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 Good thing I visited the doctor yesterday!
This past weekend, while dancing, I noticed a reddish brown liquid running down my legs. During my break I ran
to the dressing room to check to see what it was and I was shocked to discover that it was coming from my private
parts!!
It wasn't my time of the month so I thought I had one of those social diseases since, as everyone knows, go-go
bars are full of all sorts of diseases.
I went home very concerned and stayed awake all night watching this liquid ooze down my legs. Maybe I squatted
on an infected part of the stage, I thought. Or, maybe I was infected by sliding down the pole, because I followed
Misty who always likes to "hump" the pole and I know for a fact that she isn't the cleanest person around.
I finally broke down and cried. I figured that my insides were liquifying and were slowly leaking from my body.
I was really scared because I felt that I didn't have much longer to live.
I finally fell asleep and when I woke up a few hours later I was relieved to find that the leaking had stopped
and all that was left was crusty reddish brown stuff on my legs. I was very tempted to peel of a portion in order
to taste it to figure out what it was, but I finally dumped some ammonia and scrubbed the crusty residue until
it completely disappeared, along with a good portion of my skin.
I didn't think about it again until yesterday when I went to the doctor's office. I told him what had happened
and he had me lay down on the examining table so he could look in me and find out what the problem was.
He rooted around in me for awhile and finally withdrew his arm. I noticed that he was holding something in his
hand and when I asked him what it was he showed me and I just couldn't stop laughing!!!
I must have been really horny when I visited Ralph last week because I forgot to remove the last bag of chewing
tobacco from inside of me and it had finally split open while I was dancing!! The doctor asked if I would like
to keep the empty bag of tobacco but I told him he could keep it as a kind of souvenir. For some reason, I don't
think he did.
Oh well, all that matters is that I am alive and disease free!!!
NEXT WEEK: Amazing uses
for dead flowers!! |
