When I opened my eyes Saturday morning, my bedside clock displayed the time as almost noon. Ah, life was good. For the moment, at least. I had FINALLY gotten a full night’s sleep!

Then I realized something; I wasn’t the only one on my bed. Waspinator was busy making buzzing snores under my arm (Bleh! Garlic morning breath!), but there were at least two other separate things on the bed! I slowly shifted until I could sit up without waking Waspy, and looked around.

My jaw dropped.

Somehow, every single Beast Warrior had migrated to my room sometime during the night. They were arranged around my room in positions I didn’t think they’d be caught dead in at any other time. They must have been VERY tired last night; either that, or they couldn’t see very well in the dark.

The temptation to capture the moment was irresistible, but I didn’t have a camera--wait a minute. HASBRO had said in their letter that they would pay for any expenses I found necessary...

I painstakingly wiggled my way off the bed and carefully picked my way through the Beast Warriors until I got outside my room. Then I burst into muffled giggles and raced down the hall to the office/sewing room.

"Tim! Do you have a camera somewhere? I really need one!" I panted at the silver supercomputer.

A compartment opened on its side. "HASBRO built in a digital camera. Pictures are saved onto a disk inside, and I can develop them immediately."

"Cool! Thanks, Tim!" I ran back down the hall. I very quietly opened the door and looked at my choices. Most everybody was in their beast mode, except for Megatron, Quickstrike, and Depth Charge. That was strange. OOoo, I think I’ll start over there...

*Snap!* Silverbolt and Blackarachnia were cuddled up together in the corner. Above them, Tarantulas was hanging from a monster spider web. He was so close to the couple that his front legs were almost brushing them.

*Snap!* Quickstrike and Megatron were slumped over against each other in the rocking chair that had once held my teddy bear collection.

*Snap!* The teddy bear collection had apparently been pushed to the floor in a large pile, and Depth Charge was leaning against it. Actually he was practically in Hot Dog (King of the Teddy Bears)’s lap. The bear was almost as big as he was...cute!

I stealthily moved closer as the pile the ray-bot was leaning against shifted slightly, and a small snore came from it. Who could that be...Oh. My. Insanity. That was soooo darling! Heeheehee, I was never going to let anyone forget this...

*Snap!* Rampage shifted again as I took his picture. The crab was buried under the mound of stuffed animals. Or maybe he burrowed under. He was a crab, after all.

*Snap!* Inferno was resting under the rocking chair, guarding his ‘Queen’ even in sleep.

I turned around to face the bed.

*Snap!* Rattrap and Dinobot were curled up together on the bed, nose to tail. Even as I watched, they snuggled farther down into the blankets. Oo, THAT picture was going to shut them up for a while...maybe.

*Snap!* Cheetor had been sleeping on the pillow next to me, but when I had left, he had rolled over to occupy the warm blankets I had been using. That put him right next to Waspinator, who was still buzzing in his sleep.

It took me a moment, but I found Optimus and Rhinox zonked out in the closet.

*Snap!*

I gave Tim the camera with orders to print out the pictures...and to make copies of the disk. Just in case, you know.

I returned to my room and dressed in shorts and a tank top, still being very quiet. It didn’t really matter. I probably could have run a chain saw in that room without being heard over Megatron’s snoring. Yeesh, for being the size of a child, he sure did good imitations of a freight train!

But that was okay. I didn’t need to be heard over it; my stereo did. Lemme see here, where did I put Sean’s new CD..? There it was. I popped it in and set the volume for its highest level. Then I left the room with the remote, closed the door, and sat down in the hall.

I turned my stereo on, and a combination of cymbals, percussion instruments, general keyboard music, and that staticky sound you get when you max out speakers blasted through the house. It was loud enough that I had to cover my ears, and I was out in the hall! I didn’t want to imagine what it was like in my bedroom...

The door burst open, and Beast Wars munchkins tumbled out. "Turn it off! Turn it off!" I could barely hear them shouting. I hit a button, and that funny ringing silence you get after a loud noise filled the area.

"Did ya have ta do dat?" Rattrap asked. He was talking in an overly-loud voice. The sound must have half-deafened him.

"Yes." I gave a sweet smile (and they cringed. Morons...). "It was time to get up."

Optimus was clutching at his chest. "The pain..."

I gave him a funny look. I didn’t think transformers had them, but just in case..."Hey, don’t have a heart attack on me! Go take some aspirin." I smirked at the rest of them as he left to hunt a bottle down. "Oh, by the way, I have something you might want to see."

Megatron eyed me warily, suspicious of my casual tone. "What?"

I pretended to think it over. "I think I’ll have it framed and hung in my room..."

"What?!"

I took out the pictures, which Tim had fused into one big collage. "You guys sure are cute when you sleep," I mused as I looked at it, purposefully keeping it out of their sight.

Now half of them were ticked off. "WHAT?!" The other half was trying to sneak around to see what it was.

I turned it around so they could see it. "Maybe I’ll send it to HASBRO."

I have to say, I’m glad my legs were longer than the Beast Warriors, now. I don’t think I would have survived if they weren’t. Especially since I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe...

Things had settled down a bit after they had exhausted themselves chasing me. Well, that and I promised I wouldn’t send the picture to HASBRO. Now they were all sitting at the kitchen table, demanding breakfast. Er, lunch.

"Why can’t you fix your own?" I asked in amusement.

There was a glance exchanged among themselves, and then Optimus, still the tallest, walked over to the counter and tried to reach the oven controls. He could just barely manage to peek over the edge of the counter.

"Oh." Well, that just made my job a lot harder. Since there wasn’t any energon in this world, the Beast Warriors were going to have to eat, just like humans. They required about the same amount of food, too. I didn’t know how it worked, and frankly, I didn’t want to know. I think HASBRO liked it that way...

I sighed and began getting out boxes of Macaroni and Cheese. There was immediate protests from the guys.

"Eew! That stuff is gross!" That was Cheetor. Strange, I would have thought he would LIKE Mac & Cheese. It was often the typical teenager’s meal.

Megatron pretended to gag. "Don’t remind me."

"I am NOT going to eat that," Blackarachnia told me.

"How about grilled cheese sandwiches?" I asked.

"Icky!" Depth Charge and Rampage chorused. I should have known. There’s a story behind why they didn’t like grilled cheese sandwiches, but I’m not going to tell it. Let’s just say it involved a grilled cheese sandwich, a toilet plunger, and some misplaced soap...

After suggesting various foods for the better part of fifteen minutes, I finally had enough.

"That’s IT!" I screamed. "Everybody outside!" They cowered in their chairs. "Out!" I grabbed one of those big wooden spoons and threatened them with it. Have you ever been hit by one of those things? It hurts! There was a mass stampede for the door, and I chased the stragglers out.

When I reached the door, I announced to the world, "You can get your own food! Carnivores, go hunt bunnies and squirrels! Herbivores, go mow the lawn or something! But stay IN the yard!" With that, I turned around and went back inside to fix my own lunch.

There was a row of tiny Beast Warriors looking over the bottom sills of the kitchen windows when I finished making myself a grilled cheese sandwich. They tried to make me feel guilty by staring at me soulfully. It didn’t work.

"Mmm, this sure tastes good!" I said cheerfully, taking a big bite of the sandwich. "Yummy!" I think Megatron was drooling... "Boy, it’s too bad you guys didn’t want any of this!"

There were some pathetic-sounding whimpers. Yeesh, they’re as bad as my dog...

Speaking of my pets, I put down my sandwich and laughed as Depth Charge and Rampage ran past the windows, fleeing my seafood-loving cats. Heeheehee, now the aquatic robots were cut down to a more manageable size, my kitties had decided they were fair prey. And since they didn’t dare hurt my pets, but the cats apparently loved to chew on them, that left running away.

*Ding-Dong!*

The doorbell? I set my food down and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw it was my neighbor, Mr. Cooper.

I opened the door. "Hello, Mr. Co--Silverbolt!"

Mr. Cooper was holding the guilty-looking winged dog by the scruff of his neck. "I found him playing with my Baho in my yard," Mr. Cooper said gruffly, talking about his dog. "New dog?"

"Um, yeah." How come he didn’t seem to notice Silverbolt’s wings? "Shame on you, Silverbolt! You were supposed to stay in my yard!" I scolded him as I hauled him inside. He tucked his tail in between his legs and flattened his ears, ashamed.

Mr. Cooper scowled. "You shouldn’t blame him, I guess. I did let Baho out when it was her time."

Her time? He couldn’t mean... "Her time?"

"Ah, Baho’s in heat."

I glared down at Silverbolt, who gave me a pitiful look. "Well, I’m very sorry about letting my dog out," I said sweetly to Mr. Cooper. "If there are any problems, you just let me know." I waved goodbye as my neighbor walked back through the woods to his house. As soon as he was out of sight, I yelled for Blackarachnia to come inside.

I closed the door behind us and dragged Silverbolt to the kitchen.

Blackarachnia watched puzzledly. "What’d he do?"

I shook my finger in Silverbolt’s face. "I SWEAR," I gritted out, "if Baho has winged puppies, I’ll take you to the vet and have you neutered!"

"What?!" Blackarachnia gasped. "Rover! You didn’t..!"

He looked about ready to roll over and die. "I didn’t do anything..." he said meekly.

"Sure he didn’t," Terrorsaur said from outside, his mocking tone telling what he thought of THAT.

I cast a mean look in his general direction and got up. "YOU stay here," I ordered Silverbolt. He whined pathetically as Blackarachnia glared at him. I ignored them and walked to the office/sewing room. I sat down in the chair and just looked at Tim for a couple minutes.

"Okay," I sighed, "why didn’t Mr. Cooper notice Silverbolt’s wings?" My neighbor was usually more observant than that! "Oh, and why didn’t he see all the other guys in the yard?" Like a dozen robots running around was NORMAL...

"HASBRO has..."

Thereafter followed a scientific explanation I STILL can’t understand. Supposedly, HASBRO had more advanced equipment than any other company on Earth. Somehow, though a process I don’t even WANT to understand, Tim now could influence the people around the Beast Warriors into thinking that they were little kids in costumes, or dressed up animals, or something like that. Something harmless, that they didn’t have to pay any attention to.

