Disclaimer: I don't own Valyn, though I sometimes wish I did. Neither do Shana, Mero, Keman or the rest. I'm making no money off of this, so don't sue! Oh, and the song lyrics belong to Queen.

Authors Note: I'm assuming from the geographical descriptions that most of the action is happening somewhere in an African type climate. Okay, I have this CD of assorted Queen songs and I listen to it while I write. I thought that "Who Wants to Live Forever" went extremely well with this story. Um, that's all I can think of.

Dedication: To Cat, for showing in interest in my obsession, and for Christine who understands, at least to a point.

Forever

/There's no time for us./

/There's no place for us./

/What is this thing that builds our dreams/

/Yet slips away from us./

The snow fell soft but heavy outside the elaborately gilded picture window, hiding the forest and fields beyond in a mask of startling white. There was no wind, so the snow fell silently, large flakes drifting down from the grey clouds above.

V'gal Lisaya er-Lady Rubicantes sat curled in a large armchair, her fingers idly stroking the heavy green velvet of her thick skirt lapels. She rested her delicate chin on one hand, her light golden hair falling to obscure half of her face. In her stillness, she could have been a statue, carved by a master. Her wide blue eyes hardly blinked, and despite the cold outside, not a trace of redness shown on her ivory cheeks.

"How bleak it is." She muttered to herself, sighing. Once she had thought the unblemished snow to be one of the most beautiful sights in the world. But it only reflected the emptiness she felt inside. Oh, her expression was one of idle boredom, but her face always showed that blank emotion. Training had nearly frozen it so.

Lisaya lifted her head, and shifted her position. She allowed her gaze to travel to the fireplace, and the crackling flames within. They were nearly too cheery for her to take. But it was better to look at the dancing fire then the desolate snow. Anything was better than that lonely, cold snow.

It had been two years since the Second Wizard War. Two years since Lisaya entered her morose state, moving through the day more out of habit and routine then anything else. It was the same everyday. She awoke, allowed the slaves to dress her, took her morning meal, retired to her sitting room, broke for her noon meal, returned to her sitting room, took her evening meal, and went to bed. The days all seemed to run together, all one long day. Occasionally when custom demanded she would rouse herself and attend various functions. She was well aware her father was looking for a new marriage alliance for her. He had given her two years of mourning, but that was all. And the two years were up.

Now I get to look forward to being bartered off to the richest man who offers for my hand. Lovely. Lisaya sat calmly in her chair, hands folded in her lap. Her deep emerald gown was heavy velvet and embroidered in silver brocade. Her light golden hair was allowed to hang relatively loose, held only by a simple coronet of silver and set with a single emerald. She looked as calm and serene as anything, the small placid smile on her lips giving no hint to the turmoil inside of her.

Despite what Father says, I'm nothing but property to him. Very valuable property that he's fond of, but property all the same. Why does he have to be so stubborn and insist I produce a male heir for the house of Rubicantes? I am as intelligent and ruthless as any male, and know more about politics then anyone guesses. And he's not going to find a better alliance then the one he had. Everything now is a step down.

Perhaps I'll get lucky, and no one will want the leftover's of a could be traitor. But Lisaya doubted it. Her fathers House was a powerful one, and her hand would be well sought after. Especially now, with all of the Houses struggling to regain what they had lost.

The old ones were stupid. Except for a handful. And now look at us. How many High Lords left? Five? Six? Oh, there are plenty who call themselves High Lords, but they haven't a sliver of the power the position used to require. We're a dying race, and we'd best admit it. Did they really think so much would change? We're worse off then we were. Most of the old ones are dead, and the young ones have no idea what they're doing. They're squabbling amongst themselves, dueling and warring left and right, and hurling challenges as though they were snowballs.

Lisaya shook her head, sighing. She was quite glad her father hadn't joined in that fool hardy assault to try and wipe out the halfbloods altogether. She had seen how stupid an idea it was. But she was just a young Elven lady, what did she know? Her father was one of the few High Lords with any claim to that title. Another point to make her a desirable bride.

I'm of half a mind to simply run away. But where would she go? She had no one, no where. Had she been younger, or less properly trained, tears would have welled in her eyes at that point. But her strict Elven upbringing allowed no emotion to reach the surface. No matter what she felt inside, her face would always be a calm, complacent mask. Even when she was bundled off to some cold lord who saw her as a convenient kiln for an heir. And of course, her dowry.

The curses of begin a beautiful rich maiden. The anger and pain was boiling inside of her, though she kept her thoughts as schooled and calm as he face. How can I allow myself to wed now? Even on the orders of my father, it feels like...well, betrayal. Can you betray the dead?

For about the millionth time, Lissa wished she had the power to alter history. There was so much she'd have done differently, so many other paths she would have taken. How many times had she stood at a crossroads, how many forks had she come to? If she'd only known how it would all end...

Her mind went reeling back, over the years. She was sitting as she was sitting now, but in a different sitting room, in a different manor. She wore pale lilac then, and light silk. Her hair was unbound and free, and her lips held as near to a true smile as they ever would. There was no snow outside the window now, only rain. And she was not alone.

A man sat opposite her, her age and smiling the same way she herself was. He was Elven as was she, and his pale gold hair was tied back in a tail at the nape of his neck. He wore a simple tunic in dark blue and gold, and an open book lay forgotten in his lap. They sat in silence. But not for long. Lissa remembered that conversation so well. To the casual ear, it would sound as nothing more then talk of a hunt. The spoken words had underlying meanings...

"I can't ask you to come. I would never dream of subjecting a Lady to this weather." :I can't risk losing you, you mean to much to me.:

"I know. I know little of hunting, and I would most likely alert our quarry we were coming." :I'd only slow you down, and I couldn't live if anything happened to you.:

"I'll send word. I doubt it will be as dangerous as you think." :I can't leave you.:

"I don't doubt that. But don't take unnecessary risks on my part." :I can't let you die for me. Rather we be apart and alive with hope.:

"Will you be all right? I hate to leave you in an awkward position." :I'll stay, if you need me to. If you want me to...:

"I'll be fine." :Don't underestimate me. And don't confuse your priorities.:

"If you're sure." :I don't believe you, but I have no other choice.:

"Oh, I am. We've been apart before. This really isn't that different." :I can pretend that this isn't happening, that you're away at council or some other such nonsense. It will be all right that way.:

"This will be a rather long hunt, you understand. And an important" :This is different, and you know it. There's too much at stake.:

"I know, I'm not a fool."

"I'm sorry, I'm just edgy."

"Don't worry, I understand."

"You do realize..." A pause. "I would like you to know I am fond of you." :I love you.:

"And I am fond of you as well." :I love you too.:

"As long as we're clear."

"We are. Happy hunting, Valyn."

Why, why hadn't she gone with him? Or begged him to stay, he would have. But she had given him her blessing, and sent him off to his death. And what did he die for? A handful of halfbloods? In her eyes it wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth the loss of Valyn, no gain great enough to justify his sacrifice.

"What fools we were." She whispered. She hadn't even kissed him good-bye, but simply walked out of the room and left the manor. She didn't think she'd even lain eyes on Shadow the entire visit.

Shadow. She had had no idea the boy was a halfblood. She had thought him simply a good friend. Valyn was kind to humans, as was she. They were more then most elves gave them credit for, as everyone knew now. He never told me, not until the very end. To protect me of course, but still...

Lissa had spent so much time with them both, never once guessing. She didn't condition any of her slaves, and assumed that was all it was. Well, Shadow must have been something incredibly special for Valyn to lay down his life for him.

"Lisaya?" The voice calling her name snapped her out of her reverie.

"Yes?" She rose gracefully, smoothing her skirts to meet her father's eyes. What did he want?

"I wish to speak to you."

She cocked her head attentively. Her father was an impressive man, tall and broad of shoulder with white-gold hair and ice green eyes. He wore the house colors of amethyst and black, dressed simply for this meeting with his daughter.

"Of course, my lord." The perfect model of an Elven maiden. What did he want?

"As you are well aware you are of a proper marriageable age..." Lord Rubicantes began, and Lissa felt something inside of her shrivel up. But her face changed not a whisker as her father continued speaking. "There have been many offers for your hand, but I was determined to hold until the best one came through. That eventuality became reality this morning."

"Yes, milord?" He was drawing this out longer then he had to. Did he know how much it hurt her? Most likely. He had delivered the news of Valyn's death to her himself, and had seen the affect the news had. Despite her flawless training and self control, two tears had slipped down her cheeks when she learned of the tragedy.

"V'fer Mylin Lord Jornadesh has made an offer for your hand, and I accepted on your behalf."

"I see." Was all Lissa could say. Ancestors! Lord Jornadesh was second to Lord Dyran in power, before everything went to ruin. He practically runs the Council now, along with the other old ones left. Well, that really is the best offer that will come our way. Oh, but he's such a cruel man...

It was well known that Mylin regarded humans as below animals, especially after the fiasco of a rebellion last year. His slaves had so many glamories and coercion spells on them they couldn't even think without permission. And weaker elves were only slightly better than humans. No, Mylin was not a kind man at all. He was hard and shrewd and a powerful mage. Lissa couldn't ask for a worse match.

"We are both in need of heirs, so no time will be wasted. Your betrothal dinner is tonight, and the actual ceremony tomorrow. This really is a blessing on our House."

