Kyp and Cass

By Tanya Teunissen

He remained staring out of the window at the city beyond. I didn’t know how to convince him to change his mind, to reconsider his decision. I had no Jedi skills, none that I knew of, but I knew how I felt and I knew how he felt. Why he was fighting it was what I had spent the best part of the last hour trying to find out. He had given me more excuses than I could imagine, still, not one of them was valid as far as I was concerned.

"You should go, there is nothing more to say", he said quietly without turning. He really thought that would make me leave?

"I’m not leaving till I get a reason to go. So far I have heard a lot of excuses, no real reasons". I watched as he lowered his head and slowly shook it.

"Cass, please, this is hard enough. Please don’t be stubborn and fight me on this."

It’s harder for me, I’m not the one running." I responded evenly.

He spun to look at me, "I’m not running" he said firmly. I raised my eyebrows in question, "You’re not? Could have

fooled me. Why, if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were afraid of what I could mean to you." It was a statement, true, but I needed him to admit what I already knew. He opened his mouth to protest, but instead turned back to the window.

"That’s ridiculous", he muttered. Pursing my lips I decided that the time had come to make a move, nothing else had worked up until now. I took three steps and bridged the gap between us.

"Is it? Say, you, Oh, I don’t know, fell in love with me?" I whispered over his shoulder. His whole body tensed ever so slightly, almost in defence. Lifting my hand I brushed the back of my fingers over his cheekbone and down under the hair at the back of his neck, stopping at his collar. His eyes closed automatically and I noticed as he tilted his head ever so slightly away from me, savouring my touch. I began to trace my fingers around his collar, caressing his neck as I went.

"You really don’t want me to go, I know that. Why don’t you just give us a chance?" For a moment, I thought I was getting through to him. Suddenly he pulled away, putting several metres between us again.

"No, I can’t." he said firmly, "I’d end up hurting you, I know that and I think you know it too" he added turning to face me. "There is too much in my past Cass, too much to expect you to accept, geezzz I have trouble accepting it most the time!" Running his fingers through is thick black hair he went on, "don’t you think I wish things could be different? Do you think I like living like this, like feeling like this about you and knowing that I can never act on it?" I could see the pain in his deep blue eyes, Jedi or not, he couldn’t hide that from me.

I don’t care about your past!" I cried, feeling the tears I had been fighting all night begin to sting at my eyes again. "Don’t you understand, it means nothing to me, it’s the past and I don’t judge you for it, let alone hold it against you! And before you say I don’t know, I do! It didn’t take me long to search Coruscant library files to find out what happened 10 years ago, but that was then this is now. From the moment I met you I knew, damn, I have never felt like this before about anyone, never in my 26 years. I will not let this go easily, I’ll not walk away without giving it all I have!" I drew a deep breath and closed my eyes and added softly, "things can be different, it’s up to you Kyp." The tears were stinging a lot worse now, and I knew I couldn’t stop them for much longer. Opening my eyes again, I found him staring at me, a mix of surprise and concern on his face. It was clear he never expected me to delve into his past, his gaze softened as he realised my emotions were taking over.

"Please don’t cry," he muttered, "I don’t know if I can fight that." He added. Emotional blackmail so that’s what it was going to take? I really didn’t want to resort to that, such a weak approach and totally out of character for me. Choosing not too, I lowered my eyes to my feet.

"You know where to find me. This is not over Kyp". I needed to leave before the tears fell, he needed to see how strong I was, how I could handle anything he had to offer. With that I spun on my heels and strode out of the room, leaving him staring after me.

Entering the street below, I blindly ran trying to put as much distance as I could between the two of us. I needed to think, needed to sort out my thoughts and regain my strength. Oh yes, I was going back for round two, but I had to compose myself before I did.

