Anne: Welcome back to the....Weakest Link. All the contestants are from SGA military base, please introduce yourselves.
Sam: Major Samantha Carter, USAF
Teal'c: I am Captain Sam Davis, Jr.
Anise: I am Anise, which means "Noble Strength"
Daniel: I'm Daniel, it means "God is my Judge"
Jack: Hey! Not this again!
Anne: Do not speak out of turn.
Janet: I am Dr. Janet Fraiser and I am going to win.
Anne: Really.
Davis: I'm Major Davis from the Pentagon.
Seven: Seven of Nine, tertiary adjunct of unimatrix01 and what am I doing here?
Anne: You are on the weakest link.
Seven: I am not weak.
Apophis: Where did you get your eyepiece? It looks better than mine.
Seven: Yours requires cleaning.
Anne: Please refrain from unnecessary conversation.
Apophis: I am here to gain your currency before destroying your planet.
Jack: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Anne: *cough* We will begin with a series of questions. Do not forget to bank. Samantha. What water bottling company was founded in 1924?
Sam: Oh Calistoga!
Anne: Correct. Sam Davis, What Sci-Fi movie hit the theatres in 1977?
Teal'c: What is the significance of this question?
Anne: Anise, what breakfast food is supposed to give you incredible strength?
Anise: I do not know, however, the armbands of the Ateniks....
Anne: Incorrect. Daniel, what children's show involves "Time Force"?
Daniel: Well I recently set one off myself involving earth in a time loop...
Anne: Your time is up and you only banked 100$. You are pathetic. It is time now to vote off the first.....Weakest link! In the first round, Samantha was the strongest, the only one to answer correctly.
Sam: I voted for Anise, she takes too long on her answers.
Teal'c: Apophis.
Anne: He did not even answer anything.
Anise: Apophis. He gets on my nerves.
Daniel: Jack. Get him off before he starts annoying everyone.
Jack: HEY!
Janet: Seven. She creeps me out.
Davis: Sam Davis, they shouldn't have given him my name.
Seven: Anise. She does not appear to have a grasp of species 5618.
Jack: Anise. Before she accidentally kills someone.
Apophis: Teal'c. He betrayed me!
Anne: There is no-one here by that name. The overall votes were for Anise. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
Interview Room: Anise: They have a point, I am not familiar with earth's popular culture. Besides, I have an experiment I left unfinished before I left. _____________________________
Anne: Welcome to round two of.........the Weakest Link!
Apophis, who plays Sidney Fox on the tv show "Relic Hunter"?
Apophis: Whoever it is will die.
Anne: Uh, incorrect. Jack, where is the mythical "Avalon" located?
Jack: Catalina island, loved those beaches!
Anne: Incorrect. Seven, what musical is "Every Little Nothing" from?
Seven: Little Mary Sunshine.
Anne: Correct! Davis, where is Harlech?
Davis: Is that some new kind of motercycle?
Anne: Correct. Janet, where is the Sesamoid bone found on the body?
Janet: A sesamoid is not a bone.
Anne: Time's up. That was terrible. You now have only 200$ in the bank. Seven was the strongest link. Please vote now for the weakest link.
Sam: Janet.
Teal'c: Apophis. He wishes to destroy your planet.
Anne: I don't think that is relevant right now.
Daniel: Apophis, he stole Sha're.
Janet: Davis. We don't need people from the Pentagon telling us what to do.
Davis: Excuse me? Anyways I voted for Apophis.
Seven: Janet has proved herself to be flawed.
Janet: I knew I didn't like her...
Jack: Uh, I think everyone here hates Apophis........
Apophis: YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! I will enslave your people and....
Anne: Ya ya, who did you vote for?
Apophis: Teal'c will be the first to die.
Anne: Uh huh, you are the strangest group I've had in a while. Apophis, you ARE the weakest link.......goodbye.
Interview Room:
Apophis: I will crush your planet to the core, and erase all trace of your existance. Oh, and Seven, visit my new mothership soon...I look forward to meeting you again.
-----------------------------------------------------
Anne: This is the third round. You have only banked $200, you have to potential for much more. Samantha, who is the only Bonanza cast member still alive?
Sam: Uh...wasn't that some western show?
Anne: Incorrect. Sam Davis, where is Tuscany?
Teal'c: It is a location on the planet Earth.
Anne: Pathetic. Daniel, what is the writing of Ancient Egypt?
Daniel: Everyone always gets this one wrong. For the last time it is not called "hieroglyphics" it is refered to as either Hierog...
Anne: TIME! You take too long on your questions. You have not added anything to the bank.
Samantha: As much as I like Sam Davis, I'm afraid he has to go.
Teal'c: I agree with Major Carter, however, I vote for O'Niell.
Daniel: I have to say Major Davis.
Janet: Samantha Carter.
Davis: Sam Davis, he doesn't know what he's doing.
Seven: Sam Davis. His logic is flawed.
Jack: Sorry Tea...I mean Sam Davis but "bye bye"
Anne: Captain Sammy Davis, Jr. you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye.
Interview Room:
Teal'c: I do not comprehend this "game show". I wish the others luck, although I know not what they wish to accomplish.
------------------------------------------------------
Anne: We are down to six contestants now. Try to do better this round. Jack, who wrote "The Two Towers"?
Jack: Um...the two builders?
Anne: Incorrect. Seven, which side of the church are the bride's parents seated?
Seven: Which species do you refer to?
Anne: Uh...Davis, what does "Vader" mean?
Davis: Father as in "Luuuuukeeee I aaaam Youuuurrrrr Faaaaatheeeer"
Anne: No theatrics necessary.
Janet, what is "Tessa Alverado's" alterego?
Janet: The Queen of Swords. I'm totally gonna win this!
