CONTENT WARNING: Little bit of language. Little bit of slashy stuff. Little bit of kissing. Nowt graphic.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters mentioned, except maybe my sister. Buggar. Don't sue, I can't afford it.
AUTHORS NOTES: I'm not schizophrenic. This is what I imagened (spl?) happenign whilst I was writing an essay and my sis was running around trying to do chemical stuff.... please send feedback, feed the dragon! Oh, and this is partially based around a conversation with Jackie. Her exact line of "you can run and play with Bilbo later young lady!" cracked me up so much, I had to use it. Thanks hun.
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I stare at the keyboard; my hands poised over the keys, ready to write the greatest essay the GCSE board have ever seen, about the two so-called greatest lovers of all time, even though I think that Sam and Daniel and Aragorn and Legolas can do justice to that title better.
“Oh, come on,” says a scarily familiar voice from the top of the monitor. “Those two couples have never even been mentioned in either of the book, film, or TV show…”
Sod off Jack; I’m trying to work.
The four inches high figure, dressed in SG-1 garb, stares down at the computer and the plain white screen. “I can see. You’re doing a GREAT job. Wouldn’t you rather be writing fic?”
No.
I really wouldn’t.
“Liar.”
I need to write this essay! Leave me alone!
“If you need to write it so badly, then why the heck aren’t you actually typing?”
Pick a reason, really. For a start, I’m having a conversation with a four-inches high Air Force FICTIONAL character, my sister is running around behind me with chemicals and lord knows what else, and I’m being taunted by the radio, constantly talking about going to Reading and Leeds, where my favourite bands are playing, whilst I’m stuck here. Want more?
“There’s no need to be impolite,” says a heavy bass voice.
Teal’c. Super.
Teal’c, Daniel, Sam and Jonas all appear next to my mouse-mat. Sam walks forward and back over it repeatedly. “Wow. Holographic Buffy. You say you’re straight?”
My muses are taking the piss out of me! Why the hell are figments of my imagination taunting me? It was a present from a mate! I’m not a lesbian!
“We’re figments of YOUR twisted imagination. We can’t be accountable for what we say!” I prod the talking Daniel.
You’re dead. Why the heck are you here?
“Again, your imagination. You know nothing about Jonas-“
“Don’t I know it,” sighs Jonas.
“So you over-compensate, and have us both. Go figure…”
“So, why aren’t you writing fic?” says Jack, still sitting on my monitor. “I’m bored. I want to do something!”
I am writing a fic with you all in, I just…
Jonas coughs. Okay, fine. With ORIGINAL SG-1 in. But I am writing it…
“Why don’t you write something with us in, daughter of Julie?” says a lyrical voice from my other hand. A teeny Legolas, with Aragorn following him sits down by my left hand. Jack glares at me.
“Oh. So NOW we know why you’re not writing. Well, hasn’t the truth come out now….”
I needed to spread my wings! I can’t always write for SG-1!
“Tough! You can go and play with Bilbo once you’ve finished writing SG-1 fic, young lady!”
Not Bilbo! Legolas! Legolas is MUCH easier to write for, with looks like those, besides he’s so meant to be with Aragorn…
Whoops.
Daniel begins to laugh. “Hathor’s got a crush on Legolas, Hathor’s got a crush on Legolas…”
Legolas preens. Jack looks pissy. “I thought I was your favourite!”
To be quite frank, I don’t mind which one of you I get…
Both stare at me. Jack shrugs. “This is way to twisted to go on for much longer. The point is: why the hell aren’t you writing?”
I’M TRYING TO WRITE AN ENGLISH ESSAY YOU IDIOT!
“Please write a little bit…” said Aragorn. “I mean, I like Arwen as much as the next human raised by elves due to unforeseen circumstances and a horrible past, but really. Let me stay with Legolas!”
“Forget the elf! Finish off that damn fic! Do you know how much pain you left me in?”
“And do you have any idea how annoying Jonas is getting? He wants to be in a fic too!”
Everyone stares at Sam. “Oh, please. You think I don’t have feelings to?”
I’m in despair. It’s growing chaotic. My sister is still dashing around trying to do… whatever with chemicals, Sam and Daniel are flirting, Aragorn and Legolas are making out, Jack and Teal’c are having a conversation about something that sounds suspiciously like “raging teenage hormones”. Poor Jonas looks left out.
Everyone shut up! Now!
For a change, they actually listen to me. If I write fic once I’ve finished my essay, will you leave me alone? Please?
All the characters look at each other. “Deal,” they all chorus as one.
They all begin the fade, as my sister and random chemicals (A hole is being burned through the table with sulphuric acid) leave the room, thank god. Now it’s quiet. Hmmm. Perhaps I should base my essay on Legolas/Aragorn stuff… THAT I can write about…
“We’re gonna be back, you know,” suddenly comes the voice of Jack. I sigh. Oiy.
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