With Arms Wide OpenWith Arms Wie Open
"We are loved beyond our ability to comprehend."-
J.Kilcher
**********
"I won‘t let you go alone," she whispers into his ear, her perfectly manicured nails caressing the back of his neck. He takes her face into his hands, and she looks down, pulls away.
"What are you doing?" he asks, as she begins to unclasp her delicate gold cross from around her neck.
She takes the cross and presses it into his hand.
"I want you to have this," she says firmly. "Please. It’ll give me..security."
He smiles, and places it around the nape of his neck.
"Thanks."
Tears begin to form in her eyes as she scans his for a sign. He looks uncertain, like he’s keeping up this happy facade just for her.
"You are so full of bullshit, you know that, right?"
He smiles, and she buries her head into his shoulder.
"I’ll come back, Scully. I promise."
"You better," she says in a muffled voice.
There is a hanging silence, not a sound is heard along the bureau’s corridors, except for the humming of the florescent lights overhead. He looks into her eyes, seeing a great deal of fear, and brushes some auburn locks away from her face.
"I love you," he whispers, and brings his mouth to hers.
Their lips brush together for a split second, then lock in a sweet and tender kiss. She runs her hands along his smooth face, not sure if she wants to leave his side.
"Be careful, Fox," she whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.
He doesn’t flinch this time; his dreaded first name staying methodically on the tip of her tongue. He closes his eyes, savoring it, then bends down to kiss the top of her head.
She cries softly into his shirt, her tears wetting its cotton material.
The door opens from behind them, and they quickly draw away. Scully turns away and wipes her eyes.
Skinner walks up to them and makes formal introductions.
"Agent Scully, Agent Mulder."
"Sir," they say together.
"I need you to get your things packed, Mulder. We’re going back to Oregon tonight."
Mulder gives Scully an all-knowing forced grin.
"Take care of yourself, Scully. See what those dizzy spells are about."
Scully nods, and watches her boss and partner stride down toward the elevator,until the doors click open, and they fade from view
***********
6 Months Later
FBI Headquarters
10: 42 PM
Assistant Director Walter Skinner watched the flickering light of his computer screen bounce off his metal lamp.
Back and forth.
Back and...
A knock on the door woke him from his ramblings.
"Sir?"
Special Agent Scully’s soft voice drifted in through his daydreams.
"Come in, agent," he said, and stood up.
She was so beautiful..even pregnant.
"Won’t you sit down?"
She brushed a lock of copper hair behind her earlobe, and glanced around the room.
"Not necessary," she said, holding up a hand. " I have a cab outside, waiting to take me to Mom‘s."
Pause.
"I..um..I came to tell you I’m taking my leave now,and I just wanted to say....goodbye, I guess."
He looked uncomfortable; here he was, Walter Skinner, having seen ‘Nam and been exposed and seen many extremely indescribable things, but it broke his heart to see his agent, how he remembered her, no more than a scrawny, eager undergraduate when she first began eight years ago, and now here, as a beautiful woman, about to experience one of the most beautiful of all small miracles in life.
"I wish you luck, Scully. And I hope..hope for the best."
Scully felt it best to leave it at that, knowing full well the double meaning of that statement.
Hope that he comes back to you.
"Thank you,sir," she said, smiling a little. "That means a lot to me."
She turned to leave,when he stopped her.
"Scully.." he began, getting a little choked up. "I..I’m so sorry. I thought we‘d find him..I-I thought there was still a chance--"
She bit her lip, closed her eyes, then opened them again.
"Past tense," she said quietly. "Never speak in the past tense."
He walked over, hugged her, and then without words, she pulled away, and quietly shut the door behind her.
********
"Where to?"
The cabbie turned from his seat to face her, his seat cover beads rattling with the sudden weight pushing against them.
Scully gazed out the window.
"Ah..."
Simple question, Dana.
Answer the simple question.
The cabbie groaned.
"Lady, I haven’t got all eternity. You hailed me down, now where the hell to?"
Baltimore.
