Steel Beauty by: moonchain

Raina had been monitoring Creegan for sometime. She could not figure out what he had been planning. Why couldn't she read his thoughts? She had experimented with trying to control him, but the results were always unpredictable, so she resolved to watch him and infer what he was planning through his actions. Not easy for one who relies on thoughts for secrets.

Meanwhile, at the lab, Cleo was attempting (unsuccessfully) to explain the concept of McDonald's to Mauser. Hel was trying to reconfigure the capacitor for less resistance to the main energy flow in the lab while Sarge was practicing her kick-boxing routine.

"Now, tell me why they worshipped a clown again?"

"No, no one 'worshipped' Ronald, he was just the spokesman and back then people actually liked clowns. They weren't the symbol of evil and terror (well at least for MOST people) like they are today."

Suddenly, a large greenish-transparent box flew in through the entrance wall.

"Get back!" Hel shouted to her teammates. After a few minutes of no movement Hel cautiously approached the box.

"Any idea Hel? Don't touch it!" whined a nervous Cleo. "Remember, curiousity killed the cat."

"What's a cat?" asked Sarge.

"Hel, what is it?" asked Voice.

"Looks like some sort of green box, Voice, nothing mechanical and no weaponry..." said Hel.

At Hel's touch the box began to glow softly on the inside.

"Mauser, come help me with this thing."

At Mauser's touch, though, the box immediately went out. "That's odd," Mauser frowned. He placed it on the lab table as the rest of the crew crowded around it. Hel again pressed her hand to it. It lit up even more the second time. As Sarge gently touched it the box's hue changed to blue. Cleo just stared and refused to go near it.

"How is that possible? There are no wires, capacitors, or electric currents at all passing through there," Mauser muttered.

Hel and Sarge removed their hands from the box and Hel told everyone to stay put. She then jumped through the wall.

Creegan's plans were complete. He flipped the final switches and grabbed his supplies, including a curious device that Raina still could not figure the use for. He had been secret with it even around his own mutant slaves. What she never knew was that Creegan was aware of her presence, always watching her out of the corner of his eye, and constantly battling to keep up the mental wall against her. He was glad the mutants were to de-evolved to be affected by her. He hoped they would be able to keep her from following him through the portal.

"All ready Creegan," came a scratchy voice from one of the mutants.

"Excellent,"replied Creegan as he made his final adjustments. "Wish me luck."

"Er?"

"Forget it. Just guard this portal with your life, no one is to pass through, understood?" With that he turned the portal on. The swirling purple light stormed around until it filled its entire frame. Creegan stepped through.

The afternoon sun was blinding as Creegan walked into the little farming village. Crude clothing, dirty faces, and a putrid smell greeted him. He approached a large burly man holding a hammer in one hand and a long piece of hot metal in the other.

"Excuse me, could you tell me who's in charge around here."

"Well," said the blacksmith, "the Lord Gustavia is the highest rank here but he left for a hunting trip. You could probably check with his advisors but they're not too kind to strangers. And no one is as strange as you." He laughed nervously and seeing his joke only seemed to irritate the man he continued, "There is always Ares. His temple is through the woods and up the mountain a bit. Ya can't count on the gods, though."

"Ares?"

"Yeah, you know Ares, all-powerful god of war. Surely you know who he is."

"Ah yes, how could I forget. Thank you," replied Creegan with an evil stare. He was glad the translator was working or he'd never get anywhere with these primates.

Hel arrived back at the lab with Jerbo.

"I tried looking for the owner of the box but no one was around. I decided another technical mind would be helpful. Do you have anymore information Mauser?"

"Nothing Hel."

"Hel, I'm sensing a strange signal from the box, it sounds like a distress signal," informed Voice.

Hel and Sarge demonstrated to Jerbo what happened when they touched the box. Jerbo laid his hand on a third side and the box turned orange.

"Do you have any idea? Everytime someone human touches the box it changes color," said Sarge.