Just great.

"So," I said slowly, "How come Rolland knew they were mechanical, last night?"

"Unknown."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" I gave the supercomputer a confused look. "Can’t you just convince my brothers that the Beast Warriors are my guests? It’d make my life a whole lot easier if they’d just leave them alone..."

"Unknown," Tim insisted. "Unable to influence your brothers’ minds."

Or lack there of. "Hmm...how far away can you do this, um, ‘influencing’ trick of yours?" The fight over lunch just showed how much I needed to go shopping...
Another little hatch thing popped open on Tim’s side. "Carry this with you at all times when you are away from the house." I picked up the thing inside.

"Hey, is this a credit card?" It’s true! It looked like a credit card! Blue, with silver writing identifying the owner of it as ‘Lady Dementia, The Demented Angel’, part of the ‘HASBRO Caretaker Organization.’ Was I involved in some kind of babysitting ring? I guess I was...

Whoa! Was there MORE of these ‘Caretakers’?!

Tim’s answer cut off that line of thought. "It is also a credit card. Simply sign your name and use it to pay any necessary bills."

Heeheehee, that could be useful...’Why OF COURSE it was necessary to buy 500 lbs. of chocolate...’ I dragged myself away from that tempting thought when a more serious one hit me.

"Tim, could you possibly keep the Beast Warriors out of trouble while I go shopping for a couple hours?" This house needed groceries BADLY!

"Unable to comply."

"Wonderful," I groaned. "You mean I have to take those little monsters to the GROCERY STORE?!" That last part was in a shriek.

"Lady Dementia, the equipment HASBRO has supplied will insure that no one will notice--"

"I’m not worried about anyone noticing!" I shouted. "I’m worried about taking those ‘devil munchkins’," Newton’s label seemed SO appropriate at the moment... "into a building full of aisles of food and hardware! It’ll be chaos! Panic! Disorder!"

A crash came from the kitchen.

I cradled my head in my hands. "It’ll be a normal day..."

After a large amount of yelling, things got started.

The yelling involved Tarantulas, my sandwich, and a partially opened window that was now nothing but glass shards on the floor. I managed to rescue my sandwich before the Transmetal spider was able to do more than drool on it, but since it was past recovery for MY consumption, I just slapped him around with it while scolding him. He seemed to enjoy it. Go figure.

"Alright, you unruly bunch of midgets," there were angry looks at me for that one, "before we go on a trip, you are going to learn how to behave around other people."

"Why should I?" Rampage asked lazily.

I scowled. "Because I’ll leave you in a daycare center to play with all the Barney-loving kids if you don’t, that’s why!"

"Eep! I’m listening! I’m listening!"

I gave the now-nervous Beast Warriors an evil glare. "Rule #1: DO NOT say you are from the Beast Wars, or from another dimension. Rule #2: There will be NO transforming without my permission." I think that would have been pushing HASBRO’s miracle mind-influencer. "Is that clear?"

"Where are we going, anyway?" Terrorsaur asked.

"Is. That. Clear."

"Yes!" Megatron growled at me.

I nodded and turned to Rampage. "You, in particular, will NOT try to scare people. For one thing, kids aren’t that scary," Actually, that was debatable... "and for another, well, what’re you going to do to them? Stomp on their feet?"

"But--" he tried to protest.

"No," I said firmly. "Besides, I have all your weapons."

"Slag," half the Predacons and Maximals muttered.

Rampage folded his arms like a sulky child. "It’s not fair," he mumbled.

"Are you going to start crying?" Depth Charge taunted. "Poor little Rampage. Not so tough without your weapons, are yo--oof!" Rampage tackled him, and they started a pint-sized fistfight on the floor.

I turned away to start revising my grocery list. I would have stopped the fight, but what was the point? They’d just start again when I turned my back to them. Depth Charge had practically been asking for it with his teasing, anyway.

"Eat linoleum!" Rampage yelled. I glanced back to see that he had gotten the upper hand for the moment and was pounding the ray-bot’s head into the kitchen floor.

"Tile, Rampage. It’s tile," I chided him.

"Oh, right. Eat tile!"

The other Beast Warriors were gathered around the fighters, either cheering them on or trying to get them to stop. For some of them, it depended on who was winning at the moment. I ignored them all while I thought over what a house full of bratty transformers would need.

After that was finished, I turned around. The kitchen floor had seen better days (metal scratches tile something awful), and a couple chairs were upside down, but the two enemies were still fighting. I waded into the fray, grabbing them both by the backs of their necks.

"Rule #3:," I told them while hauling them apart, kicking and yelling all the way (I was now stronger than them BOTH!), "NO FIGHTING." They scowled. "Do I have to make you two hold hands while we’re in the store?" I threatened.

"No!" Rampage yelled. Depth Charge just shook his head with a horrified look on his face.

"Good. Now, let’s go." I led the Beast Warriors outside, where my brother Rolland was waiting by the van. They all stopped and stared.

"What is THAT?!" Megatron asked in a hushed voice.

I pointed at Depth Charge. "Do you remember trying to break into the garage?" He shivered and nodded. Of course he remembered! He had ended up in the TV Room for it... "That was what was in there," I said grimly. "I didn’t want you guys getting into the automobiles." Yeah, THAT would have been interesting...

"Big-bot, do I have to get in that?" Cheetor whined. He was hiding behind the Maximal leader.

Optimus gave him a helpless look when I nodded. "We don’t have a choice."

I turned around and looked at the van with only slightly less fear than what they were showing. Perhaps I should explain:

Once upon a time, there was a automobile company

named Dodge. The company made many different types of

cars and trucks. The company sold these for much profit, and

it was good. Then one day, Dodge had the misfortune of

making something so horrifying, they sold it immediately. It

was called the ‘Dodge Ram’.

Not all of the Dodge Ram vans were corrupt and evil;

just the one sold to my family. The thing was named

‘The Beast’ by us children, who knew such horror when we

saw it. Only my father ever saw anything good in it, but he

insisted on never getting rid of it. Obviously, he was under

its dark spell.

The Beast always had bad gas mileage, which we

children rationalized by suggesting that the dead bodies of its

prey were weighing it down. It always broke down at the worst

times, and of all our family’s cars, it took the most maintenance.

It required many annoying rust jobs. Even my Gothic/vampire/evil

creature/brother Paul avoided the thing like the plague!

Still, my father loved The Beast, and used it to teach

driving to his children. That just proved it was immortal, since

it survived all four of my brothers. Now, at almost 20 years

old, it waited for me to take the driver’s seat. My father has

promised me that I shall inherit this monstrosity when I get my

driver’s license. Noooo! It has set its sights on ME, now!

Soon I shall be the one saying it is the greatest auto ever as

it weaves its dark web of deceit around me!

However, I have a plan. When I have finished driver’s

training, I shall kill The Beast with a Stop Sign through the engine!

But that was going to have to be later.

"Okay, everybody, inside! C’mon!" I shooed the reluctant mini-Warriors into The Beast. They were the only reason we were taking it. It was the only car my family had that could cram that many people in! It was still going to be illegal, though, since even with the third bench, three benches with three sets of safety belts each wasn’t enough to go around.

I sat in the passenger seat as Rolland climbed in the driver’s side door (I was NOT going to drive, today of all days!), watching them attempt to find seats. I immediately saw problems: Rampage and Depth Charge were in the back, already pushing and shoving at each other. Optimus, Rhinox and Megatron were glaring at each other. Tarantulas and Blackarachnia were exchanging scowls, while Quickstrike and Silverbolt were almost ready to start fighting over the widow. Cheetor, Dinobot, Terrorsaur, and Rattrap all wanted the same seat, and Waspinator...well, he had somehow ended up in the back, between Depth Charge and Rampage. He looked scared out of his mind. Inferno wasn’t helping the situation with Primal and Megatron by trying to kill the ape.

Time to assign seats...

"Rampage! Depth Charge! Stop fighting and come up front!" The two enemies looked guilty at being caught and hesitantly walked up to where I was sitting sideways in my seat frowning at them. I knew better than to put them in opposite sides of the van (they’d just jump over the seats if I took my eyes away for a second), so I pointed to the front seat.

"Move it," I told Blackarachnia and her two suitors. Tarantulas started to follow them, but I shook my head. "Nu-uh. I’m not letting YOU out of my sight. You sit by the window." He gave me a hurt look and sat down, resting his elbows on the window frame and looking out moodily.

Yeah, like I was really going to let that little meddler sit someplace that he could fiddle around with the insides of the van... ‘Goin’ down the highway, about 64, when Tarantulas unbolted something important, and we were all sucked out the suddenly missing door...’

"Rampage, you sit next to Tarantulas," I ordered the crab. "Make sure he behaves." At his gleeful look, I sighed. "If he does something bad, TELL ME."

"Aaaw, I never get to have any fun..." Rampage complained, but he climbed up onto the seat. Tarantulas squished himself into the corner, staring at the crab nervously.

"What about me?" Depth Charge asked aggressively.

I smiled at him (he flinched. WHY?!). "You get to sit by Rampage and make sure HE behaves." The ray-bot nodded grimly, and I looked at the front seat from the Pit I had just made. "No fighting, guys. Right?"

There were various mumbles. For the sake of what patience I still possessed, I decided to take that as a ‘yes’. Whoa, I just noticed that their feet didn’t even brush the floor when they were sitting in their seats...

Next seat. "Quickstrike, you sit by the window. Megatron, you’re in the middle, and Inferno’s by the door." They shrugged and organized themselves. Three dedicated Predacons sitting next to each other, with their leader in between the two hyper ones to hopefully keep order. "No bothering Tarantulas or Rampage, okay?" I didn’t think they’d try to go after Depth Charge...

Last seat. The back seat. Hoooo-boy. "Optimus, you sit in the middle, and Rattrap and Dinobot can sit next to you. I don’t care who sits on what side." There was an immediate fight between the raptor and the rat. "Nevermind. Dinobot, you have the window seat. Rattrap, you’re next to the door." There. Inferno wasn’t right in front of ‘the traitor.’ "And you two ‘leaders’ had better keep order back there!"