"Alexandria." The word tumbled out of her mouth easily, and she didn’t regret uttering it, without really knowing why.
"You got it," he said, and floored it.
Alexandria,VA
6:42 PM
Scully padded down the oak floor,letting her heels click to the rhythm of the incessant buzzing in her ears. She stopped in front of Mulder’s apartment, the gold "42" glaring menacingly at her.
Don Hensley, the regular janitor, observed the redheaded agent thrusting her hand inside her jacket, and frowning; looking like she had misplaced something of importance.
She hasn’t been here in at least eight months, he thought.
Oh, his memory was fuzzy, but come to think of it, he hadn’t see the tenant (Wolf Mulder?) for about that length of time as well. But someone had to be paying his bills, if he hadn’t been evicted in a while. He had seen her coming and going many times in the past year, but she never looked so heartbroken and disheveled as she did tonight. And there was something different about her.
"Insomnia, Agent Scully?"
She gave him a forced smile as she fumbled around for her keys.and removed them from a pocket in her purse.
She was pregnant.
Poor thing.
He smiled, and continued to sweep the floor, thinking it best not to push the matter further.
Flipping through them with many heavy sighs, she found the one she was looking for. Scrawled in black ink was a single word:
MULDER
She fingered the label,letting her nails slide over the creased paper,a little yellow with age.
Indeed, someone was paying the bills, and that someone was Special Agent Dana Scully. But Scully had never mustered up enough courage herself to come back after..
After he left.
And that was putting it mildly.
She slid the key into the door marked 42,and eased the door open.
The place was no different then when she had last left it a little over six months ago.
"I won’t let you go alone."
It was on his couch that they had exchanged tearful goodbyes; here in the hall where they nearly kissed, it was here by the sink that they did.
Scully placed a hand to her throat; a small,barely noticible imprint was left where the gold cross had hung for just under twenty years.
Dirty dishes were piled and spilling over into the next sink (she had told him to clean those),and sci-fi magazines were scattered on his coffee table. She crossed to the television stand, pressing "eject" on the VCR, and blowing away some dustbunnies that had collected there. She let out a small laugh.
War of the Worlds was still there,the last movie they had watched together.
She sat carefully on the couch, and glanced at the coffee table.
She noticed the two half-drunk bottles of wine and popcorn on his kitchen table.
She surveyed the rest of the place,walking into the bedroom and rubbing her swollen belly as the baby shifted and gave a small kick.
"You angry too, little one?" she asked it.
The faucet was dripping; she turned it off.
The covers were thrown back; she made the bed (and fluffed the pillows.)
She crossed to Mulder's fish tank.
"Hey guys," she said, opening the can of fish food. "You hungry?"
She fed them, and became transfixed by the bobbing motion of the plastic UFO moving up and down in a steady stream of bubbles.
A basket of dirty laundry; (aha)There was the blouse she was looking for.
Won’t be able to get much use out of it now, she thought, looking down at the bulge in her tummy that was now obstructing her view of her swollen feet.
She glanced at the clock.
Had it really been three hours?
And it was then that she made an important decision.
She would stay.
Just for the night.
She reached for her cell phone, and dialed her mother’s number.
"Mom? It’s Dana...yes I know..I was just leaving for the airport..I don’t want to worry you..I have some unfinished work up at the office...no, he’s not a slave driver, Mom, he’s a very kind man.....no, we haven’t heard anything yet...Yes, I do....Ok...yes I miss you too...Thanks...ok...bye."
She clicked it off, and set it down slowly on the coffee table.
It wouldn’t be the first time, she figured, and threw her purse upon the couch.
She didn’t have anywhere else to go.
*************
12:52 AM
Scully rolled back the covers, and kicked off her shoes, sliding into the cool bed. It was hot, after all, so she switched on the fan. An overpowering smell came over her; a mixture of cologne and basement rank. She slowly turned onto her back, and sifted through his book collections. A familiar picture in a gold frame was next to the lamp; It was Mulder, with his arms around Scully, who was smiling. She smiled at the two-dimensional image, reflecting on when that picture was taken.
