Parodies!!
Veggie Tales/Invisible Man
(I claim a little poetry license with this at some points... this was harder than it seemed at the beginning, and the Polish IS accurate)
Narrator: "And now it's time for Silly Songs with Darien, the part of the show where Darien comes out and sings a silly song. One day while talking with his Keeper, Darien confronts one of his deepest fears ..."
Darien: "If my gland ever left my head, something that I think I dread, that'd be too bad, I'd be so sad."
Claire: "I see. That'd be too bad, you'd be so sad?"
Darien: "That'd be too bad."
Claire: "Alrighty."
Darien: "If my gland said "adios, I don't like you I think you're gross," that'd be too bad, I might get mad."
Claire: "Hmmmm. That'd be too bad, you might get mad?"
Darien: "That'd be too bad."
Claire: "Fascinating."
Darien: "If my gland moved to Ukraine, left a mess and took my brain, that'd be too bad, I'd call my Dad."
Claire: "Oh dear. That'd be too bad, you'd call your Dad?"
Darien: "That'd be too bad."
Claire: "Hold it. Did you say your father? Fascinating! So what you're saying is that if your gland left you ..."
Darien: "That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my Dad. That be too bad."
Claire: "That'd be to bad?"
Darien: "That'd be too bad."
Claire: "Why?"
Darien: "'Cause I love my gland." [Scatting... you don't actually EXPECT me to type this all out, do you?]
Claire: "Oh my ... This is more serious than I thought. Darien, tell me, what do you see here?"
Darien: "Um, that looks like a gland."
Claire: "And this?"
Darien: "It's a gland!"
Claire: "And this?"
Darien: "It's a gland, it's a gland, it's a gland gland gland! It's a gland, it's a gland, it's a gland gland gland! It's a gland, it's a gland, it's a gland gland gland. Glaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Gland gland gland."
Claire: "Darien, tell me about your childhood."
Darien: "Sometime just a year ago, the gland was put in by my bro, and it was new. What could I do?"
Claire: "It was new, what could you do?"
Darien: "Oh it was new."
Claire: "I see."
Darien: "On the day I got my gland, the quicksilver went across my hand. The spiders I feared... and it felt weird."
Claire: "My, my. The spiders you feared and it felt weird?"
Darien: "The spiders I feared. Few days after my brother died, I blew stuff up and sat and cried. Then I got hired. And they locked me in a padded cell for a while and then sent me after this guy with poisonous fingertips who was called a Catevari and I didn't know what that meant but they sent me after his anyway and I had to go around, hunting him down because anyone he touched would die, but they didn't tell me that he was an experiment- just like me- and so when I found him going after his old Keeper, we had a talk, but it was hard and he spoke a little Polish and I only knew like three words in Polish except now I know four because the Catervari taught me the word for gland: gruczol!"
Claire: "Then you got hired... gruczol? How do you spell that?"
Darien: "I don't know."
Claire: "So what you're saying is that when you were young ..."
Darien: "It was new, what could I do? The spiders I feared and it felt weird. Then I got hired... Gruczol!"
Claire: "I'm confused ..."
Darien: "I love my gland!" [Scatting]
Narrator: "This has been Silly Songs with Darien. Tune in next time to hear Darien say ..."
Darien: "Have I ever told you how I feel about my hair?"
Claire: "Oh, look at the time!"
Narrator: "And now it's time for Silly Songs with Darien, the part of the show when Darien comes out and sings a silly song. Darien will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad, 'The Dance of the I-Man,' in it's original Spanish. Bobby Hobbes will translate."
Darien: "Miren al hombre invisible"
Bobby: "Watch the invisible man"
Darien: "miren como se desapareza"
Bobby: "see how he disappears"
Darien: "como una pastilla de lluvia"
Bobby: "like a raindrop"
Darien: "cerca del rio."
Bobby: "near the river."
