SPOILERS: Patient X/The Red and the Black, FTF, The Beginning, Triangle.

SUMMARY: "Mulder... what did you mean? 'I love you'?" (set immediately post-Triangle)

DATE POSTED: 04/27/00

FEEDBACK: Encouraged and welcomed at darknesslight@aol.com

DISCLAIMER: "The X-Files" is copyright Twentieth Century Fox Television and Ten Thirteen Productions. The show, its premise and characters were created by Chris Carter and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be realized. (I've also borrowed the name of a character from Carter's "Millennium" as a pseudonym. Same disclaimer applies.)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love watching the reruns on FX, especially since I'm still kinda new to writing fanfic. I'm usually inspired, but the stories rarely come to me fully formed. This one did. (This is *not* a part of my Conversation Hearts series.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SWEET DREAMS

by Lara Means

"Scully?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"Oh, brother..."

She walked away. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

Oh, Christ. What the fuck did I do?

I could still feel where she hit me in 1939. I could still feel her kiss on my lips. I could still see her gentle, indulgent smile.

Looking at me like I was cracked. Well, more cracked than usual.

I couldn't blame her for not believing me. I had no idea what was in the IV, but judging by how I felt I was sure it was pretty powerful. And our recent history wouldn't necessarily lead her to think I meant it when I said I love her.

What did I expect her to say? 'Oh, Mulder, I love you too, please make love to me...'

God, I'm tired.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She stands in front of me, those azure eyes sparkling, those ruby lips quirked in a tiny smile.

"You did it. You saved the world."

"I guess I did." She takes a step closer. Her arms are crossed in front of her, under her breasts. It's cool on deck, and her nipples stand at attention. Or is that for me? "So. I suppose that means you'll exist in the future after all. Right?"

"Yeah." I move closer to her still. I trace my fingers along her upper arms, feel the goosebumps.

"And me? Will I exist in the future? In nineteen...?"

"Ninety-eight."

Her eyebrow arches, and I smile. "Sixty years from now?"

I nod and she closes the gap between us. My fingers encircle her arms as she uncrosses them, her hands finding my biceps, her thumbs slipping under the sleeves of my tee-shirt. Her touch is gentle, tracing tiny non-patterns on my skin. I, on the other hand, hold her so tight I'll probably leave little finger-shaped bruises.

"What's her name?"

"Scully. Dana."

"What's she like?"

I smile again. "You. Strong and smart, brave... never takes any crap from anybody..."

"Including you?"

"Especially me."

She comes closer, backing me up against the rail. She shifts a bit, sliding her hands from my arms to my chest. My fingers release her arms and move to her back, encountering bare skin. She shivers -- because of the breeze, or my touch? I trace my fingertips up her spine on the off chance that it's me, and she scratches her nails between my pecs.

"You kiss your Dana the way you kissed me?"

"I've never kissed my Dana."

She gives me the eyebrow again. "Why the hell not?"

I shrug, quivering as her fingernails trace those same non- patterns around my nipples. I pull her closer to me, kneading her back, her shoulder blades. My thumbs caress her shoulders, her collarbones.

"You scared?" She lightly grazes my cheek, where the bruise will show soon. "Afraid she'll hit you too?"

She threads her fingers through my hair as I shake my head. "Afraid she doesn't love me... not like I love her."

She pulls me to her, stands on tiptoe, touches her lips to mine. "Tell her." Another gentle kiss.

"Tried." I can't catch my breath. My trembling fingers play at the buttons on her dress.

She nips at my lower lip, presses her body against me. "Show her, then." Her tongue darts out and I open my mouth to her. "Show me."

I tug her closer, against my straining erection, my tongue exploring her mouth, hers exploring mine.

Suddenly, inexplicably, we're no longer on deck. She's lying beneath me, naked, sinking into the softest down and the finest linen. I'm above her, holding her, poised to enter her.

We're still kissing, our hands roaming. I pull my lips from hers and rain kisses down her neck as she scratches those crimson nails up my back. I capture one perfect breast in my mouth, my tongue swirling around her nipple.

I hear her moan as my hand moves between her legs, stroking her slick folds. She gasps when I dip my fingers inside her -- I gasp myself at the heat and wetness I find there. She arches her back, thrusts her hips against my hand. My thumb finds her clitoris, circles it, flicks it.

She nudges my hand away and reaches for my cock. Her tiny hand wraps around it, pumping once, twice, then guiding me to her opening. I feel her breath at my ear.

"Tell me..."

"Love you."

"Tell me."

