“No one ever mentioned that Mon Calamari was wet,” Darillian said conversationally when they stepped off the M.F.-esque ship.
 
Kat glared at him. Not that that was anything unusual; she’d been glaring at him even more than she typically did since Mish had been kidnapped, but still. “Everyone says Mon Calamari is wet!” she cried. “That’s all anyone says about it! Good TAWG, how did I get stuck with these… these… nincompoops!”

"Pass," Phanan replied. Darillian blinked in a Who, Me? kind of way.
 
"Let's just go find Mish," Kat said, exasperated. "Left or right?"
 
"Right," Ton answered.
 
"Or left," Darillian interjected.
 
"What's wrong with right?"
 
"It's just not left is it? There's nothing wrong with it, per-se, I'm just saying it's another option."
 
"But right is equally valid."
 
"Sure, sure, but so is left. They both offer alternatives to straight forward."
 
"Which is also good."
 
"Or backwards."
 
"Or right."
 
"Yes, I know."
 
Kat fizzled.
 
“So left it is?” Darillian asked.
 
“Right,” Ton said.
 
“What?”
 
Kat growled and stomped off in a sort of north-north-east direction.
 
Ton and Darillian managed to keep mostly quiet as Kat led them to a bar called…

“The Obstreperous Kipper?” Darillian asked. “Are you kidding me? Who would name a bar that?”

“Shut up,” Kat snapped. “This is Mish’s favourite bar in four systems. And I have contacts here, so shut up and stay out of my way.”
 
"Psst... What does obstreperous mean?" Ton psst'd to Darillian, who shrugged.

The Obstreperous Kipper was decorated, somewhat not incongruously, in shades of green. Everything from the ceilings to the floors to the Twi’lek bartender’s skin was green.

“Nice,” Darillian said.
 
Kat walked over to a sort of kelly-green table in the seafoam-green corner and looked at the three Quarren sitting there in a way that managed to be sweet and innocent AND menacing, as well as devastatingly gorgeous. The Quarren looked at each other in a way that was indecipherably Quarren, and got up and left.

Ton and Darillian looked at each other and blinked.
 
Kat sat down in a nile-green chair and propped her booted feet up on the table. “Well?” she said to the guys, with raised eyebrows.

“Uh,” Darillian said.
 
“Honey?” Ton said. “What are we doing here?”
 
“We’re *waiting*,” Kat said.
 
“We’re *waiting*?” Darillian repeated dramatically. “While Mish has been kidnapped by an Evil Supervillain, we’re sitting in some greenish tacky bar full of greenish Quarren? We’re *WAITING*?”

“Shut up and sit down,” Kat said.
 
Darillian opened his mouth. Then he looked at Ton, who was shaking his head, and Kat, who was not shaking her head. He shut up and sat down.

A few moments of silence passed and as the passed, so did the 'Shut up and sit down' information which had filtered it's way into Darillian's mind. He began to whistle tunelessly.

Kat glared in Darillian's direction.

Darillian did not realise that it was, in fact, due to his appauling whistling technique, as Kat frequently glared in his direction, moreso now that Mish wasn't here. Or perhaps it was the fact that Mish wasn't here that he had noticed Kat's glaring? He noticed that Kat's glare was actually rather attractive, and glared at Phanan, who was practically lying in his seat, eyes closed, a look of smug content on his face. Phanan was oblivious to all the glaring but, had he not been, he probably would have glared back at Darillian. Kat, seeing Darillian stop whistling and start glaring, cheered up significantly, which meant that Darillian stopped glaring and started humming. Which started Kat glaring again.

The vicious cycle which could have then taken place was halted as something stuck between a pig's snore and a horse's hiccup came from Phanan's general direction, drawning the attention of the two would-be combatants. Phanan opened his eyes, "Wasn't me!" - the words immediately flew from his lips (although not literally or else Kat would have had to duck, as they would have been rather low-flying words due to his half-lying position on the chair)

"Who was it then, Earnest the Wonder Ewok's almost-identical-but-not-noticably-so twin brother, Clive the Accounts Clerk Ewok?!" Kat snapped back who, although unharmed by flying words, was annoyed by the fact that they'd been waiting longer than was strictly necessary without any sort of alcoholic or caffinated beverage around, but with Darillian.

