Sam quickly slipped through the scattered bunch of people in the hall around the entrance to her quarters. She was smiling as if she had a secret, which wasn't exactly untrue, and her pace was quicker than usual. Finally she reached her destination and grabbed the knob on the door while hastily pushing herself inside.
Sam let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding as the door closed behind her and the bolt made an ominous click as she pushed it into place. It was advised to actually use the locks on the door only when necessary, but Sam knew she wouldn't be able to tolerate an errant airman or nurse, though, in general, there were very few disturbances. But she had to be left alone with her thoughts.
Her smile slowly faded as she recalled the things she had overheard, by accident of course, in the usually cramped locker rooms not minutes before. There had not been many people there at the time, and Sam was coincidentally in the next row over, conveniently concealed by the lockers that separated them. She couldn't tell who they were, but it sounded like gossiping by the way they were giggling. It was probably a few of the extra nurses that weren't needed, since the airmen were a bit harder to invoke conversation with.
Whoever they were didn't matter much at the moment, what they were talking about had left Sam glued to her feet, frozen in mid stance when the mention of her name was recognized. Listening in on their conversation was now considered a must, since it had somehow involved her. She had undetectably moved to the edge of the row of lockers, and stuck her head out in the direction of the chattering women, enough so she could hear clearly and remain out of sight.
"Marie, you shouldn't make assumptions like that. Even though..." the first of the women trailed.
"You haven't been around long enough to observe them like I do, I would be surprised if Major Carter and the Colonel hadn't ever, well, you know; gotten together" said the second one who had a higher pitched voice than the first.
This statement almost made Sam lose the balance of her head, in that precarious position. Yep, they were talking about her all right. She didn't have long to think about it when a third spoke up.
"The only way you will ever know anything for sure is if you ask them yourselves. Who knows who and what is going on here, I personally have my own opinion about that. Judy, what do you think, Marie has already said what SHE thinks," the third woman had just finished when the second one, otherwise known as Marie, snickered. The one who spoke first, Sam recognized her voice, started to talk.
"I honestly don't think there is anything going on between any of them, they are unusually close for a team though. I wouldn't mind being on a team like that. The stories people tell about SGC's premier contact team are just unnerving," replied the softer voiced woman who had been called Judy.
"Whatever, I still think there are people in various SG teams that DO have a far from professional relationship between them. Who the hell knows whom, but I'm sure they exist. Hey, it keeps us busy," said the third women who had yet to be recognized a name.
"Let's head on out and see if we are needed by Dr. Frasier, she might have a delightful surgical room we could scrub clean," said Judy, obviously unenthused.
"There's nothing more I'd like to do than pick up bloody gauze," replied Marie in a similar tone before all three left the room.
Samantha Carter had still been standing there in that awkward position when the nurses had gone. She was quite surprised to hear them talking about it in the tone of voice suggesting they did it everyday, which she had no doubt they did. Once she righted herself, a thought crossed her mind about the subject that they had been discussing. Sam had smiled an amused and secretive smile, which she continued smiling all the way to her quarters.
And now she was there, to further contemplate the meaning of the nurses' words.
Sam had honestly never thought about this sort of stuff. Even when that alternate reality her came through the otherwise known 'Quantum Mirror'. She had sort of anticipated some tension when the other her, Doctor Carter, had claimed she was married to Colonel O'Neill. Fortunately for her, there was none. She knew that there were endless possibilities when dealing with the mirror. She could be married to anyone in another reality. It sort of unnerved her to think of that. She couldn't stop though; her curiosity was at its peak.
All of the sudden she was angry. What right did those gossiping little nurses have to make those wild assumptions? Every right, she finally admitted. SG-1 was very close. A little too close. 'But that's what makes our team almost indestructable', she thought. They were close friends, all of them. It was a wonder she hadn't become aware of these rumors before. But were they really rumors?
Sam tried to sort her thoughts out. The colonel. Yes, he was her close friend, almost as close as they could be, considering they were both military. That was an issue, not the biggest one, but nevertheless, it was there. Sure, she flirted with him on occasion, but it was expected, a friendly counteract to his obscene jokes and constant one-liners said at the most inappropriate of times. No matter what she did, he would always be her commanding officer. She just couldn't think of him any other way, as good of a friend he may be. She just hoped that the next time someone came through that mirror (which in itself wasn't likely since they had it packaged up tight somewhere out in area 51), they didn't make any indication of her supposed involvement with Colonel O'neill. At least it could slow down the rumors.
