By Shattered Faith
Disclaimer-- I do not own Faith or any of the Buffy charactures, they belong to Joss Whedon and the WB.
Faith aimlessly walked around in her empty apartment. Buffy was gone, supposedly to save the world, and herself, lost in limbo. She stared at the broken glass. What a fight that was. B had so much passion behind her fists. A tear slipped down Faith’s cheek. It wasn’t fair.
How was it that Buffy got so much love? Her little Fire cracker, Faith’s mom used to call her. That was before the booze, and the men. And the beatings. And the neglect.
Faith closed her eyes. A vision from the past came to her, as usual. She could never close her eyes without one of those haunted visions.
It seemed like forever ago, so separated from Faith’s current torture, yet so real and alive in her memory. It was Faith’s tenth birthday. She was so exited. Ten was a powerful age, she had officially lived a full decade. She didn’t see or hear Butch or her Mom anywhere, but that was never unusual. Faith flung open the trailer door and pranced out. She sighed. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. The weather was even warm enough to go swimming! She smelled something cooking on the grill. MM, food. Faith loved food.
“No, Butch, don’t!” Faith heard her mom yell, and her heart jumped from her chest. No, not again, not on her birthday!
Faith ran full speed towards the bushes, and stopped dead at what she saw. Butch had lost his temper many times before. He had hit Faith and her mother several times, but nothing could have prepared Faith for what she witnessed now. It was a horrifying scene, but all the same Faith couldn’t tear her eyes away.
Faith’s mother was sprawled out in a pile of leaves, bloody from a few scratches, and her clothes ripped and torn from her body like flesh off of a rabid dog’s fresh kill. Butch was on top of her, smothering her with his own body. “Dammit, knock it off! Hold still you bitch!”
“NO! Not here Butch! Faith will be up any minute! PLEASE!”
“Cooped up in that damned trailer for hours, you are!” Faith’s mother reached out with her arm, and Butch pinned it against the ground. “Watchin’ those damned soap operas! All the sex, the lies . .I know you want some for yourself.”
“NO!” She tried to scream again, but Butch covered her mouth with his free hand.
“You know you want it. You know you want me to give it to you.” Faith saw her mother move her jaw and grip his hand. A moment later, he screamed out in pain. He raised his arm, and Faith could see the spot of blood where her mother had bitten him.
“You dumb bitch!” He yelled in rage. “You’ve been askin’ for this!” he raised his powerful arm, and slammed his fist into her mother’s face. She cried out. He lowered his arm to his pants, and clumsily undid his zipper. He reached in . . Faith suddenly leapt out of her shock and realized what was happening. This was her Mother. She HAD to do something!
“No!” Faith cried out, and leapt out of the bushes. Butch’s head snapped up, and his devil eyes burned into hers. He spit out a horrible laugh.
“So, little Faith, you out tricker-treatin’?” Faith was too terrified to break the stare. Butch slowly got up, seeming to completely forget about the woman he was just terrorizing. Faith glanced desperately over at her mother, waiting for her to get up and come to her defense. Instead, her mother laid there, helpless and whimpering. “Want some candy? I’ll give you some candy.” He said, and pulled something grotesque out of his pants. Faith gasped and looked away. “What, you don’t like it? Isn’t it big enough for ya?” Faith looked again at her mother. Why wasn’t she helping her? Why was she just laying there? Oh god .. oh god . .
Faith did the only thing she remembered from school, lunged forward and swiftly kicked him right in his exposed genitals. Butch cried out and fell to his knees. “You little bitch, you’ll die for that!” Terrified, Faith ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She didn’t look back to see if her mother had gotten up or not, she couldn’t. Later in life, she would secretly regret that.
Faith waded her toes in the chilly water in the quarry near her trailer park, trying to piece together what she had seen that morning. Her mother was supposed to love her. Supposed to help her. A tear slipped down Faith’s cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. Faith raised her chin defiantly and made herself a promise. “No matter what, I will never let anyone see me cry.”
A bunch of giggly voices sounded in the distance, and Faith quickly stood up. The neighbor kids were coming. Faith didn’t like those kids. They always treated her like she wasn’t good enough to hand out with them. Faith considered running away, but decided against it. This was Her quarry too, and a bunch of snot nose brats weren’t going to chase her away from it. She put in her game face.