At a beachside carnival, after they had solved the Maleeni case.
Thinking back now, they really hadn’t ever had time for fun, to laugh and be themselves, amidst the many misadventures they had had.
"Oh,Mulder.." she murmurmed, her nails caressing the frame. "Do you know we’re going to have a baby? A girl, a little girl. The doctor’s say she’s perfectly healthy."
As her bleary eyes gazed around the room, she thought about the time, well.. times...she had spent over here.
She nestled deeper into the covers, and wrapping his scent around her, Scully closed her eyes....
////////////////////
She remembered that night in April, when she had come to his apartment to make him some tea. He had removed her shoes, and she smiled briefly at the memory of his soft hands caressing each foot, soothing her skin.
She had fallen asleep.
And then it happened.
She didn’t quite remember how.
She was preparing to go home; she had crept into his bathroom to fix her tousled hair.
When she saw he was awake.
And she knew she couldn’t leave. Something inside her kept her in his room, let her be drawn in to this very moment.
He had teased her, as he had always done, asking her whether she wanted a t-shirt, and acting surprised when she took him up on the offer.
He promised to take the couch.
But she had refused, and crawled into his bed beside him.
Next to him.
He had been wary, asking her if she was really sure she waned to cross that very obvious line of professionalism. She had smiled, with all her heart and soul.
And finally took the next step.
/////////////////////////////
Yes,they had ended up sleeping together, and look where *that* had gotten her.
They had indiscreetly began to act like a couple; making breakfast together, reading quietly in bed, and even eating Chinese takeout as they reviewed a case.
Scully had reveled in those quiet, surreal moments.
Minimal, trivial things, but they were beautiful, indescribable times when all the world seemed to disappear, and all they had left was each other.
2:00 AM
Scully awoke with a start, drawing in harsh and rapid breaths. She made a motion to get up, but her weight gain prevented any sudden movements.
"Damnit," she cursed, and sunk into the covers again.
And suddenly she was angry.
Furious.
Angry with herself, for not keeping up to par with her health and her baby, and angry with Mulder.
Damn him, she thought, damn him to hell for doing this to me.
Leaving her behind, with so many mixed thoughts, so many emotions.
She clutched the pillow with both hands, and closed her eyes.
Quiet.
Peaceful, serene, blessed quiet.
This must be what it feels like, she thought now, thinking of her unborn child, floating in its embryotic sac, to be safe, unconcerned...
She shuddered and wrapped the comforter tighter around her body.
"I‘m looking forward to working with you".
"Oh really? I was given the impression that you were sent to spy on me."
"Why do you always have to drive? Because you’re the guy? Because you’re the big,macho man?"
"No, I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals."
"Do you think I‘m Spooky?"
"It’s not worth it, Scully. The personal costs are too high."
"Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower."
"Scully?"
"Yes?"
"Marry me."
"Wow! Should we be picking out china patterns or what?"
"Whoever taught you to squeeze a tube of toothpaste?"
"Even when the world was falling apart,you were my constant..my touchstone."
"And you are mine."
You are mine.
"Stop!" she cried, the sound of her voice scaring her. It sounded not like her own; shrill and distant.
Her palms were getting sweaty, and the pillow was soaked with tears.
She realized she had been crying.
She slowly sat up, moving her body into a childlike position, bowing her head between her arms.
"I can’t," she whispered into the darkness, "I can’t do this alone."
She sniffed,and the baby gave another kick.
Still shaken, Scully slowly rolled off the bed, and landed on the balls of her feet. She headed out to the small kitchen, and clicked on the light, rubbing her tired eyes.
Fixing herself a glass of lemon tea, which was pretty much all she was allowed from Dr. Nevins,
(No tofutti double dip ice cream for her!) she peeked into the pantry, and laughed.
Nothing but sunflower seeds and a few bags of popcorn.
She selected one, and opened it. Scully hadn’t been fond of them when she was a girl, but now forced the shell open with her teeth.
