ADALIA – JEDI?

By Tanya Teunissen

I could feel the sweat trickle down my back; the heat here on Yavin 4 was oppressive this time of year. The fact that I had been standing perfectly still for over five hours and concentrating deep into the Force didn’t help much. Only moving my eyes, I turned my gaze to the three stones suspended approximately one metre above the rough soil. They and the other various objects had been ‘floating’ as it were, for almost as long as I’d been standing there! I knew I was sick of this pointless exercise, so they all must be sick of just ‘hanging around’ by now! Moving my eyes back around, I could see the other students all concentrating as hard as I was. I could feel the Force flowing around me, swirling like a gentle wind, its imaginary fingers softly touching everything and everyone.

"Patience Adalia."

Moving my gaze further, I was able to take Master Skywalker into my sights. He was sitting calmly on the ground, legs crossed and clear blue eyes staring directly at me. These were the first words he’d spoken since the exercise had begun, and since he was speaking to me I suddenly wished I had been more patient. The Force moved, and in it the attention of the other students. ‘Great’ I thought as I slowly drew a deep breath. ‘Calm’, my mind told me, unfortunately it wasn’t enough. The objects around me had begun dropping, slowly at first, but as my attention and patience ebbed away the speed of their decent increased. ‘Clunk’, my first stone hit another on the ground. That sound was enough for the rest of my peer, with their concentration totally broken many of them groaned as their carefully suspended objects joined mine in crashing to the ground.

"Thanks Adalia, we really needed that!" Wren Sorrel cried as he watched his own items tumble at speed. He was known here at the Academy for his short fuse if nothing else.

"Anger Wren…Control, must learn control. You all must. Adalia lost her concentration, but that should not have disrupted any one else here. You must learn to ignore disturbances around you and feel the Force, trust it. Master Skywalkers’ voice was smooth and even, he hadn’t moved at all from his cross-legged position, except for his head. It now turned slowly to make sure he caught everyone’s eye.

"I think that’s enough for this morning, I suggest you all get some lunch and we’ll meet back here in one standard hour." He added as he rose to his feet.

Hanging my head, I quickly gathered my objects and placed them in a neat pile. A fast retreat was my plan.

"Adalia, may I have a word?" My Master had other ideas.

"Yes Master Skywalker." I muttered. The frustration of a few moments ago was gone, what replaced it was embarrassment and a sense of guilt. No-one likes to be chastised, I was only relieved that he waited until my class mates had left. Watching quietly as he brushed his rough Jedi robes off, I began to silently curse my impatience.

"There’s no need for that." He said simply without turning toward me. "It’s a pointless action" he raised his head and smiled at me. "Is there something bothering you?" he asked as he walked toward me. Could he read my mind? Can he possibly know what I am thinking? Or is he just ‘feeling’ my sense in the Force? There was so much I didn’t know yet.

"No, I can’t read your thoughts, I can tell by the look on your face that’s what you wanted to ask. That’s just a common misconception, but I do know that something is bothering you," he said as he raised an eyebrow, "want to talk about it?"

Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I didn’t want to tell him what was worrying me. What had been worrying me for a few weeks now. I felt he probably wouldn’t understand my concern, he may even feel that I had lost my faith in the Force. Could I loose my place here at the Academy? No, I wasn’t ready to talk about this just yet.

"No Sir, there’s no problem. Only that I lost my patience and,……….well kind of felt the whole exercise was, well,…pointless!" I blurted out. Curse my mouth, I knew that last but was going to cost me dearly. He paused, cocking his head to the side,

"I think you had best get some lunch now."

Slowly a smile spread on his face, although his eyes remained somehow sad. Could he see that I had noticed that? I decided not to hang around to find out, nodding quickly I turned and briskly walked toward the ancient Massassi temple I now called home.

I was right about paying my loose tongue, five hours into the afternoons’ exercises, the rest of the class was dismissed for the day. I, however, remained a further two hours. That’ll teach me!!

It was sometime later that I found myself seated on a large stone just outside the main entrance of the temple. This was once the entrance to the hanger bay when the Rebel Alliance was here. Now, only a few ships were nestled inside, (mine included) and there was little or no activity here. It was what was known as a ‘dark night’ here on Yavin 4. The tiny moon was facing away from the Gas Giant of Yavin, but also away from the distant sun. the only real light shone from inside the structure behind me. With my belly full, I had perched myself on top of the large boulder, pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Lowering my chin on to my knees, I closed my eyes. I needed to work this out, I had to decide what was best for me and what actions to take to achieve my goals. So engrossed in my own musings, I didn’t even hear let alone ‘feel’ the presence until I heard a voice.