“Hay Faith.” One of the boys yelled at her. She glared.
“What do you want?”
“Nothin’, nothin’ at all. Just thought I’d let you know you’re in Our spot.”
“You got papers to prove it?” The boy laughed.
“Think yer so smart, do ya?” Faith rose up on her toes and breathed right into the boy’s face. He backed off. Faith was a known fighter, and no one, not even the boys could win. And they knew it.
“Fine, stay. But you’ll regret it later.” Faith continued to glare at the boy as he sauntered off. She sat back down and pulled her knees up to her chest. She rocked back and forth, trying desperately to get rid of the pain in her heart. Her mom didn’t love her enough, and the kids didn’t like her. She was worthless.
Faith watched the kids jump off the rocks, splashing into the water without a care in the world. Some of them went up to the top rock, but were too chicken to jump. No one had ever jumped off that rock. It was said that a few years back, a boy jumped off and hit his head on the bottom of the lake. He supposedly drowned.
Faith stood up with determination. She could do it, she could jump off that rock. She could show those kids that she wasn’t scared of anything. Ever.
Faith made her way up the steep rocks all the way to the top. She stood at the rim of the rock and looked down. Faith gasped. Wow, it seemed like a really long way down. The fall was almost certain to kill her!
“Hey, look who’s up there! It’s ooky Faith!” One of the kids yelled.
“Aw, she’ll never jump. She’s a yellow-bellied chicken. Told ya she’ll never amount to anything.”
Anger boiled up inside of Faith. Everyone always said that about her. She’s a trouble-maker. She’s a delinquent. She’s a problem. Faith was none of those things, she just wanted to be loved. She wanted someone to tell her that she was worth something. She just wanted to feel special.
Suddenly that fall didn’t seem so scary. Maybe it was because she ran out of fear, or maybe it was because she didn’t care anymore if she lived or died. It didn’t matter. Faith closed her eyes, spread her arms, and let herself go.
Faith broke the surface clean and unharmed. The actual hit against the water hurt a little, but that didn’t matter. She was fine, she had made it.
Faith slowly emerged from the quarry to meet several shocked faces of the kids who never wanted her. The kids who never treated her like a real human being. She didn’t say a word to them, she didn’t have to. She just smirked as she walked away, leaving them behind. Hopefully forever.
Faith slowly opened her eyes, not wanting to face another day. “Faith!” Her mother yelled in the background. Faith groaned, and dragged her carcass out of bed. She shook her head, the pathetic sight in front of her not the least bit surprising.
Faith’s mother was sprawled out on the floor, a few empty bottles of booze by her side. She had gotten sick sometime during the night, and had thrown up all over herself. Faith wrinkled her nose.
“Faith, could you get me-“ Faith marched over to the sink and grabbed a dingy towel. She threw it at her mother. In return, she received a pleading look. “Faith, could you help-“
“You get off your lazy ass and clean up your own mess.” Faith yelled at her. “I’m not your damn maid.” With that, Faith stormed out of their dingy trailer. Once again, many years after she first jumped off that high rock, Faith found herself back at the quarry. She ran her toes over the water. It had been years since she had last cried, all of the tears in her had been used up. Now she just held a somber look permanently on her face. Life was shit to her. It had taken her, chewed her up, and spit her out. There was no point . . Faith flung her head up as a twig snapped. She immediately got on her feet. Who around here would be dumb enough to sneak up on her? She could fight anyone. She could fight anything.
Suddenly, a creature jumped out of the brush and leapt towards her. She darted sideways, and gasped. This, this creature, was unlike anything she had ever seen. Large it was, with slanted eyes black as coal and filled with emptiness and hate. It’s skin was a pale gray. It lunged at her again, and she swung her arm back and caught if squarely in the face. It staggered backward and snarled.
Anger boiled up inside of Faith. She had more than her share of people attacking her for no reason. The creature locked eyes with her, and she made up her mind. God didn’t know what this creature was, so she was going to Kill it.