"What about the rest of us?" Terrorsaur said in his screechy voice. "There aren’t anymore seats!"

Hmm, point. Who was left...Waspinator, Rhinox, Terrorsaur, Cheetor, Blackarachnia, and Silverbolt. Now where could I stuff them...

"Rhinox, you and the couple go sit behind the back seat. You can brace your feet against the back door." The three of them nodded and walked into the back. I couldn’t see them, they were so short. That could cause problems... "Rhinox?" He poked his head back around the seat. "Sit in between those two, okay?" He nodded.

"Now, you two..." Terrorsaur and Waspinator shifted nervously as I mused over where to put them. "I guess you get to sit up here," I decided finally. "Terrorsaur, you’re taller. If you sit against my seat, can you brace your feet against my brother’s?"

The silver-and-red transformer shrugged and tried it. He slouched down comfortably behind the gear-shift and gave me a thumbs-up. "This is pretty comfy," he laughed. "Where’s Waspy gonna--hey!" He ducked the kick Rampage tried to get him with. The crab chuckled and tried again.

Depth Charge slapped him upside the head. "Stop it."

Terrorsaur muttered and shifted around until he was out of the range of Rampage’s tiny legs while the two enemies began fighting. I ignored that for the moment and beckoned Waspinator forward. He sat down in front of the gear shift. Could this get any more illegal?

Sure it could.

"C’mere, Cheetor." The Transmetal 2 cheetah tensed as I picked him up (it was weird having him small enough that I could), but he relaxed as I just put him on the dashboard. "Make sure you dig your claw in when we stop," I ordered him.

I stood up and towered over the fighting brats--I mean, Depth Charge and Rampage. No, actually, I think I meant the fighting brats. They were certainly acting like it! The general bickering that had been going on in the van fell into sudden silence.

Depth Charge glanced up from the fight and cringed. He let go of Rampage and cowered meekly in his seat. Rampage looked up puzzledly, and then he copied the move.

I was smiling. "Now, everybody pay attention. These two have just volunteered to help me demonstrate how to put on your seatbelts..."

I rolled down my window as Rolland drove to the store. He had sat through the seating process patiently, checking the dashboard lights, or something. Now he was in his element: driving.

"What izz thizz?" A magazine appeared in my lap as Waspinator pointed to an item in it. It was a clothing magazine, and he was pointing to the underwear ads.

"Um...it’s human stuff, Waspy," I explained. Robots didn’t understand the human need for clothing and such very well.

Terrorsaur stood up and looked at the pictures interestedly. Then he stared at me. "Do you wear stuff like that?" he asked, pointing at the lacy things for women on the page.

I really didn’t have to be embarrassed. I really didn’t. Transformers probably couldn’t care less... "Something like that, yes," I answered as calmly as possible.

Waspinator eagerly asked, "Can Wazzpinator zzee?"

"What?!"

"Wazzpinator never zzeen anything like that."

"I...I..."

"Haven’t you ever seen the stuff in the top drawer of her dresser?" Tarantulas asked from behind us. "It looks kinda like that."

"Ooh," Waspinator said happily. "Lookzz different on paper."

I started to nod, but then it hit me. "Tarantulas, when did you see the stuff in my dresser?" I asked sharply, turning to look at him. "I don’t remember ever letting you see that!" And I was SURE I would have remembered...

"Oops!" Tarantulas fidgeted. "I, um, I saw it when, er, you were, uh, abducted?"

"Riiiight," I said sarcastically. "Wasn’t that the side of my room that had the roof cave in on it? As I recall, the only part of my room that still was intact was the side with my bed on it. That part of the roof was still over it!"

"Slag," he muttered.

"I think you and I had better have a nice long talk about prying into other people’s stuff when we get back to my house." Megatron cheered, and I twisted farther around to look at him. "Like you’re any better." He made a face as Rattrap laughed from behind him. "Neither are you, vermin." That shut them up. I think Dinobot actually smiled...

As I turned back, I grinned at Rampage and Depth Charge. They scowled back, but they couldn’t do anything but glare. Their seatbelts had them strapped down with their arms at their sides, tight as I could pull the things.

"Having fun?" I asked cheerfully.

"I hate you," Rampage growled. Depth Charge mumbled an agreement.

"That’s nice. But you do realize that you brought this on yourselves by fighting, right?" I waited expectantly, but they didn’t say anything. "You do realize I still have those Disney videos somewhere, right?"

"Okay, okay, we get the point," Depth Charge said immediately. "We won’t fight in the store!"

Rampage stayed silent.

I leaned on the arm rest of my chair and looked at him. "Rampage, look out the window," I said softly. We were at a red light at the moment, so he looked. "What do you see?"

"A building."

I nodded. "Do you see the sign in front of it? What does it say?"

He narrowed his eyes and spelled it out slowly, trying to read it from this far away. "A-B-C D-a-y-c-a-r-e C-e-n-t-e-r. Um." He looked again and shifted uneasily. "You wouldn’t..."

"I most certainly would," I assured him. If it meant that those two would be separated for this trip, I would! I almost was hoping that one of them would do something...please?

Rampage gulped and said faintly, "I’ll behave."

Drat. Oh, well...

I turned back around in my seat. Waspinator was still looking through that magazine, and I absently looked down at the page. It showed...

"Demented Lady, what izz--"

I ripped the magazine away from the curious wasp and threw it out the window. "I really don’t think you need to be looking at that."

"But--"

"Oh, look," I loudly said in relief, ignoring the Predacon. "We’re there!"

Rolland turned The Beast into the parking lot, and the Beast Warriors craned their heads to see out the windows at the store. It was huge! Welcome to ‘Sam’s Club’, my source of all things bought in bulk.

"Is everything bigger here just because we’re smaller," Dinobot’s voice said from the back, "or is that place really as large as I think it is?" There were mutters of amazement and awe from most of the others.

I laughed at them all. It was really weird seeing the guys staring wide-eyed at a store... "Pick what mode you want to be in," I chuckled. "It’s time to go shopping."

Silverbolt and Cheetor were the only ones who chose their beast modes. Rampage was in his vehicle mode, and everyone else was in their robot modes. I made Silverbolt and Cheetor both wear leashes, just in case...

I yelled the mob into something resembling order and herded them across the parking lot as Rolland took off to go talk with the ‘Sam’s Club’ mechanics (did I mention he’s obsessed?). That left me with the Beast Warriors.

What fun...NOT!

"Rampage! Stop running into cars!" I screamed. Rampage had been apparently been randomly picking targets and charging into them, just so that he could laugh at the damage. The miniature tank didn’t listen until one of his victims fought back. The driver inside the chosen target revved his engine and sped up, coming at Rampage head-on. It was almost like a deadly game of ‘Chicken’...

The Predacon was the one who swerved at the last second, though. The driver and car drove past triumphantly, the slightly deranged look on the driver’s face showing why he hadn’t cared about Rampage’s HASBRO/Tim-made disguise. Now THAT was road rage!

"What’s the matter, crab cakes?" Depth Charge taunted the sulky tank as he reluctantly trundled back into the group. "I think having a radiator grill embedded in your face would improve your lo--mmph!"

I looked down at him mildly, keeping my hand over his mouth. "Be nice." I slowly took my hand away as Quickstrike tapped my leg. "What?" I sighed.

"Who’s that little lady?" he asked, pointing across the parking lot. "She sure is a purty lady!"

I glanced over at where he was pointing, and a startled giggle pushed its way out. The others looked at me curiously, but I kept laughing. "Quickstrike," I gasped out, "that’s a SHOPPING CART!"

"See, now you’re just getting desperate, Quickstrike," Blackarachnia commented as I folded over with giggles again. The fuzor probably would have blushed if he wasn’t a robot at the laughs from the other Beast Warriors that followed that.

I finally sighed and patted the poor guy’s shoulder. "Don’t worry, ‘Strike. You’ll find someone, yet." He lightened up a bit at that.

"Whether or not it’ll be animate is still up for grabs," I heard Rattrap mutter. I pretended not to hear that...

The automatic doors for the store opened up in front of us, and I dragged out my ‘Sam’s Club’ card to flash at the employee waiting at the door. He nodded and smiled (I’m a regular here. All the employees know me...), but he frowned and held up a hand as I started to walk past his checkpoint.

"Sorry, but no pets allowed." He pointed at Silverbolt and Cheetor. They exchanged a startled look at being called ‘pets’. "I suppose you can leave them at the door with me if you want," the guy offered. "As long as they’re not biters or anything..."

I grinned down at the shocked pair, and then back at the employee. "Oh, no," I said casually. "In fact, they LOVE kids, so if anyone wants to pet them, they can just go ahead!" Yay! Thank you for the disguises, Tim (not HASBRO. I’ll never thank HASBRO...)! Now I could foist two of this mob off on someone else!

I knelt down beside the two and spoke quietly. "You guys are going to be a nice little puppy and kitty show, okay? That means: no talking, no biting, and no suspiciously non-pet behavior." I stood up before they could protest and handed their leashes to the employee. "You’ll never know how grateful I am for this," I said with a grin he returned. I sighed and looked at the others. They were staring at all the stuff they could see through the second set of doors. "Alright, let’s get started."

My first problem was how to go about getting everything. I hadn’t realized I had such a big list! There was stuff from all OVER the store! And I would have to remember to stop at D&W on the way back for some of the other stuff.

"Stay here," I ordered the fascinated Beast Warriors. Whose idea was it to put the Computer and Audio Systems section right in front of the doors, anyway? Remind me to slap whoever it was...

I ran over to the carts and dragged one of the huge flat ones back with me, only to find that Tarantulas and Rhinox had wandered over to the computers. So I ran over and dragged them back, only to find that Megatron was looking at the stereos, and Rattrap was fighting with Dinobot. So I broke that fight up and dragged Megatron back, only to find that a frantic Depth Charge had somehow lost Rampage, and Inferno was asking a sales lady about buying an ant farm. I interrupted the conversation (I told the lady it was a ‘Children with Mental Disabilities’ outing) and instead got her to lend me some bungee cords.

