Ask Bob for 04/16/00 & 04/23/00

04/16/00

Ask Bob!

By "Bob Martines"

Q: Is He-Man Real?
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A:
That is a very silly question!

Of course He-Man is real. Do you really think the human mind could have dreamed up all those fantastic adventures?

Oh, sure you may say. Well I'm sure that's exactly what the government would have you believe.

But where is he now?

What is he doing?

I can assure you he is alive and well! In fact, He-Man and Skeletor get along quite famously now. My research team has tracked them to their time of disappearance and found some remarkable revelations. First, Skeletor had a sex change and is now married to He-Man!

He-Man is in fact, Arnold Schwarzenegger! And Maria Shriver is Skeletor!


The likeness is uncanny, but still it is just a theory.

And now you know.

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04/23/00

Ask Bob!

By "Bob Martines"

Q: Yo Bob, what's your take on this Elian thing?

A: It's always something...

I think it is wonderful that the United States was able to rescue a small boy from that horrible and nasty Cuba. I hear the food is too spicy and the water will make you sick. No child should have to endure such hardships. In fact, I have a very reliable source that claims, in Cuba, they don't even wipe their feet before entering the house!

I couldn't believe it.

However, this ordeal has opened my eyes and I believe we should not stop with Elian. We should rescue all children from bad horrible places and bring them to the Good-ol'-United States of America. This would be the starting point of a New World Order, because any place that is not the U.S. is a bad horrible place.

With all the children of the world being United States Citizens, the next generation will be a world where everyone is a United States Citizen, and voila, a One-Government World - just like on Star Trek.

I have two plans two plans to complete this mission, I call them Plan A and Plan B.

In Plan A, also known as "The Final Solution Plan," We have scientists develop a special Neutron type bomb that will kill all adults, but not affect the little children. Then, we go to each country and collect their children after killing their parents.

Seems simple enough, but there is always some bleeding heart liberal who doesn't want to kill innocent people.

In Plan B, also known as "Operation Fly By," we have scientists genetically develop a race of future-super-monkeys that can fly long distances. We also need to make them smarter than most monkeys, so they can follow directions and unlike most human adults - read maps. They will also need blue fur, so they don't frighten the little babies.

Then we simply send out the monkeys to each country and have them take the children in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep. They then bring them to the U.S. where they can get a decent meal and a nice warm bath.

That's how we can develop a NEW WORLD ORDER.

And now you know.

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