Now, Teal'c was a different story. He was an alien from another planet who carried a goul'd symbiote in his belly, plus, was married, AND had a son. The prospect of a relationship with him hadn't even produced a glimmer of the faintest thought to go through her mind. He too, was her friend, and teammate. It was just too damn hard to think of him any other way.
Daniel was, well, he had this...he was married. Actually, WAS had to be the key word here. To be honest, when she had first met him, she was amazed by his intelligence and spirit. They had talked for hours, and she couldn't help feel a spark between them, and the surprised attraction she felt for him. Sam had known that it would be an unreasonable goal to pursue the thought. He was married. Of course, this wasn't the condition any more; his wife was dead. She never really thought they would locate Daniel's wife out there in the countless number of planets she might have been on. Sam had wanted Daniel to find her, but even HE knew his chances were extremely thin. But they had, and when they did, it wasn't a pretty picture. Daniel had taken it considerably well though. They always talked about anything and everything. He was her confidant, and Sam knew she was his. Even though she supposed a considerable amount of the affection she felt towards him wasn't just sisterly, she was sure he couldn't possibly be interested in her. Plus, she would never ever do anything to compromise the friendship they had.
Then why was she thinking about him? Huh? Sam groaned and let her head drop to her hands. Things were not supposed to be this confusing, especially for her. She was a scientist, a Major, a woman. Definitely not someone easily confused. These kinds of issues were supposed to become less difficult when a person got older, or at least she thought.
It was blatantly obvious that all of SG-1 were friends, but how could people come up with the assumption that they were anything but? If the team didn't get along, then it was most likely a fatal consequence to send them traveling all over the galaxy to as yet undiscovered worlds.
Rumors will be rumors. How much truth they had in them was what left Sam racking her brain. She couldn't possibly act natural around the team again. She was sure of it. This situation could help though; it might give her some insight to the way the 'guys' usually acted around her, and her supposed subconcious actions around them.
Sam sighed. If she had just spent three more minutes in the shower she could have missed the nurses' conversation in the locker room, thus, remaining oblivious to the latest rumors (which had coincidently involved her) circulating the SGC. However, time travel wasn't an option at the moment, and she was now thoroughly immersed in the situation at hand. Ignorance is not bliss. Whoever said that was a liar.
***
Six hours. For six hours Sam had managed to avoid the rest of SG-1. Of course, she knew she couldn't keep this up for long, but for the time being… Sam wondered what Janet was up to at the moment. Yeah, the infirmary sounded like a nice place to visit.
'Sadist…', she thought to herself. Sam knew what she was doing. Killing time it was called. Not something she ever looked forward to. Deciding it was necessary to talk to Janet, she headed towards the doctor's office area, hoping the infirmary wasn't overly crowded.
As she neared her objective, she couldn't see any bustling orderlies or frantic nurses filling the corridor. A definite good sign. Spying Janet through the office door, which was slightly ajar, she knocked softly on the wall just adjacent to it. Dr. Janet Frasier lifted her head up from the tedious paperwork and gave Sam a quick smile, indicating for her to come in.
"Hello Sam. What can I do for you?" Friendly and to the point. It was Janet all over.
"I'm not sure. Are you busy?" Sam asked, a hint of pensiveness creeping into her voice.
Janet frowned in concentration, "What's wrong? Is something bothering you?"
"Well, I don't know if I should talk about it. I mean, it's not that big of a deal…" Sam trailed off.
"I am your friend you know, and if you don't want to talk about it that's fine, but…I would like to help," Janet said while staring at Sam and noting her tense posture.
Sam sighed. She wasn't an open person by nature. It took a lot to get an emotional reaction out of her, and even more to induce a personal conversation. It was something that was an asset in the military but a liability in her relationships. This time she wasn't sure she could be able to keep up the 'tough-girl' facade. She had to tell someone.
