

"Phone!" I hobbled past Tarantulas and out to the hall, my bad foot protesting all the way.

*Ring!*

I made it to the kitchen and over to the desk. Who could be calling? The Maximals? The Predacons?

I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello. Are you interested in buying breakable windows? If so, ‘Acme Windows’ is the supplier for you! For just-"

I yanked the phone away from my ear and stared at it incredulously. It figured. Alternate dimensions, time slides, change of address...nothing mattered to a determined telemarketer. I sighed. I really wasn’t in the mood to put up with this...

So I didn’t. I brought the phone back up to my ear.

"-these windows not only break at the slightest touch, but they-"

"Hello?!" I screamed into the phone. "Is anyone there?!"

A moment of silence. Then, "Yes, I’m here ma’am. Can I interest you-"

"I can’t hear you! La la lalalalala..." I started singing, ignoring the telemarketer’s protests. "This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on-"

*Click!*

"Hello? Hello?" I hung the phone up and looked at Tarantulas, who was standing in the premorning shadows where I could barely see him. "He hung up on me, can you believe it? How rude," I said with a smile, and limped back to my room.

Tarantulas didn’t follow, and I went back to sorting undisturbed. I didn’t notice anything missing...

There, I was finished. And it was only 10:00 AM. I was at least 2 hours ahead of my normal schedule...

Now my big decision was to go on and organize the rest of my closet (unheard of), or I could go see who was in the house at the moment.

Hmm, big decision. I wanted some coffee (caffeine), anyway.

So, I hauled myself out to the hallway. Voices coming from outside the house halted me.

"Hand me that rake."

"Why should I?"

"Because I’m being such a nice guy."

"Nice?! You’re making me PAY for you to help!"

"Hey, I’M helping YOU. I can leave if you’re going to insult me."

"Don’t go! I can’t finish this in time by myself!"

"I don’t know...I think you hurt my feelings..."

"Alright, alright! I’m sorry!"

Evil laughter bubbled up in me. I had forgotten about that.

Late last night I had assigned Depth Charge a job. The plain in front of my house was starting to bore me, so I wanted part of it landscaped. So, Depth Charge was going to landscape it according to what I had designed. But I didn’t want the landscaping to take forever so I had assigned a time limit. One day, from 9:00 AM to 9:00 AM the next day.

It was a tough job, but I felt justified in demanding the ray-bot do it in return for breaking all my toes (I still hadn’t decided on his punishment for the lump on my head). Apparently, so had the rest of the Maximals and Predacons, because no one offered to help.

No one, except Rampage. Of course, by the time Rampage had casually suggested he might help, Depth Charge was frantic. The sheer size of the landscaping was impossible for the ray-bot to do on his own, but he feared (sensibly) what I might do if he didn’t finish. He had almost begged Rampage to help him when the crab hinted at offering.

And now Rampage was quite clearly enjoying the fact that he had Depth Charge at his mercy.

"Hmm..."

"Rampage...c’mon..."

"Well..."

"Please? She’ll kill me if I don’t finish this!"

That was slightly exaggerating. Sort of. Maybe. I wouldn’t actually KILL him...

Rampage snickered at Depth Charge’s desperation, but started working again. I chuckled just as evilly at the thought of what the ray-bot must have offered in the first place to get his cooperation at all. I think it had something to do with target practice...

I continued down the hall, which was a strange shade of green. Yesterday it had been pink. No, now it was turning orange...

I concentrated on getting to the kitchen, ignoring the color-changing going on all around me. The Lucky Charms leprechaun appeared about halfway there to help me get past the flaming gates that hadn’t been there when I had come out before.

Nice guy, the leprechaun. Too bad nobody else can see him.

I propped my feet up comfortably and drowsily watched the poker game going on between Terrorsaur, Rattrap, and Cheetor. I could tell who had a good hand. The leprechaun who had morphed into his little demon form was quite happy to cheat and look at everyone’s cards. Whenever he started dancing on one of the Beast Warriors’ heads, then I knew who had a good hand.

Hmm, Cheetor had a natural disadvantage. His tail twitched to show his moods, just like a normal cat’s. Terrorsaur couldn’t control his face very well, so he couldn’t bluff. Rattrap, well, his face just seemed to light up a little when he got a good hand.

I was content to sit there and watch the game. The painkillers were dulling the pain in my head and foot, my stomach was too empty to do anything, and my lack of sleep for the last three nights was catching up with me. Besides, the bickering going on between the players was entertaining, not to mention the little demon dude.