The creature lunged at her yet again, but this time she was more than ready. She swung around with a high kick and caught the creature in the chest flipping it over unto it’s back. She quickly reached into her pocket and grasped the handle of her knife. With a scream of rage, she charged the creature and let the blade slip into the creature’s skin. The creature fell silent. Faith pulled her blade out, and stared with fascination at the blood on it. The creature was dead, and she had done it. A life, snuffed out by her hands. It felt .. good.
“Good show, Faith.” A strange, British voice said from the distance. Faith’s head shot up and her hand readied her blade again, but a normal looking woman casually stepped out from behind her.
“Who the hell are you?” Faith asked, full of untrustworthy feelings.
“My name is Kate McClaire.” The woman said. Faith regarded her.
“What do you want?”
“I’ve been sent by the counsil to guide you, train you. I must show you your destiny.”
“My destiny? Look lady, you can just peddle your tarot cards and your crystal ball right on outta here ‘cause-“
“You are the Chosen One, Faith. You are to be the next Slayer.” Faith took a step back, still suspecting the woman was a few fries short of a happy meal.
“Whatever, lady. So you know so much,” Faith pointed to the dead creature. “Then tell me, what the hell is that?”
“That is a Larthos, a demon of nonspecific origins. He was sent here to kill you.” Faith still wasn’t buying it.
“Okay, if he was sent here to kill me, and you knew about it, why didn’t you just kill him before he had a chance to attack me, genius?”
“You are the Slayer. You had to see what you are capable of. Larthos’ are not very ferocious fighters, I had no doubt that you would be able to defeat him.
“I will never let you down, Faith. We at the council know of your life and your past. It is my Duty to train you, guide you. I will not abandon you. I will be with you until the day you die.” Kate conveniently left out the fact that Slayers usually die at a very young age.
Faith felt her defenses weakening. No one had ever promised her anything like that before. Contrary to what life had shown her up to this point, she really did want someone to trust. She really wanted someone to love her, to guide her. To be there for her like her Mother never was. Kate held out her hand in a greeting form, but it was much more than that. It was a symbol of friendship, a gesture of honesty, and a pact of loyalty. Faith tentivly regarded this new and strange woman. She glanced over at the dead creature, Demon, she corrected herself. This woman had to be telling the truth, this creature was obviously not human and there was no other explanation. Faith had felt good about killing it. The woman held her gaze on Faith as well, patiently waiting for Faith to make up her mind. Take a chance. Faith told herself. I deserve this chance. Tentivly, Faith stretched out her hand to meet Kate’s. From this union, a new destiny brought itself into view. A new destiny and with it, a new purpose.
Faith trid to muffle her heavy breathing as she hid behind and old truck. So much had happened in so little time.
The past few months had been like a drug to her. Faith and Kate had become very close. Faith told her everything; her fears, her insecurities, her weaknesses, and even her dreams. Kate had always been there for her. Kate had supported her, guided her and comforted her when Faith was sure she couldn’t go on. And the Slaying . .
It was great. With Kate’s help of coarse, Faith had become a very good fighter. Every vamp, every demon and every evil thing that she had come up against perished at her stake. When she was fighting, all she had to do was remember something in her past. Her mother abandoning her, Butch trying to rape them, it didn’t matter there were so many things for Faith to choose from. With those thoughts in her head, Faith could let loose. It didn’t matter what she was fighting, in her mind she was fighting was she couldn’t fight in the past. She knew without a doubt that she was going to win and they were going to loose, and that feeling was good. She was in control, she had the power. And now, she might loose it all.
Faith’s watcher had been kidnapped, and was being held captive by some very powerful vampires. They were ancient, and for the very first time since she had begun slaying, Faith was afraid. Her whole life as she had come to know it was a dream, and she couldn’t bear the thought of loosing what she now had. It had appeared that she was standing on a cloud, but really she was balancing on a needle that just breeched the cloud’s surface.
Kate was that needle, the first person to ever show her kindness and dedication, the first person to ever show her that some people really were good. No, Faith couldn’t loose her. She was going to fight. . Faith jumped out from behind the truck, maddened by fear. She gripped the stake in her hand and lunged toward the old warehouse. Without thinking, Faith flung open the door and bolted inside. She gasped. The whole place was stock full of vamps, maybe twenty or more. Faith shook her head. No, this was definitely not good. The vamp’s turned their heads in her direction, and immediately began to surround her. She turned around; no way out. Her only chance was to fight through the crowd, one by one.