"I love you."

She takes my face in her hands, and I'm lost in the deep ocean of her eyes. "Show me."

She wraps her legs around me as I plunge into her. She shudders, matches my movements stroke for stroke, tightens her inner walls around me.

Oh god the feel of her, the smell of her, the taste of her...

"Scully... I love you..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"...love you... Scully..."

"Mulder."

Touching her... tasting her... pounding into her...

"Mulder. Come on, now."

Mine... my love... my Scully...

"Wake up, Mulder. It's just a dream..."

Those eyes. Those impossibly blue eyes. Concern clouding them. Her hand caressing my arm.

A dream. Fuck. It was just a dream.

"Scully..."

She smiled. "Hey there." She stroked my face with a damp cloth, cool and soothing. "You're all sweaty. Must've been some dream."

You have no idea. I was just glad to be lying on my side, so she couldn't see my aching hard-on. Unless...

Oh, fuck. She lowered the rail and moved to sit on the bed next to me. Scully, please...

I tried to scoot back a little but it didn't help -- she noticed. I squeezed my eyes shut, then felt her caress my arm. I looked at her then, and she smiled a little. It wasn't a mocking smile. Hell, Scully's a doctor, she knows men get erections -- especially when they've been dreaming about... about...

Her hand kept up its gentle movements with the cloth, across my forehead, down my cheeks, down my throat, down to my chest then back again. She paused, brows furrowing, as I winced when the cloth passed over my left jaw.

"Mulder... your face is bruised. Did you hit your head on the bed rail?"

I shook my head. "You hit me."

She looked shocked. "I..."

"In 1939."

Shock gave way to yet another gently indulgent smile. "Oh."

"You don't believe me."

Her eyes flickered to the IV, pumping who knows what kind of beneficial drugs into my system. "Mulder, you had a head injury..."

"Whatever you say, Scully."

She looked away, folded the damp cloth and placed it on the bedside table. "Why did I hit you, Mulder?" I waited until her eyes found mine again. "Because I kissed you."

Her lips parted slightly in surprise. I sat up, took her hand in mine.

"I thought I'd never see you again. I wanted... I didn't want to wink out of existence without doing that at least once."

She glanced down, at my thumb caressing the back of her hand. "Mulder, that wasn't me."

"Well, whoever it was, she's got a mean right hook." That got a smile from her, and she met my eyes again.

"Did she look like me?"

"Yes, but no -- I mean, red hair, blue eyes... but her hair was shorter, darker red, and done in... what do you call 'em... finger waves."

"Finger waves?"

"The height of fashion in 1939." I laced my fingers with hers. She looked at our hands, joined together, and I continued. "But it was more than that. She had your strength. Your courage. Intelligence. Your passion. I knew, if anyone could save the world, it would be you."

"Her."

I leaned forward, lifted her chin, willed her to look at me. "*You*."

I let my hand drop, but her gaze didn't waver. She didn't say anything for a long moment. Then... "Mulder... what did you mean? 'I love you'?"

I blinked at her. I'd thought it was pretty self-explanatory. She saw my confusion, went on.

"Was it 'you're a great partner, I love you'? Or 'you're my best friend, I love you'? Or 'thanks for saving my life, I love you'?"

She really didn't know. I told her, but she still didn't know.

"All of the above, and more, Scully. I love you. It's that simple."

"It *can't* be that simple." She got up, moved restlessly around the room. "Our lives are too complicated, we've been through too much for it to be that simple."

"For me it is. Scully, I love you. I've loved you for a long time."

She stopped moving, didn't look at me. She spoke very softly. "You said my name." She glanced up at me then. "That's why I came in. You said my name in your sleep."

Shit.

Her eyes were like laser beams boring a hole through me, through all the walls and layers of denial I've built up over the years. Past the mechanisms I had in place to keep my desperate need for her from showing through.

"Tell me your dream, Mulder."

No, Scully, please don't make me say it...

"Tell me."

I closed my eyes, shutting out the onslaught of her gaze. I exhaled, licked suddenly dry lips.

"I was back on the ship. You... *she* believed me. Turned the ship around. She saved the world, at the cost of her own life." I opened my eyes then, gave her a lopsided grin. "The least I could do was say thanks."

She nodded, waited. She wanted to hear it all.

"She asked if she existed in the future. So I told her about you. Then she asked if I kissed you the way I kissed her." Scully quirked an eyebrow, and I laughed quietly.

"What?"

"She did that too. The eyebrow thing."

