CATEGORY: Humour; Jack/Sara (at last I wrote one!)
SPOILERS: Cold Lazarus
RATING: PG-13, so if you're younger, read it with your eyes closed.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexual situations
SUMMARY: Someone has come to see Jack, and then there's a power cut…last part of the Think non-sexy thoughts series.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Stargate; it owns me. It belongs to the good, rich, people at various American companies, so don't sue, I spent my last penny on a pencil so I could keep on writing.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's the last part of the think non-sexy thoughts series, people! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has given me so much support since I started writing, and sent such nice feedback, and even bigger thanks to Nephthys and Hemotodysia who dragged me kicking and screaming to the land of fanfic and Stargate. Thank you all! (God, sounds like I'm receiving an award, doesn't it?) I've been writing a lot of humour recently because of the current situation in the UK (flooding in the south, petrol shortages, raining everywhere else, crap government, tornado in Bognor Regis (a real place, I promise), Stargate not on until new year…). I hope you like this one as much; all I can see in my inbox is Think non-sexy thoughts...!
Think non-sexy thoughts, think non-sexy thoughts…oh no, it's not working. What on Earth possessed me to come around anyway, I bet he has a thing for that blonde who came around not so long ago…yeah, I bet he does. I saw the way he was looking at her. Mind you, he's only male, I'll give him that…
Oh, what am I on? Why did I come here anyway? Oh, I suppose I'd better go…
Yes, thank you Jack for the coffee, I'm glad we got the details sorted. Yup, that's fine. I'll talk to my solicitor…oh, why am I organising a divorce with this man? I must be insane, I really must.
Hold it…hold it…Jack, do the lights normally flicker? What the hell…
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!
Oh, I'm still speaking like the man. Peachy. Oh, I did it again.
Jack, I'm so sorry, but I don't want to walk home by myself, not when the powers cut. I know, I know, I should be braver, but a friend got mugged recently…oh, you only met her briefly, she's called Mary. Well, Jack, I wouldn't mind staying over tonight. Just for a night, of course.
Whoa…that man looks so nice when he's in silhouette. What are you doing? Um…you're a bit close…yeah, just a teeny bit.
Well, that is close. I can't remember the last time I tasted these lips. Or the last time we undressed together, to be honest. Oooo, or the last time we did this…
What is that? Jack, the lights are coming back on. No, I don't mind, or anything, it's just…well your neighbours are looking through the glass.
Yes, I don't mind taking this business upstairs…
Think non-sexy thoughts, think non-sexy thoughts… why did she come around anyway? What, divorce details? Yes, Sara, I'll agree…why am I divorcing this woman? Am I mad? OK, I probably am…
What the…oh no, lights are flickering. That normally means…yep, there it goes. Surprise surprise, the powers cut.
Yes, Sara, you can stay over if you like…what, Mary got mugged? Oh no, that's awful.
Well, a beautiful woman is in my house, and I'm not doing…oh. It seems I am. Oh, great, I'm talking like Teal'c.
Why am I thinking about Teal'c? Yes, Sara, it is unusual to be undressing together…not that I'm complaining.
Oooo, the powers coming back on…
Why are the neighbours looking through he glass, the perverts! I knew there was something weird about them. Yes, Sara, lets go upstairs…
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