Anne: Correct. Daniel, what do spanish ladies wear in their hair?
Daniel: um....I only studied ancient cultures....a comb I guess.
Anne: Correct. Samantha what is the Dallas football team?
Sam: Aren't they some western theme?
Anne: Time's up...well you are improving. You managed to get all the way around.
Sam: Why do I always get the weird questions? Okay I vote off Seven.
Daniel: Jack, the two towers was by J.R.R. Tolkien
Janet: Seven. What's with that weird hand device?
Davis: Janet, she is creating a sticky situation.
Seven: Janet. It is difficult to function in her vicinity.
Jack: Janet, go have some fruit loops.
Anne: Janet, you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye.
Interview Room:
Janet: They are COWARDS. They knew I was superior and would win. Well, the next physical I will revenge myself upon them.
---------------------------------
Anne: Round five of the worst contestants ever to disgrace this show.
Jack, what does "GIF" stand for?
Jack: Great I'm Failing?
Anne: Incorrect. Seven, where is "Petaluma"?
Seven: It is in California, on Earth.
Anne: Uh, okay....Davis, who wrote "Barchester Towers"?
Davis: Mr. Barchester?
Anne: Incorrect. Daniel what play is "we few we happy few" from?
Daniel: The great Shakespeare composed this as a sort of sequel to the popular play about Prince He...
Anne: Get to the point.
Daniel: Uh....Henry the V. It is the speech just before the battle of .....
Anne: TIME!
Jack: Daniel quit rambling.
Daniel: Well at least I knew the answer.
Anne: Time to vote off the next contestant.
Sam: Jack. He really isn't good at this. Sorry, sir.
Jack: Sure you're sorry.
Daniel: Jack. Before I start throwing priceless artifacts at his head.
Davis: Daniel. He wastes to much time on his intellectual answers.
Seven: Davis. His answer was flawed.
Jack: Davis. His answers are as bad as mine.
Anne: There is a tie. The strongest link is Seven.
Seven: I already gave my opinion.
Anne: Davis, you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye.
Interview Room:
Davis: I knew this would happen. Everyone here at the Pentagon gets picked on. Nobody understands how important this job is to the welfare of the *edited by military* Program.
-----------------------------------------
Anne: There are now only four contestants left. You have banked $700. Jack, how many Star Trek series are there?
Jack: let's see....that one with spock...uh then deep space nine, wait did I forget one..
Seven: Are you implying I am just a tv show character?
Anne: SHUT UP people. Okay Samantha, what is the average rainfall in the amazon basin?
Jack: This is a cliche.
Anne: AAAAAUUUUUGHHHHH TIME! This is a mess. How can you people work together?
Jack: We manage.
Daniel: That's debatable.
Anne: Okay vote someone else off so we can end this!
Sam: Jack, he keeps interrupting me.
Daniel: I agree with Sam.
Seven: Jack requires assistance.
Sam: I believe the phrase is: "He needs some serious help"
Jack: Well not that this matters but I voted for Daniel. He keeps making fun of me.
Interview Room:
Jack: Well I know I'm not as much of a brain as Carter and Daniel...okay and Seven, so, I guess I kinda deserved to be voted off. Can I be in Survivor III?
--------------------------------------
Anne: We are now down to three contestants....the bank is at $700, can you raise it this time? Samantha, what is a feline?
Sam: A type of cat...that was easy.
Anne: correct. Daniel, who is Elvis Presley?
Daniel: Uh....I donno I only studied history up to the 1700's.
Anne: Incorrect. Seven, what is "RGB"?
Seven: A colour gamut "red green blue".
Anne: Correct. Samantha, what is another name for a waterfall?
Sam: A Cascade or in scientific terms....
Anne: Correct. Daniel, which side was Robert E Lee on in the Civil War?
Daniel: On which planet?
Anne: Seven, what is a "BMW"?
Seven: A means of transport found on earth.
Anne: Correct. TIME! You managed to bank $1100, raising your amount.
Sam: I voted for Daniel. He just wasn't getting the questions right.
Daniel: I voted for Sam, she is too good to compete with.
Seven: Daniel. He is not in touch with this species culture.
Anne: Daniel, you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye.
Interview Room:
Daniel: What I want to know is who Seven is, is this a crossover or something? It wasn't fair. If I had gone up against Lt. Tyler or something I would have won.
------------------------------------
Anne: Welcome to the last round of............the Weakest Link! We have here Seven of Nine and Major Samantha Carter. Tell me what you do in your spare time.
Sam: Well, I like working so I usually just go and putter around in my lab.
Seven: What is "spare time"?
Anne: You both need to get a life! Let's play "Weakest Link". Samantha, what is the art of writing?
Sam: Calligraphy?
Anne: Correct. What olympics is Fencing in?
Sam: Summer.
Anne: What opera was the character "Liu" found in?
Sam: I have no clue.
Anne: Seven, what was the answer to the last riddle in the opera Turandot?
Seven: Blood.
Anne: What bird found in the arctic cannot fly?
Seven: Penguin.
Anne: What animal is on the Welsh Flag?
Seven: What is a welsh?
Anne: Okaaaay, we are at a tie. Here is the final question. Samantha, how many hooked rug methods are there?
Sam: Uh two I guess....
Anne: Correct.
Seven, what is the artist associated with "Come Fly With Me"?
Seven: What does painting have to do with a song?
Anne: Seven, you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye. Sam, you will now leave with $1100 dollars. What do you plan to do with it?
Sam: Oh I donno. Maybe I'll use it to publish my book on "Wormhole Physics".
Anne: You couldn't find a publisher?
Sam: No more than Daniel could for "Love Loss and What Pyramids I Visited".
Anne: Good Luck. Thankyou for playing "Weakest Link".
THE END
Feedback?? send it to Lady Elwing