Title: Life of the Party Author: Tiffany Adams Summary: Willy and his school friend Laura go on a "date." Pre-slash Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Willy/Laura, sort of. Spoilers: season 2 of the web series," Disclaimer: The characters of Willy, Bucky, Deadeye, Jenny, Bruiser, and Blinky belong to Neal Adams and co. Just try to sue me. I have no $$. The lawyer fee will be more than the settlement. WARNING: This story contains violent language and minor sexual content. None of the views of the characters in this story are necessarily the views of the author. Any racial, ethnic, or other slurs are meant not to offend the reader. This story is not necessarily about how people really are, but about how people *percieve* other people to be. SCENE 1 - WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL A typical, urban, high school. The classroom is crowded with kids talking, listening to music, and busying themselves. Among them, towards thie front, is LAURA TORENO, the girl from the TV series, only older and obviously more mature. Behind her is SUSIE MICHELLS, dressed in a more tight outfight, who is doing her nails. Beside her is TINA CARERA, playing with her hair. In the back of the class, two rows behind Laura, is T.J. PASTOR, also from season one, who is also much more developed and wearing the most immodest clothing of the three of them. The bell rings. The teacher, MR. RICE, enters. The class quiets down only minimally, and a few students actually remove their headphones. Ignoring them, he sets down his briefcase at the desk and pulls out some lecture notes. As he looks over his notes, WILLY DUWITT stumbles in. He is his usual disheveled self, along from a very warn out look on his face, and a large black right eye. He stops at Rice's desk, talking briefly with the concerned teacher. SUSIE (leaning up to Laura's ear) Look who finally decided to show up this morning. TINA Yeah, fuck. We have a test in social studies. LAURA So? TINA If he didn't take it today, he wouldn't ruin the fucking curve again. LAURA You can't blaim him for being smart. SUSIE Well, yeah, that's coming from *you.* You're lucky enough to be his lab partner. LAURA It's not like I get any help from him. He sleeps through every class. And he's always busy after school. Either I do the lab myself or I depend on him to do it at work the night before it's due. SUSIE But you get 'A's on the labs! LAURA (turns around to face her) But not in the class! Do you think I understand a word of anything that comes out of Doc Webster's mouth? SUSIE Ask your geek lab partner! LAURA I'm telling you, he *sleeps through class.* He doesn't know what Webster says. SUSIE Then how's he getting a fucking 'A'? No one does good in honors biology! LAURA I told you, I don't know! Willy finishes talking with the teacher and takes the desk next to Laura. Slumping down in his chair, he leans back and prepares to fall asleep when Tina taps him on the shoulder. TINA (mock-seriously) Your parents beating you again, Willy? He does not turn around in his chair. WILLY (tiredly) Fuck off. Tina "ooohs" and just persists. TINA Christ, are you in a bad mood. Your parents musta beat you good. Willy physically turns around, slowly, sneering at her. WILLY If you *really* have to know, I was in a bar fight last night. SUSIE Sheah, *right*. He groans and faces forward again. TINA Musta been a faggot bar. Another kid, from the other side of the classroom, calls out. GUY *Hey!* TINA Sorry! (to herself) Jesus Christ, I hate San Francisco. Mr. Rice, who has long-since started the lecture, clears his throat in their direction. They shut up. Laura turns to Willy, but he's already asleep in his chair. SCENE 2 - WASHINGTON HIGH Later. The setting is now honors biology. Laura and Willy are at their lab table, and the teacher, DR. WEBSTER, is handing out disection trays. Willy is asleep with his head on the desk, with Laura watching him. Webster approaches their table, setting a tray and tools down in front of them. WEBSTER (to Laura) I suggest you wake Rip Van Winkle from his marking period-long