Phanan was about to voice a reply when, suddenly (you might say "statimly" if you were in that frame of mind, and didn't really know the Latin ending for the word and it didn't sound quite so silly) from behind the light-green toilet door which in turn was behind a darker-green screen which was partly hidden by a couple of sea-green benches and army-green tables, appeared a figure of such awesomely mindnumbing non-greenenss that several patrons of The Obstreperous Kipper shrank back into their seats. This may also have been due to the stench wafting from the briefly-open door but whether or not this was the case remains a point to debate.

"By all the cheese in Switzerland!" Exclaimed Kat.

Phanan and Darillian graced Kat with identical confused looks. It seemed they had met their contact at last.

“Ow,” Mish said.

She was, as you might remember, tied to a pole that was bolted to the ceiling and the floor. The pole was in a ship. The ship was now on a planet, upside-down, and therefore Mish was upside-down too, thus leading her to say “Ow.”

“Uh, Ran?” she called. “Hello? Are you there?”

 There was no answer.

“Sithspit,” Mish said. “If only I’d gotten around to watching that holovid on pole dancing, instead of Win or Die -- or else Live or Die, whichever – again, I be I wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

 “Did you just say ‘predicament’?” Ran asked.

“Ran!” Mish cried in a Gee-Am-I-Happy-To-See-You-Even-Though-You’re-A-Frelling-Evil-Piece-Of-Sith voice. “So, uh, are we there yet?”

 “That depends on where you mean by ‘there’.”

“I don’t know where I mean, because you never told me where we were going!” Mish pointed out.

“Oh. Well, we’re not *there*,” Ran said.

 “So where are we?” Mish asked.

Ran mumbled something.

“I didn’t catch that.”

 “I don’t know!” Ran yelled.

 “Oh,” Mish said. She waited a moment, then asked, “So, uh, are you going to untie me while we try to figure this out?”

“Only if I can handcuff you,” Ran said.

Mish’s eyes widened. “Look, I don’t know what Darillian’s been telling you, but, uh…”

Ran blinked. “I’ve kidnapped you, and don’t want you to run away.”

“… Oh,” Mish said. “Yes, well, I suppose that’s reasonable, as far as things go. Yes.”

A few minutes later, Mish was untied from the pole and handcuffed, and she and Ran stepped out of the upside-down ship and simultaneously wrinkled their noses.

The contact in The Obstreperous Kipper was a human male, dressed all in grey. He was not tall. In fact, he was not tall to the point where one might call him short. In fact, he was short to the point where one, if one didn’t have any common courtesy, might say, “Oh my god, that man is short.”

“Oh my god, that man is sh—“ Darillian got out before he was cut off by Ton’s glare, and also Ton’s elbow in his solar plexus.

“Kat!” the man said.

“Miles!” Kat said.

“Miles?” Ton said.

“Ungh,” Darillian said.

 “What are you doing here?” the man – whose name was, Ton had cleverly deduced, either Miles or Randolph – asked.

 “Hoping you’d show up. Guys, this is Admiral Miles Naismith. Miles, this is Dr, Ton Phanan and Captain Zurel Darillian.”

Ton said “Zurel!” and started laughing.

“Where’s Mish?” Miles asked.

“Well, that’s the problem,” Kat said. “She’s been kidnapped by Ran Kether. I want to hire you to help find her.”

 “Um,” Miles said. “I’m not sure My Employer –“ the caps were almost audible, in a metaphoric and inaudible kind of way – “would really like that.”

Kat started, “If I know Your Employer –“

Miles interrupted, “But you don’t.”

“Not officially,” Kat pointed out.

“Good point,” Miles conceded.

“What?” Ton asked.

“Look,” Darillian said. “If you can help us find Mish, you’d better do it now, because if you don’t, I will take. You. Down.”

“Um, Darillian?” Kat said.

“Yeah?”

“No threatening the admiral.”

“No?”

“No.”

 “So,” Ton said. “Mish? Help?”

 “Yeeeeeah…” Miles breathed.

 “Will you help us, then?” Kat asked. “Because if we don’t know where she is, then you don’t know where she is, and if you don’t know where she is, then Your Employer can’t keep track of her. It’s in your best interests.”

“Okay,” Miles said.