Crack!
Damnit, she thought, and felt the salt upon her tongue.
She frowned, not particularly liking its flavor. She set the bag down with a sigh, and walked slowly to the leather couch, and lay her head on a nearby Navajo inspired quilt.
Scully couldn’t bring herself to switch off the light, and, burying her head in the pillow, she quietly wept, until she succumbed to inevitable sleep.
*************
"Hello, this is Fox Mulder. And you’ve reached my apartment. I’m not available at the moment, please leave a message at the tone. If you’re Scully, call my cell."
BEEEEEEEEEEP!
"NO!" she cried loudly, and, reaching over, felt nothing but an empty space and a dry quilt.
Voices drifted in from the living room.
"Scully? Scully,pick up. Scullleee...we know you’re there. Pick up! Pick up, pick up,pick--"
Langly’s voice was loud but teasing.
Scully reached for the phone,rubbing her eyes. She had been having a dream, a dream of suburban life, a life she had once imagined sharing with her former superior, Daniel Waterston, only instead it was with Mulder.
Fox Mulder and the baby.
But it had all been a dream.
Unreality.
He was still gone, and the phone would wait for no man.
Or pregnant Special Agent for that matter.
"Langly? Byers? What do you want?"
Melvin Frohike spoke instead.
"We were worried. So we’re bringing over some dinner."
"Dinner? What time is it? Where are you?" she added,confused.
"5:00."
"PM!" Langly added in the background.
"Shut up," Frohike snapped. "Not you, Scully. We’re outside the door,and why?"
Her brain felt about a hundred pounds heavier, too slow to process this sudden information.
"What?"
A knock came to the door.
Scully slid out of her cocoon, slowly walked to the front door, and unlocked it.
"Hi," she said hoarsely.
All three of them stood there, oblivious that she was huge and wearing their friend’s bathrobe. They weren’t ignoring the fact that her eyes were swollen and puffy, that she was paler than the sheets she had slept in, and that she looked like she hadn’t eaten in about two days.
"Jesus," Byers murmured,and they all came in, without invitation. Frohike set down the large bags of greasy Chinese food on the coffee table.
"You look terrible," Langly commented, and helped her sit down on the couch.
"Thanks," she said grimly."Can I offer you guys something?" Her voice sounded like it might be on the brink of tears.
They exchanged knowing glances.
"We need to talk to you."
Scully glared at them.
"If it’s about my health don’t start. You’re all not going to start acting like my surrogate mothers, are you?"
She folded her arms.
"Are you?"
"Da--, Scully," Frohike began. "We all know that as a certified practionist who is well experienced in the areas of medicine and nutrition, you are known as the expert around here, but we think that it’s best if we help out a little."
Scully said nothing, and then inexplicably burst into tears.
"I’m sorry!" she sobbed, "I’m so sorry! I have been taking care of myself, it’s just, well, everything that’s been going on in my life and...oh, God!"
Frohike held out his arms, and she willingly hugged him.
"Thank you," she sniffed, her voice muffled in his sleeve. "I just need someone to talk to...none of these knowing smiles from these people who know nothing about my life, and I need..."
"Mulder?’ Byers offered.
She looked at him, with perhaps the thousandth tear she had shed in the past two days sliding down her pale cheeks. Scully nodded.
"How does your mom feel?"
Scully’s hand flew to her mouth.
"You did tell her, didn’t you?"
She averted their open-mouthed expressions.
"Well..."
"You’ve got to tell your mom, Scully. She above all people should be the first to know!"
Langly urged.
"You don’t know what it’s like," she said in a somber tone. "You don’t know how it feels to be the subject of water-cooler and restroom gossip. You don’t know how it feels to pick up the phone after every goddamn ring and expect to hear some good news. You don’t know how it feels to have something suddenly ripped from you and a new life placed in your hands. How in the hell am I going to get through this? Good question."
Her voice became strangely distant. Langly put his hands in his pockets, and looked longingly toward the doorway.
