Mish was gone.

There was no denying it. After all, she was no longer in the High Temple. No one knew where she was gone, or how, exactly, it had happened, but, well, somehow she had gone somewhere.

The one thing they did know – ‘they’ meaning, in this instance, ‘Kat’ – was that she’d been taken by someone with red hair. And there was only one person with red hair, be it natural or artificial, who would have any reason to kidnap Mish.

No, not Charlie Weasley.

Ran Kether.

"I think I'll keep the spiked collar," Darillian mused.

Ton glared at him.

Kat glared at him.

Claire glared at him, but with an If-You've-Forgotten-About-Mish-Already-You-Can-Come-Over-Here-But-I-Am-Still-Worried-About-Her-Don't-Get-Me-
Wrong look in her eyes. (Which is quite a hard, not to mention specific, look to do.)

Darillian looked up at the glares. "What? Oh, yeah, Mish... What's our best guess at where Kether has her captured?"

Ton looked at him, and advanced menacingly. "You're the one who used to work for Kether, you tell us."

“I used to work for… oh. Yeah. Right. Sorry, no ideas, abduction wasn’t in my job description.”

Kat strode over to Darillian, a look of Pure Rage on her face, and Kat’s look of Pure Rage was a rare and terrifying sight. She grabbed him with one hand at the neck, under the spiked collar. “Zurel Darillian,” she said in a voice that was scary for being so calm, “if you know something about Mish’s whereabouts, you had better tell me now. Because if I find out, later on, that you knew something you *didn’t* tell me, I will personally rip you limb from limb, grind you up, and feed you to the Glass Prowler.”

"Okay. I do have SOMETHING to say to that."

"What?" Kat's Pure Rage was turning into Blood Curdling Almost-Pure-But-With-A-Little-Added-Preservatives Rage.

"Glass Prowlers don't eat flesh."

“… Oh, it will.” Kat looked just a tad more menacing.

Darillian gulped. “Weeeeell,” he said, dragging the word on longer than was previously thought humanly possible, “if I had to guess the planet where she might possibly have been taken... I would have to guess… Gandalf.”

A pause.

“There’s a planet Gandalf?” Ton asked.

"No, I must be getting it mixed up with the Lando system."

"Darillian..." Kat warned warningly.

"Mon Calamari!" He gulped. Her hand on his collar was restricting his breathing somewhat.

A pause.

"There's a pla-- Oh, wait, yes, there is." Ton looked innocent.

Kat let go of Darillian. “Okay. Ton, Zurel and I are going to Mon Calamari.”

Claire gaped. “What about the rest of us?” she demanded.

Kat gave her a look of I’m-Approaching-Pure-Rage-again.

“Nevermind,” Claire said quickly.

* * *

"Hey Kat... I had this weirdest dream." Mish awoke groggily. "We were at this wedding or something, and I had to wear this hideous tangerine-coloured evil poofy bouffant bridesmaid's dress thing and there were flowers and stuff and they smelt a bit like chlorofo--WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING???!!!?!!"

Kat did not appear from the shadows.

A man, however, did. A certain redhead. And, no, it was not Charlie Weasley.

“Hello, Mish,” he said in a tone that was altogether too much like Anthony Hopkins saying ‘Hello, Clarice,’ in ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ for anyone to feel overly safe.

“Um… hi, Ran,” Mish said. “So, um, how’ve you been?”

“HOW do you THINK I’ve been?” he shouted.

Mish winced. “A bit under the weather?” she ventured to guess.

"A BIT UNDER THE WEATHER?" Ran exploded. Not literally, because it would probably leave a sticky mess. "A BIT UNDER THE WEATHER????!!!" he repeated, continuing to not explode literally.

"Um. Yeah."

Mish took stock of her situation. Her eyes widened.

"Okay. So I know my hands are tied up and I'm all 'oh, defenceless-poor-gorgeous-yet-helpless blonde' and everything, but you're not... I mean, that would just be too gross, right?"

"You screwed up my Master Plan. You destroyed my surgery. You started going out with my Intel agent! You put me in prison! Now is not the time to be trifling about with please don'ts or can I haves, Mish, this is the time to be panicking, struggling and generally screaming for help, although it is pointless, as no one can hear you scream."

"This isn't space," Mish said. "And it wasn't your surgery."