Faith lunged at the few who were closest to her and landed a few kicks their way. They went down, and faster than lightening she was upon them driving her stake through their hearts. The vampires rushed behind her and tried to restrain her arms but she whirled around and got them in their faces. They staggered backwards, and two very large vampires came up quickly from behind her. Before she had the chance to do anything, they both grabbed an arm and tried their damnest to hold her in place. Faith squirmed and wriggled and fought with all of her might, but she couldn’t get out of their grasp. The rest of the vampires fanned out and smiled. One leaned close to her ear.
“You know what comes next, don’t you, Slayer.” Faith wriggled again.
“You gonna kill me? You got the balls to try?” He laughed at her comment.
“First things first, Slayer. You get to see your Watcher die.” Faith’s heart leapt from her chest, and she continued to violently struggle. Yes, she felt her arm begin to slip, it was working! Suddenly a few other vampires decided to lend some aid. Faith knew there was no getting out of this one. She closed her eyes and violently shook her head, trying to drown out the blind fear inside of her.
A very old vampire with cloven hands and feet brought Kate out, tied and bound. His glare burned into Faith’s eyes. The vampires began chanting.
“For Kocceestos we live, for Kocceestos we will die! For Kocceestos we live, for Kocceestos we will die!” Over and over again.
“Kate!” Faith cried out in desperation.
“Faith, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She replied, tears of surrender welling up in her eyes.
“No!” Faith cried out. The cloven vampire laughed, and morphed into his yellow eyes and razor sharp fangs. He slowly brought them down to Kate’s neck, and sunk them into her tender flesh. Faith could hear him eagerly gulping up her flowing blood. Kate gasped, choking on her own blood before her eyes glazed over in death. Faith felt a new rage boil up inside her. She took a mighty leap, the sleevesw of her shirt tearing off right in the vampire’s hands. She had eyes only for the cloven vampire, Kocceestos. He was all she saw, all she wanted to destroy.
There was no time for the vampires to do anything, Faith was running full blast at Kocceestos. She had already brought her hand out of her pocket, containing a vial of holy water. She uncapped it as she was running, and flung it full force at Kocceesto’s face. The water hit and immediately sizzled, burning it’s way through his dead flesh. He screamed out in agony. Faith looked behind her at the advancing vamps. There was no way. They were too powerful. All she could do now was run. And run she did.
Faith blinked her eyes and forced herself not to cry. Nope, she promised herself a long time ago that she would never let anyone see her cry. It didn’t matter. Everyone had let her down, even Kate. Just goes to show, you can’t depend on anyone but yourself. If you’re lucky.
Faith took her small bag containing everything she owned and held out her thumb. She was off to Sunnydale, California. Kate had told her many stories about that place. It being on a Hellmouth and all, there would be tons of vampires and demons that needed killing. She was itching for a good kill, one that she knew she’d win. And of coarse, that’s where the other Slayer was. Buffy. Maybe having another Slayer around, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
Faith glanced over at Buffy. This was almost too easy. These dumb vamps were just coming one at a time, as if they were asking to get slain.
“We’ve never gonna make it!” Buffy told her.
“They keep comin’ one at a time, we got a shot!” Left, right, the just popped up out of the corners right one schedule. Stake, move on. Stake, move on. Faith was liking this pattern. Faith went in for the stake again, but this time Buffy tried to stop her.
“Faith, no!” Faith turned her head, but it was too late. Her well trained arm was already making it’s way to the creature’s heart. The stake went in and out. It was full of blood, but the vamp didn’t explode. Buffy rushed over to him. The man couldn’t speak, and was trying to put his hands over his punctured heart. Oh no . .this was a man.
“Don’t move!” Buffy said to him, then looked at Faith, distraught. Faith was in a trance. She backed away, but couldn’t keep her eyes off of the dying human. “We need an ambulance!” Faith heard her, but the words didn’t register. Faith’s memory pushed it’s way to the surface once again. The voice wouldn’t leave her alone.