"Yes, milord." Lissa said, well aware of how hard she fought for control. I can't marry that monster. He's a brute, if an intelligent one. And that's the worst kind. He's a snake, all oil and slickness and fangs. And he'll expect a maiden bride...

"Well, I'll leave you to do whatever you must to prepare yourself." Lord Rubicantes nodded his head, arched an eyebrow at his daughter and left her.

As soon as he was gone, Lissa sank into the chair, her legs no longer having the strength to hold her up.

I'll kill him. She suddenly thought. That's my only option. It's been done before, I know it has. That's how at least three of the Ladies who head houses have gotten there. But she knew there was no way she could do it. Oh, she had the strength and the gut to do it, but not the means. The few ways she could manage it, the signs would point to her. No, she would have to go through with it. Ancestors, she'd have to bed the man!

Well, that can be taken care of. I will not subject myself to hundreds of years of loveless mating. I'm only a delicate maiden, and my Lord is away so often...I'll need a bodyguard, human of course, very expendable. Men are allowed concubines, we should be as well.

That night. Why was it happening so soon? Lissa rose, and walked in a daze to her dressing rooms. She'd let er hand maidens handle everything, she could hardly think. Well, she could hardly think about things so mundane as gowns and hair.

Oh, Valyn, I'm sorry. If I had the strength, I'd kill myself. Ancestors know I thought about it often enough. But it would prove nothing.

The option of running away was still open to her. But where could she go? No other House would hide her, that was for certain. And despite her strength, she was still an Elven woman. Though she knew how to hunt and fish, she couldn't survive in the wild. She hardly knew how Valyn had done it.

Because he wasn't alone! The thought struck her suddenly. He had the halfbloods. He was taken in by them. Burn it all, he gave up his life for them. Could I go there? I've no great love for them, but I've no hatred either. And would my connections to Valyn grant me sanctuary with them? If Shadow vouches for me...

The plan formed in it's entirety in her mind. The halfbloods had gone south, and they'd probably still continue south. She could make it, she had to! And if she died trying, well at least she died free. Yes, that was exactly what she'd do...

The servants had done well. Perhaps too well. They had gowned Lissa in her House colors, in a rich dress of deep amethyst. It was made of the finest silk, the under dress so dark as to be nearly black, and it clung to her like a second skin, the sleeves coming to points at her wrists. The skirt clung at her hips, but flared out to a large bell around her feet. The over-shift was golden gauze, loose and flowing, held tight at her waist by a golden cloth belt. The embroidery around the hem was black scrollwork, and the neckline was low and square. Around her neck an intricate lace work of gold and black stones spread down over her bare skin, and a cap of the same held her light golden hair back from her face. The color of her lips was deepened, and her eyelids dusted with violet.

"His lordship should be impressed." She said aloud to herself, staring at her reflection. How cold and dispassionate she looked. Where was the laughing young woman Valyn had fallen in love with?

She died with him.

But there was no time to be wasted in thoughts of what once was. Lissa had to go through with the betrothal dinner, and the wedding if she couldn't get away quick enough. Gathering her skirts up in one hand, Lissa made her way through the long corridors to the cabinet. An Elven underling was waiting with the signet ring she'd need to arrive at Lord Mylin's manor. She took it with an inclination of her head, and stepped through the cabinet...

***

The grasslands were hot and dry, despite the fact it was supposed to be winter. The sun beat down as ruthlessly as it did in summer, and there were no rain clouds in sight.

I almost wish the dragons would call a storm. Mero Jenner was sitting on a wide, flat rock, watching a herd of strange animals as they grazed. He had caught sight of the strangely striped horses, and settled down to watch them. Well, scouts were supposed to look for unusual things.

Damn, but this is boring. These horses are the first sign of life I've seen since coming out here. Why did I volunteer to scout alone?

The young halfblood really couldn't answer that question. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. They had come to the edge of the lands known by the Iron People, and both Shana and Father Dragon had agreed it would be a good idea to continue, at least a little ways. There could be anything out there, friend or foe. Either way, it would be a good idea to know. Mero had volunteered to take a day and head out to the west, and return the next day. He was regretting his decision.

I can't wait to get back to the camp. Well, there might not be anyone to trade with out here, but there's certainly no one to attack us.

That was a good point. The attempt to undermine the Elves from inside had not gone over well. Oh, the young lords had gotten into power, but they were just as bad as the old. Nothing had changed, really. But someday they would topple the Elven empire, hopefully in Mero's lifetime.

I wonder if anyone else has had better luck. Shana and Keman had gone out as well, further South and East. Mero sighed, and stretched out on his stomach. The plains horses saw the movement, and started to prance nervously. He didn't blame them. The heat made everything nervous. Even for the hot plains, this lack of rain was unusual.

And then we go back to the Citadel. I cant wait to see Rena again. Yet again he wished she had mind-magic, so he could communicate with her over distances. He hated being separated from her like this, but he had no choice. So much was going into building the new Citadel, only a handful could be spared for scouting and visits to the Iron People. And since Mero had proved rather useless in building...

Well, nothing's going to happen out here. I may as well try and get some sleep. He rested his chin on his folded hands, and closed his eyes. It had been a long day, and he hoped the heat wouldn't keep him awake. Amazingly, he was sound asleep in minutes.

***

Oh please. It was the only thought that came to Lissa's mind. Mylin had pulled out all the stops, most likely so she'd report nicely back to her father. He had done up the dining room an in imitation of a tropical glade. Strange trees surrounded an open circle of unrealistically green grass. Bright flowers hung from vines and amongst the grasses. Exotic birds trilled, and there was the scent of odd perfumes in the air. There was, of course, a table and two chairs in the center. They were made of bamboo, and Mylin stood waiting for her. He had dressed in his House colors, green and yellow, not elaborately but well.

Well, he is a handsome man. That's all I can give him. He stood the same height as Lissa, and his long hair was the whitest gold imaginable. He was clean shaven, and his face was broad and hawk like. He was in good shape, the broad toned form of an athlete. She supposed it could be much, much worse.

"My lady." He said smoothly, bowing slightly to her.

"My lord." She responded.

"Please, sit."

The meal went predictably. Mylin made small talk, nothing important. Why discuss important things with a woman? Lissa made noncommittal comments, not even tasting the exotic foods that had been prepared. She and Valyn hadn't even had a betrothal dinner. They had always been betrothed, since before birth. She hadn't known that, of course. It had been chance that she and Valyn found each other.

How old were we? Oh, he couldn't have been more then fourteen, and I was only thirteen. Ancestors, it was before Shadow. He looked so dashing across the room. It was my first fete. Father had brought on a whim. It was right after mother died. I didn't want to go at first, but he made me.

Every moment was etched in her memory...

She had been dressed in pale rose and violet, the gown cut to show off her new figure. She was far more buxom then was usual for an Elven lady, but her father saw that as a asset. He had become engrossed in politics ten minute after arriving, leaving poor little Lisaya to fend for herself.

She had stood along the sidelines, her hands clutched in front of her. Her eyes scanned the crowd, and she saw him. He was dressed all in midnight blue and gold, and he stood alone as well. He was her age, his shoulder length pale gold hair hanging loose. He saw her looking at him, and gave her a polite smile. It was the only encouragement she needed.

She smoothed her skirts and walked slowly across the floor. Her heart fluttered in her chest like a caged bird, but she continued. How nervous she was! Soon, the distance between them had been crossed, and she stood before him. He was so handsome, his face slim and his eyes so dark a green.

"My lady." He said.

"My lord." She inclined her head, knowing her manners well.

"I am V'kass Valyn el-Lord Hernalth." He had said, raising her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it.

"V'gal Lisaya el-Lady Rubicantes. A pleasure, my lord."

"The pleasure is all mine. Is this your first fete?"

"Yes, it is. Is it that obvious?"

"Oh no. Only that it's mine as well, and I fear I know few of the other guests."

"Then it seems we've something in common." Lissa gave a small smile, and allowed her eyes to wander back to the assembled guests.

"May I have the pleasure of this dance?" Valyn asked, holding out his hand to her. Lissa bowed her head in gracious acceptance...

Lissa snapped back to herself, realizing she had been asked a rather important question. She pursed her lips as though thinking, hoping to stall.

What had he been babbling about? Something stupid...slaves! About slaves and attitudes...

"Well..." Lissa began, praying she wasn't too off topic. "A slave is only as well trained as his masters training."

"True." Mylin nodded, and Lissa sighed inwardly. "Perhaps it is time I replace my overseer. But I'm sure you don't want to be bothered with such trifles. Ah."

Lissa watched as the last plate was brought in. Of course, the ring. She watched with bored eyes as the magnificent sugar ice-eagle winged its way down to deposit the ring on her plate. Lissa picked it up and slid it on her finger, offering a slight smile to her lord.

And so it begins. I'll be gone within the hour, if I have my way. She ate the eagle without even tasting it, and had to wonder at the odd tradition.

"My Lady, now that the formalities have been done away with, I will have a slave bring you to your new rooms. I trust your father informed you that we require speed in this union, and that your possessions and slaves have already been transferred here."

"Yes, my father did mention something of the sort." Already! My, Mylin must be desperate for a wife. "I thank you, my lord."

