Steve Lunn - Why are you leading the poll for best ask team member?
Rolf - Dear Steve, My rise to the top of the poll was a long and hard battle for ask page dominance. Of course, my myriad brilliant and witty answers were the first step to achieving this goal. Also, my viral marketing and continuous work on Rolf's brandawareness helped, along with several strong aggresive marketing campaigns in both the americas and Asia Pacific helped solidify my position as market leader in this highly volitile market. All in all, a solid mission statement, a proper battle plan and continued dedication to the cause is what made me number one. Well, that and rigging the poll.
19/04/02
Marcus - Yoda right? He's what, 900 years old in 'Empire'? Whatever, he's one very old geezer, like older than that old bastard that smells of piss who's always in front of you in the Q at the offy. He's like 9 queen mum's old. Anyway, given that the time line between episodes 1 and 5 is something like 40 years, and Yoda's about 900 years old, how come he looks so much younger in episode one than in 5? In episode one he looks positively prepubescent. In episode 5 he looks like crap. What's going on?
Rolf Yoda's appearance is in tune with the state of the living force (especially the light side of the force) During the first/second episode all is happy and gay as the jedi's are numerous and thus the light side of the force is strong and vibrant, and so is Yoda. When the sith then take over and the living force is turned to dark yoda suffers and when there are only two jedi's left (yoda and Luke) he dies leaving only Luke to sort shit out.
Marcus - Alright then smartypants. If you get some hot buttered toast, and tie it to the back of a cat (butter side up), then throw the whole lot out of the window, which way up would it land? EH? EH?
Rolf - Aha! This combination has been proposed by many a starting Physics student as being the answer to the question of the Perpetuem Imobilee (I probably spelled it wrong but that's what it sounds like) Of course this has been put to the test and the simple answer is it lands on the cat side. Theoretically this should be the answer as well. The buttered toast on it's own would fall to the ground and through some feat of physics still unexplained would always land on the buttered side. The cat, as is common knowledge, has the ability to flex and turn it's body in mid air and thus always lands on it legs (a half truth, a cat dropped upside down from a height less than 70 centimeters does not land on it's legs but on it's side)
Now putting these two together does, in practicallity, not produce the expected equilibium. Seeing as the toast does not exert influence upon it's surroundings and the cat does the outcome is rather starightforward, the cat flexing it's muscles turn the toast and thus lands on it's feet.
Whatami - There ain't nuttin' I wouldn't do fer a muffin. Apart from Horny Housewives wank mags, what can't you resist?
Rolf - There are several things I can't resist:
-Fire
-A good schmoke now and then
-A good slap on someone's bum
-walking past a structure with an unusual texture.. I hafta touch it
Bitterkoekje78 - When do I get my Jiskefet video's back?
Rolf - Me and subgirlx are coming to holland in december... 22nd to 27th... I could bring them then... send me your address, i'll have my parents send them to you!
07/11/00
Bitterkoekje78 - Animal trivia for you this time...
Why are Dalmatians the traditional mascots of firehouses?
And why is a Rabbit's Foot considered lucky when it didn't do much good for Nijntje him self
Rolf - Dalmatians are a very old species of dog.. in the middle ages one of the first firemen tried to rescue a child from a fire
but a squeeking dog caught his attention, so he saved that instead! the dalmatian became their logo, and it stuck!
The rabbit's paw! this canbe attributed to the the following proverb: a man who has a rabbit's paw is a hunter, or he's got a friend whose a hunter. (this proverb is related to 'a man who has a four-leaf clover has been crawling around his garden for too long' and 'if a black cat crosses your path that means the animal's going somewhere'
06/11/00
Anonymous - What are you getting Sarah for Christmas?
Rolf - I ain't for sure yet.. i'm currently doubting between the following:
-a second ps2 joypad
-some game for the ps2
-some other game for the ps2
-a three-headed dildo
-a good shag and a kiss to make up for not buying her a pressie
It's none 'o' yo business anyway!
06/09/00
Claire Jones - Dear Rolf, You look quite tasty.
What are you doing Friday night? Love Claire
Rolf - Thank you for the compliment Claire - I must say the
garlic smell was hard to get off after taking that tasty picture....regarding your
question: I am very occupied on friday night i'm afraid... allow me to ask a question
back. What are you doing on friday?
Subgirlx - Hello, I would agree with you Claire that Rolf is indeed
a very handsome man and that's just the start of it, however he is sadly taken
If you would like to discuss this further I'll meet you outside at 5.00, I'll be the one
with the switchblade knife, and a baseball bat....