I slowed my pace as my mind drifted back to six months ago, the moment I first laid eyes on him. As a Cell Leader of the Akrian Underground, I had been instrumental in organising the meeting between the New Republic Forces and the Underground. The flagging Imperial government was loosing control very quickly now that they had no outside support, it was only a matter of time until it crumbled entirely. The Underground was powerful and we had to be sure we were ready to assume control without bloodshed and without trauma to the people of Akrian, who had suffered enough. It was decided that if we initiated contact with the New Republic it would help us establish a stable first government. The ultimate goal being to join the New Republic and become a democratic and free society once again. I was informed that Minister of State, Organa Solo was sending an Ambassador representing the New Republic and if intervention was required, he would be the one to make that decision. I knew that meeting had to go well as did my counterparts.

It took nearly all our resources to bring the Ambassador planet-side without the Imperials knowledge, calling in all favours and using almost all our local techs to cover the incoming ships’ flight path and origin. It was then a major operation to bring him to our underground base in the mountains. The Imperials had been suspicious of our whereabouts for sometime and at that late stage of the operation, we didn’t want to have to re-locate again.

I remember pacing the room impatiently as I waited with the other leaders, so much was resting on this meeting and I knew we had to make a good impression first time up. I had already pictured the Ambassador, a stuffy old man with very old-fashioned values and not willing to take any risks at all. In fact, I had already decided that he would refuse our request for help and that this whole meeting was only for show, not to mention a waste of time. I had kept that opinion to myself because the other leaders were so optimistic and felt a whole new Akrian was being born tonight. I remember the stunned look on Jace Orians face as he burst into the room. "He’s a Jedi, a Jedi Knight!" he gasped. I had to confess that was one I didn’t expect. Someone asked who he was, I guessed that they hoped it was the most well known Jedi in the galaxy. "It’s not him, he’s a Master anyway, it’s one of the graduates from his Academy, he’s not much older than me" Jace went on. I am sure he wanted to say more, but the approach of our expected guest silenced him. Curiosity got the best of me I remember standing with my shoulders square facing the doorway, what happened next I could never have expected.

The young man strode into the room; confidence seemed to ooze from his every pore, that and a strange sense of calm that I don’t think I had ever experienced before. His slightly long black hair hung around his face, but somehow gave him a look of recklessness from without, but his stance and deep blue eyes showed an entirely different person. I remember everything about that moment, the royal blue tunic he wore, the black cape shot with fine silver fastened on the right shoulder with the emblem of the New Republic in silver, long boots to his knees and firm fitting black pants. I also remember my body’s involuntary reaction to his presence. I couldn’t move, and I knew I wasn’t breathing, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure it would burst out. Confused, it took all my strength to draw another breath evenly and avert my stare. I had heard that a Jedi has the ability to sense the feelings of those around them, I hoped it was just a rumour and that I was the only one who knew how his presence had affected me. I listened as he introduced himself as Kyp Durron, Jedi Knight, and felt his even, gentle voice seep into every pore of my being. Desperately, I clenched my fists as I tried to re-gain my senses. I was only half listening as our elder began to introduce us all one by one, knowing that I only had seconds to gain control.

"And this is the leader of our Southern Cell and one of the people who organised your visit here, Ms Cassiopia Tehanis." I raised my head and stared directly at him, nodding my head in acknowledgment as that was all I could manage. I then realised the rumours were true, the ever so slight smile that touched his soft lips and the warmth in his eyes told me that, he knew what I was thinking and I couldn’t do a thing about it. The rest of the meeting was a blur, and when it was over I cannot even recall how I made it out of the room to my quarters. I lay on my bed staring at the roof wondering what in the name of the galaxy was happening to me. I had never had time over the years for any sort of personal relationship and had never reacted to anyone like this before. Oh, yes, I’d had un-easy feelings about traitors, warm feelings about good friends and there were even people who scared me, but this was new. This un-nerved me and for the first time in my life I felt I wasn’t in control.