"Yes, well. I have pressing business that must be attended to. I shall see you later tonight. Until then." He kissed her hand, and drew her to her feet. Lissa turned her head away in what she hoped was modesty.

A slave was waiting outside. He took her to the bower, where she would spend the rest of her days. Ha! I don't think so. She inspected the rooms, and saw that her belongings had been brought. Well, that was fortuitous. She changed into a simpler, warmer gown of deep blue and silver, and pulled on thick, furred boots. She would say she was going out for a ride, to get herself acquainted with her new home. She was glad she often went riding, for lack of anything else to do. And it helped clear her mind...

But first food. Have food sent up to the room. She did so, and wrapped up two loaves of bread. That was really all she could take with her. She'd just have to find food on the way. Taking a deep breath she tucked the loaves beneath her furred cloak, and made her way down to the stables...

***

"Nothing?" Shana asked, crossing her arms over her chest. She had found nothing on her scouting expedition either, and had hoped Mero or Keman had been more successful. Apparently not. The red haired halfblood sighed, shaking her head.

"It looks like we've really come to the end of known land." Mero said. "It's sort of humbling, you know."

"Hmm." Was all Shana said. She was tired and hot, and had spent three days searching. But she had only encountered a handful of animals. "Well, I guess we'd better head back. There isn't much else to be done here."

The iron people had been more then welcome to take the three halfbloods to the edge of their territory, but they were staying for a while. The grass was good, and there was a shallow river close by for water. But Shana and her small group did not have the luxury of staying and waiting out the drought.

"Walking or flying?" Or Mero asked.

"A little of both." Shana decided. "Walk some, then fly." She wanted to get back to the Citadel quickly, but didn't want to overburden Keman. Father Dragon had been called back already, leaving the other three to head back without him.

Fire and Rain, it will be good to get home. Even though they hadn't found anything useful, they had discovered unheld land. That was good. She knew there were a number of halfbloods who still thought they were too close to Elven lands. If they wanted to, they would be free to head out into the uncharted territories.

"Well, we should at least wait until evening." Mero said. "I'd hate to start out in the midday heat."

"Good idea." Shana agreed, rubbing her forehead. "I could use a nap, actually. I'll meet you two back here in three hours. Then we'll get going."

Mero and Keman nodded, and Shana turned to head to the tent they shared. She was asleep almost before her head touched the pillow.

***

"Are you sure we're not lost?" Mero asked again. He had no idea where they were, even though Shana claimed she did.

"I'm sure." Shana snapped. Keman was keeping silent, which was probably wise. But Shana stopped walking, and looked around for a few moments. "No, we're not lost." She said finally. "But we are a little off course."

"How much off course?" Mero asked.

"A few miles." She licked her lips. "If I hadn't noticed, we'd probably overshoot the Citadel."

"Oh, great." Mero groaned. They had been traveling for nearly a week, and with luck they'd be home tomorrow night.

"Look, it's getting late." Keman said. "Maybe we should settle in, and get our bearings in the morning."

"Good idea." Shana sunk down right where she was. Leaning her back against a tree trunk. Even in the woods, there was still no rain or snow. Mero followed her example, pulling out a strip of dry meat.

"Almost there." He said, offering a strip of jerky to Shana. She sighed, and took it.

"Fire and Rain, I half don't want to go back. Who knows what's done wrong now?"

"Don't worry about it." Mero gave her a grin. We've survived everything else."

"What's that?" Keman was still standing, and he swiveled his head around. He was still in halfblood form.

"What's what?" Shana asked, rising smoothly to her feet.

"There's someone out there."

***

Lissa was tired, hungry, dirty and scared. It had been almost three weeks since she'd run from Mylin's manor, and she was lost beyond all comprehension. Her gown was torn and stained, and hung off of her malnourished body. Her hair hung in a tangle of dirty curls over one side of her face, and her arms and cheeks were covered in cuts. She had lost her cloak a ways back, and hadn't eaten anything in two days.

Why, why, why did I run? She clung to her horses main, afraid she'd fall. The horse beneath her was as worse for wear as she, and neither could go on much longer. I should have just married the bastard and been done with it. Or killed him. If I had thought about it hard enough, I would have figured out a way.

The Elven lady knew nothing of surviving in the wilderness. Well, she knew a little. She and Valyn had often hunted together, but that was different. At least there was no more snow. The snow had been the worst, for she had feared dying of hypothermia Suddenly, something hit her hard in the back and she was knocked off of her horse. She tumbled to the ground, and someone was holding on to her. Arms pinned hers to her side, and a hand clamped over her mouth.

Lissa twisted, grunting. Of all the things that she could fall prey to, it would be a wild human. She lifted her wide yes, and saw a red-haired woman leveling a crossbow at her. Lissa became frantic, and bit down hard on the hand that held her mouth. She kicked back, and heard her captor grunt. She slid down, and felt as hands grappled for her.

"Hold still." It was the woman. But Lissa had no intention of holding still whatsoever. She would not go down without a fight. She felt hands on her waist, and she turned and clawed at the face of the man behind her. He made a startled noise, but she was too busy trying to escape to pay it much heed.

The woman loosed the crossbow bolt, and Lissa could do nothing. Her heart leapt into her throat, and she froze. Well, this is it. I can only hope Valyn would be proud...

"No!" The man whom she had been fighting shoved her out of the way, rolling across the forest floor with her. Lissa couldn't fight. All her strength was gone. She lay on her back, breathing hard. She had nearly died.

"What are you doing?" The woman demanded. Lissa was wondering the same thing, in an abstract corner of her mind. But there was no answer. Lissa looked up, into the face of the man who had first attacked her, then saved her. And gasped.

Years had changed him little. She would know him anywhere, his long dark hair, his strong, tanned face. The only difference were his bright green eyes, and slightly pointed ears. Other then that he was the same.

"Shadow..." Years of training were forgotten as she looked into his eyes. The pain of losing Valyn came crashing back, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to scream, to cry, to do something!

"Mero, what is going on?"

"It's all right Shana. I know her."

Shana? Not the Shana? The elvenbane. Ancestors. Somehow I thought she'd be taller. Lissa was having trouble thinking.

"You know her?"

"Yes. She's a friend...I think." Mero turned his gaze to Lissa, and she saw the confusion in them. "What are you doing out here?"

"Looking for you, actually." Lissa said, sitting up. Her head ached where she had fallen, as did her side. "Father...father was forcing me into another marriage. I panicked. It was Lord Mylin. I couldn't do it. He's a cruel bastard, and he'd most likely have killed me if he found out I wasn't a maiden. Or at least hurt me."

"Your father married you off to Lord Mylin?" Mero shuddered, and Lissa nodded. "He said it was the best offer I could get. He's right, but...he gave me two years anyway. I panicked, and I ran. I thought...oh, ancestors!" Lissa shut her eyes, sighing.

"You're lucky to be alive." Mero said softly.

"Look Mero, this is all well and good, but who is she!"

"Mero." Lissa said. "You know, I think I'd forgotten. Funny, that. I think I hit my head."

"She's just a friend." Mero said, and Lissa wondered why he didn't want to tell them who she was. "And we can trust her, don't worry."

"Of course." Lissa glared at Shana. "I'm not exactly very threatening, am I?"

"Appearances can be deceiving." Shana said. "Why did you come to us?"

"Because...well..." Lissa trailed off. Why had she come? Because Mero was all she had left, really. Her last tie to Valyn. "Because this is the only place I could go."

"Look, Shana, just leave her alone." Mero said, rising. "I can't explain everything right now, okay, but...it's fine."

"I'm trusting you on this Mero. But if she makes one wrong move..."

"She won't." Mero gave Shana a pointed look, and the girl moved away, still watching warily. Mero returned to Lissa, and crouched down next to her. "Are you okay?"

"No." Lissa said simply. "No, I'm not. Do you have any idea what they did to me, after you left?"

"But you didn't know anything." Mero said, shaking his head.

"I did." Lissa said. "Right before you left...he told me everything."

"No..."

"I could only hide so much of it. I did, though. Enough so that I wasn't Changed. That was an option, you know. I let them believe my grief was attributed to being betrothed to a traitor."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's not your fault. It's no ones fault. But I couldn't take another husband. Another husband. As if we were married..."

"I'll take care of you. Don't worry." Mero said, wrapping his arm around Lissa. She buried her face in his shoulder, wishing the tears would come.

/There's no chance for us./

/It's all decided for us./

/This world has only one sweet moment/

/Put aside for us./

The journey back to the Citadel was a quiet, tense one. Shana still did not trust Lissa, her distrust growing as Mero refused to explain the woman. Mero wasn't quite sure why he was keeping the Elven woman's identity a secret, he just had a feeling.

Lissa hardly spoke a word after that night. She sat on her horse, she hadn't been able to walk, staring strait ahead. Mero was worried. He knew that look, that blank silent look that Elves got sometimes. Valyn had usually gotten it concerning Lissa, or his father. It meant they were feeling something very strongly.

I had no idea it was like this. Mero had never understood exactly what the relationship between Lissa and Valyn was. They spent a large amount of time together, and they had been lovers, but Mero was never sure what they felt for each other. He had assumed it a form of very good friendship. Lissa had been much like Valyn, she didn't really enjoy causing pain, and felt human's were close to her equals. And obviously she didn't have a problem with halfbloods, since she had run strait to them.