While everyone was examining the effect of their hands Cleo got the nerve to approach it and upon placing her hand on the fourth exposed side the box emitted a bright white light. The top opened up and sparks of energy began flying around the lab, into everyone's faces, and shooting Mauser across the room. "Ahhhh... What's happening Hel? I can't move my hand!" screamed Cleo.

Next thing the group knew they were sucked into the container and deposited onto a hillside.

"Weird. Felt like that frat party I snuck into back in '97."

Suddenly a gorgeous warrior woman rode up to them and pressed her sword to the back that was facing her. Cleo turned around and gulped. All she could do was gasp "Xena" and passed out.

Creegan had made his way to the temple. Not very interesting, he thought. Just looked like a bunch of stones piled upon one another. As he entered he noticed a dozen or more statues and paintings of the god Ares. "What an ego," he muttered. To the top of the center chamber Creegan shouted, "Ares, I must speak with you."

Three slim figures appeared before him.

First figure: "Name's Deimos, god of Terror, may I help you?"

Second figure: "Don't listen to him. He has no influence with the big guy. I am Strife, god of Catastrophe. Allow me to be of assistance."

Third figure: "Shut up! The both of you are annoying me. I am Discord, goddess of Retribution, and these two idiots don't even have influence over squirrels. Who in Tartarus are you and why are you dressed like that!?"

Creegan stared at Strife and Deimos. He never really had a record of being shocked but as his jaw dropped he had to admit, he was more than a little surprised.

"How do you know me?" Xena cocked an eyebrow at the goofy girl as she awoke after only a few seconds.

"You're Xena. You were like the coolest warrior on T.V. My buds and I never missed an episode! Where's Gabby? Is Joxer still around? What season am I in?!?"

Realizing that the nut didn't really pose a threat, Xena lowered her sword. "Gabrielle! Joxer! Cyane!" she shouted as three odd characters stepped out from the bush behind her.

Hel and Sarge had lowered their gauntlets as well. Jerbo just stood wide-eyed at the sun. "Are we really on the surface? Where are all the bailies?" he asked.

Xena gave him a look as though he had three heads and she should cut off two. Then she examined the female companions. Oddly dressed warriors, it would be difficult to hide in the brush or to blend in during a battle wearing silver and bright red. "Well... whatever floats their boats," thought Xena.

It was easy for Raina to take down the small army that Creegan had posted. She thought, "he obviously doesn't think anyone knew about this." She walked through the portal.

"So this is what he was up to." She wandered around the village marketplace, everyone seemed to be thinking about a tall, frightening stranger but no one had spoken to this unknown. Finally she came across a large, sweaty man and his thoughts were, "Ha! I sent him off for good. He'll either get zapped by Ares or get lost in the woods trying to find his way back."

"Excellent!" Raina accidentally said aloud. Then she realized that people were staring, a few muscle-bound creeps were even approaching her.

"See here! We don't want anymore strangers coming around these parts," said the tall man in front.

"Time to play my little game," winked Raina as she gathered her energy and ran out of the village erasing everyone's memories of her at the same time. By the time she ran through the woods and arrived at the temple she was close to exhaustion.

Joxer, Gabrielle, and Cyane had marched out from behind the brush at Xena's order. Gabrielle's stick was gripped tightly and Cyane unsheathed her sword. Joxer just looked at the group and started laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Hel asked irratably. After Joxer shut up and stared nervously down at his feet Hel tried to assess the situation. "Voice? Voice are you there? Come in. We've lost transmission with Voice, what's the deal Sarge?"

"Well, I'd say we're definitely on the surface, it doesn't have that metallic smell of the experimental levels. I have to go with Jerbo on this one. When do the Bailies start attacking?" Sarge answered.

Cleo stopped admiring the brown and bronze woman for a moment to look puzzled at Sarge, "You can smell if we're underground or not?"

Ignoring Cleo Hel approached Xena, "Where are the Bailies, who do you work for, and what are you dressed as?"

"Except for that first part I could ask you the same thing. What in Tartarus are Bailies on the other hand?"