I slept very badly that night, my dreams were haunted by his image and more than once I woke bathed in perspiration. The next few days were a blur, I honestly cannot remember how things went. Akrian did attain freedom, the Imperials were gone and within weeks a new fledgling government had been established. The New Republic Forces moved in and helped us to establish a stable environment for the people to begin their new lives and all the charges held against myself and my fellow leaders had been dropped. I had been offered a governmental position but had turned it down, believing I was too young and that there were things I wanted to do with my life now I was free to choose. I saw little of Jedi Durron, but witnessed much of what he had achieved in a few short weeks. He was in my thoughts so much so that I found it hard to concentrate at times, on the bright side, I had learned to control myself in his presence and was able to hold conversations with little trouble. At least that was what I had convinced myself, although I simply could not deny that my attraction to him was only growing.

It had been 2 months since his arrival. Akrian had a stable government and was settling down nicely to the free world it once was. Most of the New Republic Forces had gone and the remainders were preparing to leave within a week. I knew that meant he was going as well, something I wasn’t sure how to deal with. I had convinced myself that my feelings were one way and therefore there was no point in acting on my emotions. I knew he’d ‘read’ my reaction to him all along, he had to know, but he’d never said anything so there was my answer. I found myself that particular night on the balcony of what used to be the Imperial Governments base, it was now used as a residence for me and many other former Underground Leaders who had yet to choose their future paths. The view was beautiful from here and I often stood there bathing in the cities newfound freedom. I didn’t hear his approach, nor feel it, so when he spoke I almost jumped the balcony!

"Beautiful view, isn’t it?" he spoke softly over my shoulder. I remember spinning to face him and was startled at how close he was to me. "Yes" I remember responding, such a very deep comment! He was undeterred by my reaction and went on, "I’ve been looking for you, do you come here much?" ‘Looking for me?’ My mind raced as I tried to control myself and look relaxed.

"Yes." Once again, so very deep! Why couldn’t I think of an intelligent thing to say? He smiled, a warm gentle smile that touched his eyes. "I wish you’d relax around me, it’s kind of disconcerting knowing how uncomfortable I make you feel."

His honesty and straight-forwardness stunned me. "Are you always that blunt?" I asked. I watched as he gave a slight chuckle and looked away for a moment, returning his gaze with a broad smile. "Not usually, but I think you know I know what’s been going on." He said. That was confusing, get somehow it made sense. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, "do I have any secrets any more?" I questioned, as I looked at my feet, not even sure I wanted to know the answer.

"I’m sure you do. I’m not in the habit of delving that much into a person’s mind. I only pick up what’s sent out by the people around me. You’ve been, well, pretty easy to read from day one." I felt my cheeks burn as the humiliation took hold. "Sorry" I muttered, not sure what else to say.

"Don’t be. I have to say, at first I was simply flattered. Can’t say that that’s ever happened before, but I didn’t know you at all so for all I knew, it was a common reaction for you." My head snapped up and I gave him a look of disbelief, ‘how could he think that about me?’ "BUT," he added, holding his palms up to me in a defensive position, "I know better now. That’s why I was looking for you." He finished. I wasn’t sure what to say, so it was best to remain silent and wait for him to speak.

Lowering his hands, he seemed to study me for a moment before he went on. "I’m leaving in 3 days, and I was wondering if you’d like to, say spend some time together before I go?" Once again my heart was pounding uncontrollably in my chest, he was here to get to know me. I had been wrong about his indifference to me all along. I couldn’t speak, so I nodded slowly whilst swallowing hard. "Good. Have you had dinner yet?" Still not trusting my voice, I gave my head a quick shake. "Ok, would you like to join me? Maybe between the two of us we can find your voice again?"

From that second on we spent nearly every waking moment together. He showed a side of himself he didn’t show anyone else and it didn’t take me long to find my voice again. We laughed and told stories about our pasts, I found myself wanting time to stand still because the three days were almost up and I didn’t know what was going to happen after that. It was after dinner on the last night that I had that clarified for me.

"I’m leaving in the morning, returning to Courscant" he spoke softly as we walked through the city’s botanical gardens. "I know" was all the response I could muster, I hoped at the time that he would say more. He stopped walking and waited for me to stop and face him.