But she was still Elven. And she had always seemed... Predatory. Just something about the way she moved, the way she spoke. Now that feeling was stronger then ever.

"What are we going to tell them at the citadel?" Keman asked from in back.

"Ask Mero." Shana snapped. "She's his problem."

"They shouldn't be too averse to her." Mero said. "Not with Rena and Viridina."

"Just remember...she's your responsibility." Shana said. Mero bristled a bit. What does she think Lissa is? I wish she'd get over this attitude towards elves. Of course, Lissa had a bit of an attitude as well. But that was in her breeding! Valyn had been the same way.

"I am no ones responsibility but my own." Lissa said. Her eyes never left that spot ahead of her, but her jaw was clenched ever so slightly. She was upset.

"Lissa, just let me do the talking, please." Mero said.

"I take it my... credentials aren't what I thought they'd be."

"Not exactly." Mero sighed. What was he going to do with her? What could she do? He kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He wished he would enter her mind, but he refused to do so. And he kept Shana out as well. Lissa's thoughts were her own, and he had no right to intrude upon them.

:Who goes there?: Mero looked around, trying to locate the speaker.

:Shana, Mero and Keman, returning from the Iron People.: Mero responded. :We brought something back.:

:Well, welcome home!: Mero recognized the mind-voice. It was Lorryn, no doubt standing watch since word of their return reached the Citadel. And he'd let Rena know...but there were other things to concern himself with now.

"Lissa, get off the horse." He said. It was impossible to see the Citadel from where they were, but they weren't far at all. The dense trees hid the cave complex's from view, but a few more turns in the road...

"What is it?" Lissa asked. She slid off of her horse and stood behind Mero. He gripped her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She had not changed her clothing, mainly because nothing Mero or Shana had would fit her. She had combed out the tangle of her hair, however. There would be no mistaking her for what she was.

"Shana!" Lorryn came bounding around the corner, grinning. "I thought you'd never make it back."

"Hmm." Was all Shana said, allowing Lorryn to embrace her. The blond halfblood pulled back, aware of the tension.

"Uh, Mero says you brought something back?" Lorryn's eyes strayed to Mero, and caught sight of Lissa. "Ancestors..." He breathed. "That isn't who I...that can't be..."

"Mero insisted on bringing it home." Shana said.

"Lady Lisaya?" Lorryn said, disbelief evident in his voice. Mero was taken aback. Lorryn knew Lissa? Well, he had been raised as an Elven lord.

"Yes." Was all Lissa said.

"Uh, it's a long story." Mero said. "I'll explain everything later..." He trailed off. His eyes caught a glimmer of movement among the trees, and a moment later Rena appeared. His words caught in his throat as he saw her. He had forgotten how beautiful she was. But she had seen Lissa, and her pale blue eyes were wide in surprise and fear.

"Sheyrena." Lissa breathed the name. "So it's true."

"Lisaya." Did all Elves know each other. Mero almost went into panic. :Lorryn, please don't say anything about Lissa. And warn Rena not too. I can't explain now, okay?: He saw as Lorryn nodded.

"Look, let's just get inside." Shana said. "Mero's handling everything. He has to."

The group made their way into the Citadel, Lissa receiving wide-eyed looks. Not exactly fearful, but certainly confused.

"I'll leave you to this." Shana said, as they approached Parth Agon in the main chamber. Shana took Lorryn's hand, and led him away. Keman had slipped away as well, leaving only Rena to stand with Mero and Lissa.

"What is this?" Parth drawled, his eyes traveling over Lissa. Denelor was there as well, and Mero breathed a sigh of relief. It was Denelor he wished to speak with.

"A friend." Mero told them. "And one that can be trusted. Rena will vouch for her." The young Elven girl nodded vigorously.

"Another elf." Parth said. "She doesn't look very ladylike, now does she."

"She's been trying to find us for weeks."

"Let her speak for herself." Parth said, waving his hand to silence Mero. "Why are you here?"

"I have no where else to go." Lissa shrugged. "I have no place among my own people. I mean you no harm."

"I'll be the judge of that. Unfortunately, I have a more pressing matter to deal with right now. Denelor, would you question her please?"

"Of course." Denelor turned a kindly smile to Lissa. "If you'll come with me...?"

"Shadow...?" She looked to Mero, her face as blank as ever. "Go on. You can trust Denelor. He'll appreciate your... Credentials."

***

The old halfblood took Lissa aside to a rather small room. She was near in shock. So Sheyrena really did run away to the halfbloods. I had thought it all a rumor, since they didn't want to admit her father had killed her.

"Now child..." Denelor was saying. Mero had said she could trust him. Well, she would. "Why are you here?"

"I said. I had no where else to go."

"Yes, but why come to us? We aren't exactly welcoming to your kind."

"I came..." She paused. How to explain correctly? "I came because of Mero." She said carefully. "He's all I have left, really. My father was forcing me into a marriage, and I panicked. I stole a horse and ran."

"I see." Denelor nodded. "You are acquainted with Mero then?"

"Practically family." She said absently. "I'm... I was betrothed to his cousin."

"Ah." Denelor gave her another kindly smile. "I understand. Please forgive Master Parth, he is a nervous man. And the times are hard for us."

"Yes. Times are hard everywhere." Lissa sighed.

"Um, while I have you here... How are things in your lands?"

"Politically? The same as ever. Each House trying to bring down another, everyone sabotaging everyone else. Lying through their teeth, breaking alliances, and looking for halfbloods in every shadow."

"As I feared. Well, Mero's word is good enough for me, but I'm glad we had this little chat. As far as I'm concerned you're more then welcome among us."

"Thank you." Lissa stared straight ahead, her eyes blank.

"Are you all right?"

"Of course." How could he know? She was trying so hard to keep her face calm. That was it. The stronger she felt, the harder she had to work at keeping the emotions down, and the more obvious it became. "No."

"I'm sure you need some rest. And a bath, most likely. I'll return you into Mero's care, then, and he'll get you settled. I'll speak to Parth about you."

"Thank you." Lissa rose, gathering what was left of her skirts in her hands. She walked out of the room, and nearly collided with Mero.

"How'd it go?" He asked anxiously.

"Fine." She said. "Did you expect it wouldn't?"

"Sorry. I just worry sometimes."

"Hmm. I've been returned to your care. It seems you've been put in charge of me. You're too get me settled."

"Well, that's something I'm used to." Mero gave her a sad smile, and she nodded. She wondered how he felt, how he had handled Valyn's death. "Come on, I know of some empty rooms. One with a bath already set. And I'll see about finding you some new clothes..."

"Yes." She looked down at her gown. "This one's seen better days."

They walked in silence, each one wrapped in their own thoughts. Lissa kept a tight hold on her emotions, lest they run rampant. Seeing Mero had brought back so much. She hadn't expected it too, either.

"Here." Mero led her into another cave room. There was a bed, a chest, and a sunken pool of steaming water. "Underground heat source. I'm sorry it's not much, but..."

"Don't apologize. I've had nothing but leaves and sticks to sleep on for weeks. This is as sumptuous as a pleasure palace, believe me."

"Well, I'll leave you to bathe. Uh, I'll get you some food and see about clothes." He began backing out of the room. "It's good to see you again."

***

"So who is she?" Shana asked. She had bathed and changed her clothes, and was ready to get some answers out of Lorryn.

"She's an Elven lady." Lorryn said. "Her father's the head of a pretty powerful clan. Or, he was."

"How does she know Mero?" Shana asked. That was what she couldn't understand. Mero may have lived among elves, but he certainly didn't socialize with them on a regular basis.

"I couldn't begin to guess." Lorryn said, shrugging. "But I don't think she's any threat. I don't know her personally, her circle was a bit above mine. But I know she's reserved, even for an Elven lady."

"That's not saying much." Shana sank down onto her bed, and Lorryn rested a hand on her shoulder. "But Parth and Denelor should be able to get more out of Mero than me. I wish he'd explain things."

"I'm sure he has his reasons." Lorryn said, and Shana could only sigh. She didn't like it when Mero kept things from her. But she supposed Lorryn was right, and he had his reasons. She'd just have to wait for him to come to her.

***

Lissa stood in the middle of the room, a blanket from the bed wrapped around her. Her golden hair was damp, and curled slightly in the heat. She was still one of the most beautiful things Mero had ever seen.

"Here." He held out the cloth bundle. "It's all I could find on short notice. And I brought food, too. Some bread and cheese and an apple. I didn't want to bring you anything too heavy, that might upset your stomach."

"Thank you." She took the clothes, and turned her back to him. Mero averted his eyes, allowing her to get dressed in private. He heard the rustling of cloth, and Lissa clearing her throat. He open his eyes, and saw her fully dressed.

"It suits you." He said of the dark red dress. It was of light material, and had no adornment. But it fit her well, and made her look...innocent.

"Thank you." She sat on the bed, curling her feet up under her. "Ancestors, but nothing makes sense anymore. Do you ever fell that way? Like the entire world's turned upside down?"

"Sometimes." The halfblood agreed, sitting next to her. "But it usually gets itself righted."

"I hope so." She too the piece of bread he offered. He couldn't help but notice how her eyes never left the floor, and she seemed so...lifeless. It pained him to see her so. He wished there was something he could do for her.