I slowly closed my eyes. Just a little nap...

*Ring!*

Oh, crud.

*Ring!*

I lurched to my feet and stumbled into the kitchen. Grabbing the ringing phone, I expected to hear Optimus or Megatron. Maybe there was some emergency... "Hello?"

"Hello, may I interest you in my company’s product Instant Water?" said a feminine voice.

This had to be a joke. "Let me guess, you just add water."

I had startled her. "Well, yes. Do, um, you want to order-"

"No thank you." I hung up and turned to go back to the couch. Geez, of all the stupid products telemarketers have tried to sell me...

*Ring!*

I turned and snatched the phone back up. "Hello," I snarled.

The telemarketer wasn’t discouraged by my tone of voice. "Hello, may I speak with the head of the house?"

"You’re talking to her." The demon dude had come over, and was scowling at the phone along with me. Apparently he didn’t like telemarketers any more than I did.

"Ah, hello ma’am!" This guy immediately sounded more peppy. I would have thrown up if my stomach wasn’t empty. "Would you be interested in buying Sugar Water?"

I had been all set to hang up, but that caught me. "Sugar water? As in, sugary water?" The demon joined me in staring incredulously at the phone.

The telemarketer sounded pleased. "Well, of course! For only-" he named a price that made my eyes widen, "-you will own one gallon of Sugar Water!"

This guy wanted me to buy water with sugar. "No thank you." I hung up, and reconsidered the telemarketer before this one. My vote for stupidest product had changed. That one would have at least have been a little amusing if I had thought about it, but this last product had just been plain stupid.

I contemplated the phone. Why all the telemarketers suddenly? And why only worthless ones? I mean, I could use a chocolate salesperson right now. My stash was getting WAY too low. But noooo. I get the breakable windows and such...

Voices came from outside as I considered the telemarketers. It sounded like Rampage, Depth Charge, and someone else were getting in an argument. Hmm, maybe Tarantulas? He was around before, so it was probably him. Why would he be arguing with those two?

I was about to go look out a window to find out when there was a weird buzzing sound, and Depth Charge screamed. The REALLY odd thing was that his voice started out normal, and spiraled up into a squeaky soprano!

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then I heard Rampage ask, "What did you DO to him?!"

What had happened?!

I hurried towards a window as fast as I could with my foot, and looked out.

Rampage was in his beast mode, gingerly holding something tiny one of his pincers. Tarantulas was in my way of seeing what the small thing was, but the spider turned to nervously look at the house. Our eyes locked, and mine narrowed.

Tarantulas was holding something that looked kind of like a Frisbee, and what Rampage was holding was an itsy-bitsy Depth Charge.

*Ring!*

Now I was ticked. Tarantulas started trembling as I glared at him, and belatedly tried to hide the ‘Mass Reducer And Shrinker’ that he had stolen from my closet behind his back. Rampage was staring at the pint-sized manta ray he was holding in shock. And now the phone was ringing.

I whirled and stomped back to the phone (it hurt, but I REALLY needed to stomp). The little demon snarled at the phone as I lifted it to my ear. I couldn’t blame him. It’s what I wanted to do at the moment...

"What?!" I yelled into the phone. The demon chortled with glee.

There was a dramatic second of silence. I wasn’t impressed. When the caller spoke, its voice was deep and echoing, mysterious and commanding respect. Again, I wasn’t impressed.

"This is Lady Dementia, The Demented Angel?" The Voice inquired in a tone that said it had already divined that it was right, and I was Lady Dementia.

Well, the telemarketers were doing their researching now. "Yeah, this is she," I growled. Like all telemarketers, this one had called at the least convenient moment. I had an emergency appointment to strangle Tarantulas...

Another dramatic pause.

I interrupted it. "Look, can you make this snappy? I gotta go."

The Voice sounded affronted, like it expected my to kiss its owner’s butt or something. Well, excuuuuuuuse me! "Lady Dementia, we are offering you-"

That’s all I needed to hear. "No thank you," I said firmly.

The Voice was going into the realm of the shocked. I don’t think many people must refuse whatever The Voice offered. "But Lady Dementia, the Vo-"

I hung up before the telemarketer could finish whatever it was saying. Hmm, that voice almost seemed familiar...must have heard it somewhere...

I came outside to see that Rampage had gotten over his shock after Depth Charge’s shrinkage. He was currently dangling the tiny fish just above my hungry cats’ reach and laughing insanely at the ray-bot’s high-pitched shrieks of panic. My cats leaped and batted (Depth Charge is lucky they don’t have front claws...), but Rampage kept the manta ray a little out of reach.