"We've either ended up in another backwards community like Sarge's sister's or something very weird is going on."

Xena dismounted and decided to introduce herself: "Name's Xena, the tall goof over there is Joxer, that's my sidekick Gabby, and that's Cyane the Amazon."

"I'm Hel, that's Sarge and Cleo, and that guy wandering off is Jerbo, I think we should go catch him before he gets too far. We're from the year 2525 A.D.E.* we think this is our past, we need you're help to get back."

Xena agreed that they were definitely not in the right era and all seven walked after Jerbo. Hel and Xena were trying to figure out what to do (Hel had yet to mention the box), Cyane and Sarge kept a close look-out on their companions, and Cleo grabbed the arms of Joxer and Gabby and started to skip along looking as happy as a little school girl. When they caught up to Jerbo, Joxer escaped Cleo's grip and chose Jerbo to ask about manly fighter in the future. He was sorely disappointed.

Creegan approached Deimos, he looked a little taller but then again, Deimos was wearing heeled-boots. Strife touched the side of Creegan's head and Creegan jumped away, startled. Discord was having a field day. She though this was the funniest thing she's ever seen. Suddenly she stopped laughing.

"Oh no, you mean now I have three of you pathetic losers to deal with. Ugh, why are the gods so mean!" and she stormed off into thin air.

"She is just so moody." Deimos commented.

"Oh, tell me about it, yesterday she was crying out loud in the middle of the Olympic throne room, next she's screaming at Ares to give her a new bow for her goddesshood anniversary," said Strife.

"Women,"

"Psh, yeah, women, go fig." Strife agreed.

"Right then," Creegan began. "So you guys work for Ares? Tell him I've got a proposition. I need to find a certain crystal in exchange I can offer him services or even better powerful weapons from the future. I also have plenty of slaves at hand for any conquests, and they're perfectly disposable."

Now it was Strife and Deimos's turn to stare in disbelief.

Discord decided to hang around outside of the temple to see what may happen. This Creegan was an interesting character. She thought only the occasional insane maniac running around the streets of a city-state dressed like that, but this guy seemed composed, a little freaked by the appearance of her two relatives, but none the less had a calm attitude. She waved her hand over a nearby puddle to see what was going on but before she got a clear image a foot splashed her in the face.

A human woman, who couldn't breathe and seemed to be dressed the same as the creep inside stopped to lean against the frame of the temple.

"Hi, names Discord, are you here with that freak inside as well?"

"My...name's...Raina. I'm here...to watch...Creegan. He's here to wreak havoc on...the underground. I just... want a piece of the action."

Discord's mind fumed with ideas for her new friend and she said "wait here," and disappeared again to get Ares, he would like to be involved in this case.

Strife laughed, Deimos giggled, Creegan raised his hand and out shot a small black death ball which flew right for Deimos' head. Deimos' giggle turned into a girly shriek of terror. The ball zapped both gods into submission.

Ares arrived on the scene. "Hey, a man after my own heart, or should I say flesh and blood. Now we can talk."

Discord and Raina sauntered in and Discord said, "Wait Ares, there's more."

Ares inquired, "And what's your talent little girl?" Raina focused her sights on Strife and released a high pitched sound that would drive the deaf insane directly into the god's head. Strife grabbed his head and fell to his knees, in too much pain to even cry out. Ares laughed maniacally.

"Perfect! Now, before any deals I need you two to do me a little favor." Ares said conspiratorally, grinning from ear to ear.

"Not so fast," interrupted Creegan. "First tell me where the Prometheus Crystal is."

Ares scowled but agreed, "Very well, it's in the Cave of Morbus about 10 miles east." Then he walked up to him, with that grin on his face again, "But you'll have to get through the mighty Xena first."

"I can deal with her. Are you planning on tagging along Raina? I can't seem to get rid of you."

After they left Ares looked at the two gods still griping about pain and said to Discord, "It has got to be just a coincidence."

Creegan marched ahead while Raina was surprisingly enjoying the outdoors. They saw a group in the distance. As they got closer they saw some familiar faces and a tall warrior woman.

