Vignette,
by Lady Dementia
"Tell me again why I'm doing this with you?"
"You WUV me."
"I don't think that's it, Overdose."
"Oh, you know it's true. C'mere, and I'll teach you how."
"Is this even physically possible for us?"
"If you're really flexible, yeah. It's better to do this with two 'bots than by yourself, though."
"Hey! Don't touch me there!"
"Geez, Depth Charge--relax. This will only take a few minutes."
"What are you...oh."
"Are you watching this?"
"Yeah...I still don't know why we're doing it, though."
"It relieves stress."
"If you say so. I don't quite see how."
"Well, I knew about this in theory, but Tarantulas helped me with the specifics yesterday. Call it an on-hands experiment. After the screaming was done, he told me it HAD helped."
"Uh...are you sure?"
"Look, all you have to do is put this here, give it a jab, and screw until it feels right."
"Ow!"
"Sorry! I didn't think I was doing it that hard!"
"No, you just surprised me."
"Not too tight, then?"
"A little looser would be pleasant."
"Are you mocking me? I'll just...there. Finished!"
"...slag. I think you broke something."
"No, it's supposed to look like that afterward."
"Oh. Okay."
"So?"
"So what?"
"How do you feel?"
"Better, I guess. I think there should be another way of doing it, though."
"There is, but it involves a lot of screaming."
"Makes me glad I'm not Tarantulas."
"Heehehehehe, you'd be surpri--don't you dare get near me with that thing!"
"Don't you want to find out if there's another way, Overdose?"
"But we just..."
"Aw, c'mon. You're just as stressed as I was a minute ago."
"I'm not in the mood, Depth Charge."
"Why would that matter?"
"...oh, why not. How do you want me to..?"
"Bend over a little."
"Talk about your awkward positions...are you sure?"
"Just tell me if I hurt you."
"OW!"
"Oops. Maybe if you lay down?"
"What, on my front?"
"It'd be easier."
"Hmmph."
"Bend your knee a little, too."
"Great Cybertron. Well, alright. Weird how a so-called 'better way' involves a contortion act from me."
"You never know until you try."
"Isn't that the line I used to get you to try this?"
"Probably. Now hold still..."
"What are you doing back there?"
"What you just did to me."
"Look again, Fish Face."
"Don't call me tha--oh, slag. I'm sorry, Overdose..."
"Just don't let it happen again."
"Let's try it the other direction..."
"Are you doing something?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I don't feel anything."
"Um. Now?"
"Nope. Are you sure you've got it in the right spot?"
"I can't tell with all your fins in the way. I can shift a little higher...ah. There. It's caught on something."
"Now THAT I can feel. Oooo. I never realized how tense I was...ooh, do more of that."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Slag you, Fish Face! It feels good."
"Why didn't you get someone to do this to you before now?"
"Well, I've never had a beast mode before. The pressure's different without organic parts integrated into my systems, and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Why didn't YOU?"
"I didn't know we could do it."
"Pffft. Lousy excuse."
"No it's not! You can't do what you don't know is possible!"
"Whatever."
"You're insane."
"Duuuuuuuh."
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"That's not a good idea considering how we're positioned right now, Overdose..."
"OW! You overgrown flounder, I'm going to--!"
"Wait! I didn't mean to!"
"I knew I should have gotten Rampage to do this with me."
"Hey, I told you we should have stopped!"
"But it felt so nice..."
"So are we finished?"
"I think so."
"You might want to show this to Rhinox."
"I don't know. It might be fun to keep this to myself."
"We're not the only ones who have to deal with this problem, you know."
"Yeah, I guess...maybe this is why Rampage is so touchy all the time."
"I doubt this is why, but anything that makes him suffer is fine with me."
"I'll be nice and go screw him. You go tell Rhinox how to do this."
"Slagging sea slug..."
"I resent that."
"Good."
"Can I get up now?"
"Yes. And give me that."
"Why?"
"Is it yours?"
"When has that ever mattered?"
"...just give it to me."
"Yeesh. Obviously this wasn't why YOU'RE such a grouch. Depth Charge, have you ever considered taking up a hobby?"
"No."
"You should. You could--"
"No."
"Awwww...you're mean. And here I was all nice and shared my new knowledge with you."
"I didn't even know anything was wrong until you showed me, so I could have lived without knowing. Don't try to guilt-trip me."
"I want my screwdriver back."
"Oh, so it's yours now? I'll consider giving it back after showing Rhinox what to do. Uh...would you mind..?"
"*sigh* Tell him that of the connections holding your beast mode to your back, two out of every three are redundant, and in the case of most of the screws, actually increase the strain. If he loosens them, it'll reduce the stress on your shoulders and everybody's just as happy as can be. There, you got all that or should I speak slower?"
"It still sounds like it shouldn't work."
"Well, since when have our beast modes ever had to make sense?"
"True...what are you laughing at?"
"Just a bit of human slang this reminded me of."
"What?"
"I don't think I want to try and explain...I'll just say that humans use verbs weirdly in some situations."
"I'm not going to ask...NOW why are you laughing?!"
"Nothing, nothing!"
"Yeah, right. I'm going to find Rhinox, now."
"Heehehehehe...hey, Depth Charge!"
"What?"
"Has anyone ever told you have a few screws loose?"
"No, but I obviously do now—what the slag is so funny?!"
"Oh, just another piece of human slang. Don't worry your fishy head about it."
"I'm going to start looking this stuff up, Overdose!"
"You do that."
Author’s Note: Believe it or not, this started out as a normal Overdose fanfic, however strange that sounds. I wanted to show how Overdose DOES have periods of normalcy, except that then the idea for this conversation popped up. If you don’t have a dirty HUMAN mind, this conversation is perfectly innocent: Overdose and Depth Charge are fixing a design flaw. If you’re like me and can’t help but see the human double-meaning, you hear Depth Charge and Overdose screwing. Basically, the fic started out as a fanfic instead of a conversation and has turned into a weird look at how differently Transformers view things than humans. To them, screwing is what a screwdriver does to a screw. I’m betting that some aspects of human slang just haven’t lasted…so this is a complete fanfic in that the point is to prod your imagination into filling in the description on your own so you read this Note and think “Huh. She’s got a point.”
Or, “Huh. What an idiot of an author.” That works too. And I’ll admit it: this is as close as I want to get to fulfilling a few fans’ request for a smut fic between Overdose and Depth Charge.