I might have giggled at the sight, but Depth Charge’s new voice was rather shrill... "Rampage, cut it out!"

The crab reluctantly lifted the fish to safety while I turned to Tarantulas. The spider stared fixedly at the ground, still holding the Frisbee-like thingie in his hands. The little demon tsked at him.

"Tarantulas."

He gulped. "Y-yeah?"

I sighed. "Is there a way to reverse the process?"

He slowly shook his head ‘no’.

I rubbed my temples with my fingertips as I considered what I should do.

"Um, Tim will probably be able to reverse it," Tarantulas meekly offered.

Unfortunately, Tim was offline. Just great. How was I supposed to make Depth Charge suffer for breaking my toes and bumping my head if he was a helpless little...helpless little...hmm...

Tarantulas backed away from me. "Please don’t torture me..." he pleaded. "I’ll never do it again..." He was shaking with fear.

Huh? Why was he so frightened...oh. "I’ll never understand why you guys get so freaked out when I smile," I muttered. The little demon morphed back into the Lucky Charms leprechaun, and he started laughing at my complaint. Hmph.

Tarantulas looked relieved when I frowned at him.

I ignored that and turned to look at Rampage and Depth Charge. "Hey, gimme Mini-manta," I called to the crab, who was teasing Depth Charge again by offering him to my dog Lusha. Fortunately for the ray-bot, Lusha doesn’t like seafood.

"Catch." Rampage casually tossed Depth Charge to me, causing my two cats to eagerly come over to me, convinced I was going to feed them. The leprechaun distracted them by dancing a jig. How come my cats can see the leprechaun, but none of the Beast Warrior can?!

I almost missed the tiny manta ray, but I caught him before he splattered on the ground. Whoa, he was tiny. Kinda cute in a stubby kind of way. He couldn’t have been more than an inch across and two inches long. I could see he was still an intelligent being by the way he was glaring at Rampage, but he looked just like something I might have seen at a pet store.

And that was the idea...

"Rampage, Tarantulas, c’mere." I beckoned both of the Predacons closer. "You guys didn’t see anything, you have no idea what happened to Depth Charge, and Rampage, you caught this little manta ray for me. Clear?"

They exchanged puzzled looks, and Rampage seemed like he was going to protest for a second.

I let my smile appear again.

"Clear," the crab said immediately.

Tarantulas hesitated. "Um, will I be off the hook, then, since this never happened?" he asked hopefully.

He’s not getting off THAT easily. "I’ll think about it."

The spider shrugged. "Okay."

A squeaky voice made me look down at my hands. Depth Charge had to yell to make himself heard. "Hey! What’re you doing?!"

I turned my smile on him. "Getting my revenge at last," I said softly.

The poker players had somehow managed not to notice the things going on outside, but they noticed when I brought the big fishtank up from the shop downstairs.

"Eh, what’s dat?" Rattrap asked.

"Hey, ultra gear! You have another fish!" Cheetor got up to stare at the tiny little manta ray swimming around in the tank.

Rattrap and Terrorsaur came over curiously. Rattrap stared for a minute and started laughing. "Eh, dat looks just like Captain Minnow!"

Terrorsaur studied the manta ray and smirked. "Just like him. I’m sure he’ll love this." I’ll bet...

"As long as she doesn’t eat it," Rampage yelled from the kitchen where he was raiding the fridge for the leftover manta ray from last night. The leprechaun-now-demon poked his head into sight for a moment to grin at me.

Terrorsaur and Rattrap laughed, and went back to the table to clean up their day-long poker game.

Cheetor stayed for a minute more, watching the fish with a cat’s intent look. Hopefully, he won’t try to eat the ray. "So, what’s it’s name?" he asked.

I grinned at the manta ray, who seemed to glare at me. "Oh, in honor of the esteemed Depth Charge how about...Captain Minnow, in honor of the not-so-esteemed Rattrap. And it’s a he."

Cheetor laughed as Rattrap exclaimed indignantly in the background. "How do you know if he’s a he?" he asked as he turned to go help clean up.

I winked at the tiny little manta ray. "Oh, I know."

Not a bad day, all in all. Sure, I was bothered by idiotic telemarketers, and I still couldn’t figure out who that last caller’s Voice had reminded me of, but I was FINALLY getting revenge on Depth Charge! And no new injuries all day. Hey, maybe the week was looking up.

Riiiiiiiight.

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