"I’m sorry Cass, but this is where this has to end." I have to say that was the very last thing I had expected to hear from him. Things had been so good, so comfortable, I felt that we had a connection that he wanted as much as I did. I couldn’t even find the appropriate words to respond with, what to say? Was I supposed to throw myself at him and beg him to stay? Maybe I should have got angry and demanded to know why? Instead I simply stood there, unable to speak and unable to react like I should have. He went on,

"There is so much about me Cass that you simply don’t know. So much I don’t want you to know about. I can’t let anyone in,.." he paused, studying my face "It would be too hard for both of us. Please, don’t get me wrong, these last three days……" he glanced away for a moment, "I’ll never forget you, I won’t be able too. No-one has ever gotten this close."

The tears were welling up and I swallowed hard to fight them back, I was stronger than that. "Do I have a say in this?" I asked. He lowered his head and slowly shook it, lifting only his eyes to look at me through his dark hair. Looking away from him, I desperately tried to figure out what was happening, then he did something I had been waiting for, he kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek, but a slow and very gentle touch on my lips that felt so sensual and intimate that I temporarily lost all comprehension of what it really meant. It only lasted 30 or 40 seconds, but it felt like a lifetime at that moment. His hand caressed my cheek gently as he pulled away, gazing into my eyes with what clearly was hurt in his. His fingers gently traced my lips as he whispered to me. "I’m really sorry Cass…..Goodbye." I watched stunned as he spun on his heels and strode away from me quickly, my feet like lead and my heart aching so painfully I could barely stand it.

……..oooooo…….

Looking back on that time I had cursed myself for not moving, not fighting back, not demanding a better excuse from him. Instead I simply went on with my life and tried to pretend that absolutely nothing had ever happened. I accepted an advisory position with the new government and threw myself into my work, allowing little for not time for me to think about anything personal at all. It took nearly 4 months for my closest friend to confront me. I remember it very well.

"When are you going to snap out of it Cass?" Christia asked as she helped collate my discs for the meeting I was to attend later in the morning. I gave her a blank look, "Snap out of what?"

She shook her head, "I have known you too long to not know something is wrong. He’s been gone nearly 4 months now. Either something else has happened, or you are so in love you simply can’t get past it." I turned to face her, speechless for a moment. ‘In love? Me?’ I had to be honest with myself and admit that I hadn’t even thought of that. Maybe she was right, but what could I do about it? The best way out was to deny it totally.

"In love? Me? Don’t be absurd. I’ve just been really busy with my new work. I haven’t thought about him for months!" That had to be the biggest lie I had ever told in my life. Christia knew it, I could tell by the laughter coming from her, I should have known better than to try and hide my feelings from her. We’d been friends most of our lives, she knew me better than anyone.

"Give it up will you? Look, you got two choices here, you can get over it. Something I can’t see happening, or…" she paused and stared at me, "Do something about it"

"Like what?" I asked, "take the next transport to Coruscant, march up to him and tell him what for?" an amused smile on my face.

"Yes" she said simply. I started to protest, but stopped myself. Maybe she was right, maybe I should be fighting for him. I must have stood there for several minutes thinking until Christia gently shook my shoulders to wake me up.

"Hey, are you ok?" she asked cautiously as she scanned my face. Re-focusing my eyes on her I responded.

"Yes, I don’t think I have ever been more OK than I am right now." For the first time since Kyp had gone I knew what I was going to do, knew what I had to do.

That was two weeks ago. In that time I had given notice and left my position a week later, taken the next transport to Coruscant, done a little background research in the central library and marched up to Kyp and told him what for! Unfortunately it hadn’t worked out like I had expected, maybe I was asking too much to expect him to change his mind in an instant and fall into my arms. Maybe I should have been a little less direct? Maybe…….

"Well, what do we have here? This has to be one of the best looking harlots in this area. So clean and neat." I was snapped back to reality by someone grabbing my arm and spinning me to face him. The foul breath assailed my senses and his scared face made me shiver slightly.

"I’m not a street walker" I said firmly, "let me go."