"Well, you'll settle in soon. Uh, you're going to be put to work though. Everyone has to pull their own weight."

"Of course."

"Nothing strenuous..."

"When are you going to tell them? And why aren't you?" Lissa's eyes left the floor now, and fixed on Mero's in an obvious challenge.

"Oh...that. Not everyone here appreciates what Valyn did for us. Or even knows. Shana does, but she can be funny sometimes. I wanted to take care of everything first. Denelor does, obviously. He and Valyn were, well, close I guess. Closer then I've really seen Valyn with anyone. I mean, so many of the older wizards are absorbed in their own little worlds they won't even notice you. And Denelor will tell Parth Agon, and I'll talk to Shana."

"If Sheyrena doesn't say something first." Lissa said dryly.

"Rena won't say a thing, I explained everything to her." Mero assured his friend. Rena had been skeptical as well. He supposed it was a woman thing. But he noticed how silent Lissa had gone, and how still. He stood, brushing crumbs off of his pants. "Look, I'll just let you get settled, okay? Feel free to wander around if you'd like."

"Thank you."

"I'll drop by tomorrow, to see how you're doing?"

"If you feel you have to."

Mero sighed. Did she want him to, or not? He could never tell with elves. Well, he'd check on her anyway. Sighing and shaking his head, he left her to her thoughts.

***

Lissa slipped into a pattern at the Citadel, the same as at home. She had found herself looking after children more often then not, and she didn't much mind it. She told them stories, and could hold them spellbound for hours. She oversaw them while they were doing light tasks, and got them settled at meals.

It didn't take long for the news to leak out that she had come because of Valyn. Over half of the residents didn't care, and the rest were either indifferent, or the exact opposite. Once Shana had found out, she had been very apologetic. Lissa had heard her words, and accepted them with a nod of her head. She didn't care what Shana thought of her. She didn't care much what anyone thought. Except Mero, and maybe Zed.

The young halfblood had approached her a few days after she arrived, hands in his pocket and green eyes roving everywhere. He had an almost sullen cast to him, though not very noticeable. Lissa could see it, but then she looked for these things. He had struck up a casual conversation, but soon the two were as close to friends as Lissa was willing to come. The two had an interesting relationship, with far more banter then Mero dared

"Honestly Lissa, I'm surprised you don't have any of your own." Zed said, striding into the main hall. Lissa was curled up on the floor, and handful of children tumbling around her.

"Ha! Was that an insult, or an offer?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Zed sank down next to her, edging a dark haired child aside. "Guess where I just came from."

"The suspense is too hard to bear." Lissa drawled.

"Parth Agon. It appears there's been some disturbances in the territory held by Lord Ardeyn Hernalth."

"Oh?" Lissa's interest was piqued.

"Mm-hmm. Minor sabotage, livestock missing, slaves disappearing..."

"It sounds like halfbloods. Or wild humans."

"That's what everyone else thinks. Anyway, if it's halfbloods we have an obligation to get them out of there. But we have to be very, very careful about this." Zed raised an eyebrow. "Do you see where I'm going?"

"I think so." Lissa waited for him to continue.

"Well, you know Hernalth land. And you're Elven, and not stupid. I'd be going too, and Mero. We both know how to survive among the elves and not get caught. So, what do you say?"

"Oh, I have a choice?" She said sarcastically.

"Not really, but it's polite to ask. We're leaving tomorrow. You get to be stuffed back into one of those twenty pound gowns you Elven ladies like to wear. Mero and I are to be your body servants. We're just supposed to find out what exactly has been going on. If it's halfbloods, we're supposed to bring them back here."

"And if it's wild humans?"

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Zed rose, dusting off his pants. "I've got to go finalize plans, but I had to let you know first. I'll see you later."

***

/Who wants to live forever?/

/Who dares to love forever?/

/All love must die./

"You and Zed seem to be spending a lot of time together." Mero caught up to Lissa in the hallway.

"What of it?" She asked, glancing at the halfblood.

"Oh nothing." Mero shrugged, falling into step beside the Elven lady. "He's a good person."

"I'm well aware of that." Lissa's tone was close to ice. Mer knew he tread on uneven ground, but he felt he had all rights to continue.

"I just think he's good for you." Mero said, laying all the cards on the table.

"Please stay out of my private life."

"Lissa, I'm not trying to intrude or anything. I just... I hate to see you like this. And Zed, well, he's just good for you, that's all."

"I appreciate your concern, but I am how I am. And nothing will change that."

"Valyn would want you to be happy." Mero hadn't planned on saying that, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. Lissa whirled on him, a fire lighting in her eyes that he had never seen before.

"Leave him out of this!" She snapped, and the halfblood was amazed at the emotion in her tone. "And mind your own business." Lissa tossed her head, and strode off quickly, leaving Mero stunned.

***

Lissa sat on her bed, hands clutched in her lap. Mero had hit a little too close to home for her taste. What did he know? How could she allow herself to be happy?

I loved him. I wasn't supposed to, but I did. We were going to be together forever. But now we won't. I'll never be held in his arms, I'll never feel his hand in mine. Dear Ancestors, I'll never even see him! There's nothing left of him but ashes, if even that. His eyes, his voice, his smile... They're all gone and nothing can bring them back.

"Lissa?" Her head snapped up, fearing it was Mero. But it was only Zed, his eyes as haunted as she felt.

"Oh." She turned her face away, afraid he'd see the pain there. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, lately it was getting hard. Zed sat next to her, saying nothing. They often spent evenings like this, not talking, just sharing each others presence. But Lissa couldn't stay silent now.

"I know why my eyes look this way. Why do yours?" She kept her eyes on her hands, not trusting herself to look up.

"I was brought to the Citadel later then most children." He said. "I had a whole mess of brothers and sisters, but me and my younger sister were halfbloods. Mother kept us hidden, me until I was twelve. That's when my powers started showing through. The lord found out. He didn't even think about it, just sent the guards in. They..." He faltered, but continued. His voice was dry and dull, and Lissa knew well what he must be feeling. "They killed my little sister, just broke her neck like it was nothing. My mother was crying, begging them not to. They killed her too, ran her through. I was so scared and so angry at them, I don't know exactly what I did. But I killed them. Then I ran. I can't even remember how I got out, but I did. And I made my way into the woods, where Denelor found me."

Lissa laid her hand on his, staying silent. There was too much pain in the world, too much death and violence.

"What about you." He turned to her, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

"You know." She said. "Everyone knows."

"But I want to hear it from you. Trust me, it helps to talk. I never told a soul what I just told you, but dear gods, it helps."

"Fine. I once knew a man. He was the kindest, most gentle, most elegant man I ever knew. He was quiet, and reserved, and he cared about people. We were going to get married, and we were going to be together forever. He promised me that nothing would ever keep us apart. Then he died. I loved him, and he died." She had never said the word aloud before. She had known she loved him, but the word never came. It stuck in her throat, and it felt so strange and foreign on her tongue. Why had she never said it? It wasn't that hard.

"It isn't fair." Zed said, quietly. "You know, I blame myself."

"For what?"

"For all of them. My mother, my sister... Valyn."

"Don't."

"No. It was my powers that brought the lord down on my family, and it was me who showed Valyn the way out of the fortress."

"There is no blame to lay." Lissa said, fighting back the surge of anger that welled up in her. "We can do nothing for the dead but bury them."

"You'd do well to take your own advice." He said. "You're half dead yourself."

"I have nothing to live for. Nothing gives me joy. I have no passion anymore."

"Yes you do." Zed said, squeezing her hand. "You just have to find it." She raised her eyes, meeting his. She twined her fingers into his, tilting her head.

"Help me."

***

Lissa felt odd wearing the gown. Odd, but not. She had only been in the Citadel for a few months, but she had already gotten used to it. Now she was going back. Mero and Zed were already ready, the latter showing no sign of what they'd shared the night before. Which was just as well. She had no intention of repeating their encounter, and hoped he'd understand.

It was a mistake. We were hurting, and needed each other. That was all it was. She smoothed the wine colored gown over her hips, and turned. She had carefully curled her hair and applied light makeup. No one in Ardeyn's lands would recognize her, or give her a second guess. She had used herbs to pale her hair, and she looked like any other Elven maid.

"Ready?" Mero asked. Both he and Zed wore illusions of full humanity.

"As ready as I'll ever be." That was enough. It was time to go, and there was no going back now. She clutched at her skirts, as the transportation spell hit her.

***

Lissa sat at the table, sipping idly at her wine. Two days, and nothing. At the last minute, Mero had changed his illusion to one of full Elven blood. To keep Lissa from being harassed, he explained. She didn't care. They heard not a whisper of any strange disappearances, and Lissa was uneasy. Some places held echoes, and even though she and Valyn had never been here together, she still felt..something.

They were staying in a townhouse, a young Elven couple newly married and out to make their fortune in the world. No one gave them a second glance. But Lissa wanted to be back in the Citadel. She felt confined, and not herself. Even the people here seemed unfamiliar. All pale and thin. She even missed Shana!

"Is everything all right?" Mero asked, leaning in close. "You look ill."

"I'm fine." Lissa replied vaguely. She was watching as the people came and went. A man in a hooded cloak slipped in the door, walking briskly through the common room. Lissa caught a glimpse of his face through the hood, and her heart leapt into her throat.