Lord Erebus - Dear Rolf, I'm having trouble with a boss
fight in a PlayStation RPG. I've tried both offensive and defensive strategies
to defeat my enemy, but still I get beaten to fuck and forced to eat my own shit.
What can I do to overcome this seemingly impossible opponent?
Rolf - Dear Lord Erebus, The first thing that comes to mind
is you are either undetermined or a lame gamer. If none of the above apply
I suggest one of the following:
- get one of them cheat thingy's
- look up the solve on the internet (you found me you can find that)
- reverse engineer the entire game and reprogram the boss
- toss yer friggin' psx out the window and wait for the ps2 to come out
(them new pads should enable you to beat 'em)
If all else fails pray to a pagan god for damnnation of the earth (works for me)
Anonymous - McDonnalds or Burger King?
My girlfriend is a vegitarian ... which pretty much makes me a vegitarian.
Rolf - Now this is a sensitive matter. I used to be Vincent
(So what do they call a whopper - I don't know, I didn't go into BK) But as of late
my taste has changed to actually favor BK. I will eat both though. So I'm really not
the person to ask right now. In case of doubt go with slogans: It just tastes better!
Anonymous - Which is better .. Oakley or Ray Ban?
Only I think Oakly are just sport glasses ... way too much plastic in the lenses.
Good frame design yeh I'll give you that but hey galsses should be glass!
Rolf - There is no contest - Oakley. They look best! And the
lenses aren't plastic they're Plutonite (tm) Fool! Sheesh!
05/09/00
Jiggerypokery - What does ODEON stand for???
Rolf - ODEON stands for O Dear English Or Not. It was a term used
in the second world war by brittish intelligence to designate suspected (double)spies.
Lisa Burnham - I really love my manager but he acts like i dont exist,
want can i do to get his attention and make him love me like i love him?
Rolf - Dear Lisa, Love is my middle name. I suggest you bring him
coffee, with some sleeping pills in it. Then drag him off to a plastical surgery unit, have
his breasts aligned vertically and live happily ever after. If this does not work (or if you
are sued - not unlikely) just jump him! Not literaly.. persuade him softly and gently....
touch the right places.. he will fall... If all fails... shoot him! Dead guys don't say no!
Good luck
Lisa Burnham - how come i look so funny?
Rolf - Comedy is a hard to define concept. What IS funny?
My best guess is that the vertical alignment of your breasts makes you look funny.
I could be wrong.... For a skilled answer go to
http://www.peoplewholookfunnyandwonderwhy.org
William Hague - Is there any truth in the rumour you used to drink
fourteen pints of sperm per day as part of your job as a delivery driver?
Rolf - I did one day have a job as a delivery driver, those were the days...
However after the incident in '93 (and this is where the rumour originated) I quit
this job and moved on. The incident revolved around my co-worker who once
challenged me to eat fourteen kinds of worm. You must know he was a worm
farmer and had access to this kind of stuff. I declined however and yet he told
every single one of my fellow employees I had - the story was blown out of
proportion and I was forced to change my name, appearance and job.
04/09/00
Kungfu_Andy - If I was an X-Man, I'd have a Flesh-O-Copter -
a kind of rudimentary head propeller made of skin, powered by electric hair.
What X-Power would you have?
Rolf - And what would the drawback to your x-power be?
Not being able to use a blow dryer? Sheesh! Get a real problem chopper boy!
Subgirlx - Who invented the bendy straw?
Rolf - Although the history of the straw is a long and twisty one
(and hollow at that) there is no doubt as to who invented the bendy straw.
In the year our lord 1749 John L. MacKusackerston bended down to drink
his lemonade with a (what was then a straight) straw. Missing his target horribly
the straw shot stright into his nose causing a "bloody " mess! This led to what is
known in Johns life as his Quest for the bended straw. Dedicating blood, sweat,
tears, three wives, fifteen kids, most of his fortune and the inside of his nose to
the science of developing the bended straw. He did, 27 years later. However
back then people didn't have luxury problems and the concept was deemed
unmarketable. John L. MacKusackerston died a lonely man two years later.
His grave reads: John L. MacKusackerston 1724 - 1778 Invented the
unmarketable bendy straw - Sucker!
Subgirlx - What came first, the ant or the man??
Rolf - Contrary to popular belief it was man who came first.
Ant was created later to bug man... followed shortly by mans invention of the
ant hotel. (the ants check in..... but they don't check out)