"Well uh, I heard these rumors about the supposed, um, involvement of me and certain members of the SGC, " the sympathetic, yet unsurprised look on the face of the doctor sitting across from her told her that Janet had been aware of the specified gossip. "I didn't know what to think at first, ah, it was a real shock to me, Janet. I had no idea. I couldn't get the notion out of my head. Why would people think something like that? I went over this thought for hours. And then I figured out that, well, they had perfect reasons to think what they did. I'm good friends with all of SG-1, and I show it. We have been through too much together to deny the fact that we're all close. But, uh, like I said, I was thinking for a while, and lots of things crossed my mind. I thought about the team, and about my, um, relationships among them. I treasure each of them, and if anything happened to even one of them I would be devastated, but, I just, I thought about things and I…" She looked to Janet as if pleading for assistance, Sam's pale blue eyes were glistening with anticipation and her brow was creased with worry, "Janet, um, I think that uh, I have this, ah, thing- " Sam stopped for a moment to take a deep breath, " I…think I'm in love with Daniel."
"You…what?" was Janet's only reply.
Sam looked down at her folded hands. "Um, yeah, I do."
Janet stared blankly at Sam for what seemed like minutes. Then she spoke, "Sam," she called to her friend, and waited for the blond head look up, "Do you know what you're getting yourself into? How are you going to handle this?"
Sam's eyes widened. "Janet, what do you mean 'getting myself into'? I can't help it, and even if I could, I wouldn't. This isn't some problem you can just 'handle'. I thought you would understand, I guess I must have been mistaken," she said, surprised by the doctors reaction. Sam stood up to leave when she felt Janet gently take hold of her arm.
"I'm sorry Sam, but that's not what I meant," Janet searched Sam's eyes for some sort of understanding. Seeing none, she sighed, and began to elaborate. "I think it's wonderful that you have found someone. I know you care deeply for Daniel, but it's kind of a shock to find out you LOVE him," she gave Sam a slight smile, "But you do realize that there might be, well, complications. There are going to be issues within the team, as well as the SGC. What does Daniel think? You told him, right?" Janet questioned.
Sam sighed and sat back down. She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. "I can't," she said in a hushed tone.
"Sam, you have to. He needs to know. Wouldn't you if you were in his position?" Janet countered.
"If I was in his position?" Sam gave a contemptuous spurt of laughter. "Like he would EVER. That's the problem Janet, if I told him it would just make him uncomfortable. Daniel can't possibly feel the same way. It would just bring unnecessary attention to me, and I'd never be able to work with him the same again. Not to mention what it would do to our friendship."
Janet gave Sam a sympathetic grin. "In case you haven't noticed, what you feel is going to change all those things regardless. If you want to keep your friendship with him, you're going to have to tell Daniel how you feel. He'll understand, Sam, have a little faith in him."
Sam returned the smile and slowly stood up. "You're right, Janet. I'll tell him, I promise, but I can't do it right now. It's just…I'm not ready to go through something like that at the moment," her smile faded. "I don't know what I'm going to do if we can't manage to still…be friends." Sam looked down again.
"Daniel will always be your friend. It's up to you to keep that friendship by telling him the truth," Janet reassured her.
Sam met her friend's eyes and knew that Janet was right. Always was. "Thanks Janet, I really appreciate this," with that she smiled again and turned to go out the door.
Once free of the infirmary, Sam continued back to her lab. Sure she would tell Daniel. He was her friend. He would understand. Sam stopped suddenly and frowned. 'Easier said than done' she thought, and resumed her trek down the halls.
***
Sam stared at the phone with contempt. Of course, she knew it wasn't the hunk of plastic's fault she had to go to a mission's briefing, but it was the deliverer of the news. Close enough for her.
Usually going to the briefings proved to be fun and exciting, or at least she though so. Daniel was the only other member of SG-1 who ever looked forward to them. She sighed. Daniel was going to be there. How was she supposed to go through the whole briefing with him right across from her, or even worse…next to her?
This wasn't some life-threatening situation that needed an immediate solution. She could handle those. What she couldn't seem able to deal with was being within a close proximity to Daniel. Well, she hadn't really tried recently, but just the thought of seeing him made her nervous.
