Beam Me Outta Here!
Official Word:
Starfleet Security officers are the backbone of the Fleet. Invaluable on "away" missions, as well as aboard ship, these brave men and women have an honoured place in the ranks of Starfleet.
Ensign Jones:
I'm just waiting to die. Honestly, I try and look on the bright side, but then I look at the away-team reports. It's always the same; every time a security officer beams down somewhere, he gets killed. The odds are against me.
I don't really know why it happens. I mean, the chief surgeon is old, has no survival training, and has gone on hundreds of away missions. What's his secret? I'm young, in my prime, and have a life expectancy of 3 minutes as soon as I beam down.
So why security? Oh, believe me, everyone at the Academy tried to convince me to change my mind. "Take stellar cartography!" they said. "Just sit at a computer all day. No danger!"
But did I listen? No, I had to be the adventurous one. I had to try and show off. Now I have to report to the transporter room in less than an hour to investigate some anomalous planet. Well, I may have made one mistake, but I'm not going to make another.
As soon as I materialise on the planet's surface, I'm keeping close to that old doctor. And if there's any danger, I'm grabbing him by the collar and using him as a human shield! Let HIM be killed in some inter-species misunderstanding! And if the captain has a problem with that, well, he can take it up with the business end of my phaser! Ensign Jones OUT!
Conclusions:
While projecting a facade of nobility and adventure, Starfleet is in actual fact using its Security forces to confuse local populations while they secretly set up puppet dictators and control the trafficking of illegal weapons and drugs. (More on this later.)