"There," I said with relief after getting the bungee cords. "Now no one will wander away." The Beast Warriors futilely tugged at the cords tying their wrists to each other. They were now all tied into a long line, one wrist tied to someone else’s wrist, and the other tied to yet another person’s wrist.

That hadn’t helped me find Rampage, but it made me feel better to have all of the others in one area! They didn’t like it much, though...

Depth Charge was having a panic attack. "We have to find him!" he shouted. "He’ll--"

"What?" I asked sarcastically. "Run into people?" I was worried, too, but I wasn’t about to pitch a fit like the ray-bot. He was turning around, looking desperately for the missing crab (his wrist-partners were looking annoyed).

Now, let me see...if I was a mass murderer, where would I go?

Rampage was watching the people behind the meat counter when we found him. He cheered every time one of them hacked another hunk of steak off for packaging. He could just barely see over the counter because he had transformed to his robot mode and climbed onto a chair.

I leaned on the cart and raised an eyebrow. "Ahem."

He turned around saw me. "Oh. Um...sorry?" he said weakly.

"Sorry," I repeated thoughtfully. "Now, is that ‘Sorry for making Depth Charge freak out,’ or ‘Sorry for disobeying Lady Dementia when she said to stay put,’ or," I pointed an accusing finger at him, " ‘Sorry for breaking Rule #2 and transforming’?" He fidgeted, and I frowned. "Or are you sorry for making me take time out of my shopping to go bring you to the daycare center?"

Rampage’s eyes went wide. "No, wait, you can’t--"

"Yes!" Depth Charge yelled. "She can!" He looked VERY smug.

I sighed as Rampage glared at Depth Charge. Did I take the Predacon to the daycare center or not? Would he behave if I didn’t? Rampage looked back at me and attempted to make Bambi eyes at me. THAT was disturbing...

"I’m sorry," he said pleadingly. "I really am!"

"Don’t let him off!" Depth Charge warned me. "He’ll just do something else!"

"Eh, give him a break," Rattrap said from the end of the line. A MAXIMAL was standing up for Rampage?! Depth Charge gave him an incredulous look.

"What the slag," I said with a shrug. A couple people at the meat counter gave me funny looks as I used the ‘swear word’, but I didn’t care. "C’mere, Rampage." He reluctantly got off the chair and walked over, only to sigh in relief as I tied his wrist to Rattrap’s. Rattrap muttered something about ‘You owe me one’ to the crab. Depth Charge was practically foaming at the mouth, but I ignored that.

NOW, onto the shopping!

While I was at the meat counter, I loaded up on the stuff I needed. I went through the checklist just to make sure, enlisting the Beast Warriors help.

"Steak?"

Blackarachnia eyed the label on the package she was holding. "Check."

"Hamburger?"

Optimus and Dinobot both said, "Check." Well, Dinobot’s answer was a bit late due to the fact he was drooling over the raw meat (let’s hear it for plastic wrapping!), but Rhinox poked him to get his attention.

"Stew meat?"

Tarantulas chuckled and revved his ‘pizza-cutter’. "Depends. Can we use Megatron?" He chuckled again at the evil look the tyrant directed towards him. Rampage, being the helpful person he was, volunteered to assist Tarantulas in chopping ol’ Megs up...

I sighed. "Tarantulas, couldn’t you just say ‘no’?"

"No."

I grabbed a package of hamburger and threw it at him. To my satisfaction (and a bunch of the others--but I won’t go into that), it smacked him right in the face. I blew a smug raspberry at him. "Check."

He muttered something in return, but I’m not going to repeat that!

I giggled and got back to the checklist. "Italian sausage?"

Waspinator hefted a package. "Check!"

I took a closer look. "Um, Waspy, that’s a package of hotdogs. Depth Charge is holding the Italian sausage."

"Oh, whatever," Depth Charge mumbled. Waspinator nodded in agreement.

"Chicken?" I asked while rolling my eyes.

Megatron balanced his package on the startled Terrorsaur’s head. "Check!" The rest of the Beast Warriors exploded in laughter while the pterodactyl sputtered indignantly.

I grinned, but then I looked down at my list again and frowned. The ink in the next item was so smudged that I couldn’t read the writing. "Rats!"

"Check!"

"Get da slag away from me!"

"Huh?" I looked up. "Dinobot, leave Rattrap alone!"

I eventually loaded up on meat and headed for the fruits and vegetables section. THAT was a mistake. Actually, this entire trip had been a mistake...

"Terrorsaur, can you get me a bag of potatoes?" I asked while looking at the list.

"Sure." There was a rustle, followed by a shrill scream and several thumps. "Help!"

I looked up to see a pile of potato sacks in the middle of the aisle. There was a hand sticking out from underneath it. "Terrorsaur, I meant for you to take one from the TOP of the stack, not the BOTTOM," I sighed. I glared at the other Beast Warriors, who were laughing at the pterodactyl again, but they didn’t stop.

That meant that I had to be the one to lift all those potatoes back up into their pile. My back hated me by the time I was done...

I slowly straightened up to see a disaster in the making. "Megatron! Don’t touch th--"

"Too late," Rhinox said.

He was right. Megatron poked the peanut mound, and it came tumbling down. Nuts spilled across the floor, burying Megatron and making the area a walking nightmare. Half the Beast Warriors immediately started slipping and falling down, dragging the ones still standing down with them because of their connected wrists. I took one step and regretted it.

"Whooooooaaaa!" *Bam!*

My head hit the shopping cart, and I briefly saw stars. No, not stars; rotating faces. Lemme see, there was Blackarachnia and Tarantulas and Rampage and Rattrap and...oh, they stopped moving. There was still a circle of faces above me, though...

I sat up with a groan, and the gathered munchkins moved back from the ring they had formed around me. There was a hum of anxious chatter. "Are you alright?" "You dented the cart!" "That’s gonna leave a bruise..." "Are you going to kill Megatron?" "I didn’t do it!" (that was Depth Charge) "Hey, you cracked some of the peanuts when you landed!" "Can you do that again?" "Um, there are some people coming over here..."

I blinked at the Sam’s Club employees cautiously coming towards me. "Are you okay, ma’am?" one of them asked.

"I’ve been better," I moaned as he helped me up. I did a double-take at the mess. "Ah, slag..."

Optimus was standing by the main pile of peanuts. "Lady Dementia?"

I put my hands to my head to make sure it stayed on as I turned towards him. "Yes?" I asked as politely as I could. It still came out sounding more like a snarl than a word. He got the idea, though.

"You might want to help Megatron," the Maximal leader told me, pointing at the peanuts. The bungee cord around his wrist led into the pile.

Oh, that’s right. I always knew Megatron was a nut... "Excuse me," I said to the employee. "I’ll be right back." I staggered over to Optimus (I only fell over twice more!) and started digging. Peanuts flew everywhere...

"And what do you have to say for yourself?" I asked Megatron a moment later. He was still half-buried in the peanuts, and he looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Nothing," he said defiantly.

"That’s probably the best thing you could do," I sighed. Grabbing him by the arms, I lifted him up until he was clear of the peanuts.

The employee was still waiting. "Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to pay for the damaged goods..."

Heeheehee, I wasn’t paying for it! "Put it on my bill when I check out," I said airily. The guy looked at me incredulously, but shrugged and left to go help his fellow workers clean up.

I turned back to the waiting Beast Warriors. "Okay, this is going to take too long." I gestured at the list in my hand. Unfolded, it almost reached my knees. "So..." I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "...I’m going to split you guys up, and you can help me."

No good could come of this...

I looked at the three transformers who I had chosen to help me shop. I had deliberately found the three worst troublemakers: Rampage, Tarantulas, and Rattrap. I had figured that Optimus could control Dinobot, Rhinox, Depth Charge and Blackarachnia, and Megatron would have his hands full keeping Quickstrike, Waspinator and Terrorsaur from bumbling their way into trouble. Inferno...well, I had a little talk with him. Basically, all he was allowed to do was push the cart for the Predacons, now.

Both of the factions’ leaders were under strict orders to just get the items on their lists. No fighting, no taste-testing, NOTHING! And if they didn’t do that, I wouldn’t be very happy...

"Alright, you guys," I sighed. "Let’s go find the frozen foods." That was the part of the list we had. Frozen pizza, frozen chicken nuggets, ice cream...all that cold stuff.

"Hey, can I push the cart?" Rampage gave me a hopeful look.

"Er, why?" I eyed him warily. "I think you’re a bit short..."

He folded his arms and pouted. "It looks fun!"

Okay, THIS was odd! "Um, sure," I said. What had I gotten myself into?

Rampage cheered and ran behind the cart. I could just BARELY see his eyes poking up over edge of it. He sure looked happy to be back there, though...

I soon found out why.

"Rattrap, look out!" I shouted as the rat wandered into the way of the cart. Rampage pushed it faster and ran him over with the cart. Tarantulas almost fell over laughing, and the two Predacons exchanged a high-five. I got the feeling that they had planned this...

Rattrap was picking himself up off the floor angrily.

I walked over to where the pair was laughing and tapped my foot on the ground. "I believe you owe Rattrap an apology," I told them when I had their attention.

Rampage shrugged indifferently. "Sorry."

I shook my head. "BOTH of you, and they’re going to be sincere," I eyed them evilly, "or else."

Tarantulas and Rampage drew back. "Sorry," they chorused. I glanced over to see if Rattrap was mollified. He glared at the Predacons and dusted himself off.

"Good enough," I sighed. A smile crossed my face (they all flinched. Why me?) as a thought hit me. I walked over and picked up Rattrap. He yelped, but I set him down on the cart. "Sit down, Rattrap," I cooed. "Rampage and Tarantulas are going to push the cart while you relax."

"We are?" Tarantulas asked in puzzlement. Rampage dug his elbow into his side as he saw the pointed look I cast towards Rattrap. "Oh! Um, yeah, that’s what we’re going to do." The Predacon munchkins moved forward and pushed the cart as I started off towards the frozen foods section again.