"You seem troubled." Startled, my eyes snapped open and I turned sharply to face her. Tionnes’ soft hair moved in the slight breeze, "I am sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. You must have been a long way from here?" I t was more of a question than a statement. She was right, no true Jedi would have let anyone creep up on them like that. Another situation could have seen me dead!

"Not in the sense you’re suggesting", I answered. I had done basic Jedi Meditation, but I had by no means mastered it. As Tionne was my teacher in this, I figured she knew that. She didn’t respond other than to climb up and gracefully sit beside me.

"It’s a beautiful night" she commented lightly. I turned to look at her, studying her face for a moment.

"He sent you didn’t he?" I kept my voice even. Surely she didn’t think me fool enough not to pick up on her intentions. I didn’t need the Force for that! Smiling as she gazed skyward, she simply nodded once.

"The Master is concerned that what ever is troubling you is affecting your studies."

"It is." I answered simply as I turned away. This wasn’t the response she had expected, but she did not betray herself other than to raise he soft eyebrows.

"Care to share it with me?" she asked gently. Drawing a deep breath I closed my eyes again and tried to find a good place to start, there was none.

"Do you ever get lonely?" It seemed such a simple question, but I knew as she did, that I had meant much more.

"When you say lonely, do mean for a partner, a soul mate?" I opened my eyes and nodded, feeling the redness creeping up my neck and being grateful for the darkness. I watched her as she inclined her head and her brow furrowed. "I’ve never really thought much about it. It’s my choice to be here, and I suppose it’s my choice to be alone. I feel I have all I need here," she paused as she opened her arms wide, "and I am happy."

We sat in silence for a time. I was trying to find the right words for my next question, and only came to the conclusion that the direct approach was best. "Are all Jedi alone? I mean, does becoming a Jedi Knight rule out any chance of living a normal life?"

"By normal, I assume you mean marriage and such……I believe the answer is no. Not as far as I can tell anyway."

"But none of the current Knights have partners, none I’ve met anyway…..I see a sadness in Master Skywalkers eyes, ……an emptiness…..his smile never quite reaches his eyes." I sighed, I’d said way to much again.

"And you don’t want to have that look." She stated simply. I briefly shook my head and lowered it to stare at my feet.

"I think he’s forgotten how to be happy, to have fun, to laugh. I don’t want to loose that ability. If that’s what it takes to become a Jedi Knight, I am not so sure I want it." I said quietly. Tionne seemed to take a moment to digest what I had said and she answered me with a look of understanding.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw her lower her eyes to gaze into the forest, "Jedi lore and history is filled with ‘couples’, although they were not the norm. Knights working together with their partners and sharing their lives with them also. It is difficult, I believe, to find a partner, but it can be done," she paused for a moment with a smile, "you also seem to be forgetting Minister Organa-Solo and her husband Han. Then there’s Corran Horn. He and his wife Mirax are very happy…." She paused again before continuing. "Master Skywalker did find someone a while ago, he was a different person during that time. The sadness you see was gone. For reasons I am not privy too, she went away, and as you can see, it had a deep effect on him."

I’d never known that about our Jedi Master, he always seemed to be in such control and distant. I had also forgotten about the Rouge Squadron pilot Corran, as he wasn’t what was known as a practising Jedi these days. Tionne continued,

"I think you can have all the things you want. Here is a time and place for almost everything Adalia, you must learn when and where you are to be a Jedi or a woman."

"How will I know when?" I asked. Turning to me she simply said, "you will know when you are calm, at peace." I only nodded, I understood what she meant, I just wasn’t sure if I could do what she asked.

Tionne sat quietly with me for a while longer and we remained silent. After she’d left, I felt I still had some choices to make. Having been raised on a farm with a younger brother, I had learnt to have a lot of fun. My brother, Jace and I would spend many hours playing tricks on each other and laughing until we were almost ill. I missed his laughter. Jace wasn’t my real bother, his parents were kind enough to take me in as a small girl. No one was quite sure what had happened to my parents, but as I grew up I heard rumours of murder by the Empire. I often wondered if one or both of my parents had been gifted in the Force, or was I simply and accident? Most of the records on my home world of Saurius had been destroyed when the Empire was at it’s most powerful. There was little, if no chance for me to even try to find out more about them or myself. I didn’t think knowing now would help me very much, my future here at the Academy was still very unsure.