sleep long enough to dissect your frog, Ms. Toreno. LAURA Thank you, Doc. (turns to Willy and shakes him) Willy! Wake up! Willy is startled by her shaking and snaps up. WILLY I'm awake, Captain! (awakens fully and realizes where he is) Oh, yeah. Sorry, Laura. LAURA Christ, Willy! Do you want us both to fail? (groans and dumps the tray on his notebook) What is with you? WILLY Sorry ... really. (picks up lab papers and pushes his glasses further up on his nose) What are we doing? LAURA Frog dissection. WILLY (looks at frog) No kidding. They begin to proceed with the lab. Willy remains quite out of it, but does the lab with the least effort possible. LAURA (trying to keep him awake) Who punched you? WILLY Hmm? Oh, that. LAURA And *don't* tell me you fell down the stairs. WILLY (smiles) No. Someone sucker-punched me. LAURA In a bar? (raises eyebrows) Or in the locker room? WILLY Bar. Seriously. LAURA Is that what you do on that ship of yours? Get into bar fights and drink? WILLY Well, usually not in that order. (rubs his eyes) Actually, that's the rest of the crew. I usually don't get involved. LAURA So what got you involved? WILLY Someone called me a smelly hairless baboon. LAURA Not much of an insult. WILLY It is where I work. LAURA You must work in a freak zone. WILLY I do. LAURA (shakes her head) What did McNamara used to call you? Wierd Willy? WILLY (rolls his eyes) Please, not *you* too -- Laura laughs good-naturedly and smiles. LAURA Jeez, Willy -- what is it with you today? WILLY Sorry, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. LAURA Can I ask you a question? WILLY Go ahead. LAURA What drug habit are you financing that you need to work twelve hours a day? Willy grins sheepishly. WILLY I like my work. I get to work with my two favorite things. LAURA Computers and crack? WILLY Machinery and people who appreciate me. Laura shrugs and looks down at their work. LAURA Are you going to T.J.'s party on Saturday night? WILLY T.J.'s having a party? LAURA Are you completely -- (stops) Oh, wait, you *are* out of it. Well, there's a party. WILLY I would seriously doubt that I would be invited. LAURA The entire grade is invited. WILLY Oh. (looking away) Well, I have work -- LAURA Don't tell me that you work on *Saturday* night! WILLY I do. LAURA Willy, has anyone ever let you in on the fact that you have *no* life? WILLY My parents, on a regular basis. (beat) Besides, what reason would I have to go to a party? I don't drink, I don't dance, and if I ever wanted any mary j, I could just get it from my parents. LAURA (smiles) Willy! WILLY (innocently) What? I know they have a stash in mom's jewelry box. LAURA They're your parents! WILLY Yeah, it's wierd. I think I was adopted. No one who's smoked that much pot produces a kid with brain cells. Laura stifles her laughter at Dr. Webster's throat clearing. LAURA (whispering) Anyway, you need to get a life, Willy. WILLY You're probably right. LAURA So you'll come? WILLY (thinks about it) Are we allowed to bring ... out of town guests? LAURA Like T.J.'ll notice. WILLY Good point. (beat) Okay, I'll come. I owe some people a good time. LAURA Who, the guys who saved your ass in the bar last night? Willy ignores it and continues working, to her amusement. SCENE 3 - WASHINGTON HIGH The girl's bathroom. Laura enters, where Susie and Tina are doing their makeup in front of the mirrors. TINA (not looking away from the mirror as she does her lipstick) Girl, what is wrong with you? LAURA Who, me? TINA Yeah, you. I just spent all of bio watching you hit on that dork. LAURA What's wrong with Willy? TINA (huffs) Let's see ... he's completely out of it, he ruins the fucking curve every test, he -- SUSIE (interrupting) He's got that wierd-ass thing on his head. The wire thing. You seen that thing? TINA I *know.