By Cordy Muffin Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, and the lyrics are from the Britney Spears song "Lucky" from her album "Oops!…I Did It Again".
Author's Notes: Send feedback to queenclaire@chickmail.com
Fame. Fortune. Stardom. Admiration. It was what Cordelia had been waiting for her whole life. It was the reason she’d come to LA. It was the reason she’d finally stopped working for Angel, after two years. To become a star.
It’s meant to be better than this, she thought despondently. I’m meant to be enjoying every moment of this. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long. Now I’m at the top. Getting loads of fan mail from little girls saying they want to be like me, and more sophisticated letters from teenagers saying they admire my talent, and the mail from the guys who think I’m gorgeous and want to marry me.
And I’m unhappy why? Because I’m alone? Because I miss my old life, hanging around with Angel and Wesley and Gunn, doing something actually worthwhile instead of standing around looking pretty? OK, I do like the acting. I love it. But the fakeness of Hollywood is sickening. Everyone’s pretending to be someone they’re not.
They all act like they love me. And yet, none of them really know me, do they?
She sighed.
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It’s time for makeup, perfect smile,
It’s you they’re all waiting for
They go…
"Isn’t she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say…
She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
"Cordy, honey, don’t you look wonderful," gushed some director or another at that night’s party, a launch for her new movie.
"Thanks," she smiled that award-winning smile.
"I must say, the movie is brilliant," he continued. "Absolutely stunning."
"Thank you," she said sweetly.
Over the course of the night, she lost count of the people who came up to her and told her that she looked wonderful and that the movie was wonderful and everything was wonderful, as if they were close personal friends. Whereas if the movie had been terrible and was sure to be a dud, and her career was about to go seriously downhill, they’d been avoiding her. Definitely fickle.
Everyone looked so beautiful, so perfect. It was so unreal. She looked around and suddenly realised she hated it. "What am I doing here?" she asked herself.
In a dream
But there’s no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning,
And she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…
"Isn’t she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
And they say…
She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
It was strange. At her old apartment she’d been the only one technically living there – in the sense that she was the only one there still alive – but she’d never felt lonely. Now, in her new, luxurious penthouse, stretched out on the bed, tossing and turning, she’d never felt more alone.
"Poor Cordy," she said self-mockingly. "Poor little rich girl, right? I’m doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do all my life, and I’m miserable!" She laughed harshly, and then felt the tears seeping from her eyes, and buried her face in her pillow.
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there is nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?
And they say…
She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
"And tonight on Entertainment Tonight, we’ll bring to you coverage of the news that stunned the nation. Twenty-four-year-old Cordelia Chase, who for the past three years has been the most adored star of Hollywood, announced that she was retiring. The brunette beauty was to have starred in several films next year, but instead decided she wished to leave her acting career to pursue other interests. At Tuesday’s press conference, she stated, ‘Acting is wonderful, but I feel I’m needed elsewhere at the moment. Helping people and making a difference is certainly more important than looking beautiful, and that’s what I intend to do.’"
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