The
Twelve Days Of Summer, by Lady Dementia
On the first day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...a computer of my very own! (D’oh!)
On the second day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...two warring factions! (Predacons, Maximals; Maximals, Predacons. Can’t
we all just GET ALONG?!)
...and a computer of my very own! (I name
you...Tim.)
On the third day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...three of myself! (Crazy Lady, Just Insane, and Lady Dementia; how
much loonier can this get?)
...two warring factions! (Do I have to separate you two and send you to
your bases?!)
...and a computer of my very own! (Tim...speak in language I can
understand, please...Tim? Why aren’t you saying anything--oh, ha ha.
Very funny.)
On the fourth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...four pets in danger! (Get away from my cats!)
...three of myself! (Anybody know why they all fainted like that? We just
said hi...)
...two warring factions! (Maximals are NOT to be used for target practice!)
...and a computer of my very own! (What we have here is a failure to
communicate. Among other things.)
On the fifth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (At best!)
...four pets in danger! (Tequila? Has anyone seen my goldfish?)
...three of myself! (This is so cool!...why are they all running away?)
...two warring factions! (Lecturing Predacons to death is NOT a sport!)
...and a computer of my very own! (My, aren’t we looking evil today!
What’s the occasion? NO! Not Windows ‘98!
NOOOO--)
On the sixth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...six family members! (Rolland, Newton, Sean, Paul, Grandma,
Grandpa--they all LIKE you guys!! What is WRONG with them? Well,
besides the obvious...)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (Can someone hand me the painkillers?
Again?)
...four pets in danger! (Lusha! Rampage is not a chew-toy!)
...three of myself! (You know, I bet we could have some fun with this...)
...two warring factions! (No wrecked furniture, no loud yelling, no evil
laughter, just peace and quiet...there’s got to be a catch somewhere.
What did you guys destroy?)
...and a computer of my very own! (--OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--)
On the seventh day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...seven days in just one week! (Is this a letter from the Vok?)
...six family members! (Am I the only SANE person in my entire FAMILY?!)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (Oooo...lookie all the pretty colors...)
...four pets in danger! (Stop chasing my cats, Silverbolt!)
...three of myself! (Triple-layer, double-fudge brownie cake with chocolate
syrup, chocolate ice cream, and chocolate shavings. Yes, let us savor the
moment...and the food!)
...two warring factions! (Alright, you guys are on your best
behavior...which is making me suspicious. Who done it?)
...and a computer of my very own! (--OOOOO!! *gaspgasppantpant*
NOOOO--)
On the eighth day of my Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...eight annoying Maximals! (The Predacons just blow things up, but
nooooo. YOU had to get stuck in the sewing machine...)
...seven days in just one week! (Depth Charge, I’m going to KILL you!)
...six family members! (There’s just something so wrong about this.)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (Stupid dwarves!)
...four pets in danger! (Cheetor! Stop chasing my dog!)
...three of myself! (I wonder what their problem is? We’re perfectly
happy.)
...two warring factions! (I don’t know what you’re doing, but stop it now!)
...and a computer of my very own! (Hmmm...I
think I’ll call you...MIT. As in, Monster In Training, or something.)
On the ninth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...nine channels on TV! (Lemme see...3, 8, 13, 17, 35, 41, 43, 56, and
whatever channel the all-night Barney marathon hosted by Richard
Simmons is on.)
...eight annoying Maximals! (I can deal with trigger-happy psychopaths,
so why are the Maximals such a problem?!)
...seven days in just one week! (Help! Help! I’ve been abducted by...Bill
Clinton?!)
...six family members! (No, we’re not going over to Grandma’s house! We
can eat here for once!)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (Why, oh why, oh why did I ever take this
job..?)
...four pets in danger! (Stop the fight! His Majesty Thunderbutt is coming
through!)
...three of myself! (Gee, you look familiar. Have we met?)
...two warring factions! (Rampage! Leave Depth Charge alon--Let go of
Optimus, Megatro--DINOBOT! Get Rattrap out of the oven--where are
Tarantulas and Cheetor?!!!)
...and a computer of my very own! (Alright! Alright! I’ll call you TIM!
Yeesh, just a tad bit sensitive, are we?)
On the tenth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...ten deadly robots! (Well, Waspinator and Rhinox don’t really count...and
neither do Cheetor and Terrorsaur...and Silverbolt’s too busy striking
poses and making speeches to kill anyone...but that would probably
eliminate Optimus, then, too--)
...nine TV channels! (Hmm, we lost channel 54...but now we’re getting
the Teletubbies. Weird.)