* What is up with that? (still not looking away from the mirror, doing her mascara now) You stare at him all the time, girl. You should have seen that thing. LAURA Yeah, every once in a while. TINA What's that thing do? Make him smarter? LAURA I have no idea. I've never asked. TINA I wouldn't be surprised. (beat, putting away her makeup) So what were you guys talking about? Einstein's fucking theory of relativity? LAURA (leans against the way) T.J.'s party. TINA Don't tell me you actually asked him out! LAURA I didn't ... not directly. SUSIE What do you see in him? LAURA He's .. you know, he's not like other guys. He's sweet -- TINA Now wait a minute, girl -- LAURA (gives her a look) When you're not a jerk to him, he's sweet. And he's honest. And he's probably the only guy in this school not on smack. TINA You be quiet. Justin would beat your ass if he heard that. LAURA (goes to leave) So send your boyfriend my regards. TINA Maybe you'd better not let DuWitt go. He might get "curropted." Laura groans and leaves the bathroom, leaving Susie and Tina to giggle endlessly. SCENE 4 - T.J. PASTOR'S HOUSE Saturday. In the warm San Franciscan night, mixed crowds of teenagers have gathered inside and on the lawn of the high-class house. From the inside, one can hear loud music. Cars improperly parked litter the sidewalks and curbs. Gangs of romming teens scatter the lawn, smoking and drinking. Laura, in a casual skirt, is sitting on the rim of a car with KAREN RIVERA, dressed similarly. They are talking quietly when Laura notices a shadow approaching. Stepping into the light is Willy, in jeans and a shortsleeve flannel. His hair is neat and clean. WILLY (shyly) Hi. LAURA You came! WILLY Big surprise, huh? (shrugs) I said I'd be here. LAURA Yeah, but it's still a first for you. You know Karen, right? WILLY I think ... so. Maybe. KAREN I think we had English class together last year. WILLY Yeah, that was it. LAURA (looks around) Didn't you say you were bringing some friends? WILLY Oh, yeah. (looks behind him) They should be around. From behind the car emerge DEADEYE DUCK and JONATHAN WEISSMAN. Deadeye is in his usual attire, and Jonathan is wearing his black T-shirt and jeans. KAREN Nice costumes, guys. Even though this isn't Halloween. Jonathan and Deadeye exchange glances, laugh, and turn back to them. JONATHAN Thanks. WILLY (a little embarrassed) Laura, uh... Karen, this is uh, Deadeye Duck and Jonathan Weissman. They have whoopped some serious ass for me. DEADEYE Aye, we usually have to. Willy chooses to ignore this. LAURA You guys work on Willy's ship? DEADEYE Since when is it *Willy's* ship? WILLY Since *I* build everything. JONATHAN He has a point. DEADEYE I didn' bring ya along to back up Willy. JONATHAN You didn't bring anything, pirate boy. Deadeye smacks Jonathan, who is only remotely affected by this. DEADEYE Ignore me mate here. He's a schizo. JONATHAN I am not! DEADEYE Ya are. I read yer personel file. JONATHAN Did not! DEADEYE Did too! The two animals engage in further argument. Willy shrugs and turns back to the girls. LAURA So *these* are the people you work with? WILLY Yeah. (hops up and sits on the car) Deadeye works on our ship. He's the gunner. The other guy in the fight -- that was Bruiser, but he couldn't come. Jonathan's the first mate on another ship, The Screaming Mimi. KAREN Aren't schizophrenics, like, not allowed in the military? Willy shrugs again. LAURA So who outranks who? WILLY Uhm... I can give orders to Deadeye, and Jonathan outranks both of us. KAREN (watching Deadeye and Jonathan duke it out) This is *too* wierd. LAURA Yeah. (tugs Willy's arm) C'mon. Let's go inside. The three of them stand. WILLY (to the guys) C'mon guys. We're goin' in. Jonathan and Deadeye pick themselves off the ground and follow. SCENE 5 - INSIDE T.J.'S HOUSE LAURA I'll be back. Laura exits the room, leaving the rest of them on the couch. Moments later a very exotically dressed person in a sequined tight dress approaches. JONATHAN (oogaling) Hello. SABRINA (in a smooth voice) Hi, honey. (beat, putting hands on hips) Didn't anyone tell you this isn't Halloween? DEADEYE Trust me, lass, we've gotten tha' a buncha times tonight already. SABRINA (sits down between them) Really .... DEADEYE Aye, keep yer distance, lassie. Jonathan's already gotta girl. JONATHAN Thanks for so eloquently inserting that comment, four-arms. SABRINA (in a seductive