"We’ll call a cab," Byers said softly, and placed a hand on her shoulder.
*********
9:45 AM
Baltimore, Maryland
Scully walked up to her mother’s light azure house with new resolve. The cabbie finished loading her bags out of his taxi, tipped his cap, and sped off. She grabbed one handle, and strode up to the front door.
She knocked.
A little voice piped up through the other side.
"Who is it?"
It was her nephew, Matthew.
"Aunt Dana," she whispered. "Go get grandma."
A loud, happy yelp was heard fading into the background, and fresh footsteps came toward the door.
When it was finally opened, Margaret Scully welcomed her daughter into her home, tears running down both of their faces.
"My darling girl," she whispered. "Where have you been?"
Scully smiled, and pulled back from her mother’s embrace.
"I have something I’ve been keeping from you," she whispered.
Her mother’s eyes widened, as she took one look at her daughter.
"Oh my god," she whispered, happily. "Can it be?"
Scully nodded, smiling through her tears.
Margaret took Scully’s hands into her own, and began to laugh.
"I can’t believe it! This is a miracle!"
"There’s more, Mom. I really need to speak with you."
"Fox. Did he know?"
She suppressed a smile.
"No, but he will."
Realization came into her mother’s gray eyes.
"It’s his, isn’t it?" she whispered.
Scully looked around.
"Yes."
"But how--"
"Shh.." Scully warned. "I don’t want Bill to get upset."
"Why should Bill get upset?" her brother inquired, coming into the room with his son on his shoulders.
Scully turned, facing him.
"Oh my god!"
"Bill!" Margaret said, horrified, and slipped her grandson a lollipop.
"Go into the kitchen, dear," she said. "Grandma has to talk with Aunt Dana."
To them she said, forcing a smile,
"Let’s all go into the living room, and talk this over, ok?"
"How did this happen?" Bill Scully continued, refusing to leave this conversation at a standstill.
"I mean, we all know how it happened. It was that son-of-a-bitch, right? Hit-and-run Mulder?"
Anger flared in Scully’s blue eyes.
Shut up, she prayed. Please, just shut the hell up. I can’t take it anymore.
"That’s enough, William," Mrs. Scully snapped, taking her son by the arm. He shook his head, and, opening the sliding glass door,stepped into the backyard.
She smiled at her daughter.
"Let’s get you settled," she said, and led her to her guest room.
**************
3:03 AM
Scully lay on her back, watching the moonlight dance around the room.
She couldn’t sleep.
Her ears became alert at the sound of the bedroom door creak slowly open.
"Dana? You awake?"
It was her mother.
Scully shook her head, and yawned.
"Can’t sleep. What time is it?"
Her mother glanced at her watch.
"About 3:30. I made some tea downstairs, if you’re interested."
Scully smiled.
"That would be nice," she said, and slowly followed her mother downstairs.
**********
They sat in the dim light around Mrs. Scully’s dining room table, laughing and crying over Scully’s baby book.
"This was you at your christening," said, wiping tears from her eyes.
Scully laughed out loud at the mini-version of herself, with a shock of bright red hair sticking out in all directions under her lacy bonnet and dressed in a white gown.
"Melissa was so proud of you that day," Margaret Scully recalled, pointing to a smiling toddler, her chubby hands in her father’s. A hint of sadness was in that last remark, and Scully felt it neccesary to close the book.
"I..um..I have some pictures from yesterday morning, Mom."
Scully reached into her purse, and pulled out the sonographic images.
Mrs. Scully’s eyes widened.
"Oh!" she squealed, taking them into her hands.
"The nurse told me it’s a girl," Scully added.
"Have you thought of a name yet?"
She shook her head.
"No. But I will. I’m giving a lot of thought to it, now that I have all of this time on my hands."
Margaret smiled.
"That’s good. Don’t worry too much. It’s not good for you."
Pause.
"The both of you."
Scully took a sip of her tea, and yawned.
"C’mon," Margaret said, taking her daughter by the arm and helping her up. "It’s getting late."
**********
|