Darien: "Miren al hombre invisible"
Bobby: "Watch the invisible man"
Darien: "sus suaves movimientos"
Bobby: "Oh, how smooth his motion"
Darien: "tal como mantequilla"
Bobby: "like butter"
Darien: "en un chango pelon."
Bobby: "on a ... bald monkey."
Darien: "Miren al hombre imvisible"
Bobby: "Look at the invisible man"
Darien: "los agentes"
Bobby: "all the agents"
Darien: "envidian a su amigo"
Bobby: "envy their friend"
Darien: "como el quieren desaparecer"
Bobby: "wishing to disappear as he"
Darien: "Hombre desaparecendo, hombre desaparecendo, hombre desaparencendo"
Bobby: "Disappearing man, disappearing man, disappearing man"
Darien: "Desaparace, desaparece, ya!"
Bobby: "Disappear, disappear, yeah!"
Darien: "Miren al agente"
Bobby: "Look at the agent"
Darien: "¿no es triste?"
Bobby: "Isn't it sad?"
Darien: "El no puede desaparecer."
Bobby: "He can't disappear."
Darien: "¡Pobre agent!"
Bobby: "Poor agent!"
Darien: "El desería poder diappear"
Bobby: "He wishes he could diappear"
Darien: "Como el hombre invisible"
Bobby: "like the invisible man"
Darien: "libre y suavemente."
Bobby: "free and smooth."
Darien: "Pero el no puede."
Bobby: "But he can't ... Okay! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can't disappear? I can diappear! What about 'The Other Invisible Man?' Didn't you see me disappearing in 'The Other Invisible Man?'"
Darien: "No comprendo."
Bobby: "No comprendo? I'll show you 'No comprendo'!"
Eberts: "Claire! Official! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the invisible man in authentic crazy house garb!"
Official: "Okay, Eberts. But we'd better hurry - I think the dwarves have The Kepper confused with someone else! Say 'Peas!'"
All: "Peas!"
Darien: "Escuchen al hombre invisible"
Bobby: "Listen to the invisible man"
Darien: "oigan sus citas fuertes"
Bobby: "hear his strong quotes"
Darien: "como un leon"
Bobby: "like a lion"
Darien: "listo a devorar."
Bobby: "about to eat."
Darien: "Escuchen al hombre invisible"
Bobby: "Listen to the invisible man"
Darien: "que dulce es su canto"
Bobby: "oh how sweet his voice"
Darien: "la voz de su garganta parece un trinar."
Bobby: "the breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies."
Darien: "Escuchen al hombre invisible"
Bobby: "Listen to the invisible man"
Darien: "los agentes"
Bobby: "all the agents"
Darien: "envidian a su amigo"
Bobby: "envy their friend"
Darien: "como el quieren citar."
Bobby: "wishing to quote as he."
Darien: "Hombre citator, hombre citador, hombre citador"
Bobby: "Quoting man, quoting man, quoting man"
Darien: "cita, cita, ya!"
Bobby: "quote, quote, yeah!"
Darien: "Escuchen al agente"
Bobby: "Listen to the agent"
Darien: "¿No es triste?"
Bobby: "Isn't it sad?"
Darien: "El no puede citar."
Bobby: "He can't quote."
Darien: "Pobre agente."
Bobby: "Poor agent."
Darien: "El desería poder citar"
Bobby: "He wishes he could quote"
Darien: "fuerte y dulce como el hombre invisible"
Bobby: "strong and sweet like the invisible man"
Darien: "Pero no puede ..."
Bobby: "But he can't ..."
Darien: "¡Ni siquiera da un silbido!"
Bobby: "Can't even ... whistle! All right! That's it Senor! Come over here and let me quote YOU a thing or two!"
Darien: "Adios, amigos!"
Narrator: "This has been Silly Songs With Darien. Tune in next time to Darien sing ..."
Darien: "Bobby is really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with this straightjacket wrapped around myself!"
