By Shattered Faith Rating:: PG
Disclaimer:: I do not own any Buffy or Angel charactures, they belong to Joss Whedon and the WB.
Xander Harris frowned. He couldn’t stop watching Buffy flirting with Riley. It wasn’t fair. For three years he had loyally stood by Buffy. He had been there with her through it all, and helped in every way he could. Buffy was not just any normal girl.
Besides being the most beautiful girl that Xander had ever seen, she was also a Slayer. One girl chosen in all the world with the strength and skill to hunt the vampires. He’d heard it millions of times before, and he’d seen her in action. Which only made him love her more.
But now, Buffy was with Riley. And before that she dated Angel, a 245 year old vampire with a soul. It seemed to Xander that Buffy would date everyone and everything before she finally noticed him.
Xander took a deep breath and walked up to Buffy. Three years of practice and he still had to remind himself to breath when he approached her. “Hi, Buff.” He said casually. She turned away from Riley and looked at him cusiously.
“Hey, Xand.” Her eyes wandered slightly. “What are you doing here?”
Ouch. Xander said to himself, trying not to take her comment into heart. It was difficult. “Just came by to see my favorite ladies.” He said. Man. Just because I don’t go to college doesn’t mean that I can’t come here to see my friends once in a while. He silently commented to himself. He knew he was a bit cynical today, but this year he felt himself slowly slipping farther and farther away from his friends. And that hurt.
“Oh. Well, Willow’s in class right now, but she should be out soon.” Buffy said. Xander once again tried not to look hurt. It was obvious Buffy didn’t want him around.
“Okay, well I’ll just go .. wait for her then.” Xander said sullenly, and headed off towards the building. He wanted to look back, but he knew it would hurt him too much. It would hurt him to see the girl, woman, he corrected himself, in the arms of someone else Being loved so much by someone else. But, that was the story of his life.
“Willow!” Xander called cheerfully as his best buddy scampered happily out of class. She smiled sweetly when she saw him, but something was amiss. Xander skipped over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “What’s the what?”
“Hi, Xander.” She replied, her smile fading.
“How’s that new psyche professor?”
“Oh, don’t even get me started. I’m tempted to just teach the class myself.” Xander giggled at his friend’s aggravation, he knew it took a lot to make her upset. Willow was generally a pretty laid back girl.
“Yikes, Will.” He said. Willow looked at him with a concerned expression on her face.
“Xander, I don’t mean to be rude but, well I don’t have another class for two more hours and I told Tara I’d help her with a spell.” Xander’s hopeful face faded.
“Oh. Sure, that’s cool. I’ll just,” He racked his mind to come up with some excuse about something he could do. “I’ll just, go visit Anya.” Yeah. He said to himself. Good idea. At least I know she’ll want me around. Willow nodded, totally missing Xander’s pain at being dismissed, again.
“Okay. See you later then? Oh, Buffy and I were going to go to the Bronze tonight, you can come if you want.” Xander grimaced. Sure. He was just a tagalong. He could come, if he wanted. Right.
“I’ll try, but I have some things going on tonight.” He told Willow, trying to sound like he actually had a life. Which he didn’t.
“Okay. We’ll be there.” She told him again, and scampered off. Xander briefly closed his eyes, and left campus.
Xander knocked rapidly on Anya’s door. “Anya?” He called, hoping to god she was home. He needed some comfort after this morning’s episode of ‘Let’s ditch Xander, Sequel number two hundred.’ He heard some feet shuffling, and then the door opened. His girlfriend stood there in her pajamas. “Xander, it’s nine in the morning.” She said, a look of annoyance written all over her face. Xander’s head snapped up.
“You know what, Anya? It may only be nine in the morning, but my day has already gone really bad. I wanted to see you so I’d feel better, but I guess that’s not going to work either.” Angry and in a huff Xander abruptly turned to leave, but Anya lunged forward and grabbed his arm.
“Wait!” She cried. He glanced behind him.
“What?”
“You really thought that seeing me would make your day better?” Xander inwardly sighed. He knew how to handle this one.
“Yeah, I really did.” Anya let go of his arm and stood back, a slow smile stretching across her face.
“Are you thirsty? I have fruit punch.” She offered. Xander turned around and looked thoughtfully at his girlfriend.
“Sure.” He said, and like a lost puppy dog looking for a mommy, followed Anya inside.
Xander sat down on her dingy yet comfortable old couch and waited for her to bring out some drinks. He watched her in the kitchen open the fridge, bend over to take out the juice, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the image of Buffy out of his head. He wished it was Buffy’s couch he was sitting on, Buffy who was bending over to get some drinks, and Buffy who he was going to be spending the rest of the morning with.
Xander shook his head as Anya came towards him, trying desperately to appreciate his girlfriend for who she was, and not for who he wanted her to be. He knew it wasn’t fair to her, and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings or upset her by letting her know what he was really thinking.