"Did you see that man walk by?' She asked, fighting to keep her voice calm.

"Which one?"

"The one in the hood... His face was scarred."

"No. Why?" Mero gave her a measuring look.

"No reason." Lissa felt deflated and disconnected. For a minute she had sworn she saw Valyn walk by.

***

"I'm getting worried about Lissa." Mero had noticed her acting oddly lately, and voiced his concern to Zed.

"She's dealing with things." Zed said. "Just give her her space."

"What's going on between you two?" Mero had noticed the way neither one would let themselves get too close.

"Nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing." Mero was persistent. The last thing he wanted was Lissa hurt anymore than she was.

"Look, Lissa and I have a lot in common. We... We take comfort in each other. But no matter what my feelings may be for her, I have no chance. No one does."

"I guess you're right. She's just been so out of it this past day. Really distracted, you know."

"Like I said, she's dealing with things. Just let her work through it."

"If you say so."

***

Lissa spent all of her time in the common room, usually under the ruse of reading a book in front of the fire. It took an entire day, but finally she saw the man again. He wore his hood pulled tight, and she got no glimpse of his face. But she studied him as he walked, making careful notes.

He walked with a slight limp, and slowly. It was as if he were in pain. He was carrying something under his cloak. In a bold move, Lissa followed him. She didn't know what possessed her, but she closed her book and walked briskly after him.

He was staying in a room on the middle floor, a simple room much like the one she and Mero shared. Gathering her champagne silk skirts in her hands, she walked up to the door.

What am I doing? She asked herself. I'm about to knock on the door of some stranger just because he bears a resemblance to my dead lover. What's come over me? I should just turn around right now, and go back to my room. Give up, and settle in with Zed. That's what I should do. Valyn's dead and gone...

But despite her thoughts, her hand raised itself to knock upon the door. There was silence from within, but she knocked again. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest, and she could barely breathe. Finally, the door opened a crack.

"Yes?"

What now? What could she possibly say. Excuse me, this may sound odd, but are you Valyn Hernalth? You see I've been watching you for some time now, and I couldn't help but notice..

"Uh..." It was the only sound that escaped her throat. How stupid she must look, standing in the hallway gasping like a fish on land, the fabric of her skirts balled up in her tight fists.

"Can I help you?"

"I...uh...I saw you in the common room...you....um, I thought I knew you. Er, think I know you..." Oh wonderful. You're away from civilization for a few months and all of your training goes out the window.

"I don't think so." The answer was so quick, so brusque. The door began to close but Lissa was no longer in control of herself.

"I do. Uh...I've been watching you, and I couldn't help but notice..." She trailed off. Oh ancestors. Just apologize, say you're not well and go away.

"You've been watching me?" Suspicion in the voice. Lissa wished he'd open the door so she could see him.

"Well, I saw you yesterday and you looked like someone I knew. And then I saw you again today. I know I must sound like I've taken leave of my senses, and perhaps I have. Ancestors knows I haven't been right these past two years. Everyone's said so. Even Zed, and he didn't even know me two years ago. I'm just chasing fancies. I apologize for bothering you." Curse her tongue, she just couldn't keep her mouth shut. She turned to go.

"Wait." Then silence. Lissa paused in the hallway, her eyes staring at the door. "What did you say your name was?"

"Uh..." What to say. Lisaya would be recognized. Would Lissa? She went by that now, but only Valyn had used it before. "Lissa."

"I think you'd better come inside."

***

Zed was beginning to get worried. Lissa wasn't in the common room, and she wasn't in her room. She wasn't supposed to leave the townhouse by herself. He would have scanned for her, but she had learned to hide her thoughts. That would do no good. Mero didn't know, and didn't seem too concerned. He had just parroted Zed's words, that she needed to work things out.

Damn her. What does she think she's doing, running off like that. What if something happens? What if we get caught? What if she gets caught...Burn it all!

Zed paced the hallway outside of the room Mero and Lissa were sharing. He had to sleep in the slaves quarters, but no one would be out at this time. He could pace and mutter to his heart's content. She was supposed to be there, and she wasn't.

He hated the way Lissa made him feel. Like he needed to protect her, make her feel better. Well, nothing was going to make her feel better. He had touched her mind inadvertently when they made love. The pain there had struck him to the core. Even her blocks couldn't keep it in.

A door opened down the hallway, and Zed froze. He wasn't supposed to be here. He panicked, praying he could come up with a good story.

/Who wants to live forever?/

/Who dares to love forever?/

/All love must die./

"They said you were dead."

The sentence hit Lissa like a ton of bricks. She was dead? She was dead? That was the first thing he said to her?

"I'm not." Was all that the Elven woman could think to say. "I'm very much alive, thank you. But... I'm not the issue." She was twisting her skirts in her hand, wrapping the fabric around her fingers. "You are. You're dead. You have been."

"Sorry to contradict you, but I'm as alive as you."

"How?" Damn it, but what else could she say? Did it have to be so stiff, and formal? He sat, looking for all the world as though he were in some office. It didn't matter that he was dressed in clothing fit for a rich overseer, or that the entire left side of his face was a mass of scars. He still held his head up high, and his lips held that small condescending smile he could never get rid of. Despite all the wear and tear, he was still Valyn.

"That is a question. Do sit down." He waved to a chair opposite him. Lissa wanted to scream and rage, shake him, anything. But all she did was nod her head and calmly sit. All she could hope was that he felt the same inside as she did.

"I honestly can't tell you. By all rights I should be dead. I was flung a ways during the explosion, and taken in for a common soldier. A guard or some such. I was treated curtly, but I suppose it was enough. They left me on the battlefield, among hordes of others. Ancestors, it was horrid. I healed, obviously. Not well, but enough. I've been scraping a meager existence here, nothing glorious. Half the time I have to steal. But I will reclaim my birthright. Eventually." He shrugged, and sighed. "And what about you? It's the news of every Clan, you know. The tragic death of Lisaya Rubicantes."

"Really? And how did I die?"

"No one's sure. A horrible fit, they say. Suddenly you just...stopped. Blood out of the mouth, something wrong with your heart."

"Ah. Well. Father always was one for dramatics. I was being forced into a marriage, and I ran away." Lissa shrugged. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't. But I could not marry Lord Mylin."

"That monster?" Valyn's hand balled into a fist. "Ancestors, you were smart to get away."

"Yes. Well." She cleared her throat. Her training was slipping, it was obvious. His wasn't. She suddenly felt... Inadequate. Had a few months among the halfbloods really changed her that much? The world had just begun to right itself, and now it was on it's head again.

"Pardon?"

Lissa hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud. She cleared her throat, and schooled her face into a calm mask.

"I was just thinking how I had come to terms with your death, and now I find I had nothing to come to terms with." Anger welled up in her, sudden and hot. Why hadn't he told her? He had promised he'd send for her! "These past two years of morose depression have been for nothing. I must say I'm quite glad I didn't kill myself as I'd so often contemplated. What an awful mistake that would have been." She kept her voice calm and pleasant, but fire burned behind her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He spread his hands in a hopeless gesture. "If I had a way, I would have contacted you. But I couldn't risk it. If any of the lords get wind that I'm alive..." He trailed off. "You understand. There's so much at stake now."

"Yes." Lissa nodded. In a way she understood, but it wasn't fair or right. But since when had that mattered.

"I've missed you." A sad smile spread across Lissa's lips. She knew it was the best he could do, the most powerful statement he could put his feelings into. "Where have you been, if not dead?"

"Oh, that's a long story...oh ancestors!" She had forgotten Mero and Zed. "I have to go." She rose, knocking back the chair as she did so. Valyn rose as well, his hand reaching out and clasping her wrist.

"No..." The raw pain in that one word pierced Lissa's heart as sharply as elf-shot.

"Please, I'm not here alone." Lissa said. "I've been with the halfbloods."

"What?"

"It was the only place I could think of to go. I and two others came here to investigate... Well, you actually. Oh, not you specifically, but the thieving and whatnot. We thought it was halfbloods."

"You're with them. I couldn't find them, but you could."

"I had information. My father's very high up in the council. But the point is I'm supposed to be meeting Zed right now, and I'm not there. And he'll worry."

"Zed." Valyn half chuckled the name. "Odd."

"Not as odd as some things. I have to meet him. Uh, what do I say?"

"Nothing!" Valyn took a deep breath. "Nothing. I have to keep myself a secret. The less people that know I'm alive, the less people are endanger."

"Of course." Danger. She was in danger. Of course, she had been in danger for a while now. "I'd better go."

Valyn nodded, squeezing her wrist. She lifted her face, and he responded, pressing his lips gently to hers. Oh, how she wanted to cling to him and never let go!

I love you, I love you, I love you. The thought played over and over in her mind. Love me. Never leave me again, how I've needed you! And then the kiss was over. She waked to the door in a fog, her hand still in Valyn's. She stood in the doorway, not wanting to leave.

"I'll come back. Tonight."

"I'll be here." Valyn said, nodding. He brought her hand up, and brushed his lips across the back of it. Lissa lowered her head, and shivered. He stared into her eyes, and she saw reflected in the all the pain she had felt. He knew. She was so absorbed, she didn't even realize they weren't alone in the hallway, until Valyn's eyes strayed from hers and he made a small, strangled sound. Lissa turned, half-afraid of what she'd see.