Written by liz_Z
Narrator: This is Silly Songs With Bobby, the part of the show where Bobby comes out and sings a silly song. Our curtain opens as Bobby, having just finished his shower, is searching for his hairbrush. Having no success, Bobby cries out:
Bobby: Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh WHERE- is my hairbrush?
Narrator: Having heard his cry, the Official enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrased at the sight of Bobby in a towel, the Official regains his composure and reports:
Official: I think I saw a hairbrush back there!
*The Official exits the scene.*
Bobby: Back there is my hairbrush! Back there is my hairbrush! Back there, back there, oh where back there, oh where oh where back there, back there, back THERE- is my hairbrush!
Narrator: Having heard his joyous proclamation, Eberts enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrased at the sight of Bobby in a towel, Eberts regains his composure and comments:
Eberts: Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair.
*Eberts exits the scene.*
Narrator: Bobby is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No hair? What could this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his hairbrush? Bobby wonders:
Bobby: No hair for my hairbrush? No hair for my hairbrush? No hair, no hair, nowhere back there, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no HAIR- for my hairbrush.
Narrator: Having heard his wonderings, Claire enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrased at the sight of Bobby in a towel, Claire regains her composure and confesses:
Claire: Bobby... that old hairbrush of yours? Well, you never use it, you don’t really need it, so... well, I'm sorry, I didn't know. But I gave it to Darien, 'cause he's got hair.
*Claire exits the scene.*
Narrator: Feeling a deep sense of loss, Bobby stumbles back and laments:
Bobby: Not fair, oh my hairbrush! Not fair, my poor hairbrush! Not fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, nowhere no hair, not fair, not fair, not FAIR- my little hairbrush.
Narrator: Having heard his lament, Darien enters the scene. Himself in a towel, both Bobby and Darien are shocked and slightly embarrased at the sight of... each other. But, recognising Bobby's generosity, Darien is thankful.
Darien: Thanks for the hairbrush.
Narrator: Yes, good has been done here. Darien exits the scene. Bobby smiles but, still feeling an emotional attachment to the hairbrush, calls out:
Bobby: Take care of my hairbrush! Take care, oh my hairbrush! Take care, take care, don’t dare not care, take care, nice hair, no fair, take care, take CARE- of my hairbrush.
Narrator: The End.
*The audience claps loudly and throws roses onto the stage. Bobby takes a deep bow. His towel falls off, revealing... a pair of boxers. (Sheesh, I told you this was good, clean fun, now get your mind out of the gutter!) Bobby blushes and runs for the exit, pauses, then runs back for the towel. However, Claire dashes on stage, grabs the towel, and then runs off in the opposite direction. Bobby chases after her.*
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs With Bobby. Tune in next time to hear Bobby say:
Bobby: Give me back my towel!
The Quicksilver Gland Song
(Sung to the tune of 'The Water Buffalo Song')
Narrator: This is Silly Songs With Bobby, the part of the show where Bobby comes out and sings a silly song.
*Bobby walks on stage, wearing a quicksilver gland costume.*
Bobby: (announces) The Quicksilver Gland Song.
(begins singing)
Everybody's got a quicksilver gland
They are all in great demand
It's a good thing to have one on hand
Yeah, everybody's got a quicksilver glannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd
I took my quicksilver gland to the store
Got the gland stuck in the door
Spilled quicksilver all over the floor
Oh, everybody's got a-
*The Official comes running into the room, waving his arms frantically.*
Official: Stop, stop! You can't say that everyone's got a quicksilver gland when everyone does NOT have a quicksilver gland! We're going to get nasty letters saying, 'Where's my quicksilver gland? Why don't I have a quicksilver gland?' And are you prepared to deal with that? I don't think so. Just stop being so silly!
Narrator: This has been Silly Songs With Bobby. Tune in next time to hear Bobby sing:
Bobby: Everybody's got a Catevari
One for you and two for me
Oh why we have them I don’t see
But everybody's got a Catevariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-
Official: Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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