She smiled, shook her head a little. I could tell what she was thinking, that my hallucination was amazingly complete. I pressed on.

"I told her I'd never kissed you. She wanted to know why, what I was afraid of."

She stared at me, into me. Her voice got very soft. "What are you afraid of, Mulder?"

I couldn't tear my eyes from hers. She would've seen right through me anyway.

"You. What I feel for you."

She took a step toward me, then another. "Tell me the rest, Mulder." I shut my eyes again, swallowed hard. "Please?"

I couldn't look at her, but I knew I had to continue. "She kissed me. *You* kissed me. You touched me, I held you... I made love to you on a big feather bed in a first-class cabin on board the Queen Anne."

I opened my eyes then, and found that she had closed the distance between us. She stood next to the bed, her hands at her side, her eyes now locked with mine. I was stunned by what I saw there.

Anguish.

She blinked, and I realized there were tears in her eyes. "Scully..." I reached out to her, but she took a step back, away from me.

"What do you want from me, Mulder? What do you expect of me?"

I let my hand drop, gave her a gentle smile. "That's two different things, Scully." My smile faded and I studied the intricate weaving of my blanket. "What I expect is that we'll go on like we always have. You'll forget I said it, I'll pretend to forget... It'll be like nothing ever happened. That's what we're good at."

I found her eyes again -- there was such a mix of emotions there. Regret, longing, affection, maybe a hint of desire... But there was so much confusion, I knew I couldn't tell her what I really wanted, what I needed from her. I couldn't reveal to her my heart's true desires, that all I wanted at this moment was to hold her and touch her and kiss her until neither of us could breathe...

"What I want..." I couldn't look into her eyes and lie, so I tugged at a loose thread in the sheet. "I just want you to let me love you. And maybe... maybe love me back a little. If you can." I sighed, shrugged. "And if you can't, then that's okay too..."

"*No*." The vehemence in Scully's voice startled me, and I had to look up at her. The tears in her eyes threatened to fall at any second. She put her hand over mine, held it tightly. "It's *not* okay, Mulder. You deserve so much more than that, more than I can possibly give you..."

I started to shake my head but her hands cupped my face and held it still. She sat on the bed next to me, close to me, and I reached up to wipe away her tears.

"You once told me that you owe me everything and I owe you nothing. That's not true, Mulder, I... I owe you my *life*. You came for me at Ruskin Dam, you came for me in Antarctica, you..."

I pulled her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair, letting her cry on my shoulder. "Hey... let's not start keeping score, okay?"

She sat back, sniffling, a strangled laugh escaping from her lips. I ran my thumbs over her cheeks, then she took my hands between hers. She took a deep, calming breath, then looked into my eyes. And she saw what I tried to hide. My want, my need, my love.

"Mulder... I want to love you the way you want me to... the way you love me. But I can't. Not now."

Stunned, I let the walls, the barriers fall away and faced her with my emotions laid bare. "Are you saying... I missed my chance with you?"

She smiled, brought my hands to her lips, kissed them. "No, Mulder, I'm saying... There are just too many obstacles right now."

Work. Kersh. Spender. Diana.

Obstacles.

I laughed a little. "So you're saying my timing is lousy."

She laughed too. "It could use a little work, yeah."

I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, let my fingers linger on her cheek. "We can get through the obstacles, Scully. If you're willing."

"Yes, Mulder, I'm willing."

"Then I can wait until we're on the same page." Her eyebrow shot up and I smiled. "I'm a very patient man, Scully."

She turned her head, pressed her lips to my palm. Then she reached out and touched my jaw, where her doppelganger slugged me. Our eyes met, and something sparked between us. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"I would never hit you if you kissed me."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

My hand slipped behind her neck as hers moved to my chest. We came together slowly, our eyes drifting shut as our lips met. Hers were parted slightly, and my tongue teased at them. Her mouth softened and our tongues met, caressed, danced, explored.

As much as I wanted to kiss her forever, I forced myself to pull away. I held her close, our foreheads touching, both of us breathing hard.

"You should go, Scully. Get some rest."

"That's my line."

We sat back and stared at each other, both knowing that something had shifted between us, but neither of us wanting to address it directly. I gave her a tiny grin. "Then we both should get some rest."

She stood up, our eyes, our hands still linked.

"Thanks for not hitting me, Scully."

She smiled and gave my fingers a squeeze, then let go and backed away toward the door.

"Sweet dreams, Mulder."

I returned her smile and lay back down as she turned to go, closing the door softly behind her.

Sweet dreams, indeed.

END