***

Valyn froze. Not now, not after all of this! He had been so careful, so painstakingly careful. Ancestors, don't let him recognize me!

The young Elven lord knew instantaneously the human in the hallway was actually the halfblood Zed. Zed's had been the last friendly face Valyn had seen in two years, and the last he expected to see here.

And Lissa. Both of us back from the dead. I hope she knows, I hope she understands. Of all the people to discover him, Valyn was glad it was Lissa. He loved her more than life itself, though he could never tell her. And she would keep his secret, as long as Zed didn't realize.

"My lady." Zed said, smoothly. But Valyn saw the slight frown, and the heated look behind the halfblood's eyes.

"Yes?" Lissa said, assuming her Lady of the Manor stance. Shoulders thrown back, head held high, conceit dripping from her words. Valyn had to stifle a chuckle.

"Your lord husband bid me to find you." Zed shot Valyn a look. Thank whatever he believes in I'm not a real Elven lord.

"Well, here I am. If you'll excuse me." Lissa turned a sickly smile on Valyn. Well, she would not be returning that night. Possibly not at all. How long would it be before they saw each other again?

"Of course." Valyn bowed again, and retreated into his room. But he stood at the door, listening. Whatever was going on, he wanted to know. Zed had shot him that look for a reason.

Just keep control. He told himself. You can let everything sink in later. By all rights his head should be spinning from all of this. Two faces from a painful past, all in the space of one hour. He pressed his ear to the door, using a slight bit of magic to hear through the wood.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Zed was quite angry. The emotion colored his voice strongly, and Valyn winced.

"We're supposed to be finding out information. That's what I'm doing." Lissa responded coolly. Good girl!

"So you're selling yourself for it?"

"No!" Lissa nearly shrieked. She let her voice fill with passion. "How could you even suggest such a thing?"

"How could I think it. 'I'll come back. Tonight.' What am I supposed to think?"

"Well, what business is it of yours, anyway?"

"It is." Zed didn't elaborate, and Valyn frowned.

"No, Zed, it isn't."

"Well, what am I to you, huh?"

"Oh, please don't start this. I thought we didn't have to explain ourselves?" Valyn could just imagine Lissa's face, slightly patronizing, her lips turned down in a small annoyed frown.

"Fine. If that's how it's going to be, fine. I should have known better then to get involved with an elf."

"First of all." Valyn suspected that some of that emotion was real. "We are not involved. We are friends, Zed. What happened between us was a mistake. We were hurting, we reached out to each other. That's all! Second of all, you have no right to pass judgments on me because of my race. If I were human or halfblooded, nothing would change. Do I make myself clear?"

What happened between us? Ancestors, what did happen? On second thought, I probably don't want to know. I was dead, remember?

"What's going on?" A new voice joined the conversation. "And why are you two in the hallway?" For a long moment, neither Lissa nor Zed said anything. Finally, Zed spoke.

"Lissa found out some information." Valyn winced. He hoped Lissa could make something up quickly.

"You did? Great. What? Wait, let's move inside." Valyn adjusted his spell, to follow their voices.

"It's not halfbloods." Lissa said smoothly. "It is sabotage, carefully crafted to look like halfbloods."

Clever girl! Valyn breathed a sigh of relief.

"How did you find that out?"

"You'd be surprised what elves will say when they're drunk." Valyn could just imagine her shooting Zed a dirty look.

"Well, that's good then. I have to say, I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable here."

"Me too." Zed sounded very petulant.

"Really? I was actually enjoying myself. Oh well. When are we leaving, then?"

"As soon as possible. There's no reason to stay, and plenty of reason to get home." A pause. "We can leave now, actually. We have enough strength to do it."

Now? No! Please, please, let her stay even an hour more! Even that would be enough. I just want to hear her voice, it's been so long!

"Now?" Apparently, she had the same idea. "Must it be so soon?" Yes, try to sound casual and unconcerned. Don't let them suspect!

"Yes. Unless there's some reason you think we should stay...?"
The challenge in Zed's voice was unmistakable, and ***** heart fell. She couldn't back out of it now.

"Not you two, obviously." She said, her voice never changing. "But I have reason enough to."

"What?" Valyn could imagine Zed glowering, and Lissa standing defiant. Obviously the third member of the party was the leader.

"I've missed civilization. You yourself said I was ill suited for wild living, and I find you right."

"But you're doing fine. And I said I thought you would be ill suited. You're not. And you can't stay here. Shana will kill me if I don't bring you back. I don't think you realize, but she feels personally responsible for you. Don't ask me why, she just does."

"That's all well and good." Lissa continued. "But I have..."

"She has a lover, just spit it out." Zed snapped. Dead silence. ***** winced, closing his eyes. Damn the halfblood, couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"A lover?" Obviously the explanation was not bought. "Since when?"

"I do not have a lover. The closest thing I have to a lover is you. I just... I have my reasons, that's all."

"I can't leave you here alone."

"I'm a grown woman! I'm older then you, for that matter." Valyn could tell the panic was growing in her. She was close to becoming hysterical.

"It doesn't matter. I have to protect you. And not just for Shana, either." Valyn wished he could see what was going on.

"I understand your concerns." Lissa was doing her best to be patient. Ancestors, but how little she'd changed! "But really, I'm fine. I just didn't realize how much I missed it. It brings back... Pleasant memories."

"I know." Another pause. Valyn almost felt guilty, eavesdropping like this. But he had to know, whether or not there was a chance he would see her again. At least soon. Once he had enough supporters and he'd reclaimed his birthright, everything would be fine. That was the reason he was lurking around his brothers lands. There were plenty of lords who had not benefited from the 'revolt' who had thought they would. They were upset, disgruntled, and ready to latch on to the first opportunity that looked good.

The hardest choice had been whether or not to contact the halfbloods. But the decision

Was taken out of his hands. He had no way of getting in touch with them. Now... Now they were just a few rooms away. He was torn. What could he do? The few he had revealed himself to may or may not accept help from halfbloods.

Randyr would. And probably Urnic. Those are the only two that matter. Ancestors, why did I tell her not to say anything? Valyn banged his head against the door in an act of frustration. He had wanted to keep her out of this, and his emotion had blinded him. If there was some way to contact her!

He realized he had lost the thread of the conversation. He shook his head, and tried to focus.

"...were you really doing?" It was Zed. Maybe if he just marched right up and knocked on the door?

"I told you what I was doing." Lissa, indignant and arrogant as ever.

"Then why this sudden want to stay, huh? You've been acting weird for a while now, and I don't think it has anything to do with Valyn whatsoever."

"You have no idea how wrong you are, dear Zed." The conceit dripped off of her voice. No matter how hard an Elven lord tried, he could never sound quite as full of himself as a lady. "Now, if you'll excuse me?" The sound of a door opening. Without thinking, Valyn threw open his door and lurched into the hallway...

***

Well, I've extended our stay until tonight at least. Stupid Zed! Why does he have to be so... So full of feeling? Can't he just leave me be! She stormed out into the hall, but she could hear that Zed had no intention of letting her go.

"You know what I think." He said, grabbing her wrist. "I think you have us all fooled. Everyone knows elves are masters at that. You're just like the rest of them, petty and manipulative. I don't know what you're playing at, but if you betray us..."

"She isn't going to betray you."

Lissa froze at the voice. Her head whipped around, and she let out a startled squeak. Valyn had joined them in the hall, the hood of his cloak shadowing his face. She looked at Zed, pleased to see the confusion and panic evident in his face. But also fear.

"Uh... Uh..." Zed stuttered, and Lissa heard Valyn chuckle. Yes, the halfblood's panic was amusing. But Lissa was angered by Zed's words.

"I'd appreciate an apology Zed." She said, pulling her wrist away. "After everything, you would dare accuse me of...of that!"

"I just... What's going on?"

"It's a long story. But, let me clear a few things up." Valyn approached slowly, and lowered his hood. Lissa understood Zed's gasp, and the way the color drained from his face. Yes, I thought I was seign a ghost as well. She thought, a touch sympathetic.

"You... You're...I..."

"Yes." Valyn nodded. "I don't have time to explain now. Lissa can tell you the details. Let's just say I'm regrouping, and continuing with my original plan." That made no sense to Lissa, but obviously it made some to Zed, who nodded.

"So you... Why didn't you....?"

"I couldn't find you." Valyn shrugged. "By the time I was able to walk, you were all long gone. And there was more for me to do here. Look, I have to meet a very small group of young El-lords. They're with me, and I trust two of them with my life. I know you can't speak for the whole Citadel Zed, but, I'd appreciate your support."

"What?" Lissa shook her head. "What are you talking about?" Why hadn't he said anything to her before?

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier. I didn't want to involve you."

"Ah. That overbearing male pride again. Still haven't done away with it? Well, like or not I'm going to be involved. And so is Zed, he's with us."

"Uh... Yeah. Of course I am." Zed gave a dry chuckle. "Burn it, but this is almost too much to handle."

"I understand." Valyn clapped a hand on Zed's shoulder. "It's good to see you again. Now, let's go."

"Oh wait!" Lissa blinked. "I'd rather leave a note...we're supposed to be leaving in a few hours, and if we're not here..."