“Here.” Anya said, and handed him a glass. He eagerly took it and greedily gulped down the sugary liquid. Anya smiled and sat down next to him. Xander tried his best to ignore her provocative stare, but with her so close to him it was too difficult. He finally let his eyes take her in. Anya leaned forward and shifted, leaning her chin on her hand and continuing to stare at him. “So . . .” She began. “What do you want to do?” Xander just continues to stare at her. Gee, I wonder where this is leadng? He thought sarcastically.
A few hours later, Xander left Anya’s house in a hurry, straightening up his shirt. Well at this point, any kind of comfort to him was worthwhile. He felt bad because he knew he was using Anya, but, what else was he to do? She was the one who came to him, who pursued him, not the other way around. And he was sure she knew that Xander was in love with Buffy, and if knowing that she still chose to stick around, well that was her choice. So, Xander had nothing to feel bad about. In theory.
Xander threw on a flannel shirt and ran a comb through his tangly mass of hair. At first he wasn’t going to go to the bronze, he didn’t want Buffy and Willow to see how pathetically faithful he was to them, but tonight, he had not a thing better to do. So, to the Bronze it was.
Xander parked his car half in and half out of the parking spot, but he didn’t care. He had to make his mark somehow! Xander sauntered into the Bronze, attempting to look cool and smooth. No one even glanced his way. Figures. He thought, not really disappointed but nonetheless upset. He spotted Willow and Buffy sitting at a table, and he wanted to walk over to them but he didn’t. No, this time he was going to let them notice him first.
Xander looked up at the stage half hoping that the Dingoes were playing tonight, but no such luck. He had a friend in the band who was dating Willow, and he was hoping that he’d at least have one true friend around. He frowned.
“Hey, Xander.” Willow yelled to him. Xander turned quickly, his heart leaping. Finally, someone cared! He quickly shuffled over to them.
“Hi.” He said, immediately feeling dumb for not having anything else to say. “Is Riley here with you guys?” He spouted out, then inwardly cringed. Buffy cocked her head.
“He’s on his way, I think.” She responded, trying not to show her slight confusion. Suddenly, Buffy’s eyes lit up and her attention was immediately elsewhere. Xander turned to see what she was looking at; a punkish unfamiliar teenage guy. He turned back to Buffy, about to ask her what was going on, but she already had her hand in her jacket, fist clutching a stake. Xander formed a silent ‘O’ with his lips. That guy was a vampire.
Buffy and the vampire locked eyes, and suddenly, he took off towards the door. “Gotta jet.” Buffy mumbled and quickly scampered by, practically shoving Xander out ot the way. Xander almost lost his footing, but Willow lunged up and grabbed his arm, steadying him. Xander’s head once again shot in the direction of the door.
“Xander, maybe you shouldn’t-“ Willow began, but Xander was already on his way out the door in hot pursuit.
Xander made it outside just in time to see Buffy’s slender legs taking off towards the ally, and tiptoeing, he headed over that way as well. Xander flinched as he heard a series of kicks and shouts, and he smiled to himself as he heard Buffy kick ass. Suddenly, the kicks stopped. Xander shifted his weight, expecting Buffy to walk out of the ally with her stake in hand and a confident smile on her face, but she didn’t come out. Suddenly, Xander got a horrible feeling in his stomach, like something was terribly wrong. Buffy was in trouble, he knew it. She may be the Slayer, and she may have a sixth sense towards vampires, but Xander had that towards his friends. And right now, that sense was kicking in bigtime.
Sucking in his breath, Xander made his way closer to the ally. He peered around the corner, and saw Buffy’s stake laying lifeless on the ground. Oh my god. His mind raced, and his heart leapt through his chest. He took another step forward, and saw that the vampire had Buffy up against a wall. He was choking her.
Without thinking, Xander quickly grabbed the stake and lunged forward. “Hey!” He shouted. “You big fang-y thing! Why don’t you pick on someone your own gender?” The vampire slowly turned his head around, and regarded Xander with curiosity. He smiled widely, showing the boy his razor-sharp fangs. Somehow, Xander managed to stand his ground. “Let her go, and come get me. If you can.” He dared. The vampire growled softly, and let go of the tight grip it had on Buffy’s throat. Buffy’s body slumped sickeningly down to the pavement. Xander cringed, but he had no time for worry because the vampire was running full blast at him!
Xander ducked quickly and scampered out of the way, but the vamp was already coming right at him again. Xander had no time to move, so he just closed his eyes and held out his stake. Oh god, I’m gonna die. He thought to himself, right before a gust of wind went past him and the sound of maddened footsteps vanished. Xander forced himself to open his eyes, and found himself looking down at a fresh gust of dust settling on the ground. “W-wow.” He said to himself, amazed. “I dusted a bad-ass vampire!” He found his insides swelling up with pride, but that feeling suddenly vanished as he remembered Buffy’s lifeless body. He was about to rush over to her and save her life once again, when out of the blue, Riley showed up at the entrance to the ally. He looked quickly at Xander holding the stake, then at Buffy.
