(Beastbot's Note: This fic is rated PG-13 because of some sexual references.)

It was a nice day. All the Predacons and Maximals had wandered off by now, since there wasn’t anything interesting going on.
I was walking around outside looking for my cats. I hadn’t seen them all day, and I was using that as an excuse to not be cleaning or something.

A muffled bang sounded from inside the house. Oh, that’s right. Not all the Beast Warriors had left.

Tarantulas stuck his head out a window. “Is the microwave supposed to smoke like this?!” he yelled to me. I shook my head, and he ducked back inside. I should probably go check it out, but I’d rather not know. Besides, Tim could fix it. The super-computer already had once today.

Things like exploded microwaves had become much more common since Tarantulas had discovered cooking. It combined his two favorite hobbies: making things and eating. Of course, if the others found out he’d be laughed out of the house, but he had managed to keep it a secret so far. I hadn’t told anyone so far, either. I didn’t mind him cooking. I got to sample some of his better creations.

That, and the fact that it gave me something to blackmail the spider with if necessary.

I stopped by the pond in front of my house. I sat down and idly watched the water, thinking of places my cats could be hiding. After about ten minutes, I finally realized something.

My pet goldfish was gone.

I got up and walked around the pond. I didn’t see Tequila the goldfish anywhere. There wasn’t exactly anyplace that a fish that large could hide, so where could it be? Where could a half a foot long goldfish go in the middle of a plain?

Nowhere, obviously. So what happened to Tequila? It was here yesterday morning when I fed it!

Well, if the fish wasn’t in the pond, then it must be outside the pond. How could it get outside the pond?

Someone would have had to take it out. But who?

My suspects weren’t exactly limited. I managed to offend almost all of the Beast Warriors every day, so they were all now possible fish-nappers. And if it was the Beast Warriors (who else could it be?), that probably meant Tequila was dead by now.

In that case, I was out for revenge. NO ONE messes with my pets and gets away with it. I turned towards the house to go interrogate my first suspect.

So much for my nice day...

“Where were you last night?”

“Look, I swear I don’t know what happened to your fish!”

I looked at Tarantulas skeptically. “Uh-huh. And I’m supposed to believe this, why?” I wouldn’t believe anything he swore anyway. After all, he’s sworn lots of things to Megatron, and almost always lied. I sighed, “Just tell me where you were last night.”

“Um, at the base.” He didn’t meet my eyes.

Okay, I’ll test this. “Then you won’t mind if I call Megs up and ask him to confirm that, will you?” I started to walk towards the phone. Tim had hooked it up so that I could use it to call the bases.

A hand on my shoulder stopped me, and I turned around to see Tarantulas looking really nervous. “Don’t! I wasn’t at the base. I was at my secret lab.” He looked at me earnestly, “Don’t tell anyone, though!”

“The lab in the energon cavern?”

He gaped at me. “How did you know where my lab is?!”

By watching a lot of Beast Wars... “I just know.” Hmm, should I believe him, or not? What the heck. “Okay, you’re off the hook.”

Tarantulas looked relieved. “What are you going to do now?” he asked as I walked towards my room.

“Go find the others, and find out who stole my goldfish!”

I hopped down the hall on one foot, tying my walking shoes as I went. I stepped outside and thought for a minute. Where would the Beast Warriors be? At their bases?

It was a start. I headed out in the general direction of the Predacon base. Tim was only along in Walkie-Talkie form, so he would be giving me directions though that. This was going to be a long walk...

A motorcycle zoomed up beside me. “Need a lift?”

Will wonders never cease? Tarantulas was offering to give me a ride. “Are you feeling okay?” I asked as I got on. “This is not like you.”

“I just want to see you question everybody.” He chuckled, and revved his motor. “So, where to first?”

I reconsidered. Might as well tackle the hardest part first. “Do you know where Rampage and Depth Charge might be?” If one of those two had taken Tequila, maybe it was still alive. I dunno, maybe one of the robot sea creatures took my goldfish in a sort of ‘Save The Fish’ kind of thing. Not likely, but you never know.

“I have a pretty good idea of where they could be.” Tarantulas turned around and slowly moved off towards the distant ocean.

What the..? “Why are you going so slow?”

He accelerated slightly. “I didn’t want to accidentally throw you.”

