Five-Minute "Muse"
Kelis: B'Elanna Torres got lost. I found her. To Be Continued.
Patron: Nice play, Kelis. Do another in a week.
Kelis: That's not enough time!
Patron: Meh.
Lanya: Now that that's over with, wanna get it on?
Kelis: Sorry, I have to go meet with a mysterious woman.
B'Elanna: Who the heck are you?
Kelis: A poet. I read your diary and turned it into a play.
B'Elanna: Good for you. Now go away.
Kelis: Here's some food. Now tell me everything you know.
B'Elanna: Only if you steal one of these for me.
Kelis: But that could cause death. My death.
B'Elanna: So could I.
Kelis: Yeah right. Whoa! Did you make that thunder?
B'Elanna: Uh -- yeah!
Kelis: I'll be right back.
Paris: But we have to rescue them faster than that!
Janeway: If we did, the episode would end too early.
Kelis: Okay, now kiss Tom.
Seven Actor: Aww, do I have to?
Kelis: What's with this Tuvok guy?
B'Elanna: Shut up! By the way, would you mind blowing all your money on a sheet of metal?
Kelis: Later. What's with this Tuvok guy?
Neelix: What's with you? You haven't been sleeping.
Tuvok: Sleep is for the weak.
Tuvok Actor: It's my part and I'll cry if I want to!
Kelis: Tuvok never cries.
Tuvok Actor: What's with this Tuvok guy?
Messenger: There's a war coming!
Kelis: Ooh good, a plot twist!
B'Elanna: I can't help you.
Kelis: At least tell me what you think of my Voyager fanfic.
Kelis: Everybody say hi to this foreign poet. The jury will disregard the ridges on her forehead.
B'Elanna: Why not end the play with my rescue?
Kelis: I need to throw in a lot of contrivances and eye candy.
Old Guy: You new poets suck.
Kelis: Don't take his word for it -- watch this scene so I can prove it!
Janeway Actor: Kiss me, you fool.
Chakotay Actor: Okay.
Janeway: Found them yet?
Chakotay: Nope.
Janeway: Nuts.
B'Elanna: You're having Janeway kiss Chakotay?
Kelis: What, aren't you a J/Cer?
B'Elanna: Nobody plays the field in the middle of Borg attacks!
Kelis: Borg, eh?
Lanya: Stay away from my Kelis, you evil poet-stealing weird-foreheaded Eternal-type person!
B'Elanna: Um, yeah.
Harry: Anybody home?
B'Elanna: Hey, a transmitter! Excellent! Oh, and it's okay that you're alive too.
Actor: This ending sucks!
Kelis: Best I could do.
Actor: Then you suck too.
Paris: Tuvok!
Tuvok: Wha--? Um, I wasn't asleep! No one can prove I was asleep!
Paris: Look, they're alive.
Tuvok: Cool. But I wasn't asleep! No sirree, not me!
Paris: What's with you, anyway?
Seven Actor: I'm the Queen. Janeway sucks.
Janeway Actor: Seven's the Queen. I only sort of suck.
B'Elanna: Uh oh, Kelis plans to kill me.
Harry: Cool.
B'Elanna: You do know I'm talking about the play, right?
Harry: Um...yeah!
Seven Actor: Wanna kill me?
Janeway Actor: Nah.
Tuvok Actor: Your ending still sucks!
B'Elanna: Mine doesn't. Let's go!
B'Elanna: Hi, everybody!
Lanya: She's B'Elanna Torres!
Chorus Guy: Don't listen to her!
Patron: Okay.
Kelis: Stay here.
B'Elanna: No.
Kelis: Okay, but I'll miss you.
B'Elanna: You too. Bye!
Kelis: And the moral of this story, folks, is War Is Bad. Did that rock or what?
(The cast bows at Ludicrous Speed.)
THE END
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