It was several days later when I found myself with some free time on my hands. My class had been told to have an afternoon to themselves, time to reflect. I had the feeling the words were aimed at myself, but I’m sure the other students didn’t mind. After lunch, I decided to go for a walk, it was a sunny day and a clear opportunity to explore the jungle around me. I knew that in the near future we would be sent into this same jungle with partners to learn all we could about the Force and ourselves, surely it wouldn’t hurt to have and edge.

I’d been walking for almost an hour with no particular destination in mind when I came across a large rocky outcrop. Huge stones and rocks jutted upward and formed the base of the mountains above. The formation was rough and jagged and I only saw it as a challenge. I’d always loved climbing and felt a strong affinity with rock, to me it was warm, solid and strong. I didn’t realised it was a connection with the Force that made me feel this way until I had come here to Yavin 4. So up I climbed, secure in the knowledge that the stone would support and encourage me.

I hadn’t been climbing for long when I came to a large plateau. It had a deep and rounded body of clear water in it’s centre that was fed by a trickling waterfall further up. Kneeling down I dipped my hand in and scooped up some of the water, tasted it and drew a deep breath. This place felt so right. The sound of the water trickling was calming and the warmth of the plateau was almost calling me to lay down. Accepting the soothing affect of the Force, I lay down on my back with my knees bent.

I’m not sure how long I had been there, infact I think I was actually dozing off when I felt it. At first it felt like a slight ripple, almost like when a tiny droplet falls into a lake, it happens but few, if any notice it. It grew in strength and in a matter of a few moments I knew I was no longer alone. The strength of the presence made me know who it was immediately. Lifting myself up into a sitting position, I waited for Master Skywalker to arrive.

Only a few minutes later he climbed up on the ledge and sat down on the opposite side of the waterhole, waving his hand in a greeting as he sat, not uttering a word.

"Did you follow me?" I asked. This moment had been coming for sometime, it had been several days since I had spoken to Tionne and I knew she’d speak to him.

"Yes, and No." He responded, "I was following a presence, not you as such, just the Force around you".

Cocking my head to the side, I raised one eyebrow as if to question his honesty, something I had no intention of doing verbally. He had to know I wasn’t that foolish to believe his flimsy story.

"This place is nice. The Force is calm here." He commented lightly as he gazed around at the view, I only nodded, waiting for the real conversation to start. "Is this your escape?" he asked innocently.

"Never been here before today". My answer was even and cool, I wanted him to get to the point. His gaze fell on me, a look on concern on his face.

"I hope you’re not angry, you know where that leads." He spoke gently.

"No,.." I sighed, "just impatient again. We both know why you are here, so……" my voice trailed off. He didn’t move other than to purse his lips for a second, seemingly deciding what to say next.

Just then several large droplets of water suddenly rose out of the pond in front of me and splashed me fair in the face! Gasping in surprise, I wiped them away and stared at my instructor. A small, but rather mischievous and crooked smile had appeared on his face. ‘By the Stars!’ he was using the Force to tease me! Well, he wasn’t going to wet me and get away with it, I suddenly felt like I was home again. Rising to his challenge, I lunged forward with as much surprise as I could muster. Plunging both my hands into the water and scooping up as much of the cool, clear liquid as I could, I flicked it roughly in his direction. Diving sideways, he wasn’t quick enough to avoid my entire onslaught, finding himself with very wet legs. Responding as quickly as I had, he returned my attack with his own hands. It wasn’t long before water was flying in all directions and the surrounding rocks became drenched. I laughed hard and could feel my clothes getting wetter and wetter by the moment. Over the noise I could hear Master Skywalker laughing, unfortunately his method of water dispersal was far more efficient than my own, and I found myself loosing miserably!

Turning my face away and hiding behind my arms I cried, "Give! I Give!!" continuing to laugh. The water stopped coming and I tried to catch my breath. Turning back, I was stunned at what I saw. Gone was the cool, calm and very serious man of a few moments ago. What replaced him was a much younger man, blue eyes sparkling as droplets of water dripped off his sandy blonde fringe which now hung untidily and dishelved. His smile was warm and almost boyish as it lit up his face, I could feel him through the Force and he seemed somehow different.

"I win!" he stated simply as he shook his head, sending a shower of water in all direction. I stared at him incredulously, and suddenly I knew Tionne had been right, I could have it all. I simply needed to learn the when and where. It was also possible that I lightened his mood at the same time, brought a little humour back into his life.

Smiling warmly I conceded, "Yes, you did. I guess I’m staying here."

He grinned at me, "Good. Care to go for round two?" This time his eyes were smiling.