11/28/00

Ask Bob!
By "Bob Senitram"

I didn’t have any Questions sent to me this week!

I am only left to assume all the mysteries of the universe have been answered by me and now I can retire.

Or maybe its because we've had some trouble with our server last week and it's been hard to access TheWeirdcrap.com. By the way, it's working better now.

Since there are no more questions left to answer, because I have solved all the world's ills, I'll just ramble on a bit about new stuff happening here at TheWeirdcrap.com.

Soon TheWeirdcrap.com will be on a new server, so the site will load nice and fast. So that's good news! Currently we use Angelfire and they throw a banner in your face every time you change pages - BUGGER!

Another new benefit is by this time next week (if not sooner), we'll be offering free 15 mg websites through our new server! Trust me this server works super fast, so if you set up or transfer your site through TheWeirdcrap.com, it will load nice and quick! Then you can go ahead and promote your site on our Free For All Links Page.

Speaking of advertisements...During my last drunken binge (this morning), I received a solemn promise from a talking lizard that was sitting on the toilet while I was throwing up, that If any visitor clicks to every ad they see on TheWeirdcrap.com and they will be guaranteed a place in heaven. I'm am quite confidant this will come true.

Either that, or he said, "...they'll be guaranteed a place in 'Kevin'." Which I guess would only appeal to desperate females or gay males. Now that I think about it...I'm really not sure what that lizard said, I was throwing up at the time.

For those of you who have submitted link exchanges or stories, I'm told we're a little behind on that because of all the new changes, but by next Monday you should see all the new links posted with another new story!

I guess that means we're going through some growing pains, so the next time you visit this site your voice might be a little deeper than it is now. Or it might crackle like Peter's voice did on the Brady Bunch, when his voice changed. This may even help pave the way to an exotic singing career for you and your whole family!

WOW - THANKS WEIRDCRAP!

Anyone who is a fan of our Alarmingly Strange Stories may be interested to hear that the first person that submitted a story to Weirdcrap may now have one of their stories published!

His name is Dan Ericsson, and we wish him all the best as he takes his writing to the next level. By next week, if you click to one of his stories, you'll get a poll that will ask which of his stories you like best. He would like some input from you guys, so go ahead and fill in the poll below and let him know which you like best! Thru the magic of htmls and java, you can fill out the poll and not even leave this page! So just click your favorite story and keep - a - readin'!

My stomach is guthin' up somethin' fierce right now, so I gotta go!

I just don't know if I got gas or if I gotta go to the bathroom. I better go to the bathroom...I just don't wanna take the chance.


And now you know!

Zeke from Ogden, UT:Hey, how do those aire-conditioners werk anyway?

Yo, Zeke:

The mysteries of of air-conditioning have baffled scientists for thousands of years.

No one really knows how they work.

I know that for a fact, because I took me an electronics class at the MIT (Metropolitan Institute of Tennessee), and I didn't understand a thing they said, when they got around to explainin' those air-conditioners. A bunch of techno mumbo-jumbo if you ask me.

The way I figure it, it’s not humanly possible to fully understand how all them tiny electronic parts and pieces make normal warm air, suddenly turn cold.

Now don't you go around tellin' nobody, but I'll let you in on a little secret...them air conditioners got something inside them called a "freeze-eon." Somehow this freeze-eon makes normal air turn cold. They say it's some chemical made from a laboratory, but I know from a very reliable source it's made from male Alien ejaculatory material.

They get it from those two Aliens that they got hidden from that Rosewell crash back in the 50's. The government pays high-price hookers to take care of the dirty business so they can study that Alien semen and possibly come up with some other uses for it.

Now you think them Aliens would be down right grateful. Bein' chained up underground, and them havin' them hookers work them over and what-not. But it makes 'em mad!

Them Aliens got different physiology and to them time goes in reverse so every time they have sex, instead of someone bein' born...someone dies.

So they don't like havin' ejaculatory material taken. They think someone will die. In fact, that's the very reason why them Aliens swipe nice decent folk, like my uncle Festus, and give those butt probes. They're just tryin' to get back at us.

My uncle Festus got butt-probed about ten times in a row by a bunch of Aliens disguised as bikers, then they dumped him off at truck stop. Them Aliens must be really mad!

Which reminds me of the first time I heard the word "hooker."

I was thirteen, and was a rockin' and a-rollin' at the Junior High School "Sock-Hop," 'cause that's what they called them dances back then. Anyway I met a girl named Renee, she was real purdy-like and she had on "make-up," which, I think, at the time was made out of whale blubber.

So we had such a good time, I thought I'd take her home to meet Mother. So, hand in hand we skipped merrily down the road to my house to meet Mother.

My Mom took one look at that make up, and said, "What! I raise you in a decent household and you bring home a cheap $50 hooker! Oi, where did I go wrong?!"

"Hey!" I said in defense, "$50 is a lot of money!"

To make a short story long, she ran out of the house crying. I never saw her again at school, and I didn't date again for 45 years.

P.S. We didn't have air conditioning cause the Rosewell thing hadn't happened yet. A few years later...Rosewell...Uncle Festus's butt probe...air conditioning.

It all fits together.

And now you know!