Shammy from New York:
Who wrote the book of love?
Dear Shammy:
Oh, jez. Gimme a Break. That's is just one corny-ass question, but the
boss says I gotta do what I gotta do...so here goes.
I really don't know, so I decided to turn to the best source for information available...t.v:
1) "Who Want's to Be a Millionaire" - I figured they would eventually
get to your question, but they never did. This was the most boring thing I did all week! (Who watches this crap
anyway.)
2) "The Practice" - Such a dramatic version of "LA Law"
Watching this was the second most boring thing I did all week.
3) "Touched by an Angel" - I got tired of "Highway to Heaven"
the first time it was aired.
Then I saw "The Jamie Foxx
show," "Steve Harvey," "The PJ's," and "Hype," on the "Wuz-up Network." I liked "The PJ's," it was really funny. The
other shows, however, well...If I was black, I would be offended by these shows that portray black people as "in-your-face,
moronic, clowns." These shows were almost as stupid as "The Martin
Lawrence Show," - he so crazy! Maybe he's like Jerry Lewis, you have
to be French to stand the sight of him.
I guess that's the way tv likes to portray people. Caucasians are angelic, millionaire, single, female lawyers;
while, black people are jive talkin', school teachers that live in the projects, and scream "Wuz-up!"
at each other every thirty seconds. I wonder why the networks ignore the other minority groups...there's a wealth
of people that they can make fun of, while educating us about their specific plights. (Whatever that means.)
Here's some tv pilot idea's I've had, "Crossing Borders," a story of wacky Mexican who snuck into America.
His inability to speak English leads him into all kinds of zanny mishaps as he tries to assimilate into American
culture. Before every commercial they'll make a close-up of his face with his eyes bugged out in surprise and he'll
scream into the camera, "Aye-yie-yie!" (Que the laugh track!)
And then, "The Cajun Asian," the wacky story of an Asian person who owns a restaurant
in Louisiana. His lack of English is leads to zanny situations, as the lack of English spoken by the Cajuns only
makes matters worse as he tries to assimilate into American culture. Before every commercial they'll make a close-up
of his face with his eyes bugged out in surprise and he'll yell into the camera in an Asian accent, "Aye-yie-yie!"
(Que the laugh track!)
"Stagger-Lee,"
the story of a Native American named Lee who just moved off the reservation.
Of course, he's an alcoholic and his inability to speak comprehensible English when he's drunk, leads to all sorts
of zanny-wacky situations as he tries to assimilate into American culture. Before every commercial they'll make
a close-up of his face with his eyes bugged out as he stares into the camera in surprise and shouts, "Girbity-slurba!"
(Que the laugh track!)
So there you have it! Three great idea's for the Networks to gobble up
for free. I figured as long as each show is "Zanny" or "Wacky," and it has a laugh track, the
American public will love it. Better yet, make it both "Zanny and Wacky," and I'm sure it will be a hit.
One more idea! "Out
of Touch," the story of someone
who runs a tv production company. His lack of intelligence and good taste leads him to zanny and wacky tv shows!
However, they are all smash-hits! Before every commercial they'll make a close-up of his face with his eyes bugged
out in surprise and he'll exclaim, "Aye-yie-yie!" (Que the laugh track!)
Hey, I just realized. I never answered your question!
"Aye-Carumba!" (Que the laugh track!)
And now you know.