voice) Boys, boys ... (to Jonathan) Your girlfriend find you cute all dressed up like that or something? JONATHAN Are you implying that there's something wrong with doin' it with a dog? Deadeye breaks into laughter he is unable to stifle. SABRINA Everybody has their own way of getting off these days. Willy returns, carrying a soda can, unphased by Sabrina's presence. WILLY Hello, Simon. SABRINA (in a more masculine voice) Hello yourself, babycakes. "Sabrina" gets up and leaves in a huff. Willy grins to himself and watches her leave, then glances back at Jonathan and Deadeye's horrofied stares. They are babbling inchorently. WILLY (sitting down beside them) What? JONATHAN (pulling himself together and burying his head in his paws) G-d, I hate San Francisco... A wiry-looking kid in mainly back and with a long haircut suddenly grabs WIlly's arm. WILLY (looks up) Hey! ... Oh, hi, Mike. MIKE (quietly) Can you, like, play card games? WILLY Huh? MIKE I need someone to count cards. I figured you'd be good at numbers and stuff. WILLY Uhm, I guess so. MIKE C'mon! Mike tries to pull him off. WILLY Wait -- Laura's in -- MIKE I need you, smartass! Willy nods to Karen, who is chatting away but acknowledges him, and goes off with Mike. Jonathan and Deadeye look up from the couch. DEADEYE Should we tell Willy's girlfriend he just ditched her? JONATHAN Nah. (looks down at empty cup) Let's get something *real* to drink. DEADEYE I dunno, matey -- what a yer medication -- Jonathan just grins wickedly and leads him into the kitchen. SCENE 6 - UPSTAIRS Mike and Willy are climbing the stairs, which is filled with loitering people laying on the steps and people making out. As the music from downstairs dies down in their ears, they reach a closed door. WILLY What are we playing? MIKE (banging on the door) Strip poker. Willy has a look of horror on his face as the door opens and Mike drags him in. Inside, a group of kids are sitting in a circle on the carpet. There is an ashtray filled with reefers and T.J. Pastor is shuffling cards. JOHN (muscular kid in varsity jacket sitting next to T.J.) Mike, what the fuck are you doing? MIKE Can it. (sits down, pulling Willy down with him) Willy's cool. T.J. Did you bring him to count cards? MIKE No! I'm dyslexic. I need him to read the cards 'cuz he's like, smart an' stuff. He does my math homework all the time. (to Willy) Right? WILLY (sits indian-style) Uh... right. T.J. Whatever. (dealing cards) Aces and jokers are wild. Everyone starts with ten bucks. Mike picks up the cards and hands them to Willy. He then stuffs his hands into his pockets and pulls out a few rumbled bills. T.J. Everyone in? MIKE (to Willy) How does it look? WILLY (looking at the cards, but still watching everyone else) Okay. SCENE 7 - KITCHEN Jonathan and Deadeye enter the kitchen, which is in shambles. Drinks are everywhere, alcoholic and not. MARSHA, a teenager girl with brown hair down to her shoulders and wearing a purple flannel is sitting at the table, with a tube hooked to a pump up her nose. Also at the table is BENEDICT, a Philipino teen reading a textbook. JONATHAN Uhm.... MARSHA Hi, cutie. Can we get you anything? JONATHAN You guys got something to drink? MARSHA I've got some liquid protein, if you want some. BENEDICT Watch out. It's disgusting. JONATHAN (blehs) No thanks. Where's the booze? Marsha points to a cabinet. Jonathan, only three foot in height, climbs up onto the counter to reach the cabinet. DEADEYE Ach ... are you okay, lass? MARSHA What? (points to tube) This? DEADEYE Aye. MARSHA Just a feeding tube. I've got two bowel diseases. No, actually, one disease and one syndrome. DEADEYE I ... see. Where's it going? MARSHA Up my nose and down my throat, into my stomach. DEADEYE Ach .... I see. (turns to Benedict) Ya came to a party to read? BENEDICT I've got finals. MARSHA Benedict has finals every consecutive week. JONATHAN (calls out with his head buried in the cabinet) Got any scotch? MARSHA Sorry, neither of us drink. Claudia does. JONATHAN You know where she is? MARSHA Making out with Josh in the broom closet. BENEDICT (disapprovingly) Marsha! MARSHA What? (back to Jonathan) The punch in the living room has some scotch in it, I think. JONATHAN (getting down) Thanks. (to Deadeye) Let's go. They leave. MARSHA Funny looking guys. BENEDICT Yeah. SCENE 8 - UPSTAIRS A short while later. The game has progressed, and there is a large pot of poker chips in the center. Several members of the group are wearing considerably less articles of clothing then when they started. Mike has lost his shoes, socks, hat, and sweatshirt. Willy is still fully-clothed, holding the cards nervously. MIKE Geez, Willy. Chill. (hands him a reefer) Smoke? WILLY I don't -- MIKE (shoves it in his mouth) Shut up. Willy involuntarily puffs on it before taking it out of his mouth, looking at it. He exhales, blowing smoke and chuckling. WILLY Who wrapped this? STEVEN (perks up) Huh? Me. WILLY This is terrible. The end is too tight and the mouth is too loose. He begins to rewrap it, to Mike's endless amusement. MIKE Like you don't smoke! WILLY Seriously, I don't. My parents taught me. JOHN Like shit. STEVEN No, I've met his parents. Their potheads. TINA So what happened to you, Willy? WILLY What? TINA So why are you such a square? WILLY I'm not. T.J. (rolls her eyes) Right. WILLY I'm not! (grabs the reefer and puffs it) Anyway, give me another two cards. T.J. laughs and hands him another two cards. JOHN Hey, dork! WILLY What? JOHN I'm raising five. WILLY Oh, yeah? (grabs Mike's chips and tosses them in) I'll see you and raise it ten. T.J. You know the rules, DuWitt. WILLY Huh? Mike's doin' it for me. T.J. No, he isn't. You raised, he didn't. JOHN Yeah, dorkboy. Shut up and strip. WILLY Fuck you. John stands angrily, but T.J. grabs him by his pant leg and pulls him down. T.J. Cool it. (to Willy) Do it. And the shoes don't count. This is the second hand already. Willy frowns nervously and, after some hesitation, pulls his shirt over his head, feeling very unhappy that he didn't bother to wear an undershirt. STEVEN See, what were you worried about? You're cute. TINA Steven you fag, stop making passes at him. STEVEN (offended) What? He's not seeing anyone. Right, Willy? The camera turns back to Willy, who is now nursing the reefer to ease his nerves. WILLY Huh? STEVEN Forget it. (beat) You work out, Willy? WILLY No, but I have a very physically demanding job. TINA Like shit, DuWitt. You're an engineer. STEVEN Engineer? Where do you work? Willy is now incredibly high. WILLY (laughing) On a spaceship. They all giggle, smoke filling the room. SCENE 9 - OUTSIDE Jonathan and Deadeye emerge from the house to get a breath of fresh air. Deadeye is sober, but Jonathan leers a bit in his steps. Outside, there is a gang of kids sitting in and around a beat-up car parked on the lawn, crushing the mailbox. One of the kids is recognizable as DOUG MCNAMARA, now a high school senior. They are talking amongst themselves until they spot the two aniversians. TOM Woah, what a bunch of wierdos. Jonathan growls drunkenly. TOM What? (gets up, approaching them) Didn't anyone tell you guys this isn't fuckin' Halloween. DEADEYE Aye, we ain't wearing costumes. TOM Like shit. (looks at them closely) Do you even go to our school? JONATHAN (slurred) We're wi' Willy. DEADEYE Aye, crewmates. DOUG (from hood of car) Willy DuWitt? That fucking wierdo? Both of the mammals perk up. DEADEYE Ya be insultin' me crewmate? TOM What the fuck did you just say? JONATHAN H' ask'd if yer insultin' Willy. DOUG (stands, still on car, towering over them) Of course I am. That faggot? I beat his ass once a week. JONATHAN Before or after I screw your momma? Doug's rage is ignited by Jonathan's comment. Deadeye is confused by it, but understand Jonathan's intent. The bully leaps off the car and comes charging at Jonathan, who is less than half his size. Unnerved, Jonathan simply puts out his paw in a fist in front of him. Doug hits it, and the sound of a body hitting a metal-like object is herd. Doug doubles back, seething. Jonathan laughs. DEADEYE Ya'd better watch out for me fleetmate, lass. He's a dawg of steel. JONATHAN You said it. The charge at the