"Who do you think Phanan" - he spat the name out, although continued to do so unliterally - "borrowed the money from to pay for the sodding place?"

"I thought you destroyed it."

"Trifle me not with frivolities."

There was a small pause during which Mish squirmed and Ran turned an interesting shade of red, whilst he wiped away some saliva from his frothy lips.

"So, uhm," Mish began. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

“Do I want to TALK about it??”

“Is that a no?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, that’s a no, or yes, you want to talk about it?”

“Okay, who kidnapped who, here?”

“Who kidnapped whom.”

“I’m the one with a gun! Now is not a good time to piss me off!”

Mish decided she wouldn’t deign to reply to that.

After ten odd minutes of waiting about doing nothing, Mish 1) forgot about not pissing Ran off and 2) got bored.

"When are we going to get there?"

"Where?"

"Wherever we're going. I presume you're taking me somewhere, right?"

Ran's eyes opened wider for a second, then went back to slits. He glared at her. "Of course I am."

"Somewhere where no one will find you, then you can retell the newest dastardly plan of yours, and then someone can come and save me and all will be well again, right?"

"That wasn't how I was planning it."

"But you're the bad guy."

"WHAT?"

"That's always how the bad guys think. That's their downfall. I have noticed this. I watch far too many films."

Ran crouched down to talk to her. "So what should I do?" His expression was slightly needy.

"Well," Mish sighed. "I really shouldn't be telling you this. The first thing you do is untie me, the second is to explain your plan, and take me to the control room to show me how your ship works. Then we fly back to Rudrig where we can go tell the papers the story and make millions."

Ran went to untie her. The penny dropped. "Waiiiiiiit a second. You're trying to trick me."

"Ya think?"

“I’m not going to fall for it!” he declared.

“But you’re still going to untie me, right?”

“Ri – NO!”

“Damnation.” Mish tried to click her fingers, but couldn’t manage it, being tied up. “Damnation,” she said again.

Ran wandered back into the darkness.

Mish looked around for something sharp and pointy to untie herself with. There was nothing apparent. Damnit! Wasn't she supposed to be the heroine in all this?
 

"I get to sit in the co-pilot's seat!"

"No, I do!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

"ME!!"

"GUYS!!!!????!?!??" Kat yelled. "STOP ARGUING. BOTH OF YOU GET OFF EACH OTHER AND OUT OF THE CO-PILOT'S SEAT, THIS INSTANT."

She was, of course, seated in the pilot's seat. "If we're going to find Mish we're going to do it properly. Here -" she handed Ton a holochip "- go watch this."

Ton and Darillian started at the vid chip.

"'How to learn how to pole dance in ten easy steps'?" Ton read aloud.

Kat blushed, stole the chip back and pulled out another from under the pilot's seat, and handed it to them.

"'How to become a reasonably efficient Private Investigator. In slightly more than 10 easy steps.' The other one sounded more interesting and relevant to daily life." Darillian mused aloud.

"GO." Kat ordered.

“But –“ said Darillian.

Kat sighed, and handed over the first chip. “Fine, whatever. Watch both.”

Ton eyed Darillian, who looked far too gleeful.

“Now, please leave and let me do my job?”

Ton and Darillian left the cockpit – they were in the <I>Millenium Falcon</I>-esque ship, incidentally. Ton had given Bryn and Daniel the REALNiCE ship, saying that it was a wedding present from Tetran Cowall.

"Hey, that's real nice!" Daniel had said in reply to the above gesture.

We're not sure what Tetran Cowall would have to say about it.

"Slightly more than ten..." Ton muttered over an hour later, entering the cockpit. Kat gave him a look sharp enough to cut diamonds (or at least reasonably expensive fake ones) and he declined from sitting in the co-pilot's seat.

Darillian, on the other hand, had no such qualms, so pushed past Ton and slumped into the co-pilots' seat. Until Kat hit him with a conveniently random unidentified metal object.  He fell down the small crack between the copilot's seat and the back-up to the back-up hyperdrive.

"What did you learn?" Kat asked them sternly.

"That convienient random metal objects should come with a health warning?" Darillian ventured.

Kat sighed and continued to pilot the ship, which was what she’d been doing for the past “over an hour”. Darillian clambered up and went over to sit next to Ton on some convenient benches against the wall.

“Are we almost there yet?” said Ton.

“Um,” said Kat.