"Good idea." Valyn agreed. Lissa retreated into her room, and grabbed a piece of paper. What do I say? Dear Mero, Valyn's alive and we're starting a rebellion? No. No, he can find out the way we did.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"The Archers Bow. My friends and I use the private room. The password is 'why is a mouse when it spins.' I hope your friend is trustworthy?"

Lissa and Zed exchanged a look. "Don't worry." Lissa assured Valyn, scribbling out a quick note and signing it. She placed it on Mero's pillow, and turned. Valyn stood in the door, and their eyes met. Ancestors, but it feels good to be together again!

/But touch my tears with your lips/

/Touch my world with your figertips/

/And we can have forever./

/Forever is our today./

Mero frowned at the note Lissa had left. It didn't make any sense to him. There was something going on here, but nothing was explained. Not in the least.. He could understand Lissa running off, he had always considered her to be a bit flighty. But not Zed.

Dear Mero,

Something monumentous has happened.

I cannot explain it all in one note.

Zed and I are at the Archers Bow.

Tell the barkeep this: 'why is a mouse when it spins.'

We'll see you there.

Lissa

Something momentous? What could have happened. Mero shook his head, sighing. This would only happen to him, wouldn't it. The possibility that it could be a trap entered his mind. But that was Lissa's hand all right, and she would use words like monumentous.

Gathering up his cloak, Mero made his way to the tavern. It was a haunt for young Elven lords, with a pocket full of coin and nothing to do. Valyn had been there once or twice, but Mero never had.

It was like any other tavern. Dark on the inside, carefully crafted to give the impression of luxury. Mero had been in many such taverns the last year, when he and Lorryn and Rena were distributing the iron wrought jewelry. He made eye contact with the barkeep, and muttered the phrase Lissa had left for him.

"Ah." The barkeep nodded. "Yup, yer a bit late, but that's all right. Follow me." The older human man led Mero behind the door, and knocked three times on a nearly-hidden wooden door. Mero had to keep himself from nervously shifting. What was going on? Secret meetings, passwords...it was like the revolt all over again.

"Yes?" The door was opened a crack. Mero caught sight of a young Elven lord he didn't recognize.

"Another one of your compatriots." The barkeep said. "Isn't he?"

The Elven lord eyes Mero. He was young, probably only in his early twenties. His face was rounder then most lords, and his eyes a startling green.

"It's all right Randyr." Mero heard Lissa say. "He's with me."

"Humph." Was all the lord said. "You're one of them. Well, all right then. But keep your head to yourself."

He knows? How? Lissa wouldn't betray us, not in a thousand years. But... Mero's eyes sought out Lissa's, and she just nodded encouragingly. He slipped into the darkened room, and surveyed the interior.

A handful of Elven lords, plus Lissa and Zed, sat around a large table. One lone candle lightened the room, making it difficult for Mero to pick out details. He counted six Elven lords. Six. If they decided to do anything...

"Welcome." That one had the air of a leader. He stood at the head of the table, his face masked in shadows. "Please, join us."

"What's going on?" Mero stood, just inside the door. He felt all the eyes on him, and it was as if they could see beyond the illusion. They probably could.

"I take it you didn't bother to explain?" That was directed at Lissa. She shrugged.

"Nothing was explained." Mero said.

"Well, it's a long story. Do sit down, you're welcome here. Unless someone objects to his presence?"

No one made a sound. There was some uncomfortable shifting, but that was all. Mero felt odd, being welcomed into a room of Elven lords. He slowly took a seat next to Lissa.

"As I was saying, Ardeyn is not what he'd like the council to think he is. He's spoiled, soft. He was never meant to be the Lord of Dyran's Clan. He knows little of the workings of the estate. He was raised by lord Edres. He's a trade genius, true, but his genus ends there."

"What are we talking about?" Mero whispered to Lissa. "What's going on?"

"A revolution." Lissa whispered back. "A real one."

"So what are you saying we do?" It was Randyr, the round-faced one.

"That is the question I've been tossing around the past few days. He has to be getting a little bit desperate by now. He has a relatively simple mind, he can't quite comprehend true deceit and treachery. Things are going wrong, but he can't stop them. He doesn't even know what they are."

"So you think he'll be glad to have...an alternate solution?"

"I'm hoping. And really, when it comes right down to it, there's nothing he can do. Or there should be nothing he can do. But, with the council the way it is now, nothing's for certain."

"And we're two few to make much of a difference." Randyr finished. "Of course, if your... Friends over there are with us..."

"Yes, quite. All I really need is, well, to put it bluntly, blackmail. I can't afford to have anyone challenge me, not yet."

"Ha! They'd be to scared to challenge you." The speaker was directly across from Mero, and to the halfbloods surprise, he gave him a wink. "Ancestors, you know that's the only reason I threw my lot in with yours."

"Yes, but there's too much at stake to risk it on a bluff. Despite rumors to the contrary, I am not deranged nor am I unstable."

"May I?" Lissa asked, rising gracefully. She was well aware she was the only female in the room, and Mero had the feeling she would use that to her advantage.

"Of course."

"Is there any particular reason everyone's sidestepping the obvious course of action?" She tilted her head. "I know it's distasteful, but..."

"No!" The leader fixed his eyes on Lissa. "I will not do that. There are ways around it, and I will take them. There can be revolution without bloodshed."

Lissa didn't respond, but sat down.

"Well, I don't think we're going to get too much more done today. You get your blackmail, and then we'll make a move."

"Agreed." Randyr stood. "Now, I have business to attend to." He nodded, and took himself out. The others, save for the one who sat across from Mero, dispersed.

"I'm Urnic. Well, V'nor Urnic el-Lord Penather, if you're being formal." He grinned, and extended a hand to Mero. "Welcome to our motley little group."

"Uh...thanks." Mero took the hand gingerly, and shook it.

"Urnic, may I speak to you a moment?" Lissa said, taking the Elven lord by the hand. "You too, Zed?"

"What? No, I actually wanted to talk to...oh!" Zed looked up, glanced at Mero and nodded. "Right. Yeah. Oh."

"Everything all right?" It was the leader, He had not moved, but was looking through some papers.

"Everything's fine." Lissa said. "The third member of our group arrived. He pulls a bit more weight around the Citadel then Zed or I."

"I do?" Mero asked. What is she up to? We can't get involved in Elven politics, no matter how friendly they seem or how good the cause.

"Yes, you do, Mero." She emphasized his name, and the halfblood winced. He was well known in these parts, and doubted throwing his name around would get the desired effect.

"Oh, I have to go." Urnic said, suddenly. He offered a smile to Mero. "It was nice meeting you. My lady, could I buy you a drink?"

"Certainly." Lissa said, taking Urnic's offered arm. "Come on Zed, you can try some real wine." The three of them exited hastily, and Mero turned narrowed eyes on the leader. Still shrouded in shadow.

"So." He said, putting down his papers. "That would explain a few things."

"Not to me." Mero snapped.

"You mean they told you nothing? Nothing at all?"

"No." The halfblood shook his head.

"I truly wish they had. I've gotten so tired of explaining myself. I've heard the story so many times, and every time from my own lips. I understand their reasons, however. And I appreciate their methods."

"I don't understand."

"I know. Oh ancestors, it would take so much to explain. With them it was easy, but you..." He sighed, shaking his head. "With you, I'm at a loss for words. I'm shaking. All this time, all these things, and now I'm shaking. It's funny, isn't it? I can't explain it Mero, not in words. I'd tell you to look inside my mind, but you might not like what you find there. Sometimes... Sometimes I think I am demented, some monster to be feared. Can you believe that? I'm feared. Even among those I call my friends."

A dark and shining suspicion was beginning to creep over Mero. He ached to look inside this other mans mind, but resisted. He swallowed, hard. It would make so much sense, but it was impossible!

"Step into the light." He said, his voice a frightened whisper.

"I'd rather not. Not now. I fear you'd find me much changed. I paid a high price for my life."

"I don't care." Mero said. "I have to see. Please?"

"If you must."

Mero had to choke back a gasp. It was Valyn all right, but as he had said, much changed. The entire left side of his face was a twisted mask of scar tissue, thick rope like sinews that snaked up from his neck. Amazingly enough, his left eye remained undamaged, but the left side of his mouth was twisted up in a sickening half grin.

"I warned you. And I'm as scarred inside as I am out."

"How can you stand it?" Mero breathed. He could only imagine the pain! "How bad is it?"

Valyn shrugged. "It doesn't hurt anymore, except for a bit of tightness when I move. Really, I've gotten used to it."

"You could...you could always use an illusion."

"Never! Ancestors, that would be like cheating. I wear my scars proudly. I mean, better a living wreck then a perfect corpse." Valyn gave a weak chuckle, and Mero echoed it. He moved closer, his eyes tightening as he looked closely at the damage.

"It's like that all over, isn't it?"

"Yes." Valyn nodded, slowly. "But it could be so much worse."

"We owe you everything."

"You owe me nothing."

"Valyn, I..." Mero too, was at a loss for words. All the tears, all the nights of tossing and turning and what ifs. Choking back a sob, he reached out and embraced his cousin. It was as if he was given a second chance, as if they all were given a second chance. Tears leaked out of the halfbloods eyes as he rested his head on Valyn's shoulder. It was only the second time they'd ever shown affection like this, but by gods it wouldn't be the last. "I love you, Valyn."

To be continued...