Written by Raven Deacastra

Disclaimer: Not my characters never will be only the story.

It was great for a few months. I knew it would not last though... nothing ever does with me. My heart once again led me to the brink of destruction. I knew men were evil. I was told to stay away. My mother told me long ago that men would be the death of her. She was right. My fatherÕs death killed her. I am now faced with that same fate. I let my heart lead me astray. I was suppose to be the fearless leader. The untouchable captain. I am nothing more than hollowed skin left to walk this ship haunting it with my memories. If only it had been so simple. If only he had been a passing alien or even a hologram. No I had to fall in love with my first officer. I never learned. A Janeway tradition they joke. Capture a first officer, fall in love with him, keep him at arms length for five years than have his child. If my mother could see me now.

I wonder what she would say? I never suspected the Vialorians would want their leader back. He had not been theirs for six years. He belonged to me. He was my mate... my life partner. HeÕs the death of me... IÕm sorry Mama I could not be the leader you wanted me to be. I could not rule without my heart. I broke down today and cried for the first time since you left me. My husband and first officer is dead. He took my heart and soul with him... I will never be the same the Dr. said.. little does he know the only scars he canÕt heal are the ones I wonÕt reveal...

I leave our daughter to carry on the Janeway tradition. I am making one last trip through the ship. The decks are littered with bodies and debris. All that is left of Voyager is itÕs children and my Aunt BÕlanna and the Dr. They will take care of the children. I must leave now. I wish you read this well my daughter and remember Never let your guard down and forget protocol, it will save you one day..... >>>>End personal log Felisa Janeway>>>>>