What did I do wrong? We had a difficult relationship to understand. All our friends knew, we were not keeping anyhting secrect except from ourselves. Why was it so hard to say three words? Three words could have changed history, broken the rules and ended alot of pain. I thought I had it all planned out in a neat little arrangement. We were happy werenÕt we? I thought we were. The games we played, the teasing that always went just to the point of over the bounds. He would make a pass I would intercept and then we would start over. It is not like I did not see it coming. I should have been more aware of what my heart was saying. I guess i have gotten so use to leading with my brain that my heart does not come into play. I hope he is happy.

I know I will never be. I let my stubborn pride and protocols get in the way. Funny how that works. If it weren't for those same protocols I would not be here debating myself like a mad woman. I could have had it all. She has the family I never knew I wanted till now. To add the proverbial salt in the wound I am the one that has the honor of marrying them together. I wonder if I will have the sregnth to stand there and perform what would be the greatest performance of any actors carrer. IF only it were not too late.

She is really going through with it. She is really going to stand up there and perform the ceromony. Not even one damn word against it. She didnÕt even say anything about age difference, for pitys sake she is half my age and only a Lt. Kathryn can be so dense sometimes. My life officially starts over tomorrow without the love I o once was sure I would someday have. To know I will still sit beside her but never touch her again.Having a wife waiting for me who knows I am still in love with my best friend but will still be there for me when my body needs her while my mind is making love with the woman next door. Fin~