“You’re worthless, Faith. You don’t amount to anything. You’re just a cheap whore.” Faith watched the man slowly die, unable to make her body or her mind register what she had just done. Suddenly, a rush of exhilaration shivered throughout her. She watched the man’s eyes glaze over. She had done this. She had ended this man’s life. Why be all sappy and sorry when it actually felt kinda good? With the power to do this, people would Have to listen to her. They would have to pay attention. She could make them pay attention. Maybe soon, it would be her turn to let the world know who she is. And how much strength and power she held within her.
Faith turned up her radio and kicked her legs back and forth on her queen sized bed. So much had happened in so little time. Mayor Wilkins truly did love her, like a father loved a daughter. All she had to do to feel loved was help him out with his Ascention. She had finally gotten what she had yearned and ached for her whole life, unconditional love.
Faith had, and still would, prove to the world what a powerful girl she was. She would prove that she mattered, that she could make a difference. Suddenly, her music was gone and Faith flung around. There was Buffy, little Slayer Buffy standing there all noble and true. What a joke. Faith stood up.
“Well, is he dead yet?” Faith asked, inquiring about Buffy’s beau Angel. The most pathetic story Faith had ever heard, a Slayer falling in love with a vampire. Poor Angel, “cursed” with a soul. Faith knew how to play the game of hurt. She couldn’t have Buffy running around trying to stop the Mayor, so Faith had shot Angel with an arrow that had a deadly poison on it to keep Buffy occupied. It was a slow death, painful . .Faith didn’t feel one bit sorry for either or them. What did they know of misery? Of pain?
“He’s not gonna die.” Faith shrugged, blowing Buffy off. “Nice try though. Your idea?” Faith laughed.
“Yep. Mayor got me the poison. I hear it’s wicked painful!”
“There’s a cure.”
“Damn. What is it?”
“Your blood.” Faith stopped dead. So, Little Miss Muffet wasn’t as lilly pure as she pretended!
“Come to get me, huh. You gonna feed me to Angel? You know you’ll never take me alive.”
“Not a problem.” Buffy told her. Faith studied Buffy’s face. It was true, Buffy really was planning to kill her.
“Well look at you. All dressed up in Big Sister’s clothes.” Faith mocked. Buffy thought she was so much better than her. Whatever. She’s just the same when it came down to the quick. Buffy showed her hand, clutching for dear life the special knife the Mayor had gotten Faith. She snarled. “That’s mine.”
“You’re about to get it back.” Buffy told Faith with utmost certainty in her voice. With that, the fight began.
It was quite a match, Slayer against Slayer. Both were very much on their toes, kicking and punching to save their own lives. It wasn’t until both Faith and Buffy had broken through the window and fought out on the deck that Buffy made her fatal move. The blade sunk into Faith’s stomach, and the rage suddenly stopped.
Oh my god. She thought. It finally happened. I’m finally dead. Faith looked back at Buffy’s satisfied smile. How dare people say that Buffy was better than her? Faith killed to keep someone’s love. Buffy killed out of pure selfishness, for her poor vampire lover. It didn’t matter. Alive or dead, Faith decided she was not going to let Buffy have her.
“You did it, B. You killed me.” Faith inched herself over the edge of the balcony and glanced below. There was a truck coming down the street, and it was going to pass right under the ledge. “Still won’t help your boy, though.” Buffy looked at Faith very oddly. She couldn’t tell what Buffy was thinking. Did she know what Faith was going to do? If so, she wasn’t trying stop her. That just made Faith more certain. The truck was getting closer, and Faith closed her eyes. Just like the rock at the quarry. Faith told herself. Just let go. Faith let her body fall backwards from the ledge. Her plan worked, she landed right on the truck.
She was trying to congratulate herself for beating Buffy at her own game, but she fell unconscious before she had that chance.
Faith opened her eyes. So many thought, so little time. Or maybe not. Maybe she had all the time in the world. How did she loose track of what she was really fighting for? When did she? Ah, but now it was too late. A cat jumped down from one of the boxes. Must’ve died here too. She thought. Just like me. Maybe it took death for Faith to see straight again. Was she any different from that first demon she killed the day she met Kate, and found out her destiny? People aren’t real, at least not their faces. Faith had learned from bitter experience; people never show anyone their real faces.
Unfortunately, Faith was no different. She was just a sad girl, looking for someone to love and trust. She just got a little lost on the way.
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