Cereal Killer Strikes Supermarket
At approximately 11:00 am Friday morning, on the eve of double-coupon day, disaster struck at the E-Z Supermart. Witnesses report that a man entered the store and casually made his way to the breakfast aisle. No one realised anything was amiss until he pulled out a utility knife and began yelling.
"All I saw was him looking at a box of Lucky Charms, then he just started going crazy, for no reason!" reported a shopper, who was standing quite close to the suspect when the incident began. Shoppers panicked and fled the store while the man carried out his grisly work.
That afternoon police sorted through the crime scene, and today they begin identifying the victims.
"The very nature of the crime makes it difficult to investigate," Const. Don Thurmond, senior officer on the scene, told reporters. "You can see here a typical example of what was done: The outer cardboard box has been mangled and shredded with a box cutter, and in many cases, the inner "stay-fresh" bag has been punctured. Many of these are so damaged they must be identified by their UPC codes."
Thurmond picks his way through the mangled boxes, the floor covered with odd-shaped bits of colourful morning nutrition. The rampage stretched from the Trix all the way to the Muslix.
The suspect apparently fled on foot, and a manhunt is currently underway.
Police estimate the casualties at 45-50 boxes, with another 12 destined for the "scratch and dent" bin.
