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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks - 10/24/01
By Melissa Paternick
Published each Wednesday
I'm back!!!
I need to clear up some of the misinformation that has been written about me the last two weeks:
A) I was in jail, but I never tried to escape nor was I taken hostage. This was a ploy thought up by the guys at
this website. What really happened was that myself and some of the other prisoners were hired out to entertain
some local politicians. The warden got this idea from a prison movie starring that tall blond woman that used to
be married to Rocky.
B) The investigators that were hired were not investigators at all. Instead, they were some drunks that hung out
at the go go bar that I worked at before I went to jail. They were told to find me and bring me in so Bob and Stephen
could hypnotize me and make me into what they called a "better person". You know what happened to Jerome
when they experimented on him, so I was quite lucky that the drunks never caught me.
C) I am not a slut.
D) Ralph and I have temporarily split. This is due to Bob and Stephen putting the thought in his head that anything
living would be better than me. That's why he is now living with a llama who he thinks he loves. I know this is
a phase which he will grow out of and at that point I will happily go back to him.
E) I am currently alone and would be open to any proposition from anybody.
F) Again, this does not make me a slut. I'm just lonely.
That makes me feel better!! I'll be back next week with more news about me!!
NEXT WEEK: Job hunting (again)!!
Email Melissa
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