“Oh my god.” Riley yelled, and before Xander could say anything, Riley rushed over to Buffy and cradled her head in his arms. Xander followed in pursuit and watched in sadness. “Buffy?” Riley yelled. “Can you hear me?” Riley looked up at Xander. “She’s breathing.” Xander breathed out a sigh of relief. “Buffy?” He said again, hoping to see some sort of indication that she was all right.
Suddenly, she began to stir, and she chocked for breath. Riley smiled, and ran his hand through her hair. “That’s right, take slow breaths. You’re okay.” Buffy didn’t open her eyes, but she reached up to embrace her. Xander’s face became somber, and he felt guilty for it. He should be the happiest man in the world that Buffy was okay, but he couldn’t help but be jealous. He was the one who had just saved her life, again, and Riley, her Knight in Shining Armor, was the one who had her in his arms.
Xander didn’t feel like going back to into the Bronze, and there was no reason for him to stay in the ally. Xander took one last look at Buffy in Riley’s arms, and then he went home.
Xander lifted his legs up and slipped underneath the covers of his bed. He looked at his watch. Nine-thirty. This was pathetic. He grabbed his remote control and uninterestingly flipped through some channels. He sat up. “Ooh! Scooby doo!” He said, and watched as Shaggy and Daphne unfolded a new mystery. “ZOIKS!” Shaggy yelled, and jumped into Scooby’s paws. Xander frowned.
“Yeah, that’s me.” He mumbled. He acted like a scared little boy, and the only times he expressed bravery, no one seemed to notice.
Eventually, the sounds of Scooby Doo disappeared, and some unnamed sitcom filled it’s place. Xander let his eyes rest for a moment . .
Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. Xander’s eyes flung open. “Come in.” He said, hoping it wasn’t his mother bringing him down some dinner. Slowly, the knob on the door turned and the old hinges creaked. A beautiful blonde entered his room, wearing a black dress and high heels. Xander’s eyes widened.
“Hey, Buff.” He said to her. She smiled sweetly.
“Hi, Xander.” Buffy walked over and softly sat down on the foot of his bed. He looked at her, curious as to why she was here. “I never thanked you, for saving my life. Again.” Xander took in a breath, remembering the last time she had said that to her.
Buffy smiled. “When that vampire was choking me, all I could think about was my friends. The people that have been there for me since the very beginning.” She lowered her eyes. “Willow, and you.”
Xander’s eyes widened. “You thought about me?” Buffy smiled sweetly and nodded.
“Yeah, I did. It’s amazing how clear things get when you almost die, for the second time.” She paused. “And then, you were there to save me again. When I was fighting to hold on,” She closed her eyes and gulped. “I thought it was you, not Riley. I thought it was you who was holding me.”
Xander didn’t know what to say. Here Buffy was, sitting with him, telling him things he’d been longing to hear for three years, yet something about it just didn’t seem real. Maybe it was because he wanted it so much, or maybe it was because he never actually thought it would happen.
“Buff, you would have done the same for me.” He finally responded. She reached over and lightly touched his hand with her finger. He forced himself not to jump.
“Riley and Angel were both built to fight. It’s what they’re used to. But, if they had half of the bravery you have, they’d be ten times better. You risked your life for me, Xander.” Xander numbly nodded.
“Buffy, I care about you. You know that. I could never just stand there and let you die.” Buffy closed her eyes again.
“I know. I know, Xander.” Buffy scooted herself further up on the bed, towards Xander. She took his hand into her own. “I’m so sorry, Xander.” She said. He was taken aback.
“Sorry, for what?”
“For not seeing it sooner.” She paused. “You love me, don’t you.” Xander sighed.
“I’ve loved you for a long time, Buffy.”
“I know. I should’ve realized that. I should have loved you then.” Without another word, Buffy leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against his. It took all of his will power not to jump up and yell to the hills for joy. Instead, Xander gently wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer, daring to press his lips against her a little harder.
Buffy and Xander broke the kiss, both panting for air and quite surprised by their passion. Buffy scooted into his lap. “I love you now, Xander.” Xander leaned forward and took in the sweet scent of her hair. He never imagined hair could smell so good. Buffy sighed.
“So tired.” She said. She closed her eyes and rested her head on Xander’s chest. He ran his fingers lightly through her hair.
“Then sleep, Buffy. I’m here.” He told her softly. Almost immediately, she fell into a peaceful slumber. Xander gently laid down and put a protective arm around her. Yeah, sleep. He thought. That’s not such a bad idea.
The fresh rays of morning sun shone through the basement window at Xander’s house, resting their brightness right on Xander’s eyes. They slowly began to blink. Much to his dismay and longing, Xander Harris Woke Up.
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