Rattrap laughed and reclined among the meat and potatoes.

I stopped as I reached a freezer. Hmm, frozen pizza? Yep, needed that! I turned to talk to the three Beast Warriors, but they weren’t there. What now?!

Rattrap’s screaming turned me to the side, where my eyes widened at the cart hurtling towards me. Rampage and Tarantulas were both laughing insanely from where they were standing far behind it. Apparently they had started running down the aisle and let go.

I stood there as cart and contents came rushing towards me. There wasn’t anyplace I could move to, since this particular freezer was boxed in by two others...

Rampage and Tarantulas realized that about two seconds after I had already resigned myself to being hit by a runaway cart. They yelled in panic and sprinted forward, but it was too late. The cart hit me, and I caught Rattrap as he came flying off of it. The meat and potatoes slid off the cart, adding to the impact against my legs.

I blinked. "Ouch," I said conversationally to Rattrap, who was clinging to my shirt. He was watching me incredulously. Rampage and Tarantulas arrived just then and hesitantly pulled the cart away from my legs. There were shallow cuts across them where the bottom of the cart had hit, and they were bleeding. I looked down at the blood.

"Ouch," I repeated. I slowly sank down until I was sitting on the floor. I let Rattrap go, and he backed away from me cautiously. I smiled at him, and he cringed. "Ouch."

"Um, Lady Dementia?" Tarantulas was cowering behind the cart. "Are you okay?"

"Ouch."

"Lady Dementia?"

"Ouch."

"I think her brain’s stuck," Rampage whispered to his partner in crime.

"Ouch."

Rattrap snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Anybody in dere?"

"Ouch."

Tarantulas timidly reached over and snagged the shopping list from where I had dropped it. "Let’s go get everything on the list," he told Rattrap and Rampage. "Maybe then she won’t kill us..."

"Why?" Rattrap asked. "I didn’t do anything!"

"Ouch."

Rampage lifted the rat by the back of his neck. "She might not kill you, but I certainly will!"

"I’m goin’! I’m goin’!"

The three mini-Beast Warriors tip-toed away to finish the shopping. I waited until they were out of sight to start giggling. Yeah, my legs did hurt, but only a little bit. Why the act, then?

Because while THEY were doing the frozen foods shopping, I was going to go check on the others. Hopefully they hadn’t done TOO much damage...

I walked down the aisles until I reached the Mechanic’s section. I remembered giving Optimus the section of the list with the motor oil and such on it. Therefore, his group should be somewhere around here. It was only logical...

I should have known by now that logic has very little to do with my life.

There was a horrendous crash from the other side of the store. Well, not really a crash. Sort of a multiple-popping sound followed by that sound uncooked spaghetti makes when it hits the floor followed by the sound of shattering glass, and that was all followed by a whole bunch of dull thuds. Then the yelling started.

You know, I’ve never actually HEARD a disaster before I’ve seen it. It’s a frightening experience. Strangely (or not so strangely), it never even occurred to me that the Beast Warriors WEREN’T involved. I couldn’t tell if that meant my reflexes were finally adjusting, or if I was becoming paranoid. I was leaning towards the reflex one; I could never be paranoid with the guys. They fulfilled my worst nightmares too consistently for me to be considered paranoid...

Rampage, Tarantulas, and Rattrap spotted me as I sprinted across the main aisle of the store. They immediately ran after me with the cart. I ran faster...

I stopped in my tracks as I came to the end of an aisle. The aisle itself was fine. The problem was, at the end of it I could see the wall at the end of the building. There’s a massive aisle that runs along the edges of the building, and the open space at the end of this aisle in front of me was this side of the building’s aisle.

I very slowly walked forward. The Frozen-Food Warriors had caught up to me by then, and they were staring at the destruction they could see. We reached the end of the aisle, and I reluctantly looked around.

The aisle started out like this (I know because I’ve seen it dozens of times): the wall all along the aisle is stacked with Pepsi, Coke, and other beverages. Huge, shallow, flat wooden boxes full of glass and plastic bottles, and aluminum cans. The other side of the aisle is made up of all the ends of the other aisles. Pasta noodles in bags, cereal, Pop Tarts, and other food products were on display there. I had come out of one of the aisles near the Bakery, which makes the huge aisle shift directions. Against the Bakery’s wall there were big racks full of potato chips, Pringles, crackers, and the like.

That’s how it should have been.

What I saw was this: the stacks of Pepsi and Coke had been tipped over, shattering glass and scattering aluminum cans and plastic bottles everywhere. The cereal and such had been thrown among the remains of the beverages. Some of the pasta bags had been ripped open. The potato chips...may they rest in pieces. The popping sounds I had heard must have been from the bags bursting. Thankfully, the ‘carnage’ stopped at the Bakery’s wall, or there would have been cake everywhere, too.

And I had thought the Beast Warriors were harmless without their weapons...

I looked at the fighting Maximals and Predacons, and knew that this was NOT good. Apparently Megatron and Optimus had run into each other in this aisle and, for some reason, had decided to start fighting. This mess had resulted.

I could see Sam’s Club employees and fellow shoppers converging on the area like bees to honey. I’d be lucky if I’d ever be allowed in here again...

Rampage and Tarantulas were laughing their heads off. I was about ready to make heads come off. Rattrap looked ready to just plain head off.

Time to make order out of chaos. Why did I feel like I was the wrong person for the job? I couldn’t even organize my closet, much less a group of little metal heathens like them!

But I couldn’t yell at my closet and get results...

"If you guys don’t STOP fighting RIGHT NOW you’ll ALL be watching Barney FOR A WEEK!!"

The rafters rang, people covered their ears, and Rampage, Tarantulas, and Rattrap hid behind the cart. The Maximal and Predacons immediately turned to face me, most of them dropping their ‘weapons’ (loaves of French bread and bags of pasta noodles, mostly) at the same time. They backed away from each other, nervously eyeing me.

Except for the two Beast Warriors still fighting in the center of the aisle; Megatron and Optimus continued punching at each other.

I walked up to where they were wrestling/fist-fighting (I think I even saw Megatron bite, but I wasn’t sure). I was in NO mood to be nice. Reaching down, I grabbed Megatron by one leg and Optimus by his arm and lifted up. Surprised, they separated easily and hung in my grasp, staring up at me. Megatron tried to glare at me, but it just didn’t work when he’s hanging upside-down.

"You two are in BIG trouble," I said mildly. Optimus gulped.

"Ma’am?" A Sam’s Club employee with a nametag with ‘Manager’ printed on it walked through the pasta to where I was looking down at the two soon-to-be-Barney-fied faction leaders. "Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave," he said firmly, looking at the mess the Beast Warriors had made. "A bill will have to be sent to you--"

"Don’t bother," I snarled. "Just make an estimate and I’ll pay it at the checkout counter." That earned me another surprised look, but the guy shrugged.

Hey, if HASBRO was going to stick me with these ‘devil munchkins’, THEY can pay for them!

At the checkout counter, the bill was grim. I’ll just say it was a five-digit number all together, okay? But one swipe with that little blue credit card, and HASBRO paid for it all! That could be really handy...heeheehee...

I stomped out of the store with the cart (Silverbolt and Cheetor reluctantly left their crowd of doggy-and-kitty-petting fans), heading for the van. One cartfull. That was it. Rampage, Tarantulas, and Rattrap had been the ONLY ones to actually get the stuff on their list! Megatron and Optimus’s groups had been too busy fighting to get their items.

Speaking of Optimus and Megatron...

I glared at the two leaders as I loaded the groceries into The Beast. "You two are riding up front," I growled. They timidly nodded and sat next to the gearshift.

The Beast Warriors meekly did as they were told (for once) and sat where I assigned everybody to. There was dead silence as Rolland drove out of the parking lot. I think they were afraid to do anything. Yeesh, even Megatron looked cowed!

Then again, he had reason...

"Turn here," I ordered Rolland. He shrugged and pulled into A-B-C Daycare Center’s parking lot. Beside me on the floor, Megatron and Optimus couldn’t see anything until it was too late. I had them by the arms and out of the van before they knew where we were.

"Noooooo!" Megatron wailed. I ignored him.

"Lady Dementia, I was preventing the Predacons from--" Optimus tried. I didn’t listen.

I dragged them towards the building (literally. Megatron tried to sit down...), and they whined and pleaded all the way. They even tried to gang up and run back to The Beast at the same time, but I just braced myself against their pulling and grimly pressed on. Thankfully, the Daycare Center’s door was one I could push open, and it locked when it swung shut again.

That was a good thing, because Megatron ran for it when I had to let him go to sign the paper the Center secretary handed me. He pried at the door and hauled on the handle, but it stayed closed. The tyrant started beating his fists against the glass, then.

"Let me out!" he screamed the entire time. I glared at him, but was too busy talking to the secretary to go get him. Optimus seemed to have lapsed into some kind of dismayed trance, leaning against me as I talked.

"...and they really like Barney," I told the lady.

"I hate Barney!" Megatron shouted.

We both ignored him. "I should be back in a couple hours," I said finally.

"They’ll be here, happy as can be," the lady assured me. Then she walked around the desk and knelt by Optimus. "Well, aren’t you the cutest little thing!" she gushed. "I have lots and LOTS of toys for you to play with, and all the other kids will just love to play with you, and--"

Optimus switched from leaning against my leg to clinging to it. "Lady Dementia, I’m really sorry!" He clutched at me as the lady reached for his shoulders. "Please don’t do this!"

"--and there are just TONS of Barney videos!"

"Have them watch lots of those," I said calmly.

The lady nodded and continued peeling Optimus’s fingers loose one by one, giggling and excited the whole time. The Maximal screamed as she picked him up and carried him away through another door.

Megatron heard the comment about the Barney tapes and apparently decided that the glass in the door wasn’t going to break for him. Instead, he came over to throw himself on my mercy, or something like that. He copied Optimus’s move and wrapped his arms around my leg as another Daycare employee came to get him.

