Ask... Subgirlx
26/07/02
Lisa Burnham - I have an irrational fear of massive bushes, I even dream they are chasing me, help me, help me please, oh no, here comes a rabbit.jpg
Subgirlx - Lisa, you need to get out more
Steve Lunn - The only way i can get sexual satisfaction is from making love to boys in wheelchairs, do you know any that are available as I have worn out all the ones that live near me.
PS I like them with twisty necks (like mine)
Subgirlx - Steve, I would suggest that you make a tour of 'boys only' Boarding Schools. This way you can have both the satisfaction of putting them one by one in wheelchairs to start with, then 'making love' to them afterwards. I would also suggest that you start as far away from this Country as possible and work your way back. That way you will have a goal to keep you going, and hopefuly you'll be dead before you ever make it back to these shores.
Duncan Elm - Will you be my wife?
Subgirlx - Duncan, after 6 failed marriages, and charges for drunken behaviour, wife beating, child molestation and public exposure still hanging over you head, how could any red blooded female possibly refuse
Rebecca Tull - Is Terry Bush Sue's real father?
Subgirlx - Ah the lyrical wizard that created the title track for the Littlest Hobo. I would say that evidence for this is unsubstantiated, but I will try my damnedest to make it stick.
TheManGazza - Didn't you let me touch your once?
Subgirlx - No, I don't think I ever got within 10 feet of you without feeling physicaly sick.
Steve Lunn - Are you pregnant?
Subgirlx - No - these rumours are unfounded.
19/04/02
Marcus - Who let the dogs out?
Subgirlx - Well Marcus I consulted with reputed Ask Jeeves website (a shoddy copy cat attempt at my brilliant Ask site) and he furnished me with this slightly disturbing website in response Let's cook for our Dog.(????)
Anyway the real answer to your question is: it was Jason - key clues are as follows:
The glint in his eye
The way he walks
Where he buys his shoes from
02/08/01
Karim - Hello! I am struggling with that Game...i can'find Joachim......... On which level should Joachim should be?
Subgirlx - Karim, I can sympathise with your dilema, as I too find it hard to remember which level people are on... The first question to ask yourself would be: Where did you last see him? Failing that I usualy find that most people end up on the very bottom level drinking themselves into a fantasy world the rest of us only dream of. Happy hunting!
24/04/01
ptmplop - Elo - It me again!!! - Hope you enjoyed your holidays!!! - Snowbording? - and about the vigina thing :) - I now realise its Vagina :) - Never mind ! - Well anyways - another question? - If 3 is 4 then how can 6 be 9?
Subgirlx - Mr Plop you are delusional, 6 cannot possibly be 9 unless you turn it upside down.. I suggest that you stop sniffing glue and get yourself a real pastime like playing video games, after all it's not just a Dreamcast it's a way of life!.
19/04/01
Anonymous - My whole life ive been searching for the meaning of life. Wondered the world, climbed mountains (only small ones. aye what do you want, Im the lazy kind OK!)Sailed the seven seas.... Outcome nuthin! Yesterday ive spoken to our towns nutcase and, of all people, he gave me the answer! He told me the meaning life is: left. My question to you dear Subgirlx. Is this true?
Subgirlx - For me, the way Left takes me to the local boozer, so if life is only what is found in the delusions of drunkeness as apposed to the sterile reality of consiousness, then I do believe he is correct. (This answer may differ depending on the location of the pub relational to your current position.)
04/04/01
ptmplop - How do I crack the Vigina of steal?
Subgirlx - Hmmm, that's a tough one. I would have to say, be sly, sly like a dog and a cunning as a fox, and then my friend, only then you will begin to smell victory, and gain what you are looking for. By the way, what is a Vigina???
22/09/00
Fuckedupthearse - Can I get an outboard motor for my plastic donkey?
Subgirlx - Well, it's not whether you can get one that concerns
me, I'm sure that any local Spar will sell you an outboard motor to fit any plastic
appliance. What concerns me is where you're going to stick it..... You do realise
that any kind of harm or damage taken by plastic donkeys is looked upon very seriously by the
NSPCPD, who would be on you head like a ton of bricks if you do anything
unsavoury with the outboard. I suggest that you get a real life, and stop messing
with things that shouldn't be messed with........
19/09/00
Bloodredstar - Have you ever crawled across a lounge floor,
making strange faces, and pretending to be a variety of Lovecraft monsters...
in an attempt to amuse? From Subgirl's brother
Subgirlx - *o* ..........er............. no. I deny all allegations of this
bizarre and highly silly activity. I think instead Bloodredstar that your parents must
have used the wrong type of mushroom in the mushroom soup that day, causing
you to hallucinate wildly, and thus conjure up strange images of your innocent
younger sister........ I'll get me coat.........
Doug.Lovemuscle - Is it true that ginger people are unbeatable in the sack ?
Subgirlx - Well Mr Lovemuscle, to be honest I am probably not the best
person to ask seeing as I have never experienced a ginger person in the sack.
Instead I am of that friendly opinion that all persons of ginger hairdness (Is that
a word? It is now!) are in league with Lucifer, are sporn of the devil, were torn from
their mothers wombs etc etc......... However my Mother currently shares her bed
with a man of such ginger persuasion, (he even has a ginger tash!!! hahha)and if
what she says is anything to go by then the rumors are true...... yes
18/09/00
Plynch - In the ask doug section , there is a photograph
of the man in question, is this the real doug or is it a stunt double, as we know
only to well the copyright laws and the red tape involved in publishing a photo
of the imfamous doug on the net
Subgirlx - I can assure you Mr Lynch that all photos on my website
are the genuine article. I can understand that it must be a shock to some, who have
heard so much about the legendary Doug, and worshiped him like a God, to then find
out that he looks so......so....... Ginger, I even had second thought about including him
in the Ask Team for this very reason, but with him crying like a baby and offering sexual
favours, how could I refuse....... As for the copyright laws and red tape, if you do any
kind of extensive research into this, you will find that I own the copywright, although
on occasion I do like to be bound in the red tape..........
Plynch - whats the forward velocity of an unlaiden swallow
(thats a black winged british swallow)
Subgirlx - Well I can swallow (forwards) at a rate of about 1 second
per swallow, (make of that what you will) however though I am British, I don't
have black wings, so maybe that's not the type of British Swallow you mean??
Perhaps you want some info on the British spit??
What would you prefer? Spit or Swallow?
Plynch - Any good hangover cures?
Subgirlx - Well Paul, to be honest I don't think there is a cure in heaven
or hell for the kind of hangover you have, what I suggest is to put some mackerals
and raw eggs in a blender, mash them together then pour into a tall glass and top with
chocolate sauce and grated cheese. I heard somewhere that this works.. (or maybe
I just dreamt it....) Any way you could always try good old fashioned Irn Bru, guaranteed
to sort even the hardest Scotsman out... allegedly.....