Everything I Need to Know About Life
I Learned From Watching Star Trek....
By A'Lehsen Paris
Written: July 2000
My friends and I decided to figure out our own version of this list. Note: This is a few years old. I haven't really thought to update it lately, but I will soon, I promise!
When horny space eels detatch themselves from your spacecraft, you have lost your sex appeal.
If you don't learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat them.
Courage doesn't mean you have no fears, but that you've learned to overcome them.
What you can control can't hurt you.
Don't mistake composure for ease.
It's a long story and I'm tired of telling it!
If all else fails, just follow orders and everything will be fine.
In this day and age, it's not polite behavior to ask a female officer for her clothing.
New book: Warpspeed, Dammit! The Complete Rants of William Shatner.
My chronometer's running backwards!
Nothing unreal exists.
I'm going off the deep end, looking for humpbacks.
Never trust the holographic woman who can play kal-to like an expert and appear in your quarters.
The Captain always keeps a contingency plan.
When a bomb talks in third person, you should start to worry.
Romance is almost always doomed to certain death. Examples: Jadzia Dax, Kes, Crusher's Trill lover whose name I can't remember.
It takes four tries to reach perfection on television.
The line should be drawn here, and not one little millimeter farther.
Holographic pregnancies feel remarkably real. The babies even kick!
Always turn the safeties on while the holodeck is running.
Assimilation is not inevitable! Resistance isn't so futile after all! In fact, it looks like the Borg are gonna need to be fearing assimilation, what with the way humans are being de-Borged left and right.
What do you think is happening when both the Captain and Commander Chakotay are unavailable? Hmmmmm?
It's not a good idea to use an upper work station in Main Engineering to get to know each other better.
When the Chief Helmsman and the Chief Engineer are dating, it can be hell on the ship when they fight.
The crew always know, too, because there are engineers running frantically from Engineering and the helmsman decides to practice violently evasive maneuvers even though there's not an enemy in sight.
What would a coherent tetryon beam followed by a multispatial displacement wave mean to you? If it were me that thing was headed for, I'd get the hell away from wherever I was!
A bite on the cheek means more than a thousand words.
Don't repair alien androids/robots. Just DON'T!!!!!!
Luaus can be dangerous for your health.
More hair means more brains.
You can be French and have a British accent.
The Borg like red.
Erratic.....yes, we are. Conflicted.....I promised my psychiatrist that I would only talk about it with her. Disorganized....hey, I'm working on it! Harmony...no, we don't have that. Cohesion....nope. Greatness....now, that I would have to argue with!
Replicator malfunctions are always blamed on the Chief Engineer!
When the macroviruses invade, even a redundant stomach doesn't help!
Doctors aren't anything else. Not moon shuttle conductors, bricklayers, psychiatrists, mechanics, scientists, physicists, escalators, magicians, flesh peddlers, coal miners, decorators, bartenders, voyeurs, engineers, performers, counter-insurgents, databases, peeping toms, door stops, or commandos. And pilots aren't doctors.
Picard's crewmembers became Maquis. Maquis became Janeway's crewmembers. So who won the ancient battle between the sexes? :)
Holoprograms can save your life or kill you. No one's done a survey on which they do more. Maybe someone should....they might see a dangerous trend.
Mobile holo-transmitters can be modified to make terrific tricorders.