"Lady Dementia, you can’t do this!" he gasped as she began prying him away. "How will you keep the others in order?!"

I began limping towards the door, lugging the Predacon leg-leech with me. "I’ll manage," I said wryly. Looking through the glass door, I could see the other Beast Warriors in The Beast, noses (or whatever) pressed up against the windows as they stared at us. I waved and turned my attention back to the limpet I had on me.

"Get off!" I shook my leg. "Off! Off!"

"No! No!" Megatron yelled back at me. At that moment, however, the Daycare employee managed to get him loose, and she slung him over her shoulder. He thumped his fists on her back and screamed incoherently. Yeesh, he was sure acting like a little kid having a fit...

"Have a nice day!" the lady said cheerfully. Then she turned away, still carrying Megatron. "Now, we had better hurry! The first Barney video is just starting!"

The tyrant stared after me, whimpering as I left the building.

Next stop, Meijers!

Rolland pulled into the parking lot, and I got out my shopping list. No splitting it up this time. Cheetor and Silverbolt chose to stay in their beast modes (I think they liked the attention they got), so we had to leave them at the doors again. The remaining Beast Warriors had gotten over their shock at my leaving Megatron and Optimus in A-B-C Daycare Center, so they were back to their normal behavior.

Thrillsville.

"Rattrap, wait until I buy it until you eat it!" Exasperated, I snatched the giant cheese ball away from him. "You can have it for dinner, if you want," I comforted him.

"But I’m hungry now!" He eyed the cheese ball, but I put it safely into the shopping cart. "Eh, when we gonna eat, then?"

I shrugged. "Probably after we get home."

"How ‘bout we git some grub at that ‘Cafe’ thing over there?" Quickstrike pointed with his cobra head at the Meijers’ Cafe.

"When we get home," I said firmly. Pushing the cart along, I left the Fresh Produce area and headed for the Seafood Section. I looked over the fish, hoping to find a semi-edible-looking salmon. I had this great recipe where I could fry it in garlic oil, which would be helpful in keeping Paul away from everybody tonight...

I was yanked from my contemplation of cooking ingredients when I became aware of Depth Charge laughing loudly. I whirled around to see him rolling on the floor with giggles, pointing to where Rampage was staring into the Seafood Section’s display case. The crab looked like he wanted to throw up.

I had been wondering how he would react to this...

"Problems, Rampage?" I asked quietly.

He lifted a trembling hand and pressed it against the glass. "I-is t-that..?"

"Crab legs!" Depth Charge crowed. "Genuine, ripped-off-the-crab, crab legs!" He immediately started laughing again as his description of the Seafood Section’s wares made Rampage back away from the display case in horror.

"N-no! That’s just sick and wrong!" The Predacon crab was starting to have hysterics. The rest of the Beast Warriors were alternately staring at him or at his maliciously amused enemy.

"Excuse me," I called to one of the employees behind the counter. He broke off his staring at the ecstatic ray-bot and hysterical Rampage (or, as he probably saw it, kids) to hurry over. "Do you have fillet of manta ray?"

Depth Charge choked.

"Um, no," the guy said.

"Is there any way to special order it?" I smiled politely (he flinched. Yeesh!). "I have this craving for it right now."

The ray-bot scrambled up off the floor as the employee walked off to talk to his manager. "Y-you’re joking, aren’t you?" I smirked. "No, please, you can’t--" Depth Charge cut himself off as the employee walked back to us with the manager, a tall woman.

"Well?" I asked patiently.

She frowned. "We can order it, but it’s going to cost quite a lot," she said. She named a cost that made my eyebrows shoot up.

"I’ll have to think about that," I said smoothly, and the woman nodded.

"Come back anytime."

I nodded and turned away. Rampage was sitting on the floor looking at the crab legs on display. He was rocking back and forth and moaning. I gave Depth Charge a pointed look. "You want to save one of your relatives?" He nodded earnestly. "Then YOU can make sure Rampage doesn’t fall apart while I’m shopping!"

The Maximal blinked and looked at Rampage. "But--" I started to turn back to the Seafood Section counter. "Alright! Fine!" Depth Charge stalked over to where his worst enemy was staring with fascinated revulsion at the crab legs. The ray-bot hesitated, looking back at me, but then stepped in front of Rampage. "C’mon, snap out of it!" he yelled. That didn’t work, so he slapped the crab. That didn’t work either.

I stopped watching when Depth Charge asked the guy at the counter for a glass of ice water. I had shopping to do!

I was in the cereal section when it hit me. "Where’s Blackarachnia?" Rattrap and Dinobot were fighting at the moment, so I had to separate them before anyone heard me.

"I believe she was with us back where Dinobot and Inferno started screaming," Rhinox said slowly.

I concentrated. That would have been back where I was getting...pasta? Yeah, that and spaghetti sauce. I had barely caught the jar of it Dinobot had thrown at Inferno...

"Hey, is Quickstrike around?" Terrorsaur’s voice sounded irritated. One look at where he was attempting to reshelf the boxes of cereal Waspinator had just knocked down showed why. "He’s supposed to be helping me!"

"Hehehehe, perhaps the widow isn’t as loyal as Silverbolt likes to think?" Tarantulas chuckled again.

I froze. Loyal? Maybe not, but I really doubt that Blackarachnia would be doing anything like THAT with Quickstrike...I could think of several other things she’d like to do with him, however...

I shoved the cart towards Rhinox. "Rhinox, take the cart and keep everybody in one place." I wasn’t going to have him keep everyone quiet; that’d be futile. Tarantulas and Rattrap were already bothering each other. I smacked their heads together as I ran down the aisle. "I’ll be right back!"

I met Depth Charge and Rampage at the end of the aisle. "Have you seen Blackarachnia or Quickstrike?" I panted.

The ray-bot looked up from hauling Rampage down the aisle towards the cart by his leg. The Predacon was dazedly staring at the ceiling from his position flat on his back, and Depth Charge disgustedly dropped the ankle he was holding onto when he looked up at me. "Yeah, sure," he said gruffly. "About three aisles back, I think. By the way," he looked at me curiously, "Did you give Blackarachnia permission to transform?"

"Oh, slag!" I sprinted past Depth Charge. He stared after me and then shrugged and resumed dragging Rampage away.

Sure enough, three aisles down I spotted webbing strung between the shelves. "Blackarachnia?! Quickstrike?!"

"Help!" That was definitely the fuzor.

"What?!" And that must be Blackarachnia.

I glared at the disgruntled widow who emerged from the webbing. "No eating Quickstrike in public," I told her firmly.

"No fair," she muttered. Then she brightened. "Can I eat him when we get back to your house?"

I rolled my eyes. "That’s between you and him. And HASBRO," I added thoughtfully. "Can you eat him non-fatally?"

There was a yell of protest from the wad of webbing in the aisle, but Blackarachnia and I ignored it as we discussed eating Quickstrike alive.

Depth Charge had gotten Rampage upright by the time we got back to the cart. The Predacon crab was still staring at nothing and occasionally giggling and/or crying. Most of the Beast Warriors were staring at him. The crab legs must have really shocked the sense out of him...

Rattrap was gone.

"Tarantulas..?" I tapped my foot.

He chuckled uncomfortably. "I honestly don’t have him..."

"Dinobot!" I sternly looked at the Maximal warrior. "Hiding Tarantulas’s dirty work isn’t very honorable." Dinobot glared at me defiantly. "I wonder if Megatron and Optimus are lonely..."

"Okay, okay!" Dinobot kicked a couple boxes of cereal out of the way on one of the shelves and hauled Rattrap out. The poor guy was offline.

I sighed and loaded him onto the cart, carefully moving the cheese ball away from him. What else could I do?

"HeheHEheheHEhe, look at me!" Tarantulas chuckled again as he shuffled down the aisle. The other Beast Warriors saw him and laughed. Some of them copied his idea.

I looked and immediately regretted it. I should have never brought them into the shoe section...but seeing Tarantulas in brown loafers WAS kind of funny...

"Demented Lady, what’zz thizzz?" Waspinator wandered over from the opposite side of the aisle holding a box.

I frowned. On the other side of the aisle was the Meijers Toy City, and the box Waspinator was holding looked suspiciously like...

Terrorsaur, Inferno and Quickstrike ran out of Toy City waving similar boxes. "Guys! Guys, check this stuff out!" Terrorsaur said in excitement.

Inferno was reading whatever was on the Beast Wars box he was carrying, so he stumbled and fell flat on his face. He didn’t seem to care. "The Royalty," he breathed reverently.

I sighed.

"Hey, that’s me!" Tarantulas yelled. He snatched the box out of Waspinator’s hands and stared at it. "It’s Minier-Me!"

Depth Charge was staring at the box in Quickstrike’s hands. It held ‘The Evil Predacon Rampage’ action figure. "Not MORE of him!" he moaned. Rampage sank back down to the floor as the ray-bot let go of his arm and ran towards Quickstrike, who was showing Blackarachnia, Rhinox, and the reawakened Rattrap his prize.

Ripping the box out of Quickstrike’s cobra head’s jaws, Depth Charge threw it on the ground and started to stomp on it. Blackarachnia and Rhinox managed to restrain him long enough for me to grab him, so the box suffered minimal damage. I threw the crazed ray-bot into the shopping cart for the moment.

"What, you think HASBRO has me baby-sitting you goons for no good reason?" I asked all the incredulous Beast Warriors. "They’re making a profit off of you!" At least, that was MY theory as to why HASBRO hadn’t just abandoned the guys to the Vok.

"Right..." Inferno was staring at the ‘Transmetal Megatron, Mighty Leader of the Evil Predacons’ action figure. "Can...can I get this?" He looked up at me pleadingly while the others watched hopefully. "Please?"

"No." I took the Megatron toy away from him. "And you know why? Because I SAY so!" I turned to where Tarantulas was still staring at his tiny image. "And take those shoes off!"

"Ooo, Demented Lady try this on!"

"No, this looks interesting."

"How about this?"

"Is polyester okay?"

"Um, Depth Charge? Rampage is drooling again..."

"Slag."