His raucous laughter echoed around me as I heard several other voices join in. Quickly I turned left and right to survey the others around me. Six, no, seven including the man who now had hold of both of my arms. Looking past them all I realised I had walked into a very un-savoury part of the city and at night no less, how could I have been so foolish? Instinctively I struggled to reach for my blaster, the same one I no longer carried now Akrian was free, damn!

"Mmmm, she wants to play boys, shall be indulge her?" Swallowing hard I tried desperately to fight the panic that now threatened to overwhelm me, I knew if I did panic there would be no way I could find any escape. The simple fact was, I couldn’t see one anyway.

Lifting my chin in defiance, I ground out "Let me go". Hoping that he would listen and do as I asked, no chance of that.

"I don’t think so sweetheart, you’re here after dark, in an area known for it’s ladies and you expect me to let you go?" He roared with laughter again, "not until my friends and I have tasted some of your obvious sweetness" My blood ran cold, how could I have let this happen? I began to struggled against him to no avail, he was so much larger than me, I had no chance. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and cried out.

"HELP ME. KYP!….." I called out to the only person I knew who could help me, the only person who wasn’t anywhere close enough to hear.

"LET HER GO" I heard someone say from a distance, still nothing changed, the man seemed to be all over me at once and the panic I had quelled earlier escaped as I began to scream and fight him with everything I had.

"I SAID, LET HER GO." The voice again, suddenly the laughter I could hear around me ceased and the abhorrent mouth left my neck. I heard a distant sound, ‘Snaphisss’ and I tried desperately to see through the blinding tears that I had unconsciously shed. Before I could see anything I heard one of my attackers hiss "Borelain, look.".

Blinking the tears away as best I could I strained my neck to see what or who they were staring at with such hatred in their eyes. My blurred vision didn’t stop me from seeing it was Kyp Durron. Standing there with his lightsabre held slightly aloft in a defensive position, calm radiated from him.

"I’m only going to say this once more, Let Her Go." He commanded evenly. The man holding me, Borelain, snarled,

"She ain’t worth it anyway". With that he shoved me away from him so violently than I hit the ground with a very painful thud, my head making an awful sounding crack sound as it connected with the street. After that, everything was a bit of a blur, I heard blaster fire and yelling but saw nothing. Desperately I tried to pick myself up, by the blinding pain in my head prevented me from doing so. I could taste blood in my mouth and was now trying to hold on to consciousness, I was loosing that battle. The very last thing I remembered was Kyps voice,

"Cass, are you alright? Look at me!" Then the world began to spin and I allowed the blackness to envelop me.

…..ooooo…..

There was silence around me, so quiet that the faint pounding in my head seem uncontrollably loud. I slowly opened my eyes and carefully looked around without moving anything else. The room I was in was dimly lit and I could feel that I was laying on something very soft. Slowly I rolled onto my side, I had to admit, my head didn’t feel as bad as I expected it to. Surveying my surroundings I knew that I had never been where I was before, it looked like a bedroom.

"About time you woke up sleepyhead" I heard a soft male voice say from behind me. With a little effort I was able to slowly sit up and face him, he was leaning in the doorway with a warm smile on his lips. I stared at him for a moment before I spoke.

"I don’t remember how I got here, or what happened after I fell or how you got there".

"I’m not surprised," he said simply as he pushed himself away from the doorframe and moved to sit down beside me. "I followed you as I sensed danger somehow. I brought you here after you blacked out from the fall. You were bleeding so I didn’t bother going after the men who attacked you, I just got you here so I could look after you." I raised my hand to touch my forehead where I vaguely remembered hitting the ground, but there was nothing there, no cut, no bump, nothing. I frowned at him questioningly.

"Oh, arh, just used a simple Jedi healing technique. It puts you into a kind of trance and helps you to heal a lot faster. I hope you don’t mind." Mind, how could I mind? I slowly shook my head.

"No, of corse not. Clever trick that, must come in handy." I tried to sound light, but having him this close to me was stirring all the emotions that had originally brought me to Coruscant in the first place. I shifted uncomfortably and averted my eyes as I realised I was sitting on his bed, that added to my feelings of tension somewhat.