group. Fighting ensues. SCENE 10 - UPSTAIRS The group upstairs has continued their game, the room filled with smoke. Only Willy, Mike, and John are left with cards. Everyone else has tossed in their hands or passed out. JOHN Okay ... let's get this damn game finished. He tosses down his hand. JOHN Full house. Willy also exposes his hand. WILLY Royal flush. JOHN Fuck you! WILLY What? We won, asshole. John and Willy simultaniously stand angrily. Mike has an "oh shit" look on his face as he rises beside his partner. MIKE Let's get out of here. WILLY What's the problem?!? MIKE (whispering) He's gonna kick our asses! WILLY Oh, you're *quick.* MIKE Screw it, I'm outta here! Mike darts out the door, leaving John and Mike standing. Before Willy can say anything, John pushes his exposed chest. The engineer is shoved back into the dresser. He collapses onto the ground, in a pile of clothing. T.J. *Jesus* John! (stands and grabs his arm) You're going to ruin my parents' furniture! With John distracted, Willy hurries to his feet and scrambles out of the room. Still disoriented, he stumbles through the hallway, avoiding the other teenagers until he runs into STEPHANIE, one of the girls from the poker game. STEPHANIE Hey .... Dumbfounded that somene popular is talking to him, Willy gapes and says nothing. STEPHANIE Come on... SCENE 11 - UPSTAIRS Stephanie pulls him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. As he stands there, dumbfounded as the drugs wear off, she hops up on the counter, her short skirt hiking higher in front of Willy's eyes. STEPHANIE (in a soft voice) Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare? He says nothing, still quite removed from the situation, until she rubs her hand against his chest. He doubles back, frightened. STEPHANIE What? (beat) It's just sex. WILLY I know .... but .... (straightens himself out) This isn't what I want. Stephanie sighs and looks around. STEPHANIE Take it or leave it, Willy. Willy steels himself, but says nothing, obviously intent on standing firm. She groans, tosses him his shirt, and storms out of the bathroom. SCENE 12 - OUTSIDE Deadeye and Jonathan are the only two left standing on the lawn. The entire gang is laid out on the grass. The aniversians are congradulating each other when they feel a tap on their shoulder. They spin around to face BUCKY O'HARE and JENNY, out of uniform. DEADEYE Ah... hi, Cap'n. Can we help you? BUCKY Jenny and I wanted to check this out, after Chairman Warner told us what happens at human parties. JONATHAN You gotta stop talking to Fritz. He's got an overactive imagination. BUCKY (checking out the pile of unconscious teens) It doesn't look like it. What the hell happened here? DEADEYE Ah, Cap -- we were defendin' Willy's honor. JENNY Does Willy know about this? DEADEYE I haven't seem 'im recently. JONATHAN Me neither. Bucky sighs and shakes his head. BUCKY Do I have to remind you guys that you are supposed to be *responsible adults*? DEADEYE Corsairs consider honor-defending responsible, Cap'n. BUCKY They also consider looting and plundering responsible. Deadeye shrugs. Willy emerges from the house in a haze, but wearing all of his clothes. BUCKY Engineer DuWitt? The teenager sobers himself and salutes. WILLY Captain. JENNY (looks at him) Are you okay? WILLY Yeah, man. Jenny shoots a glance at her captain, who rolls his eyes. BUCKY Isn't there someone you're supposed to be with? Willy's eyes widen as realization sinks in. DEADEYE Aye, mate. The lassie was lookin' for ya. WILLY Oh *shit* -- 'scuse me, Cap -- He runs off, back into the house. Bucky grins, then turns back to Jenny, seriously. BUCKY Is my engineer -- what's the word I'm looking for? JONATHAN Stoned, sir? BUCKY Right. Is he "stoned"? JENNY Ah, Bucky... (wraps her arm around him) He's just a teenager. He's acting his age, for once. Let him go. BUCKY (sighs) I suppose you're right. (turns to Jonathand Deadeye) But that doesn't mean *you* guys get off. You're adults, remember? (at Jonathan) And *you're* on medication. JONATHAN Damnit, does everyone in the aniverse have to know about that? BUCKY I