"This one’s tie-dye. Is that alright?"

I buried my face in my hands and tried not to scream. I will never, EVER, ask the Beast Warriors to help me pick out clothing again. My supply of tee-shirts had been dwindling the whole summer I had spent with the guys (Inferno had used one to make a torch, Megatron had gotten one with the grill, Optimus had done a sewing disasters on one, Just Insane’s shirt had been incinerated...) , so I thought, hey, it’d be a simple thing to just pick some more out while I was at Meijers, right?

Whatever.

Terrorsaur and Rattrap had gotten into an argument about styles, Rhinox, Inferno, and Dinobot were looking over the Activity-Wear (sports bras and spandex--what fun! NOT!), Tarantulas and Depth Charge had made some agreement that they would both keep half an eye on Rampage (who was still acting REALLY weird), Quickstrike wanted me to look at cowboy hats, and Waspinator was attracted to anything colorful.

Blackarachnia had disappeared again, but she had promised to stay in the clothing department before she left. Which meant, I was left with the rest of the guys, who apparently wanted me to try on half the clothing department’s wares. What...fun...

"No," I said when Rattrap and Terrorsaur presented me with the polyester Bermuda-patterned shirt.

"No," I said when Rhinox and Dinobot showed me the sports bra and spandex shorts combo.

"No," I said when Quickstrike tried to drag me off to look at hats.

"Maybe," I said when Inferno discovered the flame-patterned halter-tops with matching socks.

"Maybe," I said when Tarantulas pointed out the dragon tee-shirt with a spider web background.

"Maybe," I said when Depth Charge found a shiny water-patterned shirt. "If you find one Rampage hasn’t drooled on, that is," I added. The ray-bot spun around to where he had left the dazed crab and started muttering curses...

"No, no, maybe, no, what is this thing, anyway? No, no, maybe," I said when I sorted through all the stuff Waspinator had collected.

Somehow, all the ‘maybes’ ended up in the cart, and I was herded towards the Dressing Rooms. Despite my protests, the Beast Warriors were determined to see what I would look like in clothing of THEIR choosing.

"Who says I’m going to show you?" I asked, just to irritate them.

"You have to!" Terrorsaur exclaimed.

"Why?"

"Um, because." Tarantulas blinked. "Yeah, just because."

Now THAT was a convincing argument...

"I’m NOT coming out," I said to the door.

"C’mon, please?" Rattrap pleaded. "I wanna see ya!"

I looked at the flaming halter-top. "Oh, I don’t think so." Nobody was going to see me in this!

There were furious whispers from the other side of the door, and then Blackarachnia’s voice emerged from the mutters. So she must have returned...

"Can you just try this last thing on? I think I got the one in your size!" A bundle of blue, purple, and black came flying over the door. "You don’t have to show us or anything..."

Suspiciously, I stripped off the halter top and looked at the bundle. It was a dress. A very prettily-colored dress, but still a dress. I hate wearing dresses! But if it made them happy, I guess I could try it on...I piled my clothes in a corner and slipped the dress on. A short hemline with a low neckline, and very clingy. I wouldn’t be caught DEAD in this thing!

"Okay, I tried it on," I said to the waiting Beast Warriors. "Are you happy no--HEY!" I watched in shock as the black widow spider slipped back under the door with my shirt and shorts. She left the shoes behind. "What do you think you’re doing?!"

"Come out so we can see you!" Tarantulas chuckled.

"Get back here with my clothes!"

"Eh, you’ll have ta come get ‘em!" Rattrap was laughing, too.

"You guys are going to be watching Disney tapes when we get home," I stated calmly.

There was silence, and then Depth Charge sighed. "We finally pulled one over on you," he said. "This is definitely worth it!" There were faint cheers at his words, and I growled.

"So be it," I mumbled and opened the door. I glared at the waiting transformers, who were all staring at me. "Well?" I asked expectantly.

"Demented Lady is colorful..." Waspinator had this glazed look in his eyes.

"Um, yeah," Quickstrike agreed.

"Are you going to buy it?" Blackarachnia asked hopefully.

Dinobot eyed me critically. "You wouldn’t fight well in it."

I rolled my eyes. "I MEANT, where are my clothes?" Blackarachnia reluctantly handed them to me, and I scowled at her. "I am NOT buying this!" I glanced at the others, who were still dazedly watching me (except for Rampage--he was just dazed). "Don’t ever say a WORD about this again!" I hissed and slammed the door.

I couldn’t wait until I got home. This was the worst idea I’ve ever had...

Almost done. I just had to check out! And the great part was, no MAJOR havoc had been done to the store (although Waspinator discovering the candy section and Inferno finding the candles had come close), and coming to Meijers meant that we didn’t have to stop at D&W on the way back! That’s called ‘preventing disasters’...

Unfortunately, there were long lines at all the check-outs. While standing there in line, I discovered some interesting things:

1. Tarantulas is a rather accomplished pick-pocket. I found that out after I discovered him looking through my wallet, and about six other people’s. I made him find and apologize to each and every one of those people. He was hiding behind my legs after we spoke to the body-builder, who gave him a fascinating lesson in what happens to thieves...

2. Rampage as a semi-hysterical vegetable is one of the more disturbing things I think I’ll ever see.

3. Rattrap doesn’t like the taste of the red plastic wrapped around the cheeseballs. He ate them while I wasn’t looking and promptly threw them back up again. What a mess!

4. Terrorsaur and Quickstrike combined aren’t strong enough to stop Waspinator when he has candy and sugar on his mind. Rhinox and Blackarachnia had to help them restrain him, and even that didn’t work very well until I promised to buy him a pack of Skittles (yummy!).

5. Dinobot laughing uncontrollably at Rattrap after he barfed isn’t the best way to keep things peaceful. Especially when they were fighting while an impatient teenage Meijers employee was trying to clean things up. I almost had to call the manager to help me separate them all...

6. Inferno is really obsessed with Megatron’s (‘The Royalty’s’) action figure. I ended up holding his hand to keep him from wandering back to Meijers Toy City to stare at it, and I got REALLY sick of him whining.

7. Depth Charge is not a good choice for babysitting a mentally ill person. I kept him confined to the shopping cart for the rest of the shopping we had to do after he finally snapped back in the Interior Decorating department. Rampage just sat there blinking blankly when the ray-bot began raving...

And finally, I discovered:

8. I think Silverbolt and Cheetor are NEVER going to get over being adored and petted by the Meijers customers and employees. Even from the check out counter, the Beast Warriors and I could see the huge crowd around the fuzor and cat. Blackarachnia was jealous of all the attention, but Silverbolt returned easily to being her loving boyfriend. Cheetor, well, he seemed to think that he’s ‘the most adorable kitty-cat!’ (to quote one fat lady who was petting him). Hopefully, his now-swollen head will deflate before someone (Beast Warrior or otherwise--he was starting to get on my nerves) tried to kill him...

Home. I...want...to...go...home!

"I’m hungry!’ Terrorsaur complained.

"Me too!" Tarantulas whined.

I peeked out from under the arm I had flung over my eyes. "We’re going home," I moaned. "What more do you want?!"

"Food!" Dinobot shouted.

"Crab legs!" Depth Charge yelled. That earned him a few slaps upside the head from Inferno, Rhinox, and Tarantulas.

"Noooo," Rampage groaned in his first coherent word in about an hour and a half. Of course, then he collapsed back into violent twitching and babbling gibberish, which caused the three previously mentioned transformers, plus Terrorsaur and Blackarachnia this time, to knock Depth Charge on the head again.

"Ow! Ow! Cut that out!" The ray-bot lost his balance and fell off the seat with a thud.

"NOW look what you’ve done!" Tarantulas and Rhinox tried to pin Rampage to the seat, but the crab was thrashing and gibbering much too vigorously for that.

"Get him on the floor!" Inferno ordered. He enlisted Silverbolt’s help in grabbing Rampage’s feet and keeping them as still as possible.

Blackarachnia and Terrorsaur tried to get his hands. Tarantulas and Rhinox sat on him, and Quickstrike shoved a certain sulking ray-bot out of the way to make room for Rampage’s convulsions. Rattrap and Dinobot went for the Predacon’s arms, hoping to keep them still. Waspinator ended up keeping Rampage’s head on the floor so he wouldn’t hurt himself or the van’s floor by throwing his head around.

Basically, the Beast Warriors ended up piling themselves on top of Rampage in a blatant disregard for vehicle safety laws. Who needed seat belts? Ah, yes, nothing brings Maximals and Predacons together like immobilizing someone...

All of which wasn’t improving my battered and worn patience one bit. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I screamed while Rolland ignored everything and kept driving. Depth Charge, who had just started to grumble something, hid behind a seat. The other Beast Warriors stared up at me in amazement. I was pitching a fit! "We’re going to go to A-B-C Daycare Center, pick up Megatron and Optimus, and then go home! I don’t want to hear another WORD of complaint, or you can all WALK home! If anyone starts fighting, I’m going to give them to Paul! IS THAT CLEAR?!!!!" I roared. I brought my fist down onto the dashboard in emphasis, and the old plastic cracked under the blow, the sound easily heard in the dead silence.

There was a long pause, and I fumed right through it.

Finally Inferno nodded. "Y-yes, L-Lady Dementia," he said shakily.

"Good!" I turned back around in my seat and slouched down in it, crossing my arms over my chest and gritting my teeth. Behind there were soft noises as they all tip-toed back to their seats. Even Rampage had stopped talking (if you could call it that...).

I swiped the ‘credit card’ through the slot and signed my name. Ta-daa! HASBRO even paid for daycare.

Sighing, I turned as the door to the Play Room opened to let Megatron and Optimus out into the real world again. How bad was the damage going to be..?

"Hi," Megatron said mechanically. Optimus waved at me with a blank look on his face.

I walked over and looked down at them. "So, did you have fun?" I asked carefully.

"I don’t want to leave," Optimus said. "It’s fun here."

"We want to stay and share toys with Sue and Cory," Megatron said at the same time. They both had the same dull look on their faces, like they really WEREN’T more intelligent than the little kids Tim was making them appear to be.