"It can't be!" Creegan screamed. "How did they get here?!? And that must be this 'Xena' we're supposed to destroy. Well, I do enjoy a good challenge."

Raina snickered and did a little shifty-hip movement, "Oh, goodie, a massachist."

As Cleo and Joxer belted out the fourth chorus to "Joxer, the Mighty" a black ball whizzed past, nearly slicing off Joxer's ear and began to blast in the direction of Xena and Hel, who ran for cover amongst a grouping of trees. Xena's sword was unsheathed and Hel stood blasting at the object.

Raina leaped frog-like toward the crowd and stood to face Sarge and Cyane. Sarge had her blaster up and ready but seemed unable to fire. Raina said to the girls, "Now, be good girls and play fairly, none of this weaponry nonesense." As she said this Sarge and Cyane dropped their weapons, turned to each other and began to battle it out. Raina thought to herself, "Cyane's a cute one, let's hope she can kick some rear."

Gabrielle rushed out to help Xena. Joxer, Cleo, and Jerbo (seeing no need for his technical expertise) all ran screaming for cover. Cleo said between shrieks to Joxer, "I thought you always tried to help Xena?" Joxer responded, "Sure, ummm... I'm helping her by protecting you. Yeah, that's it. I'm sure she can handle that guy, I mean look at him, who goes around dressed like that?"

Sarge gave a direct blow to Cyane's stomach with her foot but as she raised her clenched fists to bring down on Cyane's head, Cyane charged Sarge's stomach with a head butt. Raina was having so much fun she forgot about the rest of the battle.

"Hel, old friend, good to see ya." The last word slightly fizzled from Creegan's mechanical voice.

"You sure have a funny way of showing it," retorted Hel.

As Hel had taken Creegan's attention, Xena took advantage of the distraction and let her chakram slice cleanly through the black ball as it charged for another shot. Gabrielle snuck up behind Creegan and gave him a large thwack on the back of his knees with her stick. This caught Raina's attention and for a moment her focus was on Creegan's disgraceful situation. Sarge's mind was released and with quick reflexes she pushed away Cyane and blasted Raina into unconsciousness.

The gods had come to see how their new warriors were fairing only to be disappointed. Creegan stood erect, walked over to Ares, and dropped to his knees.

"Pleeeease, just let me have the crystal, I'll do anything, give me another chance."

"Ya know, at first I thought you were nothing like your sniveling look-alikes but now I know you are just a spineless pathetic doofus like them. I have no use for you like I have for them. Too bad for you. And by the way, the Prometheus Crystal can't be touched by mortal hands anyway, you would have fried up into a thin black powder."

Before Ares could kill Creegan, a blast shot him in the side and Hel grabbed Creegan's braids.

Xena said, "Get lost Ares, before you're really sorry."

"You are so lucky that we need you to get us back." Hel said as she gripped Creegan's arm behind his back. On the way to where the portal was, Xena, Gabrielle, Cyane, and Joxer said their good-byes to their new friends.

Creegan said to Hel, "Well aren't you happy to see me in my least dignified moment?"

"You'll have more of those if I can help it." Hel frowned yet seemed pleased with herself.

They passed through the portal. Raina was carried by Jerbo and Sarge who then took her up to the institution. Cleo went through still looking ecstatic from the whole adventure and from getting to meet her hero. Creegan, held by Hel, went through and sighed at seeing the mess that Raina had left before coming through. He saw two of his lackeys though. He nodded to them and one ran for Creegan as the other dropped a smoke bomb. Hel and Cleo made a break for it.

Outside of Creegan's den Cleo laid her hand on Hel's shoulder and grinned, "Don't worry, we will catch him."

Later, in a bar near the lab (after checking in with Mauser first), the girls were enjoying a few drinks. A funny looking man dressed like an ancient Greecian approached them.

"Excuse me?" he said, "but my name is Morbus, I'm searching for this box I lost. Have any of you seen it?"