read your personnel file. JONATHAN G-d damnit -- BUCKY Language! (hardens) As a result of both of your failures to keep a responsible watch on Willy and yourselfs, you both have KP duty for a week. JONATHAN & DEADEYE *What*? BUCKY (grins maliciously) You heard me. Now go. The two aniversians salute and run off. Bucky shakes his head and clicks his tongue. BUCKY You think I was too hard on them? JENNY It's always nice to make sure those ruffians stay in line, Buck. (smiles) Besides, you don't want them to set a bad example for Willy. BUCKY You want to stay and see how the girlfriend situation turns out? JENNY I don't think it's any of our business, actually. BUCKY Then let's ... what's the term Fritz would use? JENNY Blow this joint? BUCKY Exactly. They walk away from the house, arm in arm. SCENE 13 - TJ'S HOUSE, ROOF Laura is sitting on the low, flat roof, staring out at the sky and hanging her legs over the edge silently. She does not turn away when she hears footsteps behind her, as Willy climbs out of the window and makes it way up next to her. WILLY Geez, was it hard to find you -- Laura does not respond. WILLY Hey, I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't, like, supposed to happen. LAURA (not looking at him) What? That you weren't supposed to ditch me? WILLY Yeah. But Mike grabbed me and you were in the bathroom and I was in this game, and John Gretzky was gonna kick my ass, and -- LAURA (sighs, looking at him) Willy, do you get this conversation at *all*? WILLY What? LAURA (sighs heavily and looks away again) Are we in a relationship or not? WILLY *What*? LAURA Are you *completely* oblivious?!? (beat) Are we going out or not? WILLY Huh? (thinks about it) I mean, yes ... no ... I didn't know I was committed to, like, something here. LAURA (softer) Well, do you want to be? Willy looks completely petrified, not saying anything for quite a long time. WILLY I ... don't know. LAURA What are you, gay or something? WILLY (without thinking) No! LAURA Then what's up with you? WILLY I just ... I dunno. I'm not sure what I ... want in a relationship yet. Laura looks genuinely touched by his honestly. She leans over and kisses him deeply, then pulls away before he can retract in fear. LAURA Give me a call when you figure it out. She stands and climbs back in the house through the window. Willy lies back against the roof, looking up at the stars for several minutes. He is only distracted when his vision is blocked by an approaching figure. STEVEN Hey, Willy. WILLY Hello, queer. STEVEN (unaffected; sits down beside him) Laura just dump you? WILLY No, I think I dumped her. STEVEN Why? I mean, if I was interested, I would go out with her. WILLY Well, I'm not, so I'm not. (beat) How come the entire grade seems to think we're a couple? STEVEN Because she flirts with you. We were just assuming that you're flirting back if she's keeping it up like she is. WILLY I'm not. STEVEN (shrugs) That's life, I guess. Consider yourself lucky. WILLY Why? STEVEN Most guys would consider themselves lucky to have someone all over them. WILLY I guess. But ... my mind's not on it, you know? I'm not used to people finding me attractive. STEVEN This is because you were a dork all of your life. WILLY And I'm not a dork now all of the sudden? STEVEN You wouldn't be if you fucked Stephanie. WILLY (sits up) What? STEVEN The bet. You didn't know? (takes out a candy bar, unwraps it, and begins eating) T.J. bet Steph to fuck you. Willy sighs and takes off his glasses. STEVEN Not surprised, huh? (breaks off a piece of the bar and hands it to Willy) If it means anything, I respect you for turning her down. WILLY I'm glad someone does. STEVEN You realize the entire school's gonna think you're homo now? WILLY It's occured to me. (beat) Of course, that's not really a bad thing in this town. STEVEN You said it. WILLY Do *you* find me attractive? STEVEN (glances at him briefly) Yeah. WILLY (giggling) Fuckin' homo. STEVEN Yeah, but at least *I'm* comfortable with *my* sexuality. (stands before Willy can answer) See ya in homeroom. Steven leaves Willy to himself. THE END