It irritated her that she could let herself be affected like that. Twenty minutes until the inevitable briefing, and again Sam was walking through the now somewhat formidable halls of the SGC.
She couldn't figure out why things had to be so complicated. It seemed like things were always this way. So very much to take in on these missions…it was sometimes better to not even think about it.
To not think about the team risking their lives on an almost daily basis. Not think about how her father wasn't even fully human. Not wonder if she was making the right choices concerning the welfare of sometimes entire civilizations. Not think about the what-ifs that seemed to grow in number every day.
The amount of violence, injustice, and betrayal was almost too much to stomach. Just because Sam didn't openly display her emotions the moment she felt them didn't mean they didn't affect her. Most people didn't know about the nights she sat alone on her sofa, tears of rage and frustration spilling down her cheeks until there seemed to be none left, and the sun began poking it's head over the horizon. She was human. Sam almost laughed out loud as she thought of the irony. So many terrible things she had to experience, and now what causes her such agitation is…being in love.
Something happened over the past few days that had her re-evaluating her relationships with her fellow teammates. What started as innocent gossiping grew into a full-fledged soul searching, or least that was the case on Sam's part. And what she found was surprising but not completely unexpected. She felt an underlying attraction with many of the SGC's personnel, for a variety of different reasons. But as the hated cliche goes, not in her wildest dreams had she expected this. Love, an emotion that can't possibly be put into words. A deep, ingrained feeling of…something. She didn't know what to do with herself. This had never happened before.
Seventeen minutes early. She stood before the briefing room door and wondered if she should just go inside, or roam around awhile. Making a haste decision she quietly opened the door and slipped inside.
Putting her folders on the rather large rectagular table she sighed and slumped into a chair. Opening doors and slipping inside was what basically got her into this mess. She gave a chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
Sam practically jumped out of her chair. Though she didn't jump, she did manage to knock all her files pertaining to the mission on the floor. Cursing, Sam got on her knees and started picking the scattered papers up, mentally grateful for the distraction.
"Thinking about something…huh." It was more of a statement rather than a question, how he said it.
Sam looked up from the floor to see the top of Daniel's head as he kneeled down to help her pick up the mess of papers. She regarded him silently, and contemplated the meaning of that statement. Not a question, a fact. An invitation to share her thoughts, but not a blatant request. Only HE would avoid asking her to 'talk about it', in so many words, so as to spare her the discomfort of turning the offer down if the situation permitted it.
She regarded him in amazement. Not because he did it then, but because he had done it countless times before, and she only saw it for what it was at that moment. Sam felt her throat tighten and firmly clenched her jaw in an effort to keep that familiar 'blur' associated with tears from distorting her vision.
She still hadn't moved, and Daniel looked up from gathering her files. Sam met his eyes. The light in the room reflected off them, making the deep blue almost glisten. How many times had she looked in his eyes and saw some underlying emotion? How many times had he done the same with her? If anything could betray her, it was her eyes.
All of the sudden she was worried. How would she handle it if he…? She tried to calm her nerves. As if sensing this too, Daniel gave her a warm smirk and stood up with the pile of papers he collected and set them on the desk. Sam soon followed suit. She wasn't sure what exactly to think. She hadn't realized before just how much and how thorough they read each other. It happened on a daily basis, and to her amazement, she wasn't bothered by it in the least.
Sam returned his smile and leaned over a bit to flick some of Daniel's hair away from his forehead in a familiar gesture.
"What are you doing here this early? You almost scared the crap out of me, Daniel," She halfheartedly teased.
"Almost? Oh, I'm pretty sure I came closer than that," He replied, giving her an appraising look and gesturing towards her disorganized bunch of papers. That earned him a mock glare from Sam.
"For your information, this was entirely your fault," She said quite matter of factly.
"Oh? How so?" asked Daniel, slightly grinning.
Sam crossed her arms. "Well, you could have at least knocked," she supplied.
Daniel's grin was now indeed a smile as he hastily moved himself out of harms way, walking around the table so he was opposite of her. " I did," he stated, and quickly ducked out of the briefing room.
She smiled and shook her head. Janet was wrong. Sam didn't have to tell him anything; it wasn't going to ruin their friendship in the least. Because truth be told, Daniel probably already knew.
Fini
