Fire Web Jokes

Ole died in a fire and was burned pretty bad and the morgue needed
someone to I.D. the body so his two friends Swen and Lars went down to
try and I.D. the body. Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the
sheet and Swen said "Yaa he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the
mortician rolled him over and Swen looked at his ass and said  "no dat
ain't Ole." The mortician didn't say any thing but thought that was kind
of strange. Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the body and Lars looked at
him and said "Yaa he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician
rolled him over and Lars looked down at his ass and said "NO dat ain't
Ole." The mortician said "How can you tell?" Lars said "Well Ole had two
assholes." "What? he had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yaa,
everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us
went to town everyone would say "Here comes Ole with them two assholes!"

This is one to use on your neighboring F.D. (unless you like them, which 
is highly unlikely)

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son.  The son
seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on
his mind.  The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?"  The Son said, "A
Mickey Mouse Outfit."  With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a 
uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.
 

If -  H 2 O - is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

K 9 P 
 
What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus ?
 
A. FireWeb .... of course!
 

What do Hookers and firefighters have in common ?
They both get paid for lying on their backs
 
One day a boy was drowning in a near by lake. A firefighter swam out and 
pulled the
boy up onto the beach and began CPR. A crowed watched as the firefighter 
frantically
pumped on the boys chest. With great amazement water was pooring from the 
boys
mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out. A short time 
laterseaweedstarted coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of 
the boysmouth.The firefighter feared this would never stop.
Just then, a paramedic arrived and quickly ran over to the firefighter and blurted out.
"Hey Chief! You better get that kids ass out of the water before you pump 
that lake dry".

Three men went hunting with their dogs, a doctor, a lawyer, and a fireman.
All were bragging that their dog was trained just like themselves.  The
doctor shot the first duck, after which the doctor dog shaved the duck,
removed the bullet, and bandaged the duck in an attempt to save it's life.
The lawyer went next, and after he shot a duck, his dog notified the 
next of kin and divided all of the duck's assets.  
The fireman shot the third duck,
and his dog ate all three ducks, screwed the other two dogs, and took four
days off.

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory.  The city company was
losing ground and the owner was frantic.  He told the fire department
that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the
blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the
formula.  An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was
put out.  When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw
this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars.  Suddenly a small town
department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes
later with the formula.  When asked what they would do with the money one
said, "Get them damn brakes fixed we figure."

This is from an unoffical newsletter that originates from instructors at
the Department of Defense Louis F. Garland Fire Academy at Goodfellow 

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were
separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the
telephone became their chief means of communication.  When our phone
bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief.  Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use
electronic mail.

Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,
then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about
the contents!

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they
watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an
extinguisher.  "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then
depress the trigger to release the foam."
Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the
parking lot.  In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.  The
instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the
extinguisher at the blaze.

How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?
 The remote control slips from his hand.

Q. How do you put out a fire?
A. Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!

If the Chief and a Newbie both jumped out of a burning building 
at the same time, which one would hit the net first? 

The Chief, because the Newbie would have to stop and ask for directions.

Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder?
A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck.

Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have?
A. Engineers.

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work.  When 
confronted by his boss the man explained: 
"You can't park anywhere near this place!"

All of the firefighters at my station are quick. 

They're even "fast" asleep!