After a moment of silence, Darillian said, “So, uh, what are we doing now?”

 “You say Ran Kether kidnapped her?” Miles asked.

 “Well, it was a redhead, and Charlie Weasley hasn’t been near Thyferra lately,” Kat said.

 “What about Bill?” Miles asked.

“Him either.”

“Okay. I have to go, uh, talk to some people,” Miles said.

“Say hi to Simon for me!” Kat sounded unusually cheerful.

“Where are you guys staying?” Miles asked.

 “Are we staying anywhere?” Darillian asked.

“Call us on the M.F.-esque ship,” Kat said.

The phone rang. This was not, in itself, a strange occurrence. It was, however, when put into the context of the Millennium Falcon-esque ship which Kat, Phanan and Darillian were currently staying anywhere aboard. It was also odd in the fact that the sound emerged from an oh-so-familiar looking blue police box. Kat entered the police box and failed to be completely astonished by a) the fact it was there and b) the fact that it was not, as opposed to popular belief, bigger on the inside. In fact, it was decidedly cramped. Especially when Ton decided to join her, on the pretext of being able to listen in to the conversation, but in actuality solely for the pressing-up-against-the-cute-chick factor. Zurel, looking interestedly at the phone box and thinking of lengthy scarves, stayed put and whistled an eerily familiar tune.

Nothing happened.

Nothing except Kat picking up the phone, that was.

“Kat?” the electronicified reply replied (although since Kat had only just picked up the phone and not had a chance to say anything yet, this could also be considered as an unreply.)

Kat paused (although, as has previously been stated, she hadn’t said anything yet, so this could be considered a continuation of her not-saying-anything). “Simon?” she answered the un/reply, in a faint voice.

The voice sighed, then replied, "Yes. Why do you want Miles?"

"I have a boyfriend!" Kat said, shocked.

"I meant to help you find Mish."

"Oh. Well, he's good at it. And he has contacts that I don't - both officially and unofficially. So, how's it going, Simon?"

"You can have Miles for three days," the voice (AKA Simon) said, notably not answering Kat's question. "I need him after that. And no taking him off-planet."

The phone made a clicking sound, indicating that Simon had hung up.

“Damn” Kat muttered.

Ton raised an eyebrow, which Kat ignored studiously. She then attempted (and eventually managed – Ton was attempting, and succeeding, to make it difficult for her) to exit the blue phone box.

Another figure had joined Darillian in the living-room-come-hold-come-generally-not-the-cockpit area of the ship. Darillian had apparently not noticed this. Which could have, and was most possibly, because the figure was on the vertically-challenged side of short.

The figure coughed. Darillian jumped and said a generally-inappropriate word. "How did you get here?" he demanded.

The figure was, as our more astute readers might have guessed, Miles. He raised an eyebrow. "Do you think that lock on your hatch would really keep anyone out?"

"It's Kat's and Mish's hatch, not mine," Darillian muttered.

Miles smiled indulgently. "Where's Kat?" he asked.

"Where's Mish?" Darillian countered.

“I thought that was the point in my being here.” Miles replied suavely.

Darillian briefly considered pouting. Luckily for everyone else, Kat spoke up, “Miles! I just had a chat with Simon!” – she used ‘chat’ in the loosest sense of the word – “you’re on the case! Use your ImpSec wonderfulness.”

"ImpSec?" Phanan asked.

Miles glared at Kat, who said, "Oops."

"ImpSec?" Darillian asked.

"Aaaaaanyway!" Kat said. "Any clues yet, Miles?"

“GANDALF.” Miles said, although when he said it it didn’t sound like it was in capslock.

“I told you there was a planet Gandalf!” Darillian exclaimed triumphantly.

“Not a planet, an acronym.” Miles explained further, “Got Absolute Negative Data About (that) Loveable Female”.

“That didn’t quite work grammatically or sense-ically.” Kat observed, “besides which, I know you.” She gave him a penetrating look.

Miles was not to be perturbed, and so continued, “On every planet but one.”

“Oh, and which planet’s that?” Kat asked.

“Well, it’s…” Miles could see Darillian, Kat and Phanan lean in expectantly, so paused.

“Yes?”

“it’s…”

“Yes?”

“it’s…”

And then the chapter faded out.