SPOILERS: Err... I don't think so.
RATING: PG.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Um.... Some Jack whumping. Sort of. And a swear word! Shock! SUMMARY: Ever want to see SG-1 in furry catsuits? Read on!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Stargate (whinge, moan), they belong to various people who are richer than me, so don't sue, I was just borrowing them, and I will return them in original packaging, in mint condition. I didn't get any money from this, either (darn.).
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanx to Nephthys and Hemotodysia for dragging me to the land of Stargate and Fanfic. I owe you big time.
Jack: Narrator
Daniel: Little Baby Goat
Sam: Mummy Goat
Teal'c: Daddy Goat
Colonel Maybourne: Huge hairy troll (hee hee)
Ferreti/General Hammond: Nasty sheep
Why am I always the narrator? Why can't I be Daddy Goat?
'Jack, calm down and BEGIN THE STORY!'
But why though?
'Because you're so good at it. Now get on with it!'
Fine. But if you think I'm going to be nice, you've got another think coming!
'Whatever'
Once upon a time, 3 little goats lived in the-SGC? Since when have we had goats?
'Since now, Jack'
Whatever. I'm really annoyed now, so be warned. Anyway, the three little goats- little? Since when has Teal'c been little? Did I miss something? And why does he have a staff weapon, anyway?
'Colonel O'Neill, I believe it is wise to be prepared for the ferocious troll'
'Shhh Teal'c, you'll ruin the story!'
Who's watching anyway? I've always wondered that. You look very nice in that furry catsuit, by the way Major.
'Why, thank you sir'
'CAN WE GET ON WITH IT, PLEASE!!'
Jeez. Some peoples tempers. Continuing, the goats were very sad. The nasty sheep- General?
'Hello, Colonel. Major Ferreti and myself are acting as sheep. Do continue.
Okaay. Umm.... the nasty sheep ate all the nice grass-General, what are you doing?
'Eating all the nice grass. D'you have a problem with that?'
Umm.... I value my career, so I'm going to say no.
'A wise move'
Err... oh yeah! All the nice grass was eaten by the sheep, and our little goats were made to do lab work. To make matters worse, snakes kept coming to attack- my god, we have budget problems. We're using cardboard cut out Goa-uld for snakes?
'I made them myself, sir'
Major Carter, you need a hobby.
'I do, it's doing these fairy tales'
Crap, this is getting weirder.
'Jack, this is a kiddies story!'
So? Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Ha, Mr Space Goat!!!
'Jack?'
What, Goat boy?
'Watch out for my ferocious horns!'
Why do they have zats on them?
'Better safe than sorry. Besides, how can I threaten you?'
Good point.
'So get on with'
'I believe it would be wise'
Gee thanks, Teal'c
'You are welcome, O'Neill'
Hardi hardi ha ha. Anyway, the goats were always made to kick the goats ass... well, that true. D'you see any sheep helping? Oh no, always SG-1...
'Jack?'
Yes Ferreti?
'Shut up.'
Whatever, fluffy.
'Hey!'
I'm the narrator. My word is law. So shut up!! Fluffy.
'Grr...'
Interesting. I've never heard sheep growl. But I digress. The goats were very sad, in more ways than one, in the case of our little anthropologist goat....
'Jack, I still have zats on my horns'
Erm...one day, the little baby goat saw a way out. A big metal ring offered freedom, so the little goat walked up the walkway-hey, isn't it normally a bridge?
'Budget, sir'
Oh. On his way up, a huge hairy-Maybourne! What are you doing here?
'I here on orders of the president, Colonel'
Doing?
'Being a huge hairy troll'
Oh! Someone pinch me! I'm dreaming! Ha, ha ha! There is a god! Well, at least it's a fitting role. Bad breath, hairy and a slight problem with BO.
'I can still have this establishment shut down'
Yeah, whatever, Frogface.
'FROGFACE!'
That's what I said. Got a problem with that, Frogface?
'Yes I do!'
Argh!
'Argh!'
'Sorry guys, had to zat you to stop you'
Ow! Now I'm mad. Should I make Baby Goat die?
'I still have zat'nik'tels'
That's a no then.
'Yup'
Um... the huge hairy Maybourne-hee-don't shoot Daniel-leapt out in front of the goat.
'I'm here on order of the president to stop you passing! Or I'll eat you!'
Nicely done.
'Why thank you Colonel'
That wasn't a nice comment.
'Oh'
The baby goat was very scared.
'Argh! Help me! Achoo!'
Well done, Daniel. But the sneeze was a little out of place.
'I'm allergic to my catsuit'
Jeez. The little goat, being a bit of a wimp-
'Hey!'
Trading of his mother for his life. Well, I thought you had more respect for Carter than that.
'You don't want to know what I would have done if you had been Mummy Goat'
No, I probably don't. Can we get on with it?
'You want to get on with it?'
Well, I want to see Maybourne in pain.
'Well, don't stop on my account!'
The little goat trundled off to the land of light-huh-and waited for his parents. Parents? Teal'c and Carter! No fair!
'Why? Not interested in Carter, are we Jack?'
Er...no.
'So why so flustered?'
'Stop questioning me!'
'What ever you say'
Soon enough, Mummy Goat walked in, looking very nice in her catsuit. Sure enough, out jumped the troll.
'I'm here on-'
Oh, shut up. Mummy goat did the same thing as Baby goat, and trundled off to the land of light.
'Baa'
Erm... yeah. So, sure as eggs are eggs, Daddy Goat appeared.
'I do not understand your way of speaking, Colonel O'Neill'
Umm... I'll explain later. Anyway, out jumped the troll.
'I'm here on...'
But Daddy Goat was different. Big, strong, a staff weapon and a big ole nasty parasite inside him.
'I would advise you to leave this bridge'
'Erm...ok'
And the troll ran way never to be seen again. Woohoo!
'Colonel O'Neill, what is this "woohoo?"
Er...
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