I blinked. Looking up at the A-B-C Daycare Center secretary, I blinked again. Megatron? Share? Optimus didn’t want to leave? "Did you brainwash them?" I asked the lady uncertainly.

She smiled. "Oh, they watched the Center’s ‘nice manners’ videos most of the time they were here after Sally caught Op," that was the name I had signed Optimus in as, " trying to pick the door lock and Megs," yes, I actually signed Megatron in under that name, "teasing some of the kids. Aren’t they so NICE, now?" She beamed at me. "They acted SO much better around the other kids once the videos were done!"

Yeah, I’ll bet. Sucking their personalities out and reprogramming them using cutesy children’s videos WOULD make them act nicer.

"Um, okay." I grabbed the two Beast Warriors by the hands and beat a hasty retreat. I did NOT want to stay around there any longer than I had to! It was creepy!

Optimus and Megatron started crying and whining about ‘their friends’ and ‘sharing’ in the parking lot. The faces of the other transformers in The Beast’s windows stared in disbelief. I felt like I had to throw up. Getting them into the van, I strapped them into the front seat next to Rampage. All three of them sat there with goofy looks on their faces.

Oh, great. Now I had a zombie-fied front seat. Rampage was shocked out of his mind, and Megatron and Optimus were acting like typical brats--I mean, kids.

Terrorsaur cautiously touched Megatron on the shoulder. "Um, Leader?" he asked tentatively.

"Don’t touch me!" the tyrant fussed.

Optimus giggled and poked him in the side. "I’m touching you!" he crowed.

"Lady Dementia, Op is poking me!"

There were incredulous stares as Megatron used the shortened version of Optimus’s name, but the rest of the Beast Warriors could only watch in stunned stupefaction as the Predacon and Maximal leaders proceeded to get in a fight, complete with name-calling and shoving.

"Why me?" I wondered out loud. No one heard me over the sounds of ‘Ape-boy!’ and ‘Dumb dino!’. I was about to have Rolland drive out of the parking lot when one of the A-B-C employees came running towards us. I rolled down the window.

"There’s a phone call for you!" she panted. "Inside!"

"Really?" That was strange...

Leaving the bickering Beasties behind, I climbed back out of the van and jogged inside again. The secretary handed me a phone, and I put it to my ear.

"Hello?" Who could have called me?

"Lady Dementia."

"Oh. Hiya, Tim. Whatcha need?" Well, THAT explained it...

"HASBRO is disturbed at the amount of money you are spending."

Oh, are they? "Too bad," I snapped. "They wanted the guys to stay with me, so they’re just going to have to pay for the damage the little cretins are doing!"

Tim actually sighed.

"Tim, are you getting a personality?" I asked before the computer could say anything.

"Possibly." Tim shifted topics before I could ask more. "HASBRO cannot at this time judge which costs are unnecessary, so your credit card account is still active until HASBRO finds it necessary to send a representative out to check each cost. Please do not continue spending HASBRO’s money at the rate you have been, or that will happen."

I automatically started to grumble a grouchy answer in reply before it hit me. Representative? "If I keep spending tons of money," I said slowly, "will HASBRO send someone to me to find out why?"

There was a wary pause. "Yes," Tim said reluctantly. It was DEFINITELY starting to get a personality...

"HeeheeheemwahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" It was only after I threw my head back and laughed evilly that I realized I was freaking the poor A-B-C Daycare Center secretary out. "Er, sorry," I said awkwardly and held the phone back up to my ear. "Tim, I gotta go. I just remembered that everybody’s hungry, and I don’t feel like cooking tonight."

"Lady Dementia, you’re not goi--"

"Later!" I said cheerfully and hung up. I smiled merrily at the secretary (she flinched, but at the moment I didn’t care) as she took the phone back, and then I left the building, cackling madly all the way. I probably frightened the parents with three children who were coming in the door at that moment...

I bounced into The Beast and grinned back at the Beast Warriors. "So, is everybody still hungry?"

Most of them looked wary (Rampage, who was calmly staring out the window for the moment, Megatron, and Optimus, who were still having a poking fight, were the only exceptions), but hunger won out over caution.

"Yes!" Depth Charge yelled loudly. The others echoed him when I didn’t do anything bad to him.

I chuckled. "Where’s the closest four-star restaurant?" I asked Rolland. He gave me a weird look. "Or at least one of the most expensive," I amended.

He smiled. "Is Brann’s Steak House good?"

Mmmm...yummy! "Let’s go!"

I sat back from the remains of a Roast Beef and Steak Dinner and gave a tiny burp. Okay, okay, I belched so loud the plates on the table rattled. Ah, life was good...for the moment. But, hey, ‘Carpe Diem!’ Seize the day! Live for the moment!

"Excuse me," I said tranquilly to the astonished looks my delicate (depends on your definition, I guess...) burp earned me. The Beast Warriors (Rolland didn’t even glance up) blinked at me, and then shrugged and went back to whatever they had been doing.

For Rattrap, that included ordering yet another plate of appetizers. I think he was addicted to the mozzarella sticks. Rhinox was placidly munching his way through a gigantic salad while Dinobot, who was sitting next to him, ripped into a VERY rare steak. Quickstrike was eating the taco he had finally decided on, but his cobra hand had its own plate of food. It had chosen chicken. The fuzor had actually argued with himself over what to eat...

I had ordered Optimus and Megatron two Kid’s Meals, so they were happily eating and drawing on their place mats with the crayons that came with the meals. That didn’t mean they didn’t occasionally start fighting when Megatron tried to steal Optimus’ French fries, but it wasn’t that hard to separate the two. I just slapped their hands and scolded them. It was weird when it actually worked...

Silverbolt and Blackarachnia were in the booth across the aisle from everybody else because me and most of the Beast Warriors (everybody but Rhinox) couldn’t stand to eat while they were feeding each other from the Pork Roast For Two. How nauseatingly sweet...

Terrorsaur had gotten the Fish Platter, and he was currently trying to prevent Waspinator from going back to the Dessert Bar for the fifth time. The Predacon wasp had already eaten so many sweets, he seemed to be in fast-forward from the sugar high. Inferno had gotten the Cajun Chicken, and was happily pouring yet MORE hot sauce on it. Cheetor was off at the Salad and Food Bar again, loading up on whatever caught his eye. Tarantulas (it was his eighth trip) and Depth Charge had already returned from it and were resignedly trying to interest Rampage in eating something. The crab wasn’t cooperating.

Nothing too drastic had happened while we were in the restaurant. I think the guys had worn most of their mischievousness off while we were shopping, or at least I hoped so. The bill for this meal was going to be large enough without the Beast Warriors adding damage estimates to it...heeheehee...

You see, I WANTED a HASBRO representative to come talk to me, and this was such a FUN way to make that happen!

"Get out of there!" I looked down at the bottom shelf of the cupboard and Rattrap reluctantly emerged. I hissed at him and went back to organizing the groceries, only to find that Inferno was occupying the spot I wanted to put the potato chips in. "Move!"

The Beast Warriors milled around the kitchen, supposedly helping me put away the groceries, but so far only managing to get in the way. One of the problems with babysitting ‘devil munchkins’ was that they were small and curious enough to get into everything! I couldn’t close a cabinet without first making sure there wasn’t a transformer hiding inside, and Tarantulas had already broken a jar of spaghetti sauce when he had accidentally pushed it off a shelf when he was on it.

"There," I sighed, looking at the counter covered with empty grocery bags. "I’m done." Immediately, there was a crash behind me as the cupboard I had just filled emptied itself.

"Oops!" Cheetor’s voice said.

"I’m going to turn around after I throw these away," I said, gathering up the empty bags. "If that cupboard’s contents aren’t back in it by then, I’m going to be very angry." I threw the bags away to the sounds of desperate scramblings. I turned around to see Cheetor standing in front of the cupboard looking relieved.

I nodded and glanced around. "Everybody come into the living room," I ordered, and all the Beast Warriors tramped into the room, fighting over who got to sit where. I prodded Rampage in, too.

The living room was the TV Room in the Beast Wars Universe, but here all the couches and chairs seemed comfortable and the TV didn’t seem like a big threat.

Uh-huh.

"Time to watch Barney!" I said cheerfully, and everybody but Optimus and Megatron yelled in protest. "Hey, it’s not MY fault you guys stole my clothes," the ones involved in that flinched, "or disregarded my warning," Optimus and Megatron looked at me blankly. They were in ‘kid mode’. They WANTED to watch cute movies...scary...

I was hoping Rampage would snap out of his shock if I forced him to watch Barney, and Megatron and Optimus would EVENTUALLY return to normal. Maybe...

I turned to go into the office/sewing room after turning on the VCR and everything, but paused as there was an immediate stampede to get out of the room. "By the way, I told Paul he could hunt anyone who wasn’t in here tonight," I said mildly. I hadn’t really, but it made a good threat. The Beast Warriors meekly returned to there seats as the video started. I chuckled and walked out of the room.

"Lady Dementia, you have to stop your spending of HASBRO’s money, or--" Tim started.

"--blah blah, yackity yak," I said airily, waving off the lecture. "It’s not like I care, you know. HASBRO stuck me with these little monsters, so I’m gonna get a little revenge. If HASBRO just happens to send me a ‘representative’," I smiled wolfishly (no one was around except Tim, and computers can’t flinch), "well, I might just get a little more revenge..." I tried to contain my evil laughter, but I figured there wasn’t any point, so I just let it out.

I was nice (sorta) and let the Beast Warriors off. I only made them watch one video, which snapped Rampage back to reality. Then Depth Charge tormented the Predacon by telling him what he had been like all day until I separated them and sent them to bed. The Predacons and Maximals, still a bit woozy from contact with a certain non-Megatron purple T-Rex, wandered to their respective resting areas.

It was kind of early, but this was Saturday night. Tomorrow was Sunday, and I had a feeling I would need to get up early to get things organized. Besides, I was tired after a long day of dealing with the Maximals and Predacons. I drifted off to sleep with a thought:

How were the Beast Warriors going to take going to church?!

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