There was a long pause, after which Ton repeated, “Um?”

Kat shrugged.

"Where's there?" Darillian asked.

Before Kat got a chance to turn around and hit him with the conveniently random metal object, Ton THWACKed him.

***

Darkness.

Well, almost complete darkness.

Camera One zooms in through the shadows and settles looking onto a figure tied to a metal post which runs from the ceiling to the floor. Her hands are tied behind it, her feet to the side. A small ray of light, with dust specks, covers the left hand side of her face. (Although as it's a space-ship this slit of light is obvious poetic license, where else is it going to come from?)

"Well, bugger this," Mish said into the darkness.

"No, go on," another voice says (from the right, if you're hearing this in stereo).

Darkness lightens a little and a familiar red-haired man is standing to Mish's right.

"No, really. I mean, how am I supposed to do 'The Importance of Being Earnest' if I'm tied up? I mean, you couldn't even get 'film'. Charades is definitely a game which must be played with limbs able to move."

"It was your idea."

"I was kinda hoping you'd untie me so I could kick your butt."

Ran laughed evilly.

"Alright then!" Mish exclaimed, continuing, "It seems we have a stalemate situation. Tell me where you're taking me and we'll say you won."

Ran's brow furrowed.

"You've been reading up."

Ran pointed to the pile of books to the back of the room, some of which had titles like "How to Become A Super-Evil Villain in Slightly More Than 10 Easy Steps" or "Where Dr. No Went Wrong - Cat Allergies and More."

“How about,” Ran suggested, “I leave you tied up and don’t tell you anything.”

“That’s a bad plan.”

“I could gag you?” he offered.

Mish blinked. “And that would help me why, exactly?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have to listen to you anymore.”

“Oh, no. You kidnapped me, you have to deal with the consequences. Gagging me would be such a cop-out. You’re an Arch-Nemesis, you should be above that.”

Ran gave her a withering look.

Mish decided to change tactics. Perhaps the innocent victim was exactly what she needed. "Anyway the guys will definitely come and get me. When they get wind of this plan, which they definitely will do with all that weathering you seem to be doing-"

"Withering."

"-Trifle me not with your grammar stereotypes. When they find me they shall save me and you will be ruined for good I tell you, ruined. Your mighty empires will fall, I tell you. Fall!" and then she started laughing maniacally.

It was in the middle of laughing she realised that somewhere in her mind Innocent Victim Mode had switched to Evil Bad-Guy Mode. Ah well, easy come, easy go.

Ran began watching Mish with interest. “Wow, that was really good!” he exclaimed when her laugh had mostly faded out. “I’ve been reading the books, listening to the audio-tapes, but no one has ever really gotten across exactly how that laugh is supposed to sound. Would you teach me?”

“Um.” Mish thought about that for a moment. “If you untied me and told me where we were going,” she decided. “That can be, like, my consulting fee, or something.”

“You drive a hard bargain." Ran considered.

"You look hardly anything like Charlie Weasley," Mish interjected.

"I'll split you halves. I tell you where I'm taking you and you'll tell me how to do the laugh."

Mish's eyes narrowed. "You first."

Ran considered, his mind momentarily clouded by the insult of not looking like Charlie Weasley.

"Or even Bill."

Curses! A double insult!

Ran took a deep breath. “We’re going to….”

Mish leaned forwards.

“To… what the hell?!?!”

It took a moment for Mish to realise that they were not going to What The Hell – which was actually a nice little planet; she wouldn’t want to build a summer home there, but the trees were actually quite lovely – and that Ran was reacting to the sudden blaring alarm that was echoing or, rather, blaring through the ship.

"Bugger," she muttered.

The ship spiraled. The gravity generators switched themselves off.

"Bugger once more."

Mish began floating up the pole she was tied to, which, inconveniently, as previously mentioned, was bolted to both the ceiling and the floor (although it was now impossible to tell which was which).

"Uhm." Mish was possibly at a loss for words. "Bugger?"

Ran floated/swam into the cockpit, leaving Mish alone in the dark cargo-bay. Something thudded against her face. She knocked it back and, just before it disappeared into the darkness once again, read the title of the literature, "How to Escape From a Pole Bolted to Both the Ceiling and The Floor When You Don't Have The Use of Your Hands or Your Legs."

Mish said nothing. She didn't feel it necessary.

Moments passed.

"Bugger."