"I, um, was doing some thinking while you were recovering. Can you tell me what you know about me? I mean, I need to know." I looked up at him, I could see he was nervous, like he didn’t think I did know everything and he was afraid at how I would react to the truth. Biting my lip slightly I drew a deep breath and began.

"I know about your parents, Kessel and how you grew up there mostly…." I paused, this last piece of information was the bit he was afraid of. "I also know about Carida." The silence hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity, I watched as a series of emotions played over his face, finally he turned away from me, the fact I knew hurt him. When I read the files it was clear that this particular part of his life had been very traumatic and painful. The file referred to his ‘fall to the darkside of the Force’, that was something I didn’t quite understand, but I knew it wasn’t good. It mentioned the loss of his brother was the result of his actions, as was the destruction of an Imperial Base and the entire solar system it was in. I was shocked by that information and at the time felt ill at the very thought of what he’d done. I spent the whole night trying to come to terms with the knowledge and found myself struggling. The next day I returned to the library and did some research into Jedi Knights, and this ‘darkside of the Force’. I found it difficult to grasp at first, but then, as if hit by lightening, it made sense to me. Good and evil, that’s what it boiled down too, and with what Kyp had suffered through his life, it was only logical that some of it would hang over him. The fact that he had been able to come back from that dark place and re-build his life had shown me so much more than he gave himself credit for.

I reached out and using the tips of my fingers, I turned his chin toward me. "Please don’t turn away. I know, and I understand. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, how you survived through it and the very fact that you turned out to be so wonderful is a credit to you." I whispered, he still wouldn’t look at me, his eyes remaining downcast, I pushed on. "Do you really think I would have made this much effort if I didn’t know that I was doing the right thing? Give me more credit please. From the moment you walked into the room back on Akrian I knew there was something special about you." I looked down and smiled, "What’s more to the point, you knew exactly what was going through my mind before I’d even had time to analyse it." He smiled gave a small shrug.

"Believe me, it wasn’t that hard to pick up on from where I was standing."

"Then you should know how I feel about you, that nothing else matters, not to me." Gently he reached up and took my hand in his and lifted his eyes to mine, the pain had returned, but I could see he had something to say.

"I killed millions of people" he said simply, "I thought I was doing the right thing, helping the New Republic get rid of the Imperials……..I was wrong. When I look back I can’t imagine how I could have possibly justified what I was doing." He paused and I remained silent as I felt he needed to explain his side of the story to me. "There were things happening on Yavin 4, and to me. Things I didn’t understand at the time. I was angry at the whole galaxy for what it had dealt me and, ………..I guess it got the better of me. There’s a Dark side to the Force, so different to the path I follow now, so evil. It took the Emperor, Vader and so many others. It almost took me as well." He closed his eyes, I could see he was gathering his thoughts, so I waited patiently. Pursing his lips he returned his gaze to me, "I lost my brother because of it, the last family I had. That alone could have meant the end, but somehow, with help from Captain Solo and Master Skywalker I found my way back. It’s taken a long time for the people of the New Republic to forgive me, infact I’m sure there are some who never will, but I’ll never go that way again."

"I know." I said. We sat there in silence staring at each other for several minutes, I wasn’t sure if he was ‘reading’ me, but at that point I didn’t care. He was close to me and for the first time since I had arrived on Coruscant, he wasn’t fighting me. Finally I had to say what I left Akrian to say,

"I love you." It felt so natural to say it and I knew now it was truer than anything I had ever felt before. His lips parted slightly, I realised I had caught him totally off guard. I watched as he moved his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Then suddenly he acted instead, cupping my face with his free hand and kissing me long and hard. I surrendered totally to him, drowning in the softness of his lips and savouring every sensation. When he finally pulled away it was only to respond to me,

"I love you too Cass. I have for so long now. I never dreamed…."He never finished that sentence, instead choosing to resume kissing me. I knew then I had won this battle, but something told me the road ahead wasn’t going to be smooth, and that my life was never going to be the same again.