“I’m almost touched. Floor it! I know how to ride motorcycles!” Thanks to Tim and HASBRO, it wouldn’t matter if I fell off. My shielding would protect me. “C’mon, you can go faster than this!”

Tarantulas sped up a little.

“Faster! Faster! Faster!” I chanted. I’m kind of a speed demon...

“I don’t like to go much faster than this,” Tarantulas said finally.

We were probably going something like 50 mph. WAY too slow. I studied Tarantulas’s motorcycle form, comparing it to what I knew about regular motorcycles. Hmmm, that seemed likely...

I twisted what I thought looked like the gas throttle. Hard.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

I held on tight as Tarantulas jumped forward, totally involuntarily. “This is more like it!” I shouted into the wind. I twisted the throttle even more.

“Stop it! Stoppitstoppitstoppit!” Tarantulas kept screaming as we raced across the plain. “I’m losing control! Slow down!”

I reluctantly let go of the throttle as he swerved, proving his point. “Aw, just when it was getting fun...”

“FUN?! Going at high speeds is NOT fun!” Tarantulas wobbled back down to about 25 mph. He seemed badly shaken.

This was interesting... “This form of yours seems to deny that,” I said logically. It was true. We must have been going over 75 mph, and his motor hadn’t even been straining. “What’s wrong with going fast?”

“Um...”

“Haven’t you ever been tempted to find your top speed?”

“Well...”

“Or are you just...scared?” A burst of speed almost sent me flying. So, he was a bit sensitive, hmm? “You’re just too chicken to go fast. I’ll bet that’s it.”

“What?! No!”

“Buc buc buc buc buc...” I started making chicken sounds.

“Stop that!”

“Buc buc buc Bucaw! Buc buc buc buc buc...”

“Quit it! I’m not scared!”

“Riiight.”

“I’m not!” Tarantulas sped up a little.

“Uh-huh, suuuuure. Buc buc buc buc-Bucaw!”

“That’s it!” Tarantulas accelerated suddenly. He kept accelerating. I held on for dear life as we flew across the plain.

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

“Told you I wasn’t scared.” Tarantulas slowly maneuvered around a rock in our way. He had slowed down when we had reached the shoreline, and we were currently on the top of a fifty-foot cliff.

“Uh-huh.” I kept my eyes out on the ocean, searching for a sign of the two mortal enemies. “Are you sure-”

A geyser erupted into the air in front of the cliff.

“-nevermind.” I got up and looked down. Sure enough, there were Depth Charge and Rampage. Fighting, as usual. Now, how did I get their attention?

Ooo, plan! I backed away from the edge of the cliff. Those shields better work good...

Tarantulas transformed and studied the two fighters. “There’s no way you can get them to stop fighting, Lady Dementia,” he said. He turned around and saw me. “What are you..?”

I charged him. He dove to the side, but I kept going. Right off the cliff.

“Cannonball!!”

Well, I stopped the fight alright.

I plunged into the water between the two titans just as they fired their weapons. I didn’t feel a thing as the weapons-fire impacted on me. Except wet. I felt very wet.

“By the pit!”

“Lady Dementia?!”

I blinked my eyes clear, and snorted water when I laughed at the expressions on their faces. Choking, I pointed towards the surface of the water, and let myself float to the surface.

Depth Charge and Rampage followed me up.

“I...gotta talk...to you...guys,” I gasped out as I treaded water. I headed towards shore, but walking shoes aren’t that great to swim in. Depth Charge solved that problem when he came up below me.

“Hold on,” he grumbled. I grabbed onto the top edge of his fins, and he towed me along. “You had to interrupt, didn’t you?” he continued to grumble. “I could have had him on that last shot.”

“Not likely,” Rampage said from alongside us. “My missile would have pulverized you.”

“Yeah, right!”

“Look, Fishface, I-”

“Hey, save the arguing ‘til later, okay?” I glared at Rampage, since Depth Charge couldn’t see my face from where I was. “I have to discuss something very important with you two.”

“Fine.” Depth Charge swam faster and pulled ahead of Rampage. “I still could have-”

I smacked him on the head. “Didn’t I just say to shut up?”

Well, I was thoroughly soaked. I sat on the beach and took off my shoes. Maybe that hadn’t been such a great idea...

Tarantulas ran onto the beach, “Lady Dementia!” He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, “Never do that again! I was worried sick!”

Nevermind, that had been a great idea. Anything crazy enough to shock Tarantulas was automatically a great idea. “Lemme go! I knew what I was doing!” Sort of.

He let me go. “Now I know why you’re called Lady Dementia,” he muttered.

“The Demented Angel,” I said cheerfully. “It took you this long to figure that out?”

Depth Charge interrupted us before Tarantulas could answer, “What did you want to talk to us about?”

Oh, yes. The thought of my missing goldfish sobered me up. “Where were you guys last night?”

Rampage shrugged, “Fighting.” Depth Charge nodded.

Great, all this way for a one word answer. And it’s not like I could doubt them. It’s just what they do. Oh, well.

“Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.” I waved my hand at them, “You can go back to fighting, now.”

They looked at each other, and shrugged.

Tarantulas and I left to the sound of explosions.

“So, now where?” Tarantulas asked.

“Not a clue. The bases?” I tightened my hold on the motorcycle as he went over some bumps. “I don’t know where else to look. You?”

“Why don’t you ask Tim?”

“Good idea.” I unhooked my Walkie-Talkie. “Yo, Tim!” I said into it.

“*Lady Dementia.*”

“You have any idea where the Beast Warriors are?”

“*Yes.*” Tim gave some coordinates that Tarantulas apparently understood, because he turned in a different direction.

“Thanks.” I rehooked the Walkie-Talkie. I began to chant, “Faster. Faster. Faster!”

“Why?” Tarantulas grumbled, but sped up. A little. Boooring!

Ooo, idea... “Tell you what, Tarantulas. I’ll get us there, if you just tell me where to go.”

“Huh? How?”

Heeheehee... “I’ll drive.”

“What?!” Tarantulas swerved in surprise. “You?!”

“Aw, c’mon! It’ll be fun!” For me, at least. Him?

“I, I,” Tarantulas almost hit a boulder.

“See? I’m probably a better driver than you!” Guilt trip!

“But-” He was definitely starting to waver. Heeheehee...resistance is futile! I had already worn him down from nagging him about speeding up. “I don’t know...”

Time to pull out all the stops (shamelessly, of course). “Trust me.”

“Well...” he hesitated, “Alright...just this once...”

It’s amazing how many jumps I could find between here and there...and how fast I took them!

The Maximals and Predacons must have heard us coming from miles away. They weren’t fighting anymore when we came to a screaming halt, anyway.

And when I say screaming, I mean it. Tarantulas would NOT shut up.

“Eh, what’s with him?” Rattrap asked as I jumped off.

Tarantulas finally quieted down and transformed. He stumbled away from me. I didn’t think I’d be getting any rides soon...

I shrugged in answer to Rattrap’s question.

“She’s crazy...completely nuts...” Tarantulas managed.

Terrorsaur blinked. “Well, duh.” All the other Beast Warriors nodded in agreement. I didn’t know whether to feel insulted or complimented, so I settled for complimented. It was probably true, anyway.

I looked around. Everybody but Depth Charge and Rampage were here. Good. “Hey guys, I need to ask you all some questions.”

Optimus and Megatron exchanged a glance, and shrugged. So much for fighting.

“Where were you last night?”

Silverbolt shook his head, “My honor prevents me from answering that.”

Blackarachnia glanced at him and then looked at me. “Okay, I’ll answer for him. Do you want the details?”

“Not really.” If it involved both of them, then I think I know what they were doing...

“We were in my room. All night.”

I really didn’t need to know. “Thanks.”

She smiled, “Not a problem.” Blackarachnia linked arms with Silverbolt and walked off.

“Where were you last night?”

Waspinator shrugged. “Wazzpinator not remember.”

Not surprising. “Do you have any idea what you were doing?”

“No.” He shrugged again. “Wazzpinator sorry...”

I sighed. Did I really think Waspinator would do such a thing? I mean, it was possible, but not very likely. “It’s okay, Waspy.”

He buzzed away happily.

“Where were you last night?”

“Repairing a computer,” Optimus said calmly.

The Maximal leader wouldn’t lie to save his life. “Next!”

“Where were you last night?”

Terrorsaur shifted uncomfortably. “Do I have to tell you?”

“Yes.”

“Er, well, I was in your house.”

Ding ding ding! Possible fish-napper! “What were you doing?”

He moved slightly away from me. “Um, I was eating.”

Hey, wait a minute! Hadn’t I caught Terrorsaur and Quickstrike fishing for Tequila once? “What were you eating?” I said softly. If he had eaten my goldfish I’d...

“Cookies.”

...what the? “Cookies?”

Terrorsaur hunched his shoulders defensively, “Well, they looked really good, so I tried a couple, and before I knew it I had eaten them all. I didn’t mean to!”

Just great. Now all my cookies were gone. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. “I’ll deal with you later.”

He gulped, and flew away.

I sighed. Maybe Tarantulas could make some more...

“Where were you last night?”

Rhinox looked at me placidly. “I was helping Optimus repair a computer.”

Another Maximal who wouldn’t lie to save his life. “Next!”

“Where were you last night?”

Cheetor looked at the ground guiltily. “Um, I was kinda listening at Blackarachnia’s door.” He looked up at me pleadingly, “Don’t tell anybody!”

“Don’t you know eavesdropping is impolite?” I asked sternly. It’s never stopped me before, but he didn’t need to know that...

“Yes’m,” he mumbled.

“Alright. You can go.”

“Where were you last night?”

Rattrap gave me a leering grin. “Avidly watchin’ the surveillance cameras.”

Why would that be so interesting for him...oh. “You’re a sick, sick person. You know that, right?”

He laughed, “Yep.”

“Get outta here.” Geez...

“Where were you last night?”

Inferno shook his flame-throwers. “Guarding the colony!”

“Okay.” Like he’s really smart enough to lie...

“Where were you last night?”

Quickstrike mumbled something to the ground.

“What was that?”

“I was practicin’ my aim, alright?” he said angrily.

Huh. That was something different. No way would he have made that up. “That’s good, Quickstrike. Next!”

“Where were you last night?”

Dinobot snarled. “None of your business,” he growled coldly.

“Yes, it is,” I said just as coldly.

We had a staring match and the Predacon-turned-Maximal looked away first. “I was...spying...on Rattrap,” he muttered.

Which meant he was probably watching the surveillance cameras over the rat’s shoulder... “Does everything in the Maximals revolve around Blackarachnia and Silverbolt?!”

He gave me a puzzled glare. “What do you mean?”

Oh. He must not have been close enough. That was good to know. “Nevermind. Next!”

“Where were you last night?”

Megatron glared down at me, and stayed silent.

I started humming.

He recognized the song. “I was in my base,” he said hurriedly.

That made sense. I stopped humming the ‘Barney’ theme, much to Megatron’s relief.

I looked around at the Maximals and Predacons. Either someone here was lying, or none of the Beast Warriors had taken Tequila. I sighed, and started walking back towards my house.

“Lady Dementia, what was this all about?” Optimus asked.

“Yesss, for what reason did you stop us?” Megatron stomped up to me as I turned around.

I looked up at him sadly. “Someone took Tequila last night.”

“Who’s Tequila?” Terrorsaur said in confusion.

“My pet goldfish!” I told him indignantly.

“Oh.” He laughed. “All this for a fish?”

My fist hit him in the jaw, and I turned to go.

No one stopped me.

I slowly walked along, head down. The sounds of a fight had resumed behind me, but I ignored them. Let them fight. As long as there were no fatalities, and they all showed up in the morning for training, I didn’t care.

I did care that my goldfish was dead. I mean, I wasn’t that attached to Tequila, but it was still one of my pets. And it was really getting on my nerves that I didn’t know what had happened to it.

I was thoroughly depressed. I needed something to cheer me up.

A motorcycle zoomed up beside me. “Need a lift?”

“Huh?” I stared at Tarantulas in astonishment. “Are you kidding? You’re going to risk going through that all again?”

He chuckled embarrassedly. “Well, I found out I kinda liked it, actually.”

Will wonders never cease? “Want to do it again?” I asked as I got on.

“Sure. But this time I’m in control. No jumping ravines!”

Heeheehee... “But I can still do this!” I gunned the throttle.

“AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

“Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

I relaxed into the chair, looking up at the ceiling. This had been an interesting day...Tequila was missing, presumed dead, I had gone tearing around the countryside, and my cats were still in hiding.

I heard a meow, followed by a thump as a weight jumped onto my stomach. I saw it was my white cat, Georgia. Well, okay, the cats were out. But I still didn’t know what had happened to my goldfish.

Georgia leaned over me, and breathed into my face. Her breath smelled like fish...

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