...eight annoying Maximals! (Go AWAY!)
...seven days in just one week! (I wonder if there’s such a thing as Vok
repellent?)
...six family members! (Have you taken your pills today?)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (The next person who speaks above a
whisper will DIE!!)
...four pets in danger! (Touch my pets and invoke my wrath!)
...three of myself! (We need more caffeine. Definitely.)
...two warring factions! (That’s it, I’m locking you ALL in the
basement--wow, they disappeared fast...)
...and a computer of my very own! (Bad freak
of the unnatural! Bad!)
On the eleventh day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...eleven experiments gone wrong! (What the..? Is that plant RABID?!!)
...ten dangerous robots! (--but Optimus is in charge of the Maximals, so I
guess that makes him sorta dangerous--)
...nine TV channels! (Carebears and My Little Pony--is there NOTHING
good on?!)
...eight annoying Maximals! (And I thought the PREDACONS were
troublemakers--oh, wait. They ARE...)
...seven days in just one week! (I have this strange urge to flee from the
vortex.)
...six family members! (The worst part is that I’m related to them all.)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!)
...four pets in danger! (Kitty! Kittykittykitty--whoops, sorry Cheets.)
...three of myself! (Just think; we might have evil twins somewhere...)
...two warring factions! (Urge...to kill...rising...)
...and a computer of my very own! (I looked up ‘Evil’ in the dictionary
yesterday. Should I be disturbed that your
name was the definition?)
On the twelfth day of Summer, HASBRO gave to me:
...twelve downstairs steps! (There used to be 13...the stairs are sinking
into the Brother Zone!)
...eleven experiments gone wrong! (You turned the toaster into a Death Ray
because..?)
...ten dangerous robots! (--but Terrorsaur HAS taken over the Preds before,
so maybe he IS dangerous...nah.)
...nine TV channels! (Nine channels, and I’m watching static. Gotta stick
with the classics!)
...eight annoying Maximals! (If I throw a Golden Disk, will you leave?)
...seven days in just one week! (Finally! It’s over--oh, not YOU again!!)
...six family members! (Are you sure I’m not adopted?)
...FIVE HEADACHES A DAY!!! (I have a Freakin’ Huge Gun, and I WILL
use it if I don’t get some peace and quiet around here!)
...four pets in danger! (All you big people better watch where you’re
stepping!)
...three of myself! (So how are we going to get them out? They’ve
barricaded their bases’ exits and everything...)
...two warring factions! (Eeni, meeni, mieni, moe. Catch a Maximal by his
or her toe. If Megatron asks, I’ll say no. Eeni, meeni, mieni, moe.)
...and a computer of my very own! (DIE,
SPAWN OF MICROSOFT!!!!)
Rubbing at the headache that was starting (at least they got that part correct), I squinted at the Maximals and Predacons. They all grinned back at me, highly entertained by their own performance. Terrorsaur, who had done the imitation of my voice, appeared to be containing hysterical laughter by the thinnest hold.
I rolled my eyes. "Uh...thanks for the effort, guys," there was an anonymous snicker from somewhere among the ranks at that, "but I really DON’T need a theme song."
Dinobot gave me a vicious grin that held much amusement at my expense. "But it’s perfect!" he said sweetly. There was a staccato ‘ack ack ack’ as Terrorsaur attempted to hold back his hysterics, but that acted as a trigger for the rest of them to collapse into howls of laughter.
I glared at one and all as it went on and on, eventually calming down into giggles until someone pointed at the expression on my face and it started up again. Growling softly, I let them laugh. I supposed that they deserved it after finally getting back at me for everything that had happened so far this Summer. And, really, seeing the Beast Warriors singing WAS pretty funny, even if they were mocking me. (Although I’d definitely have to figure out some way of getting even with Terrorsaur. I DO NOT sound like that!)
I sighed and rubbed at my aching head as the laughter tapered back down to chuckles. "I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again..."
Rattrap smirked. "‘Help me, I’m surrounded by morons’?"
I sighed again. It applied to the situation, but it wasn’t what I wanted to say. "No."
Rampage laughed. "‘Why did I get stuck with these idiots’?"
Raising an eyebrow, I gave the phrase some consideration. It fit, but... "Not that one either."
Tarantulas chuckled. "Um...so what is it that you wanted to tell us?"
"I hate you all."
"Oh." They looked at me blankly. "That’s it?" Megatron asked after a moment. I nodded. He shrugged. "Well, we knew that a long time ago."
Why was I NOT surprised?