Redneck Jedi
You Might be a Redneck Jedi if...
~You use the force in this way:
You: I do not need to pay.
Waiter: You do not need to pay.
~You crashed your landspeeder while trying to light your cigarette with your lightsaber.
~You have heard the phrase, "May the Force be with y'all."
~You have used your lightsaber to open bottles of Bud Light.
~You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
~Wookiees are offended by your BO.
~You have used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
~You have used the Force in conjunction with fishing, bowling, or a spitting contest.
~Your father said to you (must have the right accent), "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a real hoot."
~You have had your R2 unit use its self-defense shock to get the barbecue grill to light.
~You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
~You have fantasized about Princess Leia wearing plaid.
~You think that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
~You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
~You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
~You were the only person drinking Jack Daniel's during the cantina scene.
~Your business cards read "Cletus the Jedi Master."
~Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that says "My other fighter is an X-wing."
~You know Ewoks squeal like pigs because you have mud wrestled with them.
~You use your R2 unit as a beer coaster.
~When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.
~You hear..."Luke, I am your father...and your uncle!"
~Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
~You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
~You think the best use of your light saber is cleaning your teeth.
~At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
~There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
~You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
~You can find no grammatical errors or syntax challenges in the way Yoda talks.
~A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
~You can levitate yourself using a Force from within, but not THE FORCE.
~Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
~You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
~You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
~The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
~You have ever used a light-saber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
~You wore burlap even before you started your Jedi training.
~Your favorite meals on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
~You have fuzzy dice hanging in the cockpit of your X-Wing.
~You've asked an Ewok to help you go coon hunting.
~You've ever looked at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
~You bought hanging air fresheners for your friend's X-Wing at Christmastime.
~You use the "O" on stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
~You wished that Admiral Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
~You call the Emporer "That old ugly dude in the house coat."
~Your favorite bar caters primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
~You think that Jabba the Hutt really knows how to pick up good looking chicks.
~You've got a stuffed womp rat from Begger's Canyon on your mantle.
~Your initiation into the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millenium Falcon.
~You've ever given someone a wedgie by using the Force.
~You're flying a ship that has no original parts.
~Parts of a TIE fighter you blew up hang as a trophy in your living room.
~Your blind date was arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
~People mistake your house for a jawa used droids and speeder parts dealership.
~The cake at your wedding was sliced with a light saber.
~You own a pink flamingo with laser holes in it.
~You inherited a styrofoam cooler and a tackle box with your light saber.
~You didn't read the whole Jedi manual because there were no pictures.
~You've used a stormtrooper helmet as a spitoon.
~You've moved from planet to planet to avoid Imperial stormtroopers.
~Your beer belly puts Jabba the Hutt to shame.
~The smell of ham or bacon reminds you of Jabba's Gamorrean guards.
~Your best practical joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett's tail pipe.
~You have ever used baling wire and/or duct tape to make repairs on your landspeeder.
~You feel that duct tape is like the Force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
