CATEGORY: Humour
SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNINGS: Naked people, character death (in a funny way)
SUMMARY: They're stripping. Need we say more?
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: As you all know, I don't own Stargate, and I never will. I've got no money, but if you want to send some, I'm not complaining, big debts since Christmas…
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Guess what!! As I write this, it's snowing! A white one-day-after-Boxing-Day Christmas!! (I'm just a big kid, I know. But I live in a place that rains on a constant basis. I call it England) As I'm English, I don't want to say 'pants' when describing trousers. So I don't. The characters can say it, but I won't. Feedback? Please? With cinnamon and a Tok'ra on top? (But not Martouf/Lantash or Anise/Freya. They just annoy me)
'Ha HA! A royal flush! Get that t-shirt off, Major Carter!' crowed Jack triumphantly.
It wasn't what you might call a normal sight. At all. Seeing a Marine playing strip poker is a fearful experience in itself. Many people had never recovered from it. (Well, everyone says the training is tough. Now we know why) But seeing every SG team, all the nurses, and a few technicians all playing strip poker- well, it was the opposite of a sight for sore eyes. Even perfectly normal, completely not sore, can-almost-see-in-the-dark eyes would implode at the sight.
All in small groups on the gate room floor, each person was watching everyone else, in hope that they would get their kit off. Sam slid her t-shirt over her head, revealing a lacy white bra. A small sigh could be heard from the corner as Graeme Simmons quietly died, hoping that all the angels ended up looking like Sam, in the same underwear.
After a few more hands, Daniel started to look around nervously. The nurses had been shuffling closer to him, and he was sure that one of them was drooling.
'Jack, I actually might-'
'Actually nothing. I have four queens.'
'And I have four threes. You win'
Daniel regretfully took his trousers off, to the delight of the nurses. As one, they leapt forward, and carried him towards the door. Daniel was screaming. 'NO! PLEASE, GOD, NO! I'M JUST A CHILD! I DON'T DESERVE THIS! NOOO!!'
'Ladies' said Janet sternly. 'Leave him alone. We have a poker hand to finish. Besides,' she added, eyes glinting mischievously, 'Dr Jackson has a medical check up soon…'
'Anyway' interjected Jack. 'I'm a mean player. I can get him naked.'
The nurses dropped Daniel as one, and returned to their game. Daniel returned to the game, despite the fact that nervous twitches made him drop all of his cards repeatedly.
Some time later, General Hammond walked in, wondering where the hell all of his staff had gone recently. When he entered, most of the milatery staff leapt to their feet, saluting. The fact that most of them were wearing their underwear, and some of them even less, caused him to fall to the floor, shaking in horror at the sight.
Even later, most people had left, even the nurses, after much persuading. A janitor had thoughtfully cleared up Simmons body, and had even had General Hammond taken, shaking and screaming, to his office with a large bottle of brandy and the blast doors closed.
Only SG1 were left in the end, playing to the bitter end. They were all down to underwear, except for Teal'c, who didn't seem to want to get rid of his trousers at all. He even offered to take out Junior at one point. Unfortunately, Jack was a far superior player. Teal'c regretfully took his trousers off. Everyone stared.
Jack spoke first. 'Teal'c... that's different' he said. 'And I've seen some cracking things in my time. I don't think there was anything like that in boot camp, and that's saying something.'
'Can't remember the last time I saw something like that,' said Sam, staring even harder.
'Yeah' said Daniel, his brow creasing. 'Why the hell are you wearing Looney Toons underpants?'
Teal'c shrugged, a minor feat for the man built like a tank. 'They reminded me of Apophis' he said, dealing out the cards again for another round….
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