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 Ask Bob - 11/09/01
By Bob Senitram
Published each Friday
Song in my head:
"She had three sisters,
Betty Butt, Bella But, and Basheeeeeeba Butt.
- The Jimmy Castor Bunch -
I recently found out that my ol' lady is "with-child."
I was really surprised about the news because we don't any opportunities to "do the nasty." You see,
a few months ago I was really constipated and I pushed so hard my feces got redirected into my scrotum and I ended
up with a sack filled with diarrhea.
I figured it would heal itself, but after a month or so it really started to stink down there and folks at work
were complaining. So I went to the doctor. He said acidic diarrhea had burned holes in my testicles. That makes
sexual activity very painful.
The doctor tells me old lady to take plenty of folic acid. "How much is plenty?" I ask, she says about
50 mg a day.
A few days later, I make an ATM withdrawn and I notice $1,200 is taken out of our bank account.
I follow her around on Saturday and find her in a dark alley (it was cloudy) scorin' some acid. So I figure I'd
check out the merchandise. He hands me a couple of small sheets and it got little pictures of root beer mugs on
it.
"Gee, I never had this kind before?" I explain.
He takes a quick glance right and left, then tilts his head down for a few seconds and says, "Uh-sure. It's
new. Umm, rooty-tooty. Sure. Real popular."
Things look fishy, so I rub it to see if it looks "treated." I give it a sniff. It's root beer! That
dude tried to sell me old lady a scratch n' sniff!
The dark ski masked demon let out a satanic cry.
Then started to giggle like a little girl.
I recognize that giggle anywhere…IT WAS JEROME!!! At first I was gonna kick his ass, then I remember that I'm
not very strong. I pull off his ski mask and blow his cover!
He says he's just trying to get back on his feet the only way he knows how. I admire his creativity and tell him
not to worry about it. Then I take my lady out of there.
I pull off the ski mask to find Jerome! He says he's just trying to get back on his feet the only way he knows
how. I admire his creativity and tell him not to worry about it.
That Jerome! What a scamp!
You see, a about a year ago Jerome hurt himself "on assignment" for The Weirdcrap. The physical injuries
he suffered healed in a few months, but the sight of seeing Stephen masturbating while listening to DEVO caused
him to go insane and he ended up in an asylum for about nine months.
When he finally got out, I drove him to his apartment, but his key didn't work. It turned out that we completely
forgot about the rent and he was evicted. Feeling a little responsible, I invited to let him live with us.
The old lady objected at first, but Jerome kinda started to grow on her. Now she tucks-him-in every night, just
like a little baby.
Jerome has trouble sleeping at night, because when he first starts to go to sleep he has terrible nightmares and
he grunts, moans and screams. My lady has to stay in there to calm him down, so he can go back to sleep. Sometimes
I can hear her moan and scream, so he don't feel foolish about all his funny noises.
On real bad nights especially when they've been drinkin', his nightmares get real bad and it takes her several
hours to get him to sleep.
Poor Jerome.
COMING NEXT: Ho-hum.
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