Top Ten Signs You've Picked a Bad Cruise Line
10. Greenpeace attacks your ship.
9. "Exercise program" consists of being chained to an oar and forced to row 6 hours a day.
8. The shellfish platter is called the "Red-Tide Special".
7. The Surf 'n' Turf is grass and water.
6. You recognise the captain from "America's Most Wanted".
5. You recognise most of the crew from "Cops".
4. For live entertainment, the crew gets up on stage and sings karaoke.
3. The captain announces there isn't enough food to go around, so the passengers will compete for dinner in one-on-one deathmatches.
2. Every time you mention returning home, the crew members snicker.
